My girlfriend just broke up with me, here is our story

[Hopelessromantic88]

Becoming really good friends with someone, is one of the best feelings you will ever feel in life. Being understood, having someone to talk to, whenever and about whatever. Someone that is truly there for you, no matter how hard it is to open up. That understands, no matter how twisted and dark your problems are. All the good times, and the bad. Through laughter and cries, a steady friendship that seemed to be able to stand the test of time.

 

After working as a bartender for six months, this beautiful woman came in. She was smiling, so full of laughter and life. She was breathtaking, just looking at her my heart skipped a beat. A rare gift, something you do not see every day. But she was far too drunk, so I might have seemed a bit strict and moody to her.

 

A few nights later I learned that she was going to start working alongside me at the bar, and I was responsible for training her. Training day came, and again, I was strict with her, when it came to the routines, and her tasks at this bar. Not because I did not like her, but because I really wanted her to do well. She got very nervous, and made a few mistakes, like we all do when we are new at something. I did not blame her, but she went home thinking I hated her.

 

A few months went by, where we worked together from time to time. Not really being friends yet, but we could talk and found out we had a lot in common. It all changed when our boss invited all the employees out for dinner and bowling. We both got really drunk, and I started flirting with her. She looked at me in shock, with a smile on her face; «I thought you hated me». Something that was far from the truth, I really liked her. Not in an emotional kind of way, but as a friend. Alcohol blurred my judgment, and we started kissing. Which led to sex, and we spent the night together. Parting as friends.

 

Months went by, and our friendship grew. Becoming really good colleagues, and friends. We had so much in common, we could talk about everything and nothing. At the same time, we were really different. Me the quiet, collected and well-though-out kind of a guy. Always keeping my emotions in check, always thinking about what people might be thinking of me, never making a fool of myself. Her, the extrovert, so full of life, smiling, laughing, and seemed to have no worries in life. But the better I got to know her, the more I understood: she had a lot that weighed her down. Past experiences that made her life difficult. And I really wanted to be a good friend to her, and take care of her; like every good friend should.

 

After almost a year of evolving our friendship, she became one of my best friends. But we did not see each other unless we were working together, or going out drinking. While only being friends, we always ended up having sex when we went out for drinks. And always parting as friends.

 

At the end of summer, we started seeing each other more and more, still just as friends, but with sex becoming more and more frequent, even when we were sober. I felt I could open up to her, more and more for each passing day. Slowly putting down my walls, that I had spent so long to build. I felt I could finally trust someone again, enough to leave myself vulnerable and open. Even tough she did not ask for it, I took care of her as best I could. Always caring for her wellbeing. I know she appreciated it, and valued me as a good friend that she could trust.

 

At the end of the fall, her friendship meant the world to me, and I wanted her to know it. So I invited her over to my place, for the first time. I made her dinner, and opened a bottle of wine. We ate, drank and had a really good time. Laughing, bonding, and enjoying each others company. Ending the night with her falling asleep with her head on my chest, me holding her tightly, caressing her. The next morning, I woke up early, made her breakfast and made sure she had everything she needed. Still just friends, but after this, the lines got more and more blurred.

 

A few months of seeing each other in private, at my place, at her place. Emotions were evolving for both of us. We had a solid friendship, good chemistry, amazing sex, she felt taken care of and that she could really trust me. Something that was very important to her, the feeling of safety and having someone there that really cared for her. Slowly evolving a relationship.

 

She told me that she had a hard time letting people in, bonding, creating close relations and getting into relationships. That the best thing we could do was to take it slow, don't label us just yet and let her figure out her emotions. That she was unsure about how she felt about us, that the progression of our friendship, which went on to a sexual relationship and now to dating was new and weird to her. That it made her emotions spin in circles, and she needed time to figure it out.

 

I had my own worries about where this was going. Were I willing to ruin our friendship for the chance of a relationship with her? At this point I really loved her as a friend, and would do anything for her. But were the risk of losing it all worth it? Selfishly I decided that I wanted to take it all the way with her, and agreed that we should take it slowly and see where this was going.

 

Three months went by, and everything seemed fine. We spent a lot of time together, went out to parties, concerts and had a really good time in each others company. She seemed to get more and more fond of me(in a feelings kind of a way) for every passing day. Holding hands with me, kissing me in public, holding me tightly while sleeping. Smiling more, and committing to me. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction.

 

Then suddenly out of the blue, she wanted the talk. Someone she had dated before me, were single again and contacted her again a month earlier. She didn't feel finished with him, and still had a lot of emotions for him. She told me she couldn't let it go, and felt she owed herself to try it out with him and see where it went. That she couldn't continue her life without knowing if he was the one. That we had gone too far, and her emotions weren't really there for me. That she was really fond of me, as a friend but nothing more. That she couldn't see a future for us, that she didn't get the butterflies or the feeling of ever being truly in love with me, like she felt for him.

 

I could not do anything else than to let her go, let her try it out with this other man. Truly knowing her, I knew what went through her head and the reason behind it. I felt really hurt, and betrayed, but I could not hate her. I just understood I had to let her go. Her happiness means the world to me, and I want the best for her. Even though she crushed me, I understood her reasons.

 

It makes me sad to think that I could never make her truly happy. That no matter how much love I gave her, no matter how much time and effort I gave her, it was never truly enough. her love and focus were never truly there, no matter how hard I tried it did not change the fact: she was in love with someone else.

 

Her hesitation, her questioning her emotions, her unwillingness to put both feet in and focus on us is all but to clear to me now: she was in love with someone else. Our friendship is something I truely valued, and it was not meant to go this way. Somewhere along the line, our friendship became feelings.

 

Some nights, I blame myself for not standing up for myself more, telling her exactly how I felt about her, that I really wanted to be with her, and only her. That I truly Loved her, and wanted to spent my future with her. That I had my needs, and wanted her to meet them. And other nights, I blame myself for letting the feelings grow so strong. However I feel at different nights and however, my days now go with her gone, I know one thing for sure: I miss her. It weighs my heart down to think of her not needing me anymore.

[Telemachus]

You wanted your feeling for her to be mutual and reciprocated. We all want that. Most of the time, it doesn't happen. The people you most like aren't the ones who want you. Conversely, the people who most want you aren't the ones you want.

 

That's life.

 

It's totally understandable to be sad that this relationship didn't progress the way you wanted it to. There should be no surprise in that - the vast majority of relationships don't, and very few last a lifetime. This one didn't.

 

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." (Dr. Seuss)