steveintown Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 So my situation is a bit complicated. To sum it up, I'm attracted to my neighbor for the past year or so. I'm also attached, living with my girlfriend. I was initially attracted to this neighboor basically the moment I met her but since I was in a relationship I tried hard to suppress the attraction. I'm starting to reconsider my current relationship as i'm having these attraction feelings like I was in high school again, haven't felt anything like this since then. Myself and this neighbor have had a friendly relationship but we also struck up a texting relationship. Nothing crazy, but we would text about random small talk stuff back and forth for a few messages, some jokes, lots of !!!! points smiles winks that kind of thing. Neighborly stuff, a little flirting, a little joking basically. So I announce that we're moving and all of a sudden in the last week i've got a "will miss you" message, "you'll have to come by for a drink one day" .. "we'll have a get together"... the thing is neither myself or my girlfriend have ever hung out with her. So her inviting me over would be a new thing, but in the last year we never did anything... Another point is i'd run into her around town or basically whenever we talked and she would stare into my eyes like she was piercing through the back of my skull. I'm talking like we would stare in eachother's eyes and be locked in for like 10 seconds sometimes not even saying a word. It was quite mesmerizing! This actually happened often enough, even just last week. So she asks me for some innocuous favor the other day which brings me to her front door last week, so I come by with my dog and decided to pull the trigger and ask if she'd like to come take a walk with me. She said somethign like "awww i miss that, I would but i'm in the middle of dinner and doing ____ (something busy). Maybe some other time". Ok, so no problem, 2 days later I text saying i'm heading out for a walk on X day at X time would like for her to join. I don't get a response for 3 days but she was like "Hi! Forgot my phone somewhere and was doing somethingorother" and "Maybe some other time" Didn't want to be pushy so I just left it. Said no problem and made some joke, haven't talked to her since. We move in 3 weeks, is this woman interested? Think it's just awkward for her while i'm still her neighbor or is this just nothing and I should forget about it all?
Telemachus Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) There are no mixed signals. She said "no". You've seen in her a lot more interest than I do from your description of these events. I don't think she's into you at all as a romantic prospect. You're letting your own attraction turn innocuous and polite declinations into expressions of her interest in doing things with you through wishful thinking. You live with your girlfriend. You're moving with your girlfriend. There is no greater turnoff to most women than a man who cheats on his woman. She may be very attracted to you (I'm not saying she is), but she's probably aware of your attraction to her, and your willingness to pursue contact with you neighbor while in a live-in realtionship with another woman would have to make you a no-go. Men are famous for chasing the next shiny object. If you'd pursue her behind your girlfriend's back, or leave your girlfriend for her, how long before you'd be onto the next shiny object? She knows this. "Maybe some other time" and every other reply you got from her is a polite "no." I'm sure of it. If it was otherwise, she'd invite you to go do something, and never has. Edited April 5, 2017 by Telemachus 3
preraph Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 It's a no. The only time she's ever invited you is when she knew you were moving away, because that felt safe to her like it would just be to remain sociable. But I doubt she even meant that. Don't ask her again. She's said no twice. She isn't interested. Sorry. 2
Larryville Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 You live with your girlfriend. You're moving with your girlfriend. is this woman interested? Only if she is not very bright and likes drama and doesn't think much of herself... Because… You live with your girlfriend. You're moving with your girlfriend. Life is not nearly as complicated as most people make it out to be. And on mixed signals… NO! People who start these threads and have “mixed signals” in the title are confused. Mixed signals do not exist. It is a concept that people, who can't tell whether or not a prospect is interested or not, torture themselves with. You have a girlfriend and you are pining after some other woman. Do your girlfriend a favor, end it. 3
angel.eyes Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I think you're projecting your feelings on to her and misinterpreting basic social chit chat that one has as romantic interest. Not to mention, no sane woman is going to be interested in a neighbor who slinks around trying to cheat on his live-in GF! Why would anyone want that type of low-life, Jerry Springer drama, especially where they live? 1
kendahke Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 So she asks me for some innocuous favor the other day which brings me to her front door last week, so I come by with my dog and decided to pull the trigger and ask if she'd like to come take a walk with me. She said somethign like "awww i miss that, I would but i'm in the middle of dinner and doing ____ (something busy). Maybe some other time". Ok, so no problem, 2 days later I text saying i'm heading out for a walk on X day at X time would like for her to join. I don't get a response for 3 days but she was like "Hi! Forgot my phone somewhere and was doing somethingorother" and "Maybe some other time"Didn't want to be pushy so I just left it. Said no problem and made some joke, haven't talked to her since. We move in 3 weeks, is this woman interested? Think it's just awkward for her while i'm still her neighbor or is this just nothing and I should forget about it all? I'll bet dollars to donuts 1 of the 2 scenarios happened: 1. that your girlfriend noticed what was going on and she said something to her and she's backed off. 2. someone else in the complex/someone who knows who you are told her that you're living with your girlfriend, are in a relationship and she's backed off. Never assume no one else peeps your game when you're not looking... Clean up your relationship status first before sniffing in behind another woman. You are throwing the door to your intimacy wide open for someone who has no business being there while you have a girlfriend residing in it. If the tables were turned and your girlfriend posted this, what would you want us to say to her? 1
kendahke Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) I swear, I'm Larryville's biggest fan People who start these threads and have “mixed signals” in the title are confused. ^^^This. A person is only confused when they are already in a relationship and are letting someone else into a space in their intimacy in which they do not belong and do not know where their loyalties lay. IOW: Being messy. Edited April 5, 2017 by kendahke
coolheadal Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 So my situation is a bit complicated. To sum it up, I'm attracted to my neighbor for the past year or so. I'm also attached, living with my girlfriend. I was initially attracted to this neighboor basically the moment I met her but since I was in a relationship I tried hard to suppress the attraction. I'm starting to reconsider my current relationship as i'm having these attraction feelings like I was in high school again, haven't felt anything like this since then. Myself and this neighbor have had a friendly relationship but we also struck up a texting relationship. Nothing crazy, but we would text about random small talk stuff back and forth for a few messages, some jokes, lots of !!!! points smiles winks that kind of thing. Neighborly stuff, a little flirting, a little joking basically. So I announce that we're moving and all of a sudden in the last week i've got a "will miss you" message, "you'll have to come by for a drink one day" .. "we'll have a get together"... the thing is neither myself or my girlfriend have ever hung out with her. So her inviting me over would be a new thing, but in the last year we never did anything... Another point is i'd run into her around town or basically whenever we talked and she would stare into my eyes like she was piercing through the back of my skull. I'm talking like we would stare in eachother's eyes and be locked in for like 10 seconds sometimes not even saying a word. It was quite mesmerizing! This actually happened often enough, even just last week. So she asks me for some innocuous favor the other day which brings me to her front door last week, so I come by with my dog and decided to pull the trigger and ask if she'd like to come take a walk with me. She said somethign like "awww i miss that, I would but i'm in the middle of dinner and doing ____ (something busy). Maybe some other time". Ok, so no problem, 2 days later I text saying i'm heading out for a walk on X day at X time would like for her to join. I don't get a response for 3 days but she was like "Hi! Forgot my phone somewhere and was doing somethingorother" and "Maybe some other time" Didn't want to be pushy so I just left it. Said no problem and made some joke, haven't talked to her since. We move in 3 weeks, is this woman interested? Think it's just awkward for her while i'm still her neighbor or is this just nothing and I should forget about it all? She knows you have someone so she's likes the fact you do. This is her attraction to you. Flirting, teasing and other time excuses. Your just her excuse for playing around. If you allow this to continue you might as well let the other woman you have in your house go. Not fair for her. You should no better not to cheat by emotion is what your doing on her. You must have loved the woman you are with once. Why would you go with a complete stranger where you have a good woman already. You'll never win with a flirt and your current is there for you. Keep it in the pants your just trying to get something else while keep that current in check. Your living in danger waters there..
Author steveintown Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 Thanks for the advice. I'm just making excuses for myself. Deep down, I know this. What am I doing? I love my current girl, I don't know what got into me but it's this high school crush. What do I do? I mean, isn't it humanly natural to feel like this though? One side is saying to embrace the way you feel and go with it, one side is saying stop, you have it really good, why mess things up. I've been in a relationship long term. I know if I break it off i'll likely regret it, and sure in dating (whoever it may be) there will be a rush of infatuation, dating, sex etc. but is it worth it? I think I just haven't felt like this in a really long time and i'm borderline wanting to act on it for some self indulgence... which is selfish... but... I mean... long term relationship, eventually that stuff dies down. I never thought i'd want to experience that again and it seems illogical to throw it all away to go back to square one for some endorphin high's.... like a drug... or is this just human nature
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I think I just haven't felt like this in a really long time and i'm borderline wanting to act on it for some self indulgence... which is selfish... You have actually acted on it and she turned you down TWICE. I doubt your gf will see your flirty texting and asking the hot neighbour out for a "walk" as being totally innocent... 3
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) I truly hope you do the right thing and break up with your long-term girlfriend, regardless of what happens with your neighbour. Your girlfriend deserves better than this. As a general answer to your question of what 'maybe some other time' means, women aren't stupid. They get that if a guy they are into asks them to hang out and they really can't, then they need to make some effort to rescheduling. Sorry but 'maybe some other time' is not effort. In your specific case though, your neighbour might be backing away as she is aware of your girlfriend and doesn't want to be a part of your cheating. Edited April 5, 2017 by Imajerk17
kendahke Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Thanks for the advice. I'm just making excuses for myself. Deep down, I know this. What am I doing? I love my current girl, I don't know what got into me but it's this high school crush. What do I do? I mean, isn't it humanly natural to feel like this though? One side is saying to embrace the way you feel and go with it, one side is saying stop, you have it really good, why mess things up. I've been in a relationship long term. I know if I break it off i'll likely regret it, and sure in dating (whoever it may be) there will be a rush of infatuation, dating, sex etc. but is it worth it? I think I just haven't felt like this in a really long time and i'm borderline wanting to act on it for some self indulgence... which is selfish... but... I mean... long term relationship, eventually that stuff dies down. I never thought i'd want to experience that again and it seems illogical to throw it all away to go back to square one for some endorphin high's.... like a drug... or is this just human nature No. It's selfishness. Not too many people are going to normalize this level of messiness. Tell you what: share your flirty texts to this chick with your girlfriend and see what human nature in action is like.
avvril3000 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Thanks for the advice. I'm just making excuses for myself. Deep down, I know this. What am I doing? I love my current girl, I don't know what got into me but it's this high school crush. What do I do? I mean, isn't it humanly natural to feel like this though? One side is saying to embrace the way you feel and go with it, one side is saying stop, you have it really good, why mess things up. I've been in a relationship long term. I know if I break it off i'll likely regret it, and sure in dating (whoever it may be) there will be a rush of infatuation, dating, sex etc. but is it worth it? I think I just haven't felt like this in a really long time and i'm borderline wanting to act on it for some self indulgence... which is selfish... but... I mean... long term relationship, eventually that stuff dies down. I never thought i'd want to experience that again and it seems illogical to throw it all away to go back to square one for some endorphin high's.... like a drug... or is this just human nature no offence, man. but you do not LOVE your current girl. You wouldnt have eyes for other women if you did. You're comfortable with her, you're safe and its easy, its what you know, but you don't love her. because if you loved her, you wouldnt ever consider hooking up with another girl. I'm sorry but she doesnt deserve you. As long as you have an impulse to act on cheating on her, you should end it respectfully.
avvril3000 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 no offence, man. but you do not LOVE your current girl. You wouldnt have eyes for other women if you did. You're comfortable with her, you're safe and its easy, its what you know, but you don't love her. because if you loved her, you wouldnt ever consider hooking up with another girl. I'm sorry but she doesnt deserve you. As long as you have an impulse to act on cheating on her, you should end it respectfully. and when i meant she doesnt deserve you, i mean she deserves better! you cant lead her on like that when you are having other feelings and thoughts about other women. You should end it indeed.
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