leafguy Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 So long story short, girl I am trying to get to know who is very shy and very much a keep to herself person. I tend to be on the socially outgoing and extroverted side. It seems to be a very much off and on type of chat where it's a night where we have some good chat and another where she hardly says anything at all. I guess my question is I'm not very experienced with this type of girl as she is not a traditional tyou I've usually gone for. Any one have any advice with getting to know someone who is a bit more closed off? How did you get their guard down a bit?
lawgirl79 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Have you tried asking her questions that would necessitate an answer other than yes or no?
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Actions speak louder then words. You simply have to hang in there, not push & show her by your actions that you can be trusted. 1
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 It is what it is my friend....you can't make her into someone she is not. She will always have social anxiety. It's not just mental but it affects her physically....that's why they need their space to settle their nerves. There are no magic words to make someone like her be more open.....only time and patience. 1
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I'm guessing she's more anxious than introverted because introverted people can talk your leg off once you get onto their favorite subjects. Introverted people aren't necessarily shy, they're just interested in more ethereal things that give them food for thought. And shy people aren't necessarily introverted. They can be just paralyzed with anxiety, and usually that's it. Be sure you have quizzed her on what her favorite pasttimes are and talked to her about whatever that is. It may turn out to be something like unicorns and rainbows that you're not interested in, though, but the idea is to see if you can find some common ground. What does she read? Where has she traveled? Does she play or like any sports? If you can't find anything to connect about, sorry, but you just hit a dry well. 4
rushed Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Ask her questions, listen, and ask her more follow up questions. Focus on her and getting to know her. I've had so many guys ask me questions about myself, then turn it around and start talking about themselves. "Oh, you like to draw? Me, too! I considered going to art school a few years ago and blah blah blah..." That's gets annoying quick and makes me shut down.
jgraham11 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 You being an extrovert helps your case if anything. I'm an introvert and i've dated extremely shy and introverted women before and let me tell you, THAT is not easy. It takes a lot of work and patience because it takes time to open an introvert up. You being an extrovert may help the person open up more to you causing an easier progression in the dating phase Just be patient still and don't move too fast. Keep the dates simple IMO Source: Introvert (myself)
jgraham11 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I'm guessing she's more anxious than introverted because introverted people can talk your leg off once you get onto their favorite subjects. Introverted people aren't necessarily shy, they're just interested in more ethereal things that give them food for thought. And shy people aren't necessarily introverted. They can be just paralyzed with anxiety, and usually that's it. Be sure you have quizzed her on what her favorite pasttimes are and talked to her about whatever that is. It may turn out to be something like unicorns and rainbows that you're not interested in, though, but the idea is to see if you can find some common ground. What does she read? Where has she traveled? Does she play or like any sports? If you can't find anything to connect about, sorry, but you just hit a dry well. Also this ^^^ very good point and something to consider. Is she an introvert or just really shy?
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Just remember that is someone is really extremely shy, which I would call anxious, then they probably do not have a lot of real life things they do because they're too anxious to go do them. So it is not uncommon that they are only interested in anything they can do at home alone, games, internet, tv, etc. They may be super into some character from some fantasy movie, because they aren't out in real life so they may do fantasy a lot. So one way to kind of tell if it's introvert or anxious is find out what she goes OUTSIDE to do, if anything. Of course, you can be anywhere on the scale from a little shy to paralyzed with fear and anxiety. The less shy she is, probably the more friends and activities she enjoys. So ask about her friends and activities.
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