emily87ch Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I am monogamous, but lots of people I've met sad that they don't believe in it. Every single person had their own reasons, but I am wondering if couple could be all the time monogamous. Share what you think of it:)
somanymistakes Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer for most things in life. Some people are ethically non-monogamous and they're happy and that's great for them. Some people are monogamous and they're happy and that's great for them. Some people cheat and that's obviously not great for anybody. The most important thing really is to know yourself, know what you can and can't do or be or offer. If you're not cut out for being with one person permanently make sure your partners know that. 2
central Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I think a couple should decide for themselves how to conduct their relationship. Most people seem to be happy with the idea of monogamy, but many have trouble living it. We are explicitly non-monogamous, in that we've agreed that we can freely have sex with other people in certain circumstances. Even so, we are essentially monogamous the vast majority of the time and are very happy with each other. We both like occasional variety, though, and over the years we have explored that through polyamory, swinging, and an open relationship. It has worked well for us, and we don't have the usual concerns that strictly monogamous people have about infidelity.
Rockdad Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 My wife and I are. To the core we don't desire to interact sexually with anyone else. Our dear friends have been married for 15 years and are extremely happy. They also have been swingers for that amount of time. We have zero problem who they are as they accept us who we are. 4
Author emily87ch Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 You are totally right, people should decide for themselves what are their relationships are. My ex-boyfriend cheated me several times and I forgave him, but later he did it again. The question, was how long would my patience last, coz obviously with time he could repeat it, so it was just a matter of time. Cheating is bad, but for instance one of my friends told me that she always cheat her boyfriends when she feels lack of his attention. Which is alright for me, if she is okay with it. No judgement. I've also heard many stories from friends of mine that they could get drunk and make out with someone(kiss,sex etc.).But my point is that, it's really hard to be monogamous nowadays in long-term relationship and honestly I've heard too many stories when people made mistakes, cheated and so on. Wanted to hear from you back, if you do believe it, coz out there are too many sad stories like that.
Mrin Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Hey OP! A few thoughts for you: 1. There is a difference between monogamy and fidelity. Monogamy deals with sex/love, but fidelity deals with trust, respect and support. So, like central said above, you can be non-monogamous but still have a very high level of fidelity to your relationship partner by respecting the agreements and understandings you've reached. 2. In your particular case, let me ask you this: what was harder - the non-monogamous behavior of your ex or the fact that he broke your trust? I'm sure they both were hard and maybe that's an unfair question. But my point is, the violation of fidelity (by cheating) is usually a deal killer for anyone regardless of their stance on monogamy. 3. I am monogamous - serially so. Ha! I'm not opposed to non-monogamy per se, I just don't see how it could work for me in a relationship - even if it was bidirectional and completely open. But that's just me. I have found it not hard at all to have monogamous relationships... 4. ... Because communication is key. When I meet a woman that I fancy, I have the monogamy conversation very early on to level set both of our expectations. I also listen for any stories regarding infidelity on her part. If she and I are not in alignment or she shares a story about her cheating on an ex, then that's it, I move on. There's no point pounding a square peg into a round hole. So ya, I'd just be upfront and if that nixes 70% of the guys out there for you - oh well, better to avoid them all together. Lastly, this is conjecture but I'd suggest that the percentage of guys who embrace monogamy increases with age. So you might want to adjust your range up a bit. 3
Larryville Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Well if you are talking about human history the “benefits of monogamy” were simply about a two-parent child raising advantage. Had nothing to do with the dynamics of the couple. While most believe monogamy is not “normal” or natural being able to engage in a happy monogamous relationship is what most “normal” people seek. Unfortunately most humans are built to be promiscuous. People who engage in promiscuity are normally not happy, with most of them always searching for fulfillment or excitement with different people. It’s a mental nightmare for “most.” The thing is people who “choose” to be monogamous have better mental health, better emotional fulfillment and (generally) better sex, because the bond is deeper. Knowing that your partner loves you and desires to ONLY be with you is an amazing and rewarding feeling, but not everyone gets there. 2
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