Mark0 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 been with GF for 2 year + when first met her she was 30 and never been in a relationship before just one night stands with guys. didnt think much of it at the time then 17 months in relationship tells me she is going over side of world for 12 months to get it out her system, since she been ove rthere we argue most days and she is mad i havent supported her more. I told her that i have found this these the most difficult thin in my life to be left for a year. she told me i should have gotten over it and supported her. I think and still do that if you are in love with someone you couldnt leave them for a year free will would just be too hard.....we have skpyed twice in a year as she doesnt like seeing herself on it i dont think she has cheated she just acts very immature in relationships so year up and she tells me she is staying 2 more weeks. I think she is the most selfish stubborn and inconsiderate person ever met she cant answer yes or no answers, she answers them how she wants, she accuses me of trying to control her answers! she tells me i need to stop asking so many questions all the time (I thought it was called convesation). why do i have to answer questions the way you want, why cant i answrer them how i want , she says she says i also conrol her, although i dont know how from 8000KM away. she is obsesed with not being conrolled by men. Never been accused by any of ex gfs of being controlling and none of thia ggro with them I think this is because she has never been in a relationship before and i should have seen this coming, she doesnt know how to act and its is fine to disappear for a year and only think of herself things were great when we were toegther its only when we're apart, she says she loves me but wont know what she feels until she sees me again I thought I was done with all this drama at high school 20 years ago, I know she cant help the fact she never been in a relationship but jeez the arguing stress and drama. I do lve her but i think how can i marry someone who thinks its okay to go away for 13 months doing what they want, not answerring basic questions and basically just doing what she wants oh and she finds it incredibly difficult to show love and affection, is that too because its her 1st relationship? Writing this I can see how its all a mess. Love shouldnt be this hard I just feel after waiting a year I should see what happens but no one stays with their 1st love, its not my 1st love obv but it is hers advice? can she change or am i wasting my time, am i putting too much on cos its her 1st relationship? i didnt expect drama with someone who is 33 years old. cheers Mark
Larryville Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I think she is the most selfish stubborn and inconsiderate person ever met. And you don’t know whether or not you are wasting your time? Seriously? I’m asking again do you folks read your own words before you post them? i didnt expect drama with someone who is 33 years old. Age has absolutely nothing to do with “drama” or immaturity. She must be seriously hot. only reason I can think of for spending your time with someone who... is the most selfish stubborn and inconsiderate person ever met. 2
Author Mark0 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 And you don’t know whether or not you are wasting your time? Seriously? I’m asking again do you folks read your own words before you post them? Age has absolutely nothing to do with “drama” or immaturity. She must be seriously hot. only reason I can think of for spending your time with someone who... yes i do read before i post, I said that in my original post I love her thats why I am trying to save this but am asking if its worth even trying she disappeared for 13 months on a working holiday and she has no idea how much it hurt me going I am trying to see if it can be sorted or just bail, I was asking will she change
kendahke Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) Stop. Just stop. Go re-read what you typed. What would you tell your son if he brought this to you? Then be your own parent in this and follow the advice you'd give your son. She made a choice a long time ago to put you behind anything she feels is important to her life. You've been living in denial, trying to reform her into someone she never was and never will be. It's time for you to cut her loose and go find a nice woman who understands the meaning of compromise in relationships, because in order to have a successful relationship that lasts, you have do be able to take your partner's views and needs into consideration--more so if you're married: you must consider them first. She's not going to change. If that were possible, she wouldn't have taken off for an entire year + 2 more weeks. She's selfish in the extreme--and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're alone and not involving someone else's feelings. That's not what she's doing. You are letting yourself be run over roughshod by her indifference to your esteem. That is not love. It never was. It never will be. Stop telling yourself the lie that it is. Your definition of love needs considerable work before it's operational. One day, I hope you will figure out how to put your foot down and not be such a doormat. She really doesn't deserve all of the consideration you've given her---especially when she can't be arsed to reciprocate. Edited April 4, 2017 by kendahke 1
Larryville Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I was asking will she change NO, not changing, she is jacked up! Painfully obvious but if you can't CLEARLY see that you have a much larger problem. Your definition of love needs considerable work before it's operational. figure out how to put your foot down and not be such a doormat. DITTO!
Author Mark0 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 thanks for the reality check. I knew deep down that if she loved me she wouldnt have left for that long told her and she said yu're believing strangers I said no, theyre just comfirming what I always deep down knew 1
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Have some self worth and dump her now. You know you deserve better than what she have ever offered you.
kendahke Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 thanks for the reality check. I knew deep down that if she loved me she wouldnt have left for that long told her and she said yu're believing strangers I said no, theyre just comfirming what I always deep down knew And do not allow her to define anything for you. She gave that up when she left town. In fact, she took a considerable pass on anything having to do with you when she left town. She's got a broken moral compass, so she will always be lost when it comes to how to treat someone she's with. She does not possess the requisite amount of compassion, interest, investment and compromise which are necessary for a successful relationship. In fact, the sooner she is removed from your life, the better off you'll be. She's not the only woman on the face of the earth, so stop proceeding as if she is. There is someone else out there who exceeds her in all things.
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 What you are dealing with a woman who hasn't been in a domestic type relationship because she doesn't want one. She's clearly very independent and doesn't want to be answering to anyone. I have always been that way too. She may or may not ever want a domestic-type relationship, or may only be suited for one if just the right balance of a man comes along. Which may be never. You deserve to have something closer to what you want in a relationship, so you should just break up with her and find someone new.
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) there has to be balance actively in play to have a relationship there has to be consideration there has to be communication and theres has to be certain sacrifices made to keep a relationship alive...for me...when you are in a relationship needs are no longer just your own you must think of needs three ways ...yours and their needs and what you need to be happy together....this is normally where another c word comes in and its called compromise..... you are not happy at all with her ....and your relationship from what i can read is almost non existent....i feel you are going to have a hard time making this relationship viable.....you are in nearly every way ...separated..... .long distance relationships are hard....i speak from experience......just as they are with physical distance...unloving ones one sided ones..impossible......even without your challenges they are hard work and tears ...many tears......this situation doesnt suit what you envision for a relationship...i think you both need to consider this seriously...and have a real heart to heart if you can.......i wish you well....deb Edited April 4, 2017 by todreaminblue
Author Mark0 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Im just in a dark place now she said she never got a bf because the people she was interested in her didnt like her and she has a lot of love to give spoke on slype 2 days ago and she was cold and nasty and told me that 80% of the time she has been away has been bad cos I have been arguing and not supported her dream and that she would have supported my dream she actually even said for this to give us another chance she has to see me change!!!!!!! i am not claiming all her fauly and have got angry and said unpleasant things but only because of being hurt like this There is no compromise there I am in real dark place and got to thru the heartbreak and I am angry at myself for not being like a normal person and having the balls and ending the relationship a year ago when she left me, I would be over it by now. Now all I see is a dark tunnel.
basil67 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Ok, you didn't have the balls to end it a long time ago. But hey, I reckon we've all been there. Experience at life is what gives us the knowledge to make better decisions next time. Block her on all media. And look forward to a future where you have more knowledge to be able to get rid of a person like her.
Author Mark0 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 yeah will do about a month ago she started coming out with she was standing up for herself now and being her own person,. all that seemed to me was an excuse to be horrible laghably been told she can only offer one day at a time as she needs to build the love and trust back up i passed on that joke 1
kendahke Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 she said she never got a bf because the people she was interested in her didnt like her and she has a lot of love to give Perhaps it's her definition of love that repels men. Selfishness isn't a part of love and that's probably what they sussed out of her before they dropped her off at the mall. One would think that if she was getting the same result over and over again that she would sit down a figure out where she needs to make a change in how she approaches these men *if* she wants to be in a relationship. Neglect does nothing but brings on death. What happens when you neglect something? They wither and die or they look elsewhere for sustenance. 1
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