ssthatguy Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) hi guys im currently going through a break up and just need some advise on how to handle the situation, me and my wife had been together for 4 years in total and just recently(yesterday) i found out she is sleeping with another guy in our home in our bed. According to her we were broken up from a year ago. I know there is a whole lot of back information prior to this happening but in essence she told me she was no longer attracted to me and we still lived to together at that time, we have a son together and basically i stuck around to kind of see if the situation could be salvaged, i didnt pursue her actively but the sex dwindled and it was reduced to only the times when we were drunk. What i do want and need help with is trying to figure out how to deal with this new rebound relationship and my son being around this "new guy". im still sour from finding out about the new guy who she initially lied to me at first about. Deep down inside i would love for it to work out but she has thrown me off my center and need help from guys and girls in terms of how to deal with this situation. i have implemented N/C but it just kills me inside. what is the process generally like. Edited April 4, 2017 by ssthatguy spelling
LostOnes05 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 1) Get a lawyer 2) Document everything 3) Tell her that she is still married and that this man will not be in your house and definitely not around your son 4) If she wants out then she needs to leave the home immediately and you will speak with her about co-parenting at a later date. She has been having an affair and now wants to rub it in your face. Keep your wits and show her you won't stand to be walked on...that's really your only option. And don't take a cheater back, the relationship never work the same.
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 You can't just tell her not to have the guy over. But if this is the end, and it probably should be, you need to cooperate every way possible to work toward joint custody and finalize a divorce. You can't punish her for cheating. It's not considered in divorces (I kind of think it should be). However, the child's welfare will be considered by a judge and possibly child protective services. No one wants to see a steady stream of strangers in and out of a house with children, though in real life, even happily married couples often have a steady stream of near strangers in the form of other parents in their home. But you have to be realistic about it. You can't make her stop dating. You may be able to, before the Court, come to a mutual agreement that you wait so many months before introducing new people to the child. But again, in real life, the child meets many people, and they are just as much of a threat as your wife's current date, really. So be realistic about it. Suggest through your attorney that you come to a six-month rule and then that, with joint custody, would allow both of you to have time to date when the other has the child, or to date when the child has a babysitter but not bring the date to the house for six months until you know them a bit better. No one's going to give you full custody, so don't waste everyone's time. You will get joint custody in the end, and have full responsibility for getting the kids to school and everything else half the week. So be sure you can handle that. Good luck.
Simple Logic Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 hi guys im currently going through a break up and just need some advise on how to handle the situation, me and my wife had been together for 4 years in total and just recently(yesterday) i found out she is sleeping with another guy in our home in our bed. According to her we were broken up from a year ago. I know there is a whole lot of back information prior to this happening but in essence she told me she was no longer attracted to me and we still lived to together at that time, we have a son together and basically i stuck around to kind of see if the situation could be salvaged, i didnt pursue her actively but the sex dwindled and it was reduced to only the times when we were drunk. What i do want and need help with is trying to figure out how to deal with this new rebound relationship and my son being around this "new guy". im still sour from finding out about the new guy who she initially lied to me at first about. Deep down inside i would love for it to work out but she has thrown me off my center and need help from guys and girls in terms of how to deal with this situation. i have implemented N/C but it just kills me inside. what is the process generally like. I don't know if you are done with her, but she certainly is letting you know she is done with you. Getva lawyer, file for a divorce and move on.
Redhead14 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 hi guys im currently going through a break up and just need some advise on how to handle the situation, me and my wife had been together for 4 years in total and just recently(yesterday) i found out she is sleeping with another guy in our home in our bed. According to her we were broken up from a year ago. I know there is a whole lot of back information prior to this happening but in essence she told me she was no longer attracted to me and we still lived to together at that time, we have a son together and basically i stuck around to kind of see if the situation could be salvaged, i didnt pursue her actively but the sex dwindled and it was reduced to only the times when we were drunk. What i do want and need help with is trying to figure out how to deal with this new rebound relationship and my son being around this "new guy". im still sour from finding out about the new guy who she initially lied to me at first about. Deep down inside i would love for it to work out but she has thrown me off my center and need help from guys and girls in terms of how to deal with this situation. i have implemented N/C but it just kills me inside. what is the process generally like. No contact is inappropriate for a marriage that is ending. It is important that couple remains civil and engaged in for the purpose of developing a successful co-parenting relationship. There is a child involved and he needs to be the #1 priority. Seek legal consult and prepare to move on, but do not allow that child to be used as a pawn and become embroiled in acrimony. Children should not be involved in adult matters. It is also important that the child is not introduced to the affair partner so you need to be clear about that with your soon to be EX wife. Carrying on affair in the marital home where children reside is exposing that child to possible abuse. The abuse rate for children whose mother is bringing a stranger around them, is very high. Highlight to your wife that your son needs to be considered here and that there is no place for selfishness in this situation.
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