scuzzy Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 So I'm basically writing this here to vent simply because if I say this out loud to anyone I'm going to feel somewhat..ridiculous? Soo my girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now (I'm also a female, not that it matters). I'm 25 and she's 33. We've definitely had a tumultuous relationship; I think mostly stemming from the fact that we are basically polar opposites. I'm also a mom to a 6 year old and she has a lot to say about the way I parent (or don't) him. Nothing unhealthy though; I think much of it is communication issues. Anyway, she's always kind of been the navigator in the relationship. She decided early on how often we would see each other, how much she would come over, etc. That was fine - I didn't like it, but I wanted her to do what she felt comfortable with. She was a big proponent for 'taking it slow'. Looking back it was probably for the best. Fast forward to now. I've been wanting us to move in for about two years now. Her arguments as to why we shouldn't have varied - she wants to get a better job so she will be better able to contribute financially and (the most logical) we argue too often and need to straighten our issues out before we move in. I agree that we do "fight" often (it's more so bickering), but I feel that these are all excuses. So, her sister is her best friend and they moved into their own place maybe 5 or 6 years ago. She talks about her sister all the time, she can do no wrong. I mean I get it, that's her family and I have nothing against her. But I feel like a big part of the reason she doesn't want us to move in is because she's happy living with her sister and figures why should she jeopardize her good living situation. Honestly, I feel like she'd rather spend the rest of her life with her sister than with me. When she says things like 'Britney and I are going grocery shopping' or 'Britney and I need to go look at new blinds' I feel pangs of jealousy in my heart. Seriously I don't wanna seem obsessive so I don't say anything. But I feel like she should be sharing her life with me and her sister gets to have all of her (this sounds reaally weird I know). We've talked many times about moving in together and spending our lives together and I feel she wants the same as me; it's just a matter of when...I told her if we aren't moving in together by next year it will be time for me to move on...personally I can't be with someone for five years and have no plans to move in, no concrete plans for a future. I'm not crazy for feeling this way, am I? /endrant
Telemachus Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 We feel what we feel. There's no right or wrong to it. It isn't delusional - you're connected to reality. You know that you can't control your girlfriend's thoughts or feelings, or her actions. It seems that her sister is a positive force in her life. If you're considering your girlfriend's interests, I don't see why you would want to change that. Love means putting what's best for her ahead of what's best for you, when they aren't the same. In this case, they probably aren't. I don't see why you expect your girlfriend to move in with you and your son. Why don't you talk with her about the possibility of the four of you (your girlfriend, her sister, you, and your son) living together, in their place or in a different bigger place. If you choose to end the relationship, you're free to do that. However, you're considering an A-or-B choice situation, when there are many other possibilities that may work even better.
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 You shouldn't be upset with her, but you should simply ask yourself if this is who you want to be with. Look, I have a friend whose sister she thinks can do no wrong. I could be an expert at something and advise her on it, but she will take the word of her sister, who does landscaping for a living, over anyone else. She's just got her on a pedestal. And there's some bad things they validate each other on like for years refusing to see a doctor. My friend has an immune disorder she needed to be seen for decades ago to control, but she did not go see a doctor until her sister finally decided to see one once she could no longer walk on her foot anymore, and this freed up my friend to feel she could now go to a doctor. Crazy, right? Against all evidence, she trusts her sister more than anyone else in any profession about anything and everything. You cannot hope to win that. She knows she gets along with her sister. That is proven, so she is comfortable living there with her, and honestly, she probably would NOT be as comfortable or compatible living with you. Now, if her sister ever marries or whatever, she will probably still try to live with her but if she can't, then maybe things will change. You want to play house with her and she doesn't, so you have to decide how important that is. I will just put my two cents in, which is it's a lot more fun dating someone than living with them and dealing with all their domestic habits that differ from yours. Good luck.
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