Texting Etiquette

[Grey40]

Everyone seems to have a general rule that when you meet a women or talk to them online and develop rapport, that you should limit the amount that you text or talk and ask them out relatively quickly. I 100% agree, however, there are some scenarios that come into play, and I'm always bewlidered on how to handle it.

 

For instance, if you ask a women out, and they couldn't do that date and want to reschedule, but then leave it up to you to figure it out...in that case, do you keep texting for a few days and then ask her out again? How often? Because it seems I've totally lost girls interest by not texting them for 2-3 days and then when I reach out again to set up another date, they're completely over it, and avoid me. However, if you text them everyday just to small talk, it comes off needy and insecure, seems like there needs to be a delicate balance?

 

Same thing, if and when a date is confirmed but it's a good 3-4 days out, how much shoudl you stay in contact? I've had girls cancel and flake on me stating they're canceling because I didn't talk to them leading up to that day. So, I'm kind of confused.

 

Most guys who I've talked to, tell me to do the "push/pull" thing, where you text a bit and stay in touch, but kind of leave them wanting more..maybe text a good amount and then the next day not at all and let them text you first. But, here's the thing. THEY NEVER TEXT ME FIRST. Even after good conversation where they are laughing, seem to be enjoying it and seem very open and receptive...when I dissapear, they think either I lost interest or they think I'm an inconsiderate jerk. But, I know continunig to talk them consistently only makes me a weak, friendzone buddy kind of thing.

 

I'm talking of course before the first or second date or meetup. After you've already been with the person, communication "rules" change.

Edited April 4, 2017 by Grey40

[angel.eyes]

Count me in the group who cancels if a guy isn't communicating regularly. Almost all guys I had a first date with communicated daily. Most actually called daily and we would chat for an hour or so each evening. By the time the date happened at the end of the week, we had pretty good rapport. Keep in mind I'm a very strong extrovert and tend to attract extroverts.

 

FWIW, if it's just endless inane "wassup" texts, that's not communication.

[avvril3000]

Count me in the group who cancels if a guy isn't communicating regularly. Almost all guys I had a first date with communicated daily. Most actually called daily and we would chat for an hour or so each evening. By the time the date happened at the end of the week, we had pretty good rapport. Keep in mind I'm a very strong extrovert and tend to attract extroverts.

 

FWIW, if it's just endless inane "wassup" texts, that's not communication.

 

I agree with angel.eyes. I've dumped plenty of guys who play the stupid push pull game. I'm looking for a freaking partner here. Someone i wanna be able to talk to all the time. Someone who wants to talk to me and not someone who , whether its true or not, has better things to do with his time. Arent we all trying to fall in love? If you're serious about whoever you're talking to, give her attention. Don't pull away. I dont believe it will make you want you more, i believe it will push her away.

[act00]

It's just a big major mystery. Everyone has their own ideas.

 

My personal experience? I like texting. I like a little bit of conversation and banter. I think some "getting to know you" is okay, and a good way to put out the feelers before planning the big day. BUT, I would like a date set up soon. I have had a multitude of texter "boyfriends" who never get around to actually meeting. I realize we can all have some busy schedules, but if you're on the dating site, shouldn't that mean you have time to date? Set up a date!

 

Then there's the date planned "too early." Who knows what too early is anymore. I have found that dates planned a week out are rare to come to fruition. If a date is made, and there is no texting or communication in between, I can probably expect it's not going to happen. They have forgotten, moved on, met someone else by now. *I'm* the one planning and looking forward to it, and even declining other plans, also dates, and I wind up home Friday night because "Mr. Wonderful" dropped off the planet. A couple of times I have gone on with other plans, as I wasn't hearing from the man, and then on Friday, when I haven't heard from him all week, despite a text or two on my end, he texts asking about tonight (Friday)...yeah, I texted a couple of times, no response, I thought you weren't interested...sorry...made other plans.

 

There is absolutely no set of rules and a s**t-load of anxiety on what to do or not do.

 

I text. Granted, I will let the male take the lead more often than not. I also write back and initiate communication because I feel this is how conversations work, and if I never initiate, how will he know I'm interested? So I do initiate, at the risk of looking desperate, but I've been stood up and dumped at the last minute enough times, and my time is valuable, I want to be clear we still have a plan. No response? He's not interested. Move on.

[GemmaUK]

..when I dissapear, they think either I lost interest or they think I'm an inconsiderate jerk.

 

You say above you disappear - why not change that and instead strike a happy medium between disappearing and blowing up her phone?

[OatsAndHall]

If immediately set up a place and time if they ask me to do so. I don't wait: get the ball rolling quickly. Otherwise, you're stuck in the predicament that you are right now: trying to decipher the enigma of text communication.

 

But, as a rule, I text a woman once a day. I'll shoot them a polite "how'd your day go?" message when I get home from work.

[Titanll]

I will never understand why this is so hard to understand. Communicate as often as you want...the relationship/other person will sort of dictate the right amount of communication.

[SevenCity]

I will never understand why this is so hard to understand. Communicate as often as you want...the relationship/other person will sort of dictate the right amount of communication.

 

Agreed. I've had one extreme to the other where one girl texted me every day and made comments when she didn't hear from me - before we actually met! Another one who was completely silent.

 

Through advice here, I sent out a few feeler texts to the latter one just to make sure we were still on.

 

Interestingly, the ones who require daily communication before you meet are often the same ones who are clingy and make unreasonable demands of your time. Texting daily before you even meet is a sure fire way to kill attraction, make a mistake that turns her off, or make an image of them that will let you down when you meet.

 

To text a stranger daily before a first date is insane.

 

Best thing to do is gauge their communication and act accordingly.

[act00]

<snip>

 

Interestingly, the ones who require daily communication before you meet are often the same ones who are clingy and make unreasonable demands of your time. Texting daily before you even meet is a sure fire way to kill attraction, make a mistake that turns her off, or make an image of them that will let you down when you meet.

 

To text a stranger daily before a first date is insane.

 

Best thing to do is gauge their communication and act accordingly.

 

I disagree, but really, it comes down to each person's experiences. I have found that when a date is made early, like a week out or longer, and there is no communication in between, that date never happens...they forget, they've moved on, they didn't adequately plan and other things became priority...whatever. Of course I don't want to text too much either, but "good morning," and "how was your day," and a bit of conversation in between seems reasonable to me. Some want more communication, others, notsomuch, but there has to be something in the middle.

 

I'm surprised that a couple people posting haven't had any communication at all until the night before or morning of the first date to solidify plans. My experience is that there are no plans if there is zero contact, and moreso if I text with no response. I am seriously done making efforts and getting excited, and also declining other invitations, because I'm holding my time open for an absent man.

 

I might get that text solidifying plans for later, and my response may very well be, "Sorry, I haven't heard from you all week, so I made other plans." Of course, I have also made an effort to communicate with him at this point.

 

In my OLD discussions with men I meet, many have expressed their frustration because of the same thing.

 

Basically there is no right or wrong and no one knows what to do, but my opinion is, if you want to get together, put in some time beforehand, and don't ghost.

[angel.eyes]

Exactly! Do you focus on the guy who is enthusiastically trying to get to know you and with whom you're building rapport? Or radio-silent, disappeared guy? My goodness! It's a no-brainer! Why would I ever waste my time on someone who doesn't seem interested, especially when I have way better options available? How could this ever be a dilemma?

 

The benefits:

• I end up with guys who are genuinely interested and excited about getting to know me.
  
• It's a great screen for guys who are confident, secure, and go after what they want in life. So I end up in relationships with the type of guy I'm most compatible with.
  
• You avoid expending energy on time wasters and navel gazers
  

 

The negatives:

• None!