citruss8 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Hi, I am 24 male, never had girlfriend before. I had sex with a prostitute, cause i never had sex before, and now I'm in a dilemma of whether I should reveal it to a future girl if I ever get a girlfriend. At this point, I'd rather say I've never had sex before and i've never had a girlfriend. Would that be immoral? I've had myself checked out and I have no stds; i did the full gamut of tests. See, on my last date, I said "yes, i've had sex" and the girl kept asking me about my last girlfriend and i had to make up stuff. So it just seems things would go a lot smoother if I give myself a "clean slate" and say I'm a virgin and inexperienced.
InLimbo2 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 You are only considering the extremes of answers (absolute unvarnished unexplained truth or a flat out lie)...there is a whole range in between. There is no reason on a casual first date you should have to explain your entire history - period. If and when you get to the point of being intimate with someone, then yes - they have a right to ask - to a degree. And when they do, you are not obligated to provide all the gruesome details... A simple "yes I have had sex and am not a virgin, but I have been checked and given a clean bill of health" solves the asked for health reasons portion. If they ask for more - it can be as simple as "yes, I had sex with someone - it was very short term and there wasn't a lot of emotional committment to qualify her as a GF" That is not a lie, but it's also a lot different then saying "yeah, I had sex once, for an hour, and I paid for it" When you find the woman that's The One - then yes, if you feel it necessary to tell her - do so - I don't think any woman is going to go apes*** over you using the services of a prostitute once when you were young and single.
alphamale Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 no matter what u say it'll be a lie so just keep your mouth shut and don't answer any questions you do not want to by saying it is private.
joel Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 did use an escort or was it a street walker? how much was it. u so luckjy u didn't get diseases.
JS17 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 i think the real question you should be asking is why are you in the situation that you're in? I don't think that you should lie but it's ok to tell someone early on that you have had sex and that you would prefer to keep the details of your past sex life to yourself until you get to know the person better. possibly once you're in a more stable relationship you can reveal the details.
thegoodhubbie Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Oh, young man, have I been in your shoes. Sucks, don't it! Be glad you have only been to one prostitue at your age. That is easy to explain away like Inlimbo2 said: A simple "yes I have had sex and am not a virgin, but I have been checked and given a clean bill of health" solves the asked for health reasons portion. If they ask for more - it can be as simple as "yes, I had sex with someone - it was very short term and there wasn't a lot of emotional committment to qualify her as a GF" At 24 I had never had a girlfriend, in fact you could say prostitues were my girlfriends from age 19 to 23 when I finally woke up and stopped hurting myself. It took me a lot of years to feel worthy enough to even start dating and when I did I was terrified of the eventual questions that would come up. Take this as a lesson. Stop going to prostitutes. Ask out every "nice" girl you like or think you like and don't start using prostitutes as a shortcut for a relationship. It is easy to fall into that trap. Thank GOD for me that I found the woman of my dreams and she agreed to marry me even after I told her about this. Truly she is a special soul, my wife. Good Luck
Jolene Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 It will scare most women into thinking you are a physical, emotional and moral hazard! If you did it once....welll you know! sorry
quankanne Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 the only thing you need to share about your sexual past is whether you have a clean bill of health. Anything more is not necessary. I don't care to think about the other women my husband has been with, but I do want to know that he practiced safe sex because I don't want to share any special "gifts" someone shared with him. if someone presses you for information about the number of women you've screwed or how many times, just simply say, "I've only been in one short-term sexual relationship" and leave it at that. You're being honest yet not revealing anything that could jump up and bite you in the butt later. If she presses for more information, tell her that's all you care to share, and if she can't respect that ... well, she's prolly not someone you would want to get to that level with if she's fixated on your past.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 No, don't say a word. That is your own private business! The only way to keep a secret is not to tell a sole. What good would come of it? Just isn't worth the hassel and her possible reaction. If she asks about your first time just say it was with someone who was experienced, and leave it at that. No harm, no foul.
quankanne Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 If she asks about your first time just say it was with someone who was experienced, and leave it at that. wouldn't THAT be an accurate statement!! i think a good rule of thumb is to just not discuss former lovers, period. Because at some point, someone's feelings get hurt because they interpret that as cause for inadequacy on their part, or they store up that information to fling it back in your face when they're mad at you. What is it they say? That a gentleman never kisses and tells? Just substitute "boinks" for "kisses."
crazy_grl Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 For once, I agree with alpha. Don't ever lie about it, because that just gives the person reason to mistrust you if they find out the truth later on. And don't try to mislead anyone by sugar coating it either. Just say you have had sex. You can even say you weren't in a relationship at the time, but you don't have to give details... at the beginning at least. Originally posted by quankanne If she presses for more information, tell her that's all you care to share, and if she can't respect that ... well, she's prolly not someone you would want to get to that level with if she's fixated on your past. I don't agree. If you're actually in a relationship with a person and you feel like this is something you have to hide from them, then they're probably going to pick up on that, which could cause a fixation. Don't hide your past from a SO, especially if it's a serious relationship. When you're comfortable with it, you can talk to a gf about it. Until then, you can just tell her it's not something you're proud of and that you'd rather not share. But I think it's perfectly understandable if she would get upset about that, because matters relating to sex are major value issues. i think a good rule of thumb is to just not discuss former lovers, period. Because at some point, someone's feelings get hurt because they interpret that as cause for inadequacy on their part, or they store up that information to fling it back in your face when they're mad at you. If that's the case, the person is insecure and possibly a bit immature. People should be able to accept that the past is in the past while at the same time knowing about it. A person's past reveals a lot about who they are, their values and beliefs, and the path they took to become the person they are. It can also help you better understand their behavior and beliefs in the present. If you have to keep info about your past secret from your SO so they don't feel inadequate or throw it in your face, you should look elsewhere for a partner.
clynn Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 DON'T TELL HER! Ever. Its okay you did it, but a girl doesn't really need to know that. If asked though, I think its okay to say that yep, you've had sex but it wasn't anything serious, and that's all there was to it. No one should get overly nosey about these things. Or, you could just say "yes, but I don't want to talk about it."
Opium Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 To me this is silly. If you go out on a date and a girl is SO NOISY that she constantly is asking about your sex life and your past relationships it's probably because she has insecurities. You'll barely ever meet a woman who is secure about yourself ask about your past. The past is the past and it should stay their. In my opinion!! Now if you're in a relationship that is meaningful and serious than if it comes up just simply say, "I've only been with one girl, nothing serious", End of story!! I wouldn't go around saying "hey I slept with a prostitute", it's non of anybody's business. So you had to pay for your first time, oh well, no biggy what matters is that you are healthy.
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