i love her and can't get over her :(

[monmon238]

Hey everybody,

 

me and my ex-girlfriend have been together for a year, and i though she loved me very much as much as i did love her, but during that year she broke up with me three times, the first time was after 6 month and was because she said that she was already in love with me and at the time i still was not there, and she broke up with me and then i told her to stay together and give me some time for my feelings to grow and after a week of discussions, we got back together.

I have to mention that she loves kids and wanted to have kids as soon as possible, and after like we had been together for 10 month she started bringing up the topic of having children, and i told her its too early and we need to be together longer to make such a decision specially that I am student and barely can support myself financially, so i told her to wait and a few days later she we had a fight about something stupid, i don’t even remember what was it and I told her if she really wants kids this soon then maybe we are not right for each other, and then she said maybe you are right and we broke up again, but after like a few days i started missing her and wanted to get back to together and this time she made it very hard, and maybe two weeks later we agreed to meet at her place and the whole time i was there she said she doesn’t want to get back together but we ended up kissing and then having sex and then she started crying and saying she does not want to hurt me, i went home not knowing what’s our situation but the she texted me not to date anybody else and that we should try again. we got back together and it was fine for like 3 month but during the whole relationship i always had the feeling that she is not that hygienic, and i am kind of a bit too hygienic, for example, i always wash my hands when i come home, she does not, i told her she should and she felt offended, another one would be during cooking, she would cut raw chicken and then use a towel to clean her hand that she also uses to dry, or even touch food that won’t be cooked without washing her hands, and when i told her she should not do that and that we can get sick, she was mad at me and started fighting and in a moment of anger i told her she is unhygienic, she wanted that i apologize for it and admit am wrong but at the time i was very stubborn cause i saw that there was nothing wrong in what am asking of her, the last thing that happened that she broke up with me after is, we had lunch outside and then went to her place, and i told her lets go shower together cause its always fun, and she refused, later we were fooling around, and when i got near to hear crotch, i smelled something bad, i thought it might be residuals after going to the bathroom or something, it could have been her vagina, am not sure, and i stopped and told her i smell poo (that was dumb and stupid of me), and she got mad and i told her i just can’t do it like this and maybe we should go shower together, she insisted on not going, so i just stopped and lied beside her.

the next day she texted me saying that am trying to change her and that i say mean things to her and said she cant change herself and can't change me and said we should break up.

i was very aggravated at the time because i felt it was so easy for her to break with me whenever we have a fight, although she has always told me that she loves me so much and couldn't live without me, and when she wanted to to break up over text, it made me even more mad, so i juts replied to her asking if we are still going to a trip we booked, and if we should wait until we go and then decide, and then said yes we can go as friends, i told her ok but asked if she is sure cause it was directly before xmas time and i wanted to make sure if i need to make other plans as i live in a different country from where my famils is and didnt want to be alone at this time specially, and she said yes sure we can go and that she doesn’t hate me or anything.

2 days before the trip, she texted me and said she doesn’t not want to go with me and that she will go with her mom, and i was furious cause i asked her twice and i told her that she is very selfish and that she should never contact me again.

a couple of weeks later i missed her and texted her again saying sorry for calling her unhygienic and the fight after regarding the smell and regarding my reaction because of canceling the trip on me, and we started texting a bit and we met a couple of times and we ended up kissing both times but she said she doesn’t want to go further, and we kept texting but like a week later i couldn’t withstand being apart from her and i wanted her back, and i went to her to talk and try to get her back, but she said no and she said she doesn’t not want to get back together, so i told her then let’s cut the contact because otherwise i won’t get over it, she agreed, but like a week later she texted me because i posted a photo with a friend of mine which is a girl she didn’t like, i ignored the message at the beginning but she kept texting me asking me why am i meeting her, and i told her to call me and she did and she was crying, i asked her why does she care who i meet, she is the one who left and didn’t want me, and she said she need to think about it. we went back to texting every now and then until one day i was really emotionally drained and could not take it anymore, so i texted her and said please give me a chance and i will change whatever you don’t like and we should remember the good times and how much we love each other, and her reply was "no, i don’t love you anymore." and that was only a month after the break up, before that breakup we have already been together for about 13 month, and i could not believe that after one month all her feeling are gone, so i went to her to hear it with my ears and look her in the eyes, and she said it like it was nothing, so i asked if she met someone else and she said yes, and i asked if they kissed and she said yes, and i was devastated, i told her she is a horrible person for playing with me the whole time telling me to give her time. I texted her very mean stuff after, criticizing her physically cause i wanted to hurt her as he hurt me.

 

after a week maybe i sent her another text apologizing again for all the **** i said and that i love her and that she should contact me if she feels she still loves me and wants me back.

she replied asking how i am and making small talk, so we started texting again but she was the one mostly initiating, until i asked her to meet and she said she will think about it and then she said she does not want to when i asked her again.

2 weeks later there was big carnival in where people dress up and get drunk in my city (i live in Germany), she texted me asking me if i am in the same city she was in and i said yes, and she asked to come meet her, i went there and the first thing she asked me was if i slept with someone else and i said no and asked her the same question and she said yes, and that she is dating a guy, so i asked her why are you meeting me then and she said cause she wanted to see me and that still "likes" me, i told her to give me chance again and she said no, so i told then leave me alone and stay out of my life and stop texting me.

2 weeks after, there was an attack from crazy guy in my city’s train station and she texted me asking if i am ok and that she must know if i am ok, i didn’t want us tom start texting again so i ignored her, cause if she really cared she could have called me at least.

That was like 5 weeks ago and that’s the longest we have went without contact.

i still think about her every day and still lover her and can’t get over her, it’s been 4 month since the breakup and i still can't get over her, i was almost going to text her today and ask her to meet but i stopped myself, i thought about texting her mom because she always liked me and ask her if she knows if she really does not love me anymore, but i thought its a stupid idea.

i really don’t know what to do, should i try again?, i can’t take her of my mind!! Please tell me what to do!!

I am 29 btw and she is 24.

[d0nnivain]

Paragraphs are your friends. Please use them. It will make things easier to read & then you will get more responses. The lack of paragraphs makes it even harder when English is not your 1st language. (It's not an insult because heaven knows I couldn't order lunch in your language let alone express myself but it becomes a factor).

 

 

Anyway . . .

 

 

Whatever you do, do NOT contact her mom. You are a 29 year old man. You don't need somebody else mommy involved in your relationship.

 

 

You & this woman had a dysfunctional relationship at best. In 13 months you broke up 3 times for very legitimate reasons all of which speak to lack of fundamental compatibility.

 

 

1. It took you 6 months to even figure out you had feelings for her. She was right to want a man who was on the same page as her.

 

 

2. She wants kids now. You are a student & correctly realize you are in no position to have kids right now. How you got her to stick around after that is a mystery to me. You don't belong together because you have different & incompatible views for the immediate future.

 

 

3. She cancelled a pre-planned trip on you two days before Christmas leaving you stranded in a foreign country without her or your family. She then had the audacity to say she'd take her mother on the trip, leaving you all alone. How cruel.

 

 

You also have issues about her hygiene. Those will never change. She won't wash her hands as much as you like; she will contaminate everything in the kitchen by failing to practice food safety & as for her personal smell, if you smelled what you smelled you were right to insist on a shower. Even when you tried to make the shower sexy she refused & complained that you were trying to change her. Do you really want a lifetime of this? Yuck!

 

 

Finally you have now been broke up for 4 months or 1/3 of the length of your unhealthy relationship. She is with another guy & is having sex with him. She has moved on. Her decision to meet you & continue talking shows that she has a cavalier attitude toward fidelity. It was wrong for her to meet you behind her new BF's back. Remember if she cheats with you she will cheat on you.

 

 

You need to let this one go. She is not the girl for you. Accept that it's over & you can do better.

 

 

2.

[preraph]

I can't make you get over her. All I can do is point out one very important thing, and that is that anyone who wants to have a baby with you when you haven't even been dating a year and when you two have no way to support a family does not have enough common sense and isn't responsible enough to choose as the mother of your children! Think about that. You would choose an irresponsible, impulsive person with no financial foundation to bring a child into the world with? Please no.

 

And right away, she's going to poison you and the baby by the way she handles poultry!! And she's stinky.

 

I don't know you, but I am pretty sure you can do better if you will just make her go away and block her and realize she is NOT good mother or wife material. She is not the one for you. Good luck.

[fromheart]

Well the lack of hygiene is a big turn off, and as another poster pointed out she probably wont get any better.

 

She dumps you for not loving her at the 6 month point and then dumps you at 10 months for not wanting kids. All this in less than a year? And for an encore she dumps you a third time?

 

This is emotional abuse and you are allowing yourself to be subjected to it. Go back to her and I absolutely guarantee she will dump you again.

[monmon238]

Thank you for your reply, i am still going NC since almost 2 months now, but i just dont feel any better, and i try to stop myself from looking at her pics but some times i give up and look at her face book or the pictures we took together, and thats gety me back to square one

[Momoney]

I say do not contact her mother. Her mother may give you some advice just like how I would, but that would not change the fact of you not wanting to talk to her. She is just a confusing woman that do not know what she wants. She is not thinking about you, she is only doing things that best fits her feelings. She might have some love for you still, but she is not in love with you.

 

You should try dating and meeting someone else to keep her off your mind. Trust me it would be hard, but you are only getting older and time is limited. Being friends can go both ways, good or bad, but try to minimize the conversations with her. She already told you that she have someone, so just be mature and understand that she has moved on, so try and do the same.

 

There is always someone out there that best fit your interest......Oh and if you want to tell someone about their hygiene try to ask them in a decent way, but tell them you cause no harm.

 

Do understand that you have time to find a real one. It took me 5 years to realize that my ex was not the one for me. Our situation was similar to yours, so take precautions of who you let into your life.

 

Best Wishes