htrj Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Just registered on here in the hope some of you can help me keep a straight head while I get this together. Met someone online last week, asked for her number on the 3rd message and she gave it to me. I was too busy to call her immediately but did ring about 4 days after she had sent me the number. I am quite old fashioned and always prefer to call rather than text. She seemed to like that, told me I sounded very confident despite me telling her I was bit nervous ringing her up, and there seemed to be a bit of chemistry during the conversation. I asked her out, she responded positively and although neither of us can find the time to meet for a few weeks yet she was texting me the next day to sort the details of the date. Since then she has clicked on my profile pretty much every day, although I think she has now removed her profile as I can't seem to find her on there this evening. The two problems I have are: 1) Although I am quite ballsy, I am desperately inexperienced with these matters. 2) She is intelligent, funny and smoking hot. Dunno why, but I am sucker for that type of woman. What should I be doing between now and meeting her? Dont want to look too keen and I definately don't want to look odd. Someone, please guide this inexperienced fool to success with this goddess.
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 First step, take her down of that pedestal you are putting her on. Secondly if she is intelligent, randomly come up with something to talk to her about that she would find interesting/fun to spark some chemistry. Or do nothing until the day before to alert her that you are looking forward to your date with her and will contact her the morning of the date to confirm details. 6
Author htrj Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 Thank you for the pedestal advice. I am aware that I am getting carried away. As it is quite a long time until we meet, do you think its wise to not contact her until 48hrs or so before? That is what I wanted to do but was a bit concerned she might go off the boil, or she might find it odd that I was not showing too much interest.
Titanll Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Just go with the flow and relax! Quit trying to figure out rules that don't exist. Communicate with her...the timing and amount will come naturally. 1
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I hope there's a good reason for a few weeks until meeting. Trusting that there is, my best advice would be not to talk much between now and then because if you do, what will there be left to talk about on the date? I would tell her, "Well, we have quite a wait before meeting and we're obviously both super busy, so how about I check in with you again a week before to touch base?" If she doesn't agree with that, she can tell you. But I would not sit on the phone or text spewing life stories until you have met. Now, a good idea might be to Skype if you have not already so you now for sure who you're dealing with and vice versa. But if you're both so busy you can't fit in a date, better keep everything very brief.
Miss Spider Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 You were too busy to call her until 4 days after. I'm not sure if I hope that was orchestrated or not. No, definitely not. You seem to be overthinking it a bit. Try to relax if only to manage expectations.
TheTraveler Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Cannot meet for a few weeks and now her profile is gone. Smells fishy to me.
joseb Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 OP, what's the reason for not being able to meet for a few weeks?
avvril3000 Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Just registered on here in the hope some of you can help me keep a straight head while I get this together. Met someone online last week, asked for her number on the 3rd message and she gave it to me. I was too busy to call her immediately but did ring about 4 days after she had sent me the number. I am quite old fashioned and always prefer to call rather than text. She seemed to like that, told me I sounded very confident despite me telling her I was bit nervous ringing her up, and there seemed to be a bit of chemistry during the conversation. I asked her out, she responded positively and although neither of us can find the time to meet for a few weeks yet she was texting me the next day to sort the details of the date. Since then she has clicked on my profile pretty much every day, although I think she has now removed her profile as I can't seem to find her on there this evening. The two problems I have are: 1) Although I am quite ballsy, I am desperately inexperienced with these matters. 2) She is intelligent, funny and smoking hot. Dunno why, but I am sucker for that type of woman. What should I be doing between now and meeting her? Dont want to look too keen and I definately don't want to look odd. Someone, please guide this inexperienced fool to success with this goddess. Honestly, as a woman, who has been on those online dating apps, i hate when a guy goes quiet, and it shows disinterest. While you dont have to overwhlem her with over interest, you can keep the conversations light until you meet up. Tell her you wanna ask her some fun dumb questions to get to know eachother a little more. Keep them light. Look online for ideas. Like ... 5. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever cried about? 6. If you could rid the world of one disease what would it be? 7. What board game do you hate the most? they're lighthearted, but keep up the interaction, the wanting to know eachother just a little bit more, and hey it might give you something to talk about when you meet her in person, if you want an answer elaborated.
Author htrj Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 We couldn't meet sooner as we just couldn't get our diaries to line up. Actually its only 2 weeks between setting the date and the date, now just over 1 week to go. Honestly, I just don't want to blow this, so thanks for helping to keep me calm. I think you're right in keeping the line of communication open, will text her later in the hope she stays on side. If the profiles gone because she's holding her search, then, c'est la vie.
Author htrj Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Well that backfired. Bit of texting back and forth, whats your favourite colour, she asked, what couldn't you live without, I said. Then tried to chat about her Iphone to which she responds "you've lost me". Not heard from her since. Anyone who knows me knows I can talk politics, business strategy, contract law and woe betide anyone who tries to argue with me. Small talk is just alien to me. I am learning though so at least I am stronger now than I was yesterday. The search continues.
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 If you are not a texter, don't try small talk over text. Limit text to pithy one lines & communicate via the voice feature of the phone. If you can talk about the subjects you listed, you can make small talk. The weather, sports, current events etc. Simply ask Qs but not through text. Over a two week span between setting up the date & the date itself I would have suggested 4 phone calls & maybe 4 quick texts, including one the day before just to confirm. More contact than that is too much before a 1st meet. When you say she said "You've lost me" does that mean she cancelled the date or she was telling you she didn't understand the direction of that conversation? Call her & ask if the date is still on if you are not sure. Then stop with the text conversations.
Author htrj Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) This is why I don't like text, the quality of the conversation is just too poor for my liking. No intonation, no inference, no opportunity to, well, talk. After the "you've lost me" text, which I assumed referred to the topic of conversation, I text her back to clarify what I had said before that, then tried to get off that subject by asking her about something else. No response since then and that was a few hours ago now. Perhaps shes busy, perhaps shes not interested, perhaps shes doing me a favour! A call would have given me better ability to interpret that. Do you still recommend that I call her? Edited April 4, 2017 by htrj
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Do you still recommend that I call her? I do but in a few days. Today is Tuesday here. Wait until Thursday at least. One call -- put the ball firmly in her court. If you don't hear back after that, write her off & assume the date is cancelled. 1
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Texting is a terrible form of communication, and you know it doesn't work well for you, so just tell people you don't like texting because it's too hard to tell when someone is joking or angry, and then don't do it just to make conversation. Do it only say if you're meeting someone somewhere to say "I'm in front of Panera Bread. See you there."
Author htrj Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Panic getting the better of me guys. "Deep breathes, in, out, in, out". She just got back to me, nicely. Must have been tied up with work. Seriously though, texts suck. I agree that it is now the preferred comms for women under 60 but they just don't work for me, for the reasons that others have discussed. A phone call tells all. It takes ball to do it and even I know chicks dig balls.
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 intelligent women are curious.....so be curious too....intelligent women normally know how to hold a conversation and keep it rolling......so ...all you need in input and topics to break it down...community news maybe...scientific news...theres one i find fascinating to discuss ..but most of the people around me smoke pot.....bar church where i have my haven of peoples and reasoning and intelligence.........when i bought it up with a male friend ho has an interest in breeding fish like i do ...all he did was giggle and say head hahahahaha...i roll my eyes and give up...but anyway....there's a head transplant occurring this year it involves i believe the same sort of lineage in ethics as cloning human dna........and becoming god like......transferring a head onto another body that was brain dead......this topic to me is so deep.....fascinating......its going to cost millions.....involves freezing the head of a terminally ill wheel chair bound man......check it out.....whether or not this is some kind of joke or will or wont happen....the conversation could be cyclical and tangent into many side discussions......if she loves geography ....talk geography ...history talk history ...find her passion activate her curiosity and or passion adn watch the conversation flow...be there....in the conversation and listen not just hear...and input...... get her off the pedestal you have her on as another poster wrote....dont be intimidated....be confident.....dont be fearful...things will go fine......she aint perfect no man or woman is......intelligent women can also have blonde moments.......as much as a man can.....in fact the more intelligent a woman is...the more awkward she becomes....same with men.....because intelligence makes you live in your head...like marvin the martian does and then only come out to talk to yourself..and laugh at you r inane jokes of world domination...while others scratch their heads..saying huh as they back away...lol...ahem..see laughing at myself....... ....so treat her like a "normal "woman and find her passions and speak of them try to find the geek in her and relate to that side of her.....try star wars always a good place to start....find your common ground and let it flow.........i wish you well.....deb
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 She got back to. That is the important thing. While you are breathing in & out, keep your eye on the ball: You still have a date. 1
Author htrj Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 This is my point with the text messages. That comment I made about "deep breathes" was intended to be tongue in cheek. I promise you, she is not on the pedestal. As i've said, I am inexperienced but I am eager to learn, I just want to know what, if anything, I am doing wrong. When someone says "you've lost me" then doesnt respond to a follow up message I can't help but, wrongly, read between the lines. Too soon to reach that conclusion? Certainly. My lesson has been learned. So, no pedestal, i'm keeping calm and i'm just going with the flow. These are the things you have taught me and I am grateful for your advice.
reeseyummy Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 This is my point with the text messages. That comment I made about "deep breathes" was intended to be tongue in cheek. I promise you, she is not on the pedestal. As i've said, I am inexperienced but I am eager to learn, I just want to know what, if anything, I am doing wrong. When someone says "you've lost me" then doesnt respond to a follow up message I can't help but, wrongly, read between the lines. Too soon to reach that conclusion? Certainly. My lesson has been learned. So, no pedestal, i'm keeping calm and i'm just going with the flow. These are the things you have taught me and I am grateful for your advice. the "you've lost me" text might just mean she didn't get what you're trying to say... but it's okay, because you have good chemistry when you talk. some people are just don't do well on text, that why we need to meet people in person to judge. i'm sure you'll do her a great impression in person, don't overthink as a woman, guys sometimes can seem cold on text, actually the guys who "excel" on text are more dangerous, speaking from personally experience, i'd rather date a guy who takes action rather than "texts" all the right things. 3
coolheadal Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) Just registered on here in the hope some of you can help me keep a straight head while I get this together. Met someone online last week, asked for her number on the 3rd message and she gave it to me. I was too busy to call her immediately but did ring about 4 days after she had sent me the number. I am quite old fashioned and always prefer to call rather than text. She seemed to like that, told me I sounded very confident despite me telling her I was bit nervous ringing her up, and there seemed to be a bit of chemistry during the conversation. I asked her out, she responded positively and although neither of us can find the time to meet for a few weeks yet she was texting me the next day to sort the details of the date. Since then she has clicked on my profile pretty much every day, although I think she has now removed her profile as I can't seem to find her on there this evening. The two problems I have are: 1) Although I am quite ballsy, I am desperately inexperienced with these matters. 2) She is intelligent, funny and smoking hot. Dunno why, but I am sucker for that type of woman. What should I be doing between now and meeting her? Dont want to look too keen and I definately don't want to look odd. Someone, please guide this inexperienced fool to success with this goddess. Do yourself a favor and go outside and scream! Now come back in and relax. Your so worked up over nothing. I mean really come on stand-up you can ace this. She's just a woman, and your just a man. Now everyone has to start from somewhere. Just put a handle on your life and as you do with your work and apply it to this date. Be yourself, don't try to be something your not, because that is where we men tend to fail on dates. Oh-by-the-way, say this to her "if you could have flowers all your life what type of flowers would you like to have? This way you can buy her the right flower, and I mean one flower stem. Do not show off and buy a dozen or so. It's just your first date with her. One flower can mean a lot more than 12 or more. It works every time. Hide the flower never let her see it until you say the words "Hi my name is... you fill in the blanks... You have a great time and don't forget we're right behind you. Just let us all know how the date has turned out for the best! Be yourself trust me do it that way... Edited April 4, 2017 by coolheadal 1
coolheadal Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 This is my point with the text messages. That comment I made about "deep breathes" was intended to be tongue in cheek. I promise you, she is not on the pedestal. As i've said, I am inexperienced but I am eager to learn, I just want to know what, if anything, I am doing wrong. When someone says "you've lost me" then doesnt respond to a follow up message I can't help but, wrongly, read between the lines. Too soon to reach that conclusion? Certainly. My lesson has been learned. So, no pedestal, i'm keeping calm and i'm just going with the flow. These are the things you have taught me and I am grateful for your advice. Did she text you "you've lost me" That means you confused her with your comment or text. You should never say anything you don't know what to say to this women. She's not going to show-up now. If she does show-up then you made her wonder about you. Remember your both strangers just be careful what you text or say. Do not blow it!
Author htrj Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 Honestly, I don't care what she does now. Maybe she smells something iffy, maybe shes just playing with me. I'm learning and I'm getting stronger by the minute. If thats all I get out of this, it could be worth more than a few fun nights out.
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 People who are interested act interested and if you are on the dating scene then what is all this about being too busy to even call for 4 days and then too busy to meet up for weeks... If she is indeed "intelligent, funny and smokin hot", you will not be the only male that has noticed that. Unless you are indeed God's gift to women yourself, then with this strategy you are going to lose good women, as with other options they can't afford to wait around for some guy who may not even show up after weeks... Similarly, if she cannot fit you in for weeks then unless she has a cast iron reason for that, then perhaps she is not that interested. Of course the mad ones, the desperate ones, the "wounded animals" will stick around waiting for you, but if you want to attract decent women then you need to strike whilst the iron is hot. If you want to date then be proactive. This part-time, off hand, "too busy to date" type attitude will not win you fair maiden. 1
Author htrj Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 You get so much conflicting advice in this game. On one hand i'm told not to look too eager or not to look like you have nothing going on in your life. Now im being told to drop everything and get stuck in. Speaking for myself I am a busy self employed man, but how can I speak for her? I called her as soon as I got the message with her number in it, that was a few days after she sent it. She could have met me tonight and I could have met her at the weekend but we had both already made plans. It appeared next week was the first available day we could meet. Maybe I should make more effort, maybe she isn't that keen but are we discussing my approach or are we trying to analyse my and her actions.
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