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Ex wants to see me

Shokes97

By Shokes97
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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After months of asking for time and space. My ex has asked to meet me next week.

 

Although this probably sounds good and many people would love to be in this situation...I have healed and I'm doing way better.

 

I've asked her the reasoning behind meeting, is it a catch up or is to reconcile..she said she doesn't know until we meet and discuss things.

 

I guess ive came here to ask for opinions. Do I go? Reckon I have a good chance? I'm really unsure of things atm..

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Altair0770 Established Member

Altair0770

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Wow, as much as people would love to hear that, I can understand it being a tough situation.

 

If it were me, I'd talk to my closest friend who's been my support figure and ask his opinion, though he would be blunt and say ignore it because my relationship was fairly toxic.

 

If I were in you shoes I'd ask for what she wants to talk about. You also need to decide do you want to reconcile or continue your path to full on healing. What do YOU want her to say?

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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You'll never know until you meet her.

 

BUT...do you want her back? Are you prepared for her to tell you she's getting married / found a bf?

 

Or worse, you ready to reset your healing for a chance that you MIGHT get back together?

 

Sounds like you're at the half way point. It's really easy to fall back to square one if you meet her.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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Wow, as much as people would love to hear that, I can understand it being a tough situation.

 

If it were me, I'd talk to my closest friend who's been my support figure and ask his opinion, though he would be blunt and say ignore it because my relationship was fairly toxic.

 

If I were in you shoes I'd ask for what she wants to talk about. You also need to decide do you want to reconcile or continue your path to full on healing. What do YOU want her to say?

 

Yeah it really is and I never thought it would be..thought I'd be more excited come now. But similarly myn was fairly toxic too in its own regards.

 

She said she wants to talk about everything, I mean I don't hve an issue doing so as I've matured and learnt alot from the situation and I'm different now (been therapy and stuff)..but I'd like her to say to say she wants to give us another shot.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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You'll never know until you meet her.

 

BUT...do you want her back? Are you prepared for her to tell you she's getting married / found a bf?

 

Or worse, you ready to reset your healing for a chance that you MIGHT get back together?

 

Sounds like you're at the half way point. It's really easy to fall back to square one if you meet her.

 

I do want her back and I know she's not seeing anyone or anything. But as you said I don't want to reset bsck to where I was 3 month ago for a CHANCE. It's really unclear. She said she's stressed and I obviously don't want her to feel pressured in giving me an answer. She just wants to talk and see how she feels at the time..would you go visit her if you were me?

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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You mentioned in your other thread that you have clinical depression. Are you addressing that with therapy? You need to get yourself right before you concern yourself much with a relationship.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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You mentioned in your other thread that you have clinical depression. Are you addressing that with therapy? You need to get yourself right before you concern yourself much with a relationship.

 

Yes. I've been going therapy every week and been taking 40mg of citalopram (anti-depressants). I'm definitely in a much better state of mind. I just don't want to fall back after meeting her after doing so well that's my worry.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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After months of asking for time and space. My ex has asked to meet me next week.

 

Although this probably sounds good and many people would love to be in this situation...I have healed and I'm doing way better.

 

I've asked her the reasoning behind meeting, is it a catch up or is to reconcile..she said she doesn't know until we meet and discuss things.

 

I guess ive came here to ask for opinions. Do I go? Reckon I have a good chance? I'm really unsure of things atm..

 

After months of being pushed away and strung along, I'd have blocked and deleted her number.

 

It's one thing to ask for a little space and do it with respect for the other person and not leave them "hanging" -- i.e. 2 weeks tops with a specific date for coming back to talk about whether to proceed or not, it's another thing to drop off the earth for months.

 

Tell her you've moved on and you do not appreciate being disrespected and ignored for months while she muddles over what will happen with YOUR life and be cut out of the process. If there were things to discuss, that should have happened a long friggin' time ago!!! I am angry FOR you. You should be as well.

 

she said she doesn't know until we meet and discuss things -- In other words, if you say and do everything exactly as she wants to hear it, then you're back in???? It's BS. Frankly, I wouldn't bother showing up or responding.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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I'd actually tell her no, you're not interested.

 

This meeting will not go as planned for you and she will play it out exactly how she wants to. She will play it off like nothing happened, she will tell you let's be friends and see if we "go anywhere" in the future. My guess is the grass wasn't greener on the other side so she making sure she can still keep you as an option.

 

Her behaviour reminds me of some of my exes and it's fairly common this occurs after the new guy doesn't pan out as expected. Maybe that guy is still in her life but she needs a safety net, and feels you may provide her with it. You say she isn't seeing anyone but how do you know? You don't.

 

Also, she's stressed ahout what? There is nothing complicated with understand ones feelings. Would you be stressed and confused about someone you want to be with? No. Maybe you'd feel this way if you feel like you're taking a step back or you're unsure. If you're unsure, chances are that person isn't right for you.

 

I see too many flags and I strongly suggest you avoid this meeting. If she comes to you and says "I love you, I made a mistake", then that's the only time I'd even consider hearing her out.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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After months of being pushed away and strung along, I'd have blocked and deleted her number.

 

It's one thing to ask for a little space and do it with respect for the other person and not leave them "hanging" -- i.e. 2 weeks tops with a specific date for coming back to talk about whether to proceed or not, it's another thing to drop off the earth for months.

 

Tell her you've moved on and you do not appreciate being disrespected and ignored for months while she muddles over what will happen with YOUR life and be cut out of the process. If there were things to discuss, that should have happened a long friggin' time ago!!! I am angry FOR you. You should be as well.

 

she said she doesn't know until we meet and discuss things -- In other words, if you say and do everything exactly as she wants to hear it, then you're back in???? It's BS. Frankly, I wouldn't bother showing up or responding.

 

Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. The only thing is alot of people get broken up for no reason. However I think it's fair to say I made a fair amount of mistakes as did she hence why I'm contemplating it. As if i kind of deserve this treatment if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong. If I got dropped for no reason I definitely wouldn't be waiting. Thanks for your reply tho I really needed to hear that to keep me sane. Ill be sure to post and let everyone know what happens

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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I'd actually tell her no, you're not interested.

 

This meeting will not go as planned for you and she will play it out exactly how she wants to. She will play it off like nothing happened, she will tell you let's be friends and see if we "go anywhere" in the future. My guess is the grass wasn't greener on the other side so she making sure she can still keep you as an option.

 

Her behaviour reminds me of some of my exes and it's fairly common this occurs after the new guy doesn't pan out as expected. Maybe that guy is still in her life but she needs a safety net, and feels you may provide her with it. You say she isn't seeing anyone but how do you know? You don't.

 

Also, she's stressed ahout what? There is nothing complicated with understand ones feelings. Would you be stressed and confused about someone you want to be with? No. Maybe you'd feel this way if you feel like you're taking a step back or you're unsure. If you're unsure, chances are that person isn't right for you.

 

I see too many flags and I strongly suggest you avoid this meeting. If she comes to you and says "I love you, I made a mistake", then that's the only time I'd even consider hearing her out.

 

I think you might be right the way shes still unsure does worry me. I see too many red flags myself. I feel like meeting however I know it's not going to go to plan. I'm presuming she's not seen anyone but your definitely right she could be. In regards to stress I know she has fam problems going on as her grandma has been diagnosed with cancer and doesn't have long to live.

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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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The only thing is alot of people get broken up for no reason.

 

It's important for everyone to understand that this is not true.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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It's important for everyone to understand that this is not true.

 

Sorry I didn't mean it in that way. Let me rephrase sometimes relationships fall apart, you fall out of love, maybe someone become too attached and needy or wants more. If any of that was the case I wouldn't be here doing this right now. It's only because I ****ed up during our relationship hence why I'm tolerating how this situation has panned out and am thinking of meeting.

codest Member

codest

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Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. The only thing is alot of people get broken up for no reason.

 

Man, I wish that wasn't true! Anyway, good luck out there. Not many of us get another chance to fix their mistakes.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. The only thing is alot of people get broken up for no reason. However I think it's fair to say I made a fair amount of mistakes as did she hence why I'm contemplating it. As if i kind of deserve this treatment if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong. If I got dropped for no reason I definitely wouldn't be waiting. Thanks for your reply tho I really needed to hear that to keep me sane. Ill be sure to post and let everyone know what happens

 

I don't care what you think you did or she says you did or didn't do -- you don't deserve to be treated like a doormat/option. If she was unhappy and not getting what she needs and wants from the relationship, she ends things based on that PERIOD. You don't tell someone they need to change in order to suit you in order to keep you. Either they are what that person needs or they aren't.

 

She has some nerve . . .

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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I don't care what you think you did or she says you did or didn't do -- you don't deserve to be treated like a doormat/option. If she was unhappy and not getting what she needs and wants from the relationship, she ends things based on that PERIOD. You don't tell someone they need to change in order to suit you in order to keep you. Either they are what that person needs or they aren't.

 

She has some nerve . . .

 

 

After coming onto LS and hearing from other people I totally agree with you. Perhaps I have been too harsh in thinking this is fair. The only thing I'm completing now is to agree to meet her next week or stay on the road to recovery...mind she always had said give me space we can fix it. Upon asking her now if thts her reason to meet she was slightly hesitant and said let's discuss things first. What would you do?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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After coming onto LS and hearing from other people I totally agree with you. Perhaps I have been too harsh in thinking this is fair. The only thing I'm completing now is to agree to meet her next week or stay on the road to recovery...mind she always had said give me space we can fix it. Upon asking her now if thts her reason to meet she was slightly hesitant and said let's discuss things first. What would you do?

 

What would you do?

 

Upon asking her now if thts her reason to meet she was slightly hesitant -- She's waiting to see if you have made enough progress to make it palatable for her to pick things up with you again. And, guess what, you probably have not made enough progress for yourself and you certainly do not need to be scrutinized and possibly rejected again!!!!! That would set you way back. I don't think it's worth the risk for you. But you do what you need to do. Go and hear her out . . . but you need to be tough and prepared for whatever the outcome is. And, if she says she wants to reconcile, you tell her you need a little time to consider it and that you will contact her in ONE week with your decision. This is not about game playing, it is about you coming away from that meeting and then being able to objectively weigh things. Given your "issues", for lack of a better word, I could see you being caught up in the moment and accepting something with her because you're anxious or excited, whatever. You need to be really focused and evaluate with a clear head.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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I think at the moment I'm going to not contact. If she reaches out next week to arrange a meet up I will go. However this could potentially change. But the plan at the minute is to focus on healing. If she does initiate wanting to meet I will go. Who knows? Maybe we could get together. Maybe feelings will come rushing back for her when she seems me or spends time with me? Maybe not. Least i would have gave it all my all and after that day I won't have to think "what if".. I'll simply close the door and move on with my recovery and my life.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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Hmm, I would not expect anything good to come of this meeting. Whilst she may want to get back together, she has taken long enough getting to that point. I think if you go into this with any hope or aim of reconciling you may end up horribly hurt. Personally, I would not want to take the risk and would avoid meeting her.

Pumpingiron34 Established Member

Pumpingiron34

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lol tell her to fk off before you end up suicidal in your room from being mega mind fked. Cause thats where this is heading. Mega mind fking

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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lol tell her to fk off before you end up suicidal in your room from being mega mind fked. Cause thats where this is heading. Mega mind fking

 

This is exactly how i feel right now

Steffi Member

Steffi

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I went back after a 3 month break...HUGE mistake. As PumpingIron most elegantly put I got mind fd. It's not a good place to be so I would urge you not to go and continue healing yourself.

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Shokes97 Member

Shokes97

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I went back after a 3 month break...HUGE mistake. As PumpingIron most elegantly put I got mind fd. It's not a good place to be so I would urge you not to go and continue healing yourself.

 

Thank you may I ask what went wrong for you?

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
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Hmm, I would not expect anything good to come of this meeting. Whilst she may want to get back together, she has taken long enough getting to that point. I think if you go into this with any hope or aim of reconciling you may end up horribly hurt. Personally, I would not want to take the risk and would avoid meeting her.

 

I'd add that she wants to meet up but doesn't know what she wants to meet up for exactly. The most I would do is tell her, "well, when you figure out what you actually want to meet up about we can take it from there".

 

 

It's one thing if she wants to talk about getting back together and it is another if she just wants to rehash everything without any real objective.

 

 

I'd pass on the invite for now if it were me.

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soulforge Established Member

soulforge

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I'd add that she wants to meet up but doesn't know what she wants to meet up for exactly. The most I would do is tell her, "well, when you figure out what you actually want to meet up about we can take it from there".

 

 

It's one thing if she wants to talk about getting back together and it is another if she just wants to rehash everything without any real objective.

 

 

I'd pass on the invite for now if it were me.

 

 

 

 

I would certainly go along with this.. till she has figured out the reason why she wants to meet, you could be taking a big risk here..

 

 

if it turns out, she is just holding onto you as a back up... then mate you are back to square one with your healing progress, and this time it could be much much worse..

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