Els Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 What are you hoping for with this guy? If someone is, by choice, so busy that they cannot see their date more often than once every 1.5 weeks, I honestly think they aren't a good fit for anything more than casual dating. So if that's what you want, fine. Otherwise, this might not be the right person for you. (If this was a temporary and necessary thing like a family member falling ill or a particularly tough period at work, my answer would be different) I don't see why a dress would scream "hookup"... unless it's short enough to display your panties to the world, anyway. But regardless, you should wear whatever you feel comfortable in. 2
preraph Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 If his band is real important to him, then they and his music will nearly always come first. A guy I was with disappeared for a whole week because he got studio time and forgot to tell me. They get wrapped up in it and forget about everything else. Guys in bands also always have opportunities for women if they're gigging. Always. Just remember to call them on anything they do that is disrespectful that you would rather not put up with, and that goes for anyone. If you let it go on because you like them more than they do you, even if it works, then you're stuck with putting up with crap. 1
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Update on last night's date. It went well. We went to dinner then back to his place for a little while and had a make out session. He scheduled to see me again next Wednesday. He did ask me if I was seeing anyone else in which I said no, because I am not (I am talking to other guys but have not went out with them). He stated he is not seeing anyone else. I asked him why, he said he likes me and is not interested any anyone else at the moment. During our convesations he asked me if I had ever been to a tattoo convention (I have alot of tattoos) I advised him that I have not but was interested in going to one and he wanted to know if I wanted to go with him in November to one. I like him but now I am a little concerned about where he thinks we are headed at this point asking about far out events.
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 During our convesations he asked me if I had ever been to a tattoo convention (I have alot of tattoos) I advised him that I have not but was interested in going to one and he wanted to know if I wanted to go with him in November to one. I like him but now I am a little concerned about where he thinks we are headed at this point asking about far out events. Concerned? Why are you concerned? That sounds negative From what you have written this all sounds wonderful. You had a good make-out session but he didn't push. He started a conversation alluding to exclusivity & he's making long term plans. I thought you wanted a BF. He sounds like he's applying for the job. What's the problem? 2
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 I am not complaining. I was only saying "concerned" because it is only our 4th date and to me future plans that far in advance are rushing it a little bit. The convention is in September.
Dis Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 He did ask me if I was seeing anyone else in which I said no, because I am not (I am talking to other guys but have not went out with them). Hey girl So the above is a little misleading. I mean, technically you're not 'seeing' anyone else but you are talking to other guys so...I think you shouldve been more upfront with that. If I were him and you told me you werent seeing other guys but I found out you were talking other other guys...I would feel a bit jipped Second thing, a guy that wants to be with you is going to lock you down. He wont have you guessing. Guys go after what they want and secure it, if he's not doing that...he could be lukewarm This was also the perfect opportunity for you two to make things offical considering you both want the same thing...but that didnt happen. You were both vague about it. Feels very lukewarm to me 2
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Posted April 10, 2017 Well I have my own day in his busy schedule now. It is a step foward.
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I have been dating this great guy now for about a month and a half. We text everyday and he calls me every night. We have been seeing each other once a week during the week because of his busy schedule. Each time our sexual chemistry has progressed but when we get close to sex he stops and goes to the bathroom or has a cigarette. We have made plans to spend the weekend together in 3 weeks (It's not sooner because we have conflicting schedules). I haven't asked him, but is it possible he is holding off with sex until i can spend the night? I am also considering he may have ED or something. I don't understand how you can go from making out heavy with half our clothes off to nothing.
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 It certainly sounds as though he has some kind of issue. If it happens again I would talk to him about it (sensitively!!!). 2
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 Is this the same busy guy who owns the tattoo parlor? I suspect he just moves more slowly & deliberately then you do. In your last post you were uneasy because he was talking about plans for November & that was too far in the future for you at this point. I know it's tough when the relationship is new & you don't know what to expect. Try to go with the flow. Let him set the pace. If things don't happen when you are able to spend the night as you planned, then worry. He may simply be a gentleman who is trying to avoid the perception that he's all about nail & bail, which is what 1st time sex can feel like on both sides when somebody has to get up & leave soon afterwards. 1
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Yes D0nnivain. This is the same guy. I am not sure if he is genuinely trying to be a gentleman or if there is some sort of problem. There is a 10 year age difference beteween us so age may be a factor. (I am 37 and he is 47) I do plan on waiting for the weekend we have plans to see what happens. I was just looking for some advice to get me through until then. I am somewhat confused. I am starting to think maybe he has a problem with me but then why would he have these make out sessions.
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I do plan on waiting for the weekend we have plans to see what happens. I was just looking for some advice to get me through until then. I am somewhat confused. I am starting to think maybe he has a problem with me but then why would he have these make out sessions. He is being a gentleman and showing he is interested in you for more than sex. Have you had a talk on the status of your relationship? If you want sex with him what signal have you given him? Making out on the couch is not a clear invitation for sex. Invite him to your bedroom that's a clear green light.
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Gaeta we have discussed that neither one of us were seeing anyone else but not that we would be exclusive to one another. We always meet at his place (my teenage daughter is home most of the time so we go to his house) so its hard for me to take him back to my bedroom but I have shown interest by taking off my shirt/bra, etc. and him vice versa so I dont think its like he doesnt know. It just seems like when it gets really heated, he stops although each time I do see him it does progress a little more sexually.
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 Gaeta we have discussed that neither one of us were seeing anyone else but have not discussed that we would be exclusive to one another. We always meet at his place (my teenage daughter is home most of the time so we go to his house) so its hard for me to take him back to my bedroom but I have shown interest by taking off my shirt/bra, etc. and him vice versa so I dont think its like he doesnt know. It just seems like when it gets really heated, he stops although each time I do see him it does progress a little more sexually.
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I remember dating a man (43) that needed around 5 months to be intimate. Those men are pretty rare but they do exist. Maybe he needs a stronger connection or he needs the security of an official relationship to be intimate. Maybe he has a condition and he didn't find the courage to tell you yet. About having an honest and open conversation about this before your weekend together? Imagine going away together and there is 0 intimacy, you'd be pretty annoyed right.
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 13, 2017 Author Posted April 13, 2017 I get that he may need more of an emotional connection or even more time but why doesnt he just tell me that instead of getting up and saying I need to use the bathroom or I need a cigarette.
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2017 Posted April 13, 2017 I get that he may need more of an emotional connection or even more time but why doesnt he just tell me that instead of getting up and saying I need to use the bathroom or I need a cigarette. Because men don't like conversation about intimacy. Remember the man I dated that needed 5 months? Well after dating him for 3 months I finally asked him WHY we had not been intimate yet, it's only then he opened up. You are also dealing with a man 10 years older. Men in their late 40s were not raised to open up on these matters. He will never tell you unless you ask, that I know for sure. 1
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 17, 2017 Author Posted April 17, 2017 Update: we are still seeing each other on a weekly basis and have been texting each other good morning, a periodic text during the day and goodight. He also calls me some evenings. We still have not had sex although I am waiting for the weekend we have planned to see what happens. The problem I am having is that he does not seem to take initiative to learn more about me. He seems to be somewhat introverted. He will speak and conversate when spoken to but that is about it. The only information he has about me is what I give to him which he does seem to remember. I feel like I am unimportant because he is lacking the initiative although it may be because he is introverted. Any suggestions on how to get through this?
Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 My advice is to stop wasting your time with this guy. 1
Dis Posted April 17, 2017 Posted April 17, 2017 My advice is to stop wasting your time with this guy. I second this This guy seemed lukewarm from day one Go find a guy who takes the initiative to be around you and get to know you The fact alone that he doesnt ask about you would be a deal breaker for me 4
Author lawgirl79 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Posted April 20, 2017 Ok so I have come to my senses and I dont see this going anywhere. We talked on the phone last night and beause of conflicting schedules, we will not be able to see one another for two weeks. To me it seems like he would make time to see me if he was interested. The question is, should I just stop communicating with him (ghost him) or should I tell him how I feel? 1
BaileyB Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 The respectful thing to do is to talk to him. There is nothing bad in saying "Hey look, we both have busy lives and it seems we are having a hard time finding time to get together. I just don't think this is going to work. Sorry." 4
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Ok so I have come to my senses and I dont see this going anywhere. We talked on the phone last night and beause of conflicting schedules, we will not be able to see one another for two weeks. To me it seems like he would make time to see me if he was interested. The question is, should I just stop communicating with him (ghost him) or should I tell him how I feel? Tell him that you are moving on because you want a more involved, consistent and fulfilling dating scenario for yourself and this scenario doesn't work for you -- end of story. Don't try to manage his feelings, etc.
jamili Posted April 20, 2017 Posted April 20, 2017 Wearing a dress or skirt doesn't signal that you're looking for a hookup. To me, wearing a pant suit on a date is a mistake. Some of my suits are much more feminine than others. If I'm meeting my boyfriend after work, those are the ones I wear, and I'll often change the shirt underneath to a sexier top so that it doesn't scream business. He's never seen me in a pant suit, even though I own plenty of those. I'm not interested in being "one of the guys" around him. It's a date, not a business meeting. Maybe im weird but I find a woman in a pant suit to be sexy as hell...
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