Baldy Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I have been going out with someone for 18 months now and we seem to have the dream... nice suburban house, two cars, two cats and are engaged However I have come to realise that even though I love her I am not in love with her. From the start we have had a rocky relationship (but have never split up over it.) As a child she had an abusive mother. Her Mum would tell her she was unwanted, was no good at anything, was shown no love towards her and was bullied by her. I have spoken to her brother and even broached the subject with her Dad and what she has told me is true. Unfortunately this has rubbed off on her and she criticises and belittles me, shows little or no real interest in my past, such as family, places I used to live, work etc (everything that makes a person who they are) and has been violent on several occasions. She has thrown a small table at me while I was sat on the floor, thrown countless bottles at me and several weeks ago smashed a bowel into my face which caused swelling, black eyes and bruising. She does regret it (in her own way) but never apologises for it. She is also an angery person who can get upset over the fact I took 3 seconds to pass the remote instead of two. Even though all this has happened and some of it continues to happen she is getting better and has calmed down and changed considerably. Why I stuck with it I do not know. I have questioned why many many times. I don't mind people knowing I was in an abusive relationship and it was the man being abused. I have enough confidence not to let such things bother me. The fact I am 17 stone, 6 ft 2" and go to the gym 4 days a week just shows that it doesn't matter what size you are or who you are, you can end up being in an abusive relationship. She is also lucky I didn't react to her and fight back! We do have allot of things in common and are very similar in allot of ways. However I have realised I want out and I am not in love with her anymore. No one else in involved, so it's not because I have met someone else. My question / brain dump is why do I feel so guilty and so bloody awful for leaving her. I get up-set about thinking about leaving her and how she will cope emotionally and financially (She wants to keep the house and is buying me out). Is it the sense of immanent change that is worrying me? Is it the fact I have been with this women for 18 months day in and day out, and I think I will suddenly be on my own so I am worried the loneliness will set in? I know I am doing the right thing. Not just for me but also for her. She should be with someone who loves her and who gets excited about the future together (the thought of her and me together forever makes me cold). So why do I feel so bad about it? It almost feels like it's ME who is being dumped!!! I know the first part sounds monstrous but she is a loving person and those incidents have got few and far between
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