Author ladybug1984 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Well, I went with a pan of homemade triple-chunk chocolate brownies. Not the whole pan, but enough of them ) Ready to put this behind me, for sure. Go ahead and get the big carton, or maybe even two flavors! It's time for you to stop fixing and start pampering you, and I know you can do it!
Author ladybug1984 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 He at times claimed he loved me with all of his heart. I am having trouble reconciling the two vastly different messages I am getting from him. I never thought of it as assault until I read some of the responses here - more like a guy with too much testosterone. But I am wondering now if that was faulty thinking on my part. I definitely don't want to press any charges, but if I can't get it out of my mind before too much longer, I may very well seek out a professional ear. I am still just in disbelief that he did it...........and gave me three chances to do something I kept saying no to do? AND then basically saying "see ya" and bolting out of there. What kind of behavior is that?!? YES, I am speechless. BTW, he himself told me that his ex-wife had called the police on him before for throwing things, but that he knew he was wrong and didn't behave like that anymore. I thought he told me as a way of letting me know he really had changed and wasn't afraid to admit his mistakes. Now I wonder if it was because he thought I would somehow find out anyways and better to tell me on the front end. I may never know. And don't want to make any contact to find out. AGAIN, more reason why I feel like such an idiot. I know there is a good person in there somewhere..............that good person comes out sometimes. I guess that's why in the past I would put up with some of his craziness, even though it never was to the degree of what I just described with this last situation. No, it's not normal behaviour, it is sexual aggression and assault. You did not invite him to 'pat' your chest. Any guy knows that you don't grope a woman without her permission. It sounds like this guy was contemplating pushing things further; fortunately he didn't! I am not surprised you are speechless. You must feel hurt and scared that he would behave like this. It shows a serious lack of self-control on his part. I doubt this is the first time he has behaved like this. If he cannot control impulses, then I bet there is someone else in his past who has experienced something similar. I think you need to talk to a rape crisis centre adviser just to get their take on this. You don't have to press charges against him but I think it would help you to be able to talk to someone about this disturbing experience. Maybe someone on here can advise you if there is a way to see if this guy has a criminal record of assault. He sounds a dangerous character. Whatever you do, please do not allow yourself to be alone with him again whatever past relationship you once shared. He has crossed a serious line here.
Author ladybug1984 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 How CAN you find out if someone has had assault or other domestic charges filed against them? I actually tried doing some background investigation at one point to see, but the sites I visited always wanted $$ and I was skeptical and never followed through.
preraph Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Well, I went with a pan of homemade triple-chunk chocolate brownies. Not the whole pan, but enough of them ) Ready to put this behind me, for sure. Good job! You are an inspiration to all of us.
preraph Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 How CAN you find out if someone has had assault or other domestic charges filed against them? I actually tried doing some background investigation at one point to see, but the sites I visited always wanted $$ and I was skeptical and never followed through. If you're in the US, your state will have a sex offender registry and you can look him up in there and see if he's in there. Just googling may bring up any arrests, or not. It's not real reliable, but I did find out the girl who hit my car was a registered sex offender by just googling her. And yes, you can spend the money and get a background check online. But try the sex offender registry first, although that will only tell you if he's been caught and convicted of sex offenses, not if he's done domestic violence or assault.
Popsicle Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 He pretended to be just friends with you all these years, when he really had the hots for you. He thought he may have a chance someday. That day is here now and he finally got the courage to make a move and act on the things he's been thinking all along and he failed miserably. (Your not interested) He is disappointed with the situation because he knows it's hopeless. He may not talk to anymore. Just saying. This is why guys should never pretend to be friends with a woman.
Popsicle Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 And I wouldnt call this assault. I would call it a guy trying to make a move on a woman he thought (hoped) would reciprocate. He stopped and didn't go further when he saw that you weren't interested.
elaine567 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 And I wouldnt call this assault. I would call it a guy trying to make a move on a woman he thought (hoped) would reciprocate. He stopped and didn't go further when he saw that you weren't interested. Ok he maybe was "making a move", but whatever happened to holding hands, arm around the shoulders, even a good old fashioned kiss to gauge interest? Asking her to lift her skirt so he could see what was underneath sounds like a 10 year old not a 40 yo... then the ultimatum, the sulking, the taking her phone away and the patting of the chest and the annoyed behaviour is all pretty threatening stuff. I think the whole situation sounded scary and not something I have ever experienced nor would want to experience.
oldbutcurious Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 He's h*rny and doesn't respect you as a woman or a friend. And, no it's not possible to be friends with a guy like this because he's not going to be a friend. He's a guy who wants what he wants, when he wants it and pushes boundaries. You guys are 40 years old and he's acting like a brazen, bully teenage guy with raging hormones. Why in the world would you even consider being friends with this guy now? . So, I hope it's decided he's just horny and that why would you need to care for a man like him?
Popsicle Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Ok he maybe was "making a move", but whatever happened to holding hands, arm around the shoulders, even a good old fashioned kiss to gauge interest? Asking her to lift her skirt so he could see what was underneath sounds like a 10 year old not a 40 yo... then the ultimatum, the sulking, the taking her phone away and the patting of the chest and the annoyed behaviour is all pretty threatening stuff. I think the whole situation sounded scary and not something I have ever experienced nor would want to experience. Well he's definitely not smooth. I never said he was.
road Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 He pretended to be just friends with you all these years, when he really had the hots for you. He thought he may have a chance someday. That day is here now and he finally got the courage to make a move and act on the things he's been thinking all along and he failed miserably. (Your not interested) He is disappointed with the situation because he knows it's hopeless. He may not talk to anymore. Just saying. This is why guys should never pretend to be friends with a woman. This is also why women should never keep men in the friend zone orbit. I am sure it gives women a big ego boost to keep as many men as possible in orbit at the same time. Though men hang in orbit for one reason they want her as a GF. Hell they just want a GF. 1
anika99 Posted April 14, 2017 Posted April 14, 2017 And I wouldnt call this assault. I would call it a guy trying to make a move on a woman he thought (hoped) would reciprocate. He stopped and didn't go further when he saw that you weren't interested. He touched her breast at least 3 times AFTER she clearly stated NO. She wasn't giggling and be flirty when she told him no, she was clearly distressed and yet he continued to put his hands on her. Then he physically took her phone out of her hands without her permission and kept her for at least 15 more minutes before he finally took her home. Anytime anyone puts their hands on you after you have clearly conveyed that you do not want them to do so its assault, but the OP would never be able to prove it so I wouldn't suggest she pursue charges. OP that sounds like a horrible ordeal and I agree that it was a scary situation. Never ever be alone with this man again. Actually don't even ever talk to him again. One clue that he has never respected you as a friend is that he was only interested in being friends when his wife wasn't around. If a man can't openly be friends with you then he isn't a friend. If he can't introduce you to his wife and have you over to his house for a barbecue with the family then he isn't a friend.
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