Break up is tearing me up inside!

[Chi townD]

 

She had previously said she had no interest in moving on as she "wouldn't have the time" and "had felt too ill". Some of her comments initially were "how can I be sure you've changed, you can't just miraculously cure your insecurities over night". And yesterday before I started nc again I asked if it was too late and if she'd moved on and she said "You're not doing yourself any favours by asking whether I've moved on"...I don't really get this comment but it relates to last week when I asked if during her having space, were we going to remain honest to each other (she knew I meant seeing other men) and her remark was about feeling too ill to even be interested but she was glad to see my insecurity was still there.

 

 

The reason why she said you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors by asking if she had moved on, is because she doesn't want to hurt you any further by telling you that she HAS moved on. Therefore, she's saying by asking that question it's only going to hurt you.

 

Here's the rub, girls don't move on unless they have some things in place Either they've found a new place to live or there is another person in the picture OR they've talked it over with friends and family and they know that it's not a matter of if, but when. Therefore, when our Ex's pull the trigger, they already have a support system in place.

 

She knew she was going to break up with you even before she actually ended it. Therefore, she has already mourned the loss of you and your relationship while she was still with you. She knew she was going to break up with you. She probably discussed it with friends and family and they probably already knew she was going to break up with you. You were the last to know. And she only pulled the trigger when she was strong enough to do so. That's why she's acting like she really doesn't care. That's because she doesn't. She's that far ahead of you in the healing process as where you are at the starting line of your grief. She's already mourned the loss and you're just starting.

 

Does any of that make sense?

[CC1985]

Thanks for the reply Chi, but I dunno tbh...this is a girl who yesterday said in another email "she would rather remain single and on her own than be in a relationship that made her miserable".

She also told my sister last week that she "just needed space and time" and wasn't sure whether we'd work things out.

 

 

Bottom line, she was single for well over a year before me despite a lot of blokes messaging her and chasing (one even once she met me!). She said herself that she'd never bought a house with anyone or wanted to settle down and we only got in our beautiful new home a month ago.

 

 

She has said previously that me accusing her and having insecurities was grinding her down and as she said the other day, she gave me a million chances.

 

 

I just feel that given her comments "you can't prove you've changed just by meeting up" and "you can't have a miracle cure over night" maybe suggest she would give things a chance if she could be 100% sure that I have corrected my ways and taken action. Even her comments a week ago were "I can't risk moving back if we were to fall out again, as I have a daughter to think of".

 

 

I guess only time will tell, but given her independence and the fact she is quite happy alone without male attention (much like her Mother), I honestly don't believe she has moved on.

[babysacay]

I feel your pain, I'm hurting right now too. You can read my experience here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/619981-recent-break-up-looking-support I could really use some support right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, her hinting that you shouldn't ask if she's moved on is not good. It means you won't like the answer to that question. It doesn't necessarily mean she is dating someone, but it could very well mean she knows in her heart you're not the one for her and she wants you to let go.

 

In her email about remaining single, you're misinterpreting what she's saying: she's telling you she was unhappy with you, and would rather be single than be with you. That does not mean she wants to be single forever. It means she wants to find someone she is happy with, and she doesn't believe that person is you. I'm sorry as I know that's harsh, but that's what I got from that statement. The same goes for her telling you it's too late for another chance and that she doesn't want to move back in - she doesn't feel it's worth another shot. Not at this point, anyway.

 

What she tells your sister is irrelevant, I'm afraid. She obviously knew whatever she said would get back to you, and she knows you're very hurt. It's not as though she would suddenly spill all to your own sister and deliver a blow that way.

 

What I see is a woman who is tired of explaining herself, but was also trying to protect you from more pain by not being completely harsh. Do give her the space you promised. There's no guarantee it will help spark a reconciliation but you have no other choice, really.

[CC1985]

Thanks Expat, I have actually had an email conversation with my ex tonight as she needed my bank details to pay her half of our house commitments...

 

In one email where I said I would give her space and asked to clarify why she meant by her comment on moving on she said 1. Men are the last thing on her mind right now including me and 2. You're driving me crazy and the last thing I want to do at the moment is try again.

 

There were a couple of further emails where I was trying to focus on the positives and the reasons we fell for each other but she replied with a hostile email listing the bad things and being only negative saying we should both find someone more suitable. I did respond and say look I think space is what she needs as I can see she is still angry and struggling to remember the positives.

 

Her reply was "you're not even listening or giving me the space you promised and won't give me it without reassurance about what I'm doing"

 

I apologised and said I'd step back and now respect the no contact in the hope that she remembers the positives and the fact that in 10 months we've achieved what a lot of couples would take years to get to.

 

I still believe she is very confused, under a lot of pressure and sees me as a real hindrance right now. I'll back right off and I guess time will tell.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Dude, leave her alone.

 

If she wants you in her life, she will contact you. If she REALLY wants you in her life, it doesn't matter if you change your number or move.....she'll contact you.

 

If she doesn't contact you, YOU GOT YOUR ANSWER. Why do you need reassurance to respect someone's wishes?

 

Just STOP.

[CC1985]

Post got deleted by admin do just reposting to get other people's opinion on my last update.

I will now stick to the 3 week no contact in the hope that she comes round and feels better in herself.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, she is done.

 

You continued to disrespect her request for space and you irritated the absolute bejeebers out of her. After this latest line of email inquiry, you're still not getting it. Do not contact her in three weeks.

 

Whatever chance you might have had, you just destroyed. You should have heeded the advice in this thread.

 

It's time for you to accept it's over.

Edited April 6, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[CC1985]

Hi Expat, I know what you're saying and I really should've cut the contact a week or so ago but actually yesterday she initiated contact by asking about our joint financial commitments. This started a conversation and although she said in a couple of emails she thought we shouldn't waste time and should find someone were both more suited to she said she's in no way trying to move on, she's still listing the negative things that pushed her away but then it's the comments like "just give me the space you promised" and "I can't think at the moment about giving things another chsnce". Now I happen to know that when she was with her ex they split, she moved home and they then became on and off before getting back together for a year.

 

I just wonder now whether I step back, so she feels like she isn't smothered, remain nc for 3 weeks and just see as I'm sure eventually she will remember the good times and these will outweigh the negative. I guess I haven't given her that chance but the fact that she's now requesting the space has got to be a good sign hasn't it as she could quite easily meet up, sort out the joint commitments and cut all ties. As it stands she's only taken the bare minimums to see her through each week and her tv as I guess she's pretty bored at her mum's!

I also can tell by the tone of her voice and email that she is still very stressed/ depressed and really doesn't sound herself so I wonder if maybe once and if her tablets kick in (not quite 3 weeks and they said 4-6) she may feel better in herself.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, she contacted you but it was not to discuss the relationship.

 

I really think you're giving yourself false hope, OP. She sounds over it.

[Chi townD]

Post got deleted by admin do just reposting to get other people's opinion on my last update.

I will now stick to the 3 week no contact in the hope that she comes round and feels better in herself.

 

 

Okay, you're going to do NC for 3 weeks. So; basically, you're going to wait around for 3 weeks with baited breath and hope that after just 3 weeks she's going to have a change of heart? Dude, you're setting yourself up with a lot of false hope and taking yourself back to square one at the end of the three weeks. I see a lot of pain and disappointment in your future.

[CC1985]

I know I am clinging onto very slim hope, but the one thing I haven't done is give her the space as she keeps requesting it, and the fact she is still asking for it rather than trying to cut all ties and sort out our house situation suggests she isn't 100% sure.

It just seems crazy that a month ago she was over the moon to be in our new family home, and in her valentines card she was writing words like "here's to the first of many in our beautiful home" and then talking about the future.

Admittedly my insecurities grew but nothing much else happened in the month, other than trying to settle in a big new house. She also had a lot of pressure at work and plucked up the courage to go back to the doctors to get her tablets again.

I think this needs time and patience now, I still feel that the fact she hasn't cut all ties or demanded talks to sort the house out (which will prevent her from moving forward, and she has said she hates being at her Mums house and can't stay for too long), the fact that she has indicated she is not interested in any men at all and comments like "not at the moment" when talking about coming back suggests she is not sure and I guess if she is in a bad state of mind and the tablets aren't yet working then space and time is the best thing. Those factors plus the fact she is asking for me to respect the space I promised her makes me think she is unsure. In almost 3 weeks I have pestered her and came across as needy so she has had me dangling from a piece of string. I now need to step away and hope that she starts wondering.

I will focus on myself, become confident again and wait for her to initiate contact and hope that she comes round.

[CC1985]

UPDATE: Things have turned a bit ugly in my situation...due to a house situation (with our mortgage joint) I had to make a brief phonecall to my ex last night. She answered and was initially OK but didn't sound herself, almost as if she was spaced out and very blunt. The phonecall suddenly turned nasty and she started laughing, swearing and humiliating me in front of her family who were sitting with her (despite me asking if she go somewhere more private). She said she'd never come back and hung up...

An email followed later that was very insulting and nasty and she said she was only agreeing to 3 weeks space to keep my therapist happy but she had no intention of coming back. This morning I emailed to say I was leaving her well alone as she didn't sound herself and sounded unwell. I received further abusive replies and she said that she didn't care if I lost the money I put in our house (I put in over £30k, whereas she didn't pay a penny) as she wouldn't be paying anything towards a house she wasn't living in. This is despite last week saying "if we don't sort things she was willing to pay her share for 2 years before I could sell and avoid the mortgage exit fee".

I have tried to reason with her and suggest we both take time out and let things cool as I can sense she isn't herself, but she keeps listing the bad things again and telling me she won't be coming back.

She seems to have got angrier and angrier and more hurtful, but when I asked why she felt the need to be so vile to me she said she wasn't, she was merely being honest.

I spoke to my therapist this morning and listed her comments, the things she's said and done in the past and he believes she could 1. Be angry with my persistence so is trying to hurt me to make me walk away, 2. is having a mental episode (there are certain personal matters from her past and extreme night terrors that could be linked to certain mental disorders) as he recognises some of the things as being present in a mental illness or she could be telling the truth, which if so the way she has turned so nasty purely because I had some insecurities she helped fuel is not a civil way to behave.

I have tried to cool the situation for now and request time and space so we can both gather our thoughts but right now, I am a mess as I still feel like I want a go at things and miss her loving, intelligent side.

Is time the answer here, will she mellow??

[CC1985]

So, bit of a confusing development over the weekend...I had to make enforced contact as my ex had still not actioned something with the house and financial commitments we share together.

When I rang she was still angry (much as I had expected as she had emailed on the Friday following constant contact from me (couldn't help it) to advise that she would "never come back" and things got quite nasty over the house situation.

Yesterday, after I had made my last contact via phone and email without response I had a text from her Mum warning me to back off or they would look at getting a restraining order and would also try to force the sale of the house (which as I put in all the money to get) I have already said I would keep rather than lose the money I put in. My ex has always agreed to this and would remain as a joint owner until I sell up but is aware that any profit would be mine.

I sent a rather heartfelt message back to her Mum, and suddenly the tone changed and her Mum said that I had pushed her further away by my constant harassment. I held my hands up and said I understood this had made her angry but I was trying to fix something etc etc. I asked if in her opinion if I backed off now, after 3 weeks of begging was there a chance and her response was "I can't say but you need to give her space and see what happens". In the mean time my ex had contacted my sister after my sister sent a message on my behalf just asking that I could have a response on the house issue I had asked. My ex went into detail and said that "she was just looking to have a break from me, and that if it wasn't for her daughter she would have stayed but didn't want to risk arguing again in front of her" She also said that she just wanted a break but I have made things worse by my constant pestering. She also said that my comments regarding her moving on whilst apart annoyed her (as she really couldn't even have that in her mind). I have suggested via her Mum that if I was to back off now (and this time I really will), and give it time does she think that my ex may give things a chance by initially seeing me when she doesn't have her daughter. That way she can see over weeks and months whether I have dealt with my insecurities. I am clinging onto the hope that my ex said if it was just her she would stay and give me a chance, because surely if she had no love or feeling for me she would be gone regardless. There has also been talk from her Mum that the biggest problem is that I have changed as much as I promise I have, especially when I broke my promise of going no contact.

For now, I will go strict no contact and I guess see what happens in 3 or 4 weeks. I know I messed up the no contact at the start, but hope that maybe, just maybe the anger she has displayed lately is purely due to the fact I am pestering her and essentially picking a scab that is trying to heal.

[Chi townD]

Okay, now you're walking a thin line. SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!! SHE'S FINISHED!!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!

 

Now, you're risking going to jail over this girl. I mean, you just wrote that YOU put in all the money for the house. Therefore, she has absolutely NO CLAIM to it! Hence, you have NO REASON to contact this girl over the house. If she still has some items over there, pack it up and have a friend drop it off at her mom's. Forget the "waiting 3-4 weeks' to contact her again. Move on with your life! Now, you're threaten with a restraining order. If you get one put one you, that's on your record! Future employers will want to know why a R/O was taken out on you. You are not doing yourself any favors. At this point, I'm start to move into her corner. You are moving from annoying her to scaring her.

 

Time to heal and move on, dude. This girl isn't worth going to jail over and losing your freedom. And that's EXACTLY what will happen if you don't stop.

[jamili]

Holy @#%&, this is one of the most painful threads ive read on LS. Yikes!!!

 

OP, why do you bother posting on this site if you are going to blow off and disregard everyone's advice?

 

You have pushed this girl soooooooo far away, it almost couldn't get any worse. There is nooooooo way, without some kind of divine intervention, that you two will ever be together after this. You had a chance in the beginning if you just went NC forever, but you messed that up badly. You say you want to work on your insecurities and be a better man, but everything you have done post-breakup, everything you said in this thread, and everything you have demonstrated to her proves you are actually becoming more and more insecure each passing day and have risen to a level of insecurity that few reach.

 

We arent telling you this **** to be *******s. We are trying to help you.

 

NC doesnt mean NC for 3 weeks and then you go check in on them. NC means NC forever until the day you die, unless she contacts you asking forna relarionship (every and all other contact from her should be ignored). You arent grasping what NC is. Its a permanent thing.

[CC1985]

I hear what you're saying all, but am just puzzled that her Mum has asked to give her space suggesting she hasn't been left alone to get over the hurt.

 

I am not going to contact at all, but just feel that I owe it to her and myself to really stick to the 3 or 4 weeks no contact and then see where we're at. The comments to my sister (she's always been pretty honest) were interesting that she "just wanted a break" and "moving on isn't on her mind". she also hasn't initiated any moving out, getting her stuff in 3 weeks so I feel I really must be patient here and be sure first.

 

I have tried begging, I have tried reasoning, I have tried sentimental bulls***, I have tried grovelling for 3 weeks so the one thing I genuinely haven't done is give her space and time. Her Mum has now told me to jus back off and leave her to have the space and a break like she asked, so I still feel there is hope there otherwise she would surely be trying to move her stuff out and move forward?

I do honestly appreciate the advice from everyone on here, and I know I've been a complete idiot breaking NC but sometimes emotion overrules your brain and I messed up for 3 weeks, but then if it's meant to be then maybe, just maybe in time it will be.

[Chi townD]

You are STILL hung up on that "NC for 3 weeks" crap. Dude, she's done! Nothing is going to change in 3 weeks. When a girl makes up her mind on something, it's pretty permanent.

 

You need to let go. Start healing and moving on. You need to look at the relationship as if it were a job. Well, sorry to say, you got fired. She told you that your services as boyfriend are no longer required. Now, when you get fired from a real job, do you show up on Monday and work for free? NO! You dust off that resume and you go looking for your next job and you never look back!

[CC1985]

Hi there, so it's now been 5 weeks since my ex left our shared home (with a mortgage) and I confess that I have failed miserably at no contact, partly as we have shared financial commitments, partly as we have shared pets. We had an email exchange earlier in the week where things got quite heated and very nasty, a lot of hurtful things were said by each of us. she had told me that the she was not coming back and how she never felt right etc and was trying to play down anything nice or deflect any happy memories. This is the same girl who early on told me she wanted everything with me, bought a house with me and told me she wanted a baby later this year. She now says she never said any of that.

Yesterday I rang her on her workphone (as I knew she had to answer it) and said that the emails were unnecessary and I chatted for half an hour or so. She was still angry and saying she just wanted space and I have annoyed her by continuing my persistence, and that she wasn't coming back but made a point that she hasn't moved on, hasn't even spoken to another man and just wants to focus on herself and her daughter as she has been very ill with stress and depression. She had heard that my ex before her (and mother of my son) was trying to get me back and as I went away with my son last weekend she asked who I was with and suggested I was with her.

I took the chance to apologise for pestering her during the last 5 weeks and asked if I gave her complete space and went NC for 3 or 4 weeks, would she give things a think with an open mind and she said she would but is 95% sure she wont change her mind. She said that in the next 3 or 4 weeks she will not do anything hasty with regards to moving on or making any decisions with the house and then hung up on me.

After the phonecall I sent one final email (a bit like my therapist advised) before starting nc, and I just told her how all the things she's mentioned that pushed her away would be fixed giving examples and how I just want to be given a chance, but this time it was more informative rather than begging. She hasn't responded to this email whereas previously she shot every email down in quite a hurtful manner....I am still sure her mind isn't straight as she sounds so angry and volatile which unless her true colours are now showing for 10 months she was the calmest most laid back person ever. It's interesting that there are very similar traits in her emails and comments to my ex ex (who was undiagnosed bpd) and it was only as I started to move on that my ex ex changed her tune and came running back but it was too late. A year on and she is begging me on a daily basis to give her a chance, but there's only one girl on my mind and one who I am fighting for a chance with...just hope that maybe space (and I mean it this time) will make her realise and come back.

[Maldives]

Thanks guys, some really helpful comments and ideas and to be honest in the just over 2 weeks that she's been gone I haven't managed no contact for more than 2 days! It's just the coming to terms that something that was so perfect and beautiful for a while has gone so sour but I know that I can prove to my ex that I can conquer my insecurities if she gave me the chance. My ex is a stunning girl who gets a lot of male attention so I'm naturally scared that she'll move straight on (even though she stayed single for well over a year before meeting me). I do feel that while her head isn't right, whether it be stress, anxiety or depression, she is unlikely to drop any barriers and will remain angry at me but I just cling onto the hope that she clears her head, comes round and realises what we have to lose. She has been back to the house when I'm not here but hasn't taken anything other than what she needs. The house is jointly owned and neither focus could afford it solely. She's already suggested she would carry on paying her share with me living there until I can come out of our mortgage deal and sell in 2 years. I'm clinging onto the hope that despite her blocking me out and refusing to meet, the fact her head isn't in the right place and the fact she hasn't done anything final with her and her daughter's stuff still at the house, maybe, just maybe she will come round. Is no contact the only way to hopefully make her miss me?

 

I'm sorry dude for ur pain I can truly sense it and the denial. Denial being the key word here. I was in denial for a few mths till I saw how the ex was behaving and seen her truest or colours helped som what let tgat go because it reversed the idea of me wanting her back. It still hurts here and there and will wen I see her wth her new bf but **** her man i gotta start focusing on my life. Ur just in denial now holding onto any shred of hope. My ex still has photos of me on her fb it doesn't mean anything she probably has lots for all I know it takes a lot of time to take all that down doesn't mean they want u back or anything. I don't wanna shred any hope u have left so I'll leave it at that. Like me sometimes it takes a while for our mind to accept the new reality. If she does come back it'll be at her calling no one knows wen that'll be but I can tell u for sure they usually com back wen uve well and truly let go just like my ex wife did. I donno why it's almost like they can sense u hav finally moved on. Unfortunately it can take that kind of letting go for them to com back but by then it's too late then u most likely won't want them either at that point. Timings a bitch with these things. For wat it's worth I too had trust issues which have sabotaged a relationship to some extent there were other issues but I too never properly recovered fromantic a former relationship where there was cheating. So I feel u bro. I'm sorry to tell u probably wat u dont wanna here buto NC is the best for ur healing don't hold the hope and do it for her to come back. Do it for u .

[CC1985]

Man, you sound like you've been there and got the T-shirt but are a few weeks down the line from me. I admit I am in denial and I think the fact that she agreed to 3 weeks space when I spoke to her on Friday and vowed not to move on on do anything silly gave me some hope even though her words were 95% sure she wouldn't change her mind. She had been back to our house over the weekend to get a couple of bits but pretty much a her and her daughters stuff is still here. I know she's stuck atm as she is at her mum's and can't get her own place as we agreed she would pay her share of the mortgage for at least 2 months but surely she would want to cut all ties, get her stuff and have no further dealing with me if she was sure she wasn't returning? I'm putting all my effort into work and my son and today was the first day I've actually felt positive and looking forward. I don't know if you can relate to it but I'm at my worst waking up, tend to wake up ridiculously early then feel like I want to stay in bed the whole day. I'm going to try and beat that tomorrow by going for an early morning run. My friends and family are all questioning why i would even take her back if the opportunity arose when she has been so nasty and hurtful with her words (although she has played this down when I asked why she was backtracking on everything she's said) . Guess all I can do is let time elapse, focus on myself and my son and what will be will be.

[Maldives]

Man, you sound like you've been there and got the T-shirt but are a few weeks down the line from me. I admit I am in denial and I think the fact that she agreed to 3 weeks space when I spoke to her on Friday and vowed not to move on on do anything silly gave me some hope even though her words were 95% sure she wouldn't change her mind. She had been back to our house over the weekend to get a couple of bits but pretty much a her and her daughters stuff is still here. I know she's stuck atm as she is at her mum's and can't get her own place as we agreed she would pay her share of the mortgage for at least 2 months but surely she would want to cut all ties, get her stuff and have no further dealing with me if she was sure she wasn't returning? I'm putting all my effort into work and my son and today was the first day I've actually felt positive and looking forward. I don't know if you can relate to it but I'm at my worst waking up, tend to wake up ridiculously early then feel like I want to stay in bed the whole day. I'm going to try and beat that tomorrow by going for an early morning run. My friends and family are all questioning why i would even take her back if the opportunity arose when she has been so nasty and hurtful with her words (although she has played this down when I asked why she was backtracking on everything she's said) . Guess all I can do is let time elapse, focus on myself and my son and what will be will be.

 

Yes definatly relate to that morning pain you wake up and the reality huts and you realise it's real and not a dream. It does get easier I don't get that anymore im kinds repulsed by her now but still it'll hurt when she makes her new rs official. For what it's worth he's not the prettiest of guys but we all work together. In my case waking up in the morning all i wanna do is hurry up and get out on the road and go cycling lol.

Sounds like you've reached a new stage so to speak I hope it does work out first you. My mate said it really well on woman. He's been married 25 yrs have a house together and because of her feelings he almost lost it all that's woman's logic feelings emotions anyway imagine later down the track you build this future together the house and then she pulls back again. Some things to contemplate. Maybe your better off I hav trust issues too but I think that's a pretty weak reason to leave someone. These days it seems like any small reason is enough to leave someone whatever happenned to sticking through thick and thin. You strike me as the type that wouldn't bail if she was having major issues I can't say the same for her

[Blanco]

Boy, this has turned into a real mess. I can empathize with being in denial about a relationship really being over, but even then, I was cringing midway through this thread.

 

I think that, for whatever reason, she was likely done with this relationship at the time of your first post. Since then, you've unfortunately been a textbook case of what not to do after a breakup. You have suffocated this woman with unwanted contact seemingly every couple of days. Of course she's turned angry. She has been clear she does not wish to speak to you, yet you've been unable to keep yourself from contacting her.

 

You're also not being honest with yourself, with her, or with us when you justify you contacting her for reasons relating to the house. If that were the truth, you wouldn't be having these arguments about the former relationship. I highly doubt that she's initiating talk about the relationship, so I can only assume that you initiate most of your contact with something relating to the house, and then use that as an opening to pester her about the former relationship.

 

As I said, I think she was probably done when she ended things, but at this point, you've gone darn-near scorched earth with her by smothering her with the incessant unwanted contact. I don't endorse going NC as a means to getting your ex back, but you shot yourself in the foot by letting yourself become the aggressively persistent guy who can't leave his ex alone. Instead of giving her space, you've left her with a lasting impression of a guy who doesn't respect her boundaries or decisions.

 

You need to get yourself together before the authorities get involved. You haven't accepted that this is over. I understand that it's not an easy process, but you're hurting yourself if you continue to justify why this might not be over. It's time to accept that this is happening and that you have two choices: 1) Continue to bother her until you find yourself in legal trouble and forever labeled as the "crazy" ex or, 2) You can use this as an impetus to finally address your insecurity issues, because without addressing those, a long-lasting healthy relationship isn't likely, anyway.

[Blanco]

One last thing: I think she told you what she did in response to your three-week NC thing because she figured it was what you wanted to hear and it would ensure that you would really not contact her.

 

Obviously that has not worked, as you've continued to contact her. And again, of course she's turned angry. You keep telling her that you're going to leave her alone, and then a couple of days later, you're bother her again. At this point, your word means nothing to her.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, this has to stop.

 

Stop pestering her about whether she's moved on, whether's there's any chance at all that she'll be back, whether this is just her depression speaking - it's pretty clear that she's just throwing out there whatever she thinks will make you stop bothering her without driving you off the deep end. If we can feel your desperation leaping through the computer screen, I can only imagine what she is thinking when you talk to her. She is probably telling herself to tell you anything that will prevent you from totally losing it. You continue to do everything you shouldn't be doing and whatever chance you might have had is gone.

 

She isn't going to be the one to make you feel better. This level of cling is worrisome and you need to give it up before it lands you in trouble.