Libragirl1210 Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Hi, I posted here a few weeks ago regarding this horrible situation I've just had blow after blow and today yet again another one has left me feeling like crap. So long story short I broke up with my ex 7 weeks ago after 18 months together because he was on Tinder. We continued to communicate over the next couple of weeks but only every few days or so by either text or phone initiated by us both. On the 28th i called him and told him I wanted to give it another go I'd noticed that he had deleted my 2 brothers off Facebook and a couple of his family members had deleted me, his response was that he just wanted to be single and go out and have fun, I asked him to reconsider but he said no so I accepted and ended the conversation. Later that night I sent a text saying thanks, good luck etc and deleted him from Facebook the next day he blocked me. A couple of weeks later I called him to arrange to return his stuff and collect mine, I went to his place that night smiled was polite didn't say anything about our relationship. I was there for around 30 minutes gave each other a hug and kiss said take care and I left feeling so much better that was it for me in my mind it was done. Then the next day he called me all happy just for a chat asking about my day, life etc we chatted for 30 minutes. The following week after thinking about the call I thought that wasn't so bad maybe we could be friends and chat every now and then so I sent him a message saying that it was a little long, his reply was " that was a big easy!!! Not interested getting back with you!!! I replied and said I didn't say I wanted to get back with you just said maybe we can be friends all good. Then I deleted his number texts everything from my phone again I was done. Then the following week he text me asking how I was etc I left it for a bit then just responded and said I'm good and left it at that he replied straight away and I never responded to the second one. Then today he called I answered he was acting normal and I just said why are you calling me? He said don't you want me to call you and I said I'm just wondering why, did you have a rebound that went sour or something he said no at first then said yeah he did. Curiosity got the better of me and I said what happened he said he'd been seeing this girl for about 5 weeks and that she was always busy etc so she ended it. He told me that it was his fault he should've helped her more etc etc I said to him so you started seeing someone 2 weeks after we broke up and I said it's just a rebound and I laughed and said what are you heartbroken and he replied yeah just a little bit.. That really hurt what the hell is wrong with this guy? We chatted for around an hour about lots of things then I just said thanks for calling I have to go now and hung up. Everything that happened over the past few weeks make sense now but I just feel like I didn't matter to him and our relationship didn't matter to him. For him to feel heart broken over someone he'd been seeing for a few weeks just hit me hard. And I know this girl wasn't in the picture before we broke up because I looked at his phone and he wasn't talking to anyone or had no matches. And admittedly he wasn't calling to talk about his rebound I got it out of him but still what the hell. I feel like crap now and have blocked him on everything I've had enough now. I spent 18 months bending over backwards for this guy and was in love with him and he just treats me like I don't even matter. It just really really hurts.
breadbin Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 he's not heartbroken over the new girl, it's you he's hurting for. the new girl is a distraction. the reason they didn't work is because he obviously still loves you too. I don't understand relationships. my ex dumped me 5 months ago but if you asked her today she would say she still loves me. so why did she dump me? I don't know. love is never enough. i think you have to decide where you want to go with this fella. do you really want to get back with him or not? it sounds like the pair of you are playing games with each other and both of you are getting hurt. maybe a break, a real break with no contact might be beneficial.
Author Libragirl1210 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 Thanks for your reply breadbin I guess your right about the heart broken bit but he seemed really down about this other girl and it kind of twisted the knife a little bit more. I don't understand relationships either it seems that no matter what you do it's never enough.
Zahara Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 So the guy was on Tinder, and you ended with him. Then you asked for another chance. He declined. Then you reach out wanting to be friends. He declined. Then he tells you about a rebound. You sit there and listen to this nonsense. It's good that you've blocked him. You were a sucker for punishment. The guy knew he had you in the palm of his hands and the times he contacted you were just his attempts to get an ego boost from you. A huge part of where you are is because you allowed this to happen. The moment you caught him on Tinder and the moment he said he wanted to be single and have fun, you should have blocked and moved on. Don't back track again. Stay away from him and keep him blocked.
stillafool Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I agree you should block him and move on. This is way too much drama. 1
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 If you block him, then he can't keep pulling your strings and hurting you. that's the point of blocking someone. 1
jamili Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I spent 18 months bending over backwards for this guy and was in love with him and he just treats me like I don't even matter. It just really really hurts. Sadly, this is a very common theme on here. It seems like the more invested in the person you are, the more selfless you are, the more committed you are, and the more you "bend over backwards" for them, the quicker the relationship is over. I think it's a lesson we all learn about giving "too much" in a relationship. 2
Author Libragirl1210 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 Sahara you are right I am a gluten for punishment. After he called me the day after we exchanged our things I thought that was his attempt to smooth things and be friends, that's why I reached out to him. But after the reply I got that was it for me and I deleted his number, messages everything. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again so when I did I guess I was curious more then anything that's why I answered his text and picked up the phone But also because I love him and we all know love makes us do crazy things. I am thankful that I only found out about the rebound once it was over, to of known why it was going on would've been torture. And it's nice to know that he does have a heart and some feelings locked away inside because I was starting to think he was a cold hearted sociopath or something lol I have blocked him from everything now so he won't be able to contact me again, I know I'll be ok but it just hurts so bad to the point were I've been physically sick a few times. Still can't believe this guy said he was in love with me and made plans for the future then could turn around and do all this, clearly he is selfish and has no idea what love really is, i would've thought a 39 year old man would act better then this, clearly not. Thank you everyone for your replies. Time for me to put myself first and heal.
Zahara Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I have blocked him from everything now so he won't be able to contact me again, I know I'll be ok but it just hurts so bad to the point were I've been physically sick a few times. Still can't believe this guy said he was in love with me and made plans for the future then could turn around and do all this, clearly he is selfish and has no idea what love really is, i would've thought a 39 year old man would act better then this, clearly not. Thank you everyone for your replies. Time for me to put myself first and heal. It's going to hurt but you're going to get through this. It's normal that you're feeling physically sick. Heartbreak is physically, emotionally and mentally painful. But like most of us on here, you will get to the other side. It's going to be a trying time for you but lean on your friends and family and remember that this isn't about you. Be kind and gentle to yourself. It's most important.
Author Libragirl1210 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Thank you Zahara. I've rarely had the urge to contact him over the past few weeks so I think I'm past that stage where as in the beginning the urge to contact was strong and constant, every time I've heard from him over the past few weeks has done nothing but make me feel terrible where as early on it made me happy to hear from him. I've blocked him now and that's the easiest option for me, I'm sick of feeling like crap every time I hear from him. I'm looking forward to feeling better and getting back to being my happy self 2
shrah25 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Sahara you are right I am a gluten for punishment. After he called me the day after we exchanged our things I thought that was his attempt to smooth things and be friends, that's why I reached out to him. But after the reply I got that was it for me and I deleted his number, messages everything. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again so when I did I guess I was curious more then anything that's why I answered his text and picked up the phone But also because I love him and we all know love makes us do crazy things. I am thankful that I only found out about the rebound once it was over, to of known why it was going on would've been torture. And it's nice to know that he does have a heart and some feelings locked away inside because I was starting to think he was a cold hearted sociopath or something lol I have blocked him from everything now so he won't be able to contact me again, I know I'll be ok but it just hurts so bad to the point were I've been physically sick a few times. Still can't believe this guy said he was in love with me and made plans for the future then could turn around and do all this, clearly he is selfish and has no idea what love really is, i would've thought a 39 year old man would act better then this, clearly not. Thank you everyone for your replies. Time for me to put myself first and heal. Hi @Libragirl1210 Thanks for your messages. Firstly, well done on blocking him and making that decision to remove yourself from this situation. I've always believed that in life, sometimes we cannot control the people and circumstances that we are in, but we can choose to set our standards at a level that helps control the level of paint that we have to go through. Let me give you a bit of an insight into the male mind. Guys need freedom - not just in a relationship but in general. They need to feel like they aren't constrained on any level. I'm not suggesting that means that every guy wants to go out and sleep around whilst he is in a relationship, but it's the feeling that he's not restricted in any way. Ironically, when they have that freedom, they tend to be a lot more involved and attentive in the relationship. This explains his desire to go out and be on Tinder etc Now, with this all in mind, rejection is also a massive challenge for men. This is the reason why a lot of men, when they are with their friends, like to tell a lot of stories about women they've been with etc. This makes them feel worthy. Sounds a little silly but I can't begin to tell you how many men i've worked with that have these challenges. He's obviously coming back and playing with your emotions a bit because it's better to get some attention than no attention and to me, it sounds like that's whats happening here. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule and so it's your job to become aware of some of these typical male themes, recognise that you are a high value woman and then set your standards in a way that are in alignment with how you wish to be treated. I know it seems like i'm painting a bad picture of men. Trust me, i'm not. I could go on and on about patterns in females as well but it's really important to live as a high value woman and then move forward in the dating game based on that. I understand heartbreak is not easy. Trust me, i've had my fair share of it. But in any challenge, there is always a learning and the fact that you have put an end to this means that you are aware that you deserve to be treated better - this is a massive step so i congratulate you on that :-) Healing yourself and reclaiming the best parts of you is the most important part of your journey. Make sure you focus on that first because otherwise, all of the wounds and insecurities that you hold onto will simply be projected in a relationship. Hope all that makes sense. Any questions, please let me know. Thanks Sri
Author Libragirl1210 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Thanks Sri, I completely understand what your saying regarding guys needing freedom and I felt like I gave him that, 90% of the time it was him who initiated contact and I even got a few text messages over the months where he would say "Hey what are you doing? Have you forgotten about me?" Despite the fact that he'd already called me 3 or 4 times that day. We spent on average 2-3 nights together every week and if he wanted to go out with his friends (not that it came up often) then I was fine with that. I myself love my own freedom and am very independent so I'd never like to have anyone living in my pocket. I am a very laid back go with the flow kind of person so I never put pressure on him regarding anything I was just fine to go along with things how they were and if anything it was him that displayed needy behaviour on several occasions not me. The Tinder thing totally caught me off guard perhaps he thinks he can do better then me who knows, I've read many times that some men are always looking for something better maybe that's what's happening here, I really don't know. All I know for sure now is that I am done, I want this pain to end and I want to put him behind me and get on with my life without him. I don't want him back because in my mind he is associated with nothing but pain and hurt and I'll never risk going through this with him again. Good luck to him I hope he finds whatever it is he is searching for but he is now dead to me.
shrah25 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Thanks Sri, I completely understand what your saying regarding guys needing freedom and I felt like I gave him that, 90% of the time it was him who initiated contact and I even got a few text messages over the months where he would say "Hey what are you doing? Have you forgotten about me?" Despite the fact that he'd already called me 3 or 4 times that day. We spent on average 2-3 nights together every week and if he wanted to go out with his friends (not that it came up often) then I was fine with that. I myself love my own freedom and am very independent so I'd never like to have anyone living in my pocket. I am a very laid back go with the flow kind of person so I never put pressure on him regarding anything I was just fine to go along with things how they were and if anything it was him that displayed needy behaviour on several occasions not me. The Tinder thing totally caught me off guard perhaps he thinks he can do better then me who knows, I've read many times that some men are always looking for something better maybe that's what's happening here, I really don't know. All I know for sure now is that I am done, I want this pain to end and I want to put him behind me and get on with my life without him. I don't want him back because in my mind he is associated with nothing but pain and hurt and I'll never risk going through this with him again. Good luck to him I hope he finds whatever it is he is searching for but he is now dead to me. Hi there I think this is the most important thing for you. To move forward and not to let any thoughts of the past affect your present or your future. This also means that forgiveness is a big part of the journey - not just of other people but also of yourself. Keep moving forward :-) If you need any free resources that will assist you on your journey feel free to message me at [email protected] and i'd be happy to pass them on. Cheers Sri
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