Azza123 Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Sorry this is long, but it's a complicated situation. I met this girl in January 2016, because we were the only two students who were going to a certain college in the USA for exchange, leaving in July. She had a boyfriend at the time so when we would meet up it was just as friends and we would take about stuff relating to the exchange. She unfortunately ended up not going on exchange as her subjects didn’t work out for her to do it. So I went away in July. However, her and her friends instead booked a trip to the USA in December/January. We have each other on Snapchat and I noticed that she opened literally every story that I posted while I was away. Other than wishing each other a happy birthday, there was no direct contact while I was away, then as the time got closer to her coming over we got talking about what to do in America and what her plans were and agreed to meet up in New York as we were going to be there at the same time. She also wanted me to do a road trip with her and her friends earlier but I didn’t have the time with study. A few weeks before meeting in New York, she broke up with her boyfriend and things got very flirty from her over text. We met up in New York and spent a New Years eve together making out in her bed after she invited me to stay the night with her. I went back to Australia a few days after New Years and she got back a month later. We chatted every day over messenger while she was still away. We then went out on 10 dates over 2 months. Unfortunately we live about 1 hour from each other, both have big families and live at home so there wasn’t really a chance for us to spend a night with each privately. This meant that we didn’t get a chance to develop our physical intimacy. Our dates weren’t just coffee for an hour, we would spend almost the whole day together. One such date, we got food then just lay under a tree in the park and talked and cuddled for hours. She would often physically compliment me and say that I was the nicest guy she’s ever met. After the second last date, she messaged after saying, ‘I always love spending time with you, goodnight xx’. It was 2 weeks between that date and our final date. At our final date she seemed a little removed and suggested it was time to leave after just a few hours, much shorter than usual. The next day she texted me saying that she didn’t want a relationship right now as she needs some time to be single after her previous relationship and also wants to do a lot of travel over the next few years. She said that maybe it’s best of we are just friends. This was 10 days ago. We chatted briefly a few days after she said that, but we haven’t since. Help!! I fell very hard for this girl and would love for it to go towards a relationship, she’s just an incredible person and is gorgeous too. I have been very upset and have struggled to sleep. I can’t go back to just being friends. Was it actually just bad timing, or was it me?? I felt that maybe we talked too much and she felt suffocated so I’m going to give her some time without communicating unless she wants to talk to me. Is this the best thing to do?? I know this sounds arrogant, but I’ve been told I’m a very eligible guy. I’m 6’3”, fit, quite handsome, graduate college in a few months and have a great job lined up, speak Spanish and can play the piano. But I would trade anything for this to work out
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Sadly it was a combination of bad timing & you. When told that somebody doesn't want a relationship right now it's best for the person who receives that news to silently tack on the phrase "with you" to the statement. If you had really done it for her, she would not have minded the timing. It may be less about you personally -- as in I'm not saying you did anything wrong -- but that she's not in the right frame of mind to be open to new possibilities. Think whatever you need to believe to let go of her & get on with your life. This lady does not want to date you & it's unlikely that she will change her mind. You can't be "just friends" with her because you want more. That's not fair to you, to hang around not getting what you want. Put some distance in here & find somebody else to date. 1
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I'm sorry but for some reason, probably her own, she decided to move on. I don't think you should hang around torturing yourself being her friend, but she knows where to find you if she ever regrets her decision. Meanwhile, you're a young very eligible bachelor, so go enjoy it! Don't overlook the women who are always trying to make contact with you and talk to you. Sometimes we can be so focused on one person that we overlook one right under our nose or one who in passing was giving a signal she was interested.
Author Azza123 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Thanks for the help guys! This is certainly my approach at the moment. As hard as it is, I'm trying to move on and remember that the ball is in her court. As she ended it, it's on her to restart it, but I can't hang around and hope that that's what happens. And yes, there is no way i'm going to hang around in her life as a 'friend' as that's not possible, you can't just push a restart button on your feelings for someone.
Jammer25 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 So if I'm reading it right, you two didn't talk about being exclusive right? If not, just a possibility that there was no next step taken when you were going on those dates. But no point in thinking about that "what if" now.
Author Azza123 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Sorry so you are saying that we should have had the exclusive discussion really early on the dating process? I felt that was what you would bring up when you reach the point of wanting to make it official... which I was very close to asking.
Jammer25 Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Sorry so you are saying that we should have had the exclusive discussion really early on the dating process? I felt that was what you would bring up when you reach the point of wanting to make it official... which I was very close to asking. 10 dates over 2 months is plenty enough to have the exclusive discussion. Especially with the kind of dates you described.
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