jimbeck Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 One of my friend's is having a hard time deciding if she should make more effort to get closer to her boyfriend or just try and end the relationship. She can't seem to tell if he likes or not. I told as a guy I could read her boyfriend's actions and it would be obvious to me. She talked me into doing a double date. I told her at the end of if I would give her my opinion. We went on a long drive to a restaurant. I drove with and my girlfriend up front and they were in back. I observed but in the end I couldn't really tell. He seemed like a usual guy on date while at the restaurant. On the way up I was leaning towards very interested because he held her hand for the entire trip there. On the way back nothing, in fact she put her head on his shoulder and he didn't even react. I thought it would be obvious but I can't really tell. They been dating like a month they around 22 years old so it's love or meh?
Telemachus Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 You told her that you would be able to make a determination based on direct observation. You were wrong about that. Now you're asking anonymous people online to speculate without any direct observation, and based on your written description? It might be interesting to you or me, but I can see no value in that to her. If she wants something different from him, she has to ask him for it. If she's not getting what she wants and she doesn't want to ask for it, then she ought to end it - they're not well suited for each other. We all have two choices at any moment: accept conditions as they exist or take the responsibility for changing them. Your offer to observe and comment was reasonable. It didn't work. It's now solely up to her and to him to work this out like adults who communicate on matters of importance to them. Conversation and trust are the foundational characteristics of every successful and satisfying relationship. 2
Larryville Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 She can't seem to tell if he likes or not. I'm sorry but if you can't tell if someone likes you or not then you have obviously never had any positive relationship role models to show you what a quality relationship looks like. Love or meh? Seriously!? That is like not being able to distinguish between a rainy day and a sunny day.
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 She probably just needs to decide if she likes HIM enough or not. The issue may be he's boring, having nothing to do with if he loves her or not.
Author jimbeck Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 You told her that you would be able to make a determination based on direct observation. You were wrong about that. Now you're asking anonymous people online to speculate without any direct observation, and based on your written description? The online, anonymous community here commonly speculates and post their opinions on more complicated issues that routinely are more vague than what I explained. It might be interesting to you or me, but I can see no value in that to her. If she wants something different from him, she has to ask him for it. If she's not getting what she wants and she doesn't want to ask for it, then she ought to end it - they're not well suited for each other.Relationships are not always black or white. There are many factors that come into play.
Author jimbeck Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 I'm sorry but if you can't tell if someone likes you or not then you have obviously never had any positive relationship role models to show you what a quality relationship looks like. That is way over simplified especially in a relationship that is fairly new. She's recently out of a 6 month long relationship with a guy she was good friends with. The problem is she may expect this new relationship to follow the same path as her previous one or she may have forgotten how difficult was was the start. The fact is all relationship are different. That is like not being able to distinguish between a rainy day and a sunny day. Again oversimplified. A better comparison would be the Seinfeld episode where some guy kisses Elaine but then wipes the bottle when she offers a drink. Her bf didn't react when she put her head on his shoulder but held her hand for long while. Does one action over ride the other?
Larryville Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 One of my friend's is having a hard time deciding if she should make more effort to get closer to her boyfriend or just try and end the relationship. She can't seem to tell if he likes or not. I observed but in the end I couldn't really tell. she put her head on his shoulder and he didn't even react. They been dating like a month they around 22 years old so it's love or meh? Ok I concede “oversimplification” maybe, but your analysis was simplistic. She put her head on his shoulders? C’mon… Yes being young with few life experiences nobody should expect anything earth shattering. But when someone is let’s say seriously “into you” a few things are obvious from a guy’s standpoint. Things like eye contact is obvious. If a dude is into a woman the eyes on her are laser focused on her. They WANT to be near the object of their affection. Listening is enhanced, not only to they “hear” what a woman says, they REMEMBER. There is so much more to this but the bottom line to this thread: is having a hard time deciding if she should make more effort to get closer No woman should EVER have to make “more of an effort” to get closer to any dude.
Author jimbeck Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 [quote=Larryville;7275802 No woman should EVER have to make “more of an effort” to get closer to any dude.Why? There are factors a
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