Kkristine Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I was telling a few close friends just the other day how good I've been feeling. My ex & I broke up last June. We had been having some problems for a few months, and he ended up cheating on me. They were dating the very next day. Of course, I still hear things. My mother called me and told me that "our home" is up for sale. Apparently the two of them and his family are moving 4 hours away to be closer to siblings. Gut. wrenching. We had plans to all move within the next 5 years. I was so excited about it all, as I'm not close with my family and his family pretty much took me under their wing. I have really turned my life around since the breakup. I have my career started, I've lost a ton of weight, and I'm living on my own. I had none of this. I was struggling with depression when we were together. So, why do I feel stuck and have this awful feeling that they're riding off into the sunset together. I had moved on from the relationship, but the idea that I will absolutely never see him or his family again, and that someone else will take ownership of our first home together really has me depressed. Even though I haven't see him in 10 months, it feels like half of my heart is being taken away. He was my best friend. We didn't work out. Crap happens. Deep down, I do still miss him. While I don't condone what he did in the end, he was/is a good man. While I know I'm not in love with him anymore, I think a part of me will always love him because we were together for 5 years. Maybe it'll pass. I just don't want this to cause me to backtrack the first stages of the breakup. It sure feels like it right now. I guess I just need some positive words. I've decided to go back to a therapist. And, I thought I was at the finish line.
harrybrown Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Sorry. But with him moving away, maybe it will help with NC and healing in your life. Sounds like you are doing fantastic. Keep up the good work. Not every one that you meet and have a relationship with will be a cheater. Good that he is out of your life, if he did not respect you enough not to treat you that way. Hope good things will come your way soon.
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 It's certainly a hard time, but the issue here is that you have not yet accepted the breakup. Now you are being forced to. In my opinion, it is for the best. It is hard leaving a home with memories, but when it's the home where you also broke up and it was both of your homes, then a fresh start is much easier than living in the shrine of the past with constant reminders. You will make a new home that is your home and new memories. You just need to accept reality. Start doing all the things you love to do with or without friends or family. Just make it a habit at least once a week to go do something and really live. Go to the zoo, the lake, hiking, a wine tasting, take a cooking class, learn to sail, whatever it is that sounds fun to you. Give yourself a new life, and do NOT wait to start living until you have found a replacement. You will be a more interesting desirable person if you live a full and active life. And don't forget to pamper yourself like no one else will. Get a new home with a backyard and get a dog unless you're planning on traveling. And travel is a VERY good idea, even if it's only to the next town. It tends to give you a new perspective and remind you how big the world is and how your ex is just one little ant on a full anthill. Good luck.
BC1980 Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 When you're still grieving, certain things still trigger the sadness and seem to set you back. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I remember finding out my ex was engaged a year after our breakup and that he put his house up for sale. I lived there with him for a year, so I thought of it as our home in a way. We had made home improvements together and planned to live there after we got married. I think I had been NC for a year when I found all of this out, and it certainly hurt. But it gave me finality. I think I was most sad when I thought about our time together. We had plans too, and it hurt to realize they meant less to him than I thought. I'm so sorry. I think this will be better for you in the long run though. But I know it doesn't feel that way right now.
Maldives Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I was telling a few close friends just the other day how good I've been feeling. My ex & I broke up last June. We had been having some problems for a few months, and he ended up cheating on me. They were dating the very next day. Of course, I still hear things. My mother called me and told me that "our home" is up for sale. Apparently the two of them and his family are moving 4 hours away to be closer to siblings. Gut. wrenching. We had plans to all move within the next 5 years. I was so excited about it all, as I'm not close with my family and his family pretty much took me under their wing. I have really turned my life around since the breakup. I have my career started, I've lost a ton of weight, and I'm living on my own. I had none of this. I was struggling with depression when we were together. So, why do I feel stuck and have this awful feeling that they're riding off into the sunset together. I had moved on from the relationship, but the idea that I will absolutely never see him or his family again, and that someone else will take ownership of our first home together really has me depressed. Even though I haven't see him in 10 months, it feels like half of my heart is being taken away. He was my best friend. We didn't work out. Crap happens. Deep down, I do still miss him. While I don't condone what he did in the end, he was/is a good man. While I know I'm not in love with him anymore, I think a part of me will always love him because we were together for 5 years. Maybe it'll pass. I just don't want this to cause me to backtrack the first stages of the breakup. It sure feels like it right now. I guess I just need some positive words. I've decided to go back to a therapist. And, I thought I was at the finish line. Trust me this is normal it's kind a like a new chapter of reality and certainty that it's over. All I can do is share my own story similar but different . For mths the house me and mu ex wife shared wen she moved out was filled wth my good friend who lived there wth me at the tIME. The landlord had increased the rent considerablyour forcing me and him out. I remember sitting there sobbing as the removalIst came and moved all the furniture out. That night I remember staring at the ceiling that night thinking wat the hell happenned to my life I felt I'd gone backwards. Took mths to adjust almost a yr to that feeling I can really relate
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