hindsight2021 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Hey everyone, Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences regarding telling the difference between love bombing and authentic love? I am struggling with knowing whether or not what I experienced in a relationship with someone was authentic love or if I was just being love bombed. The problem for me is that I have been love bombed before... so now I am unsure if I am just making it up or now when I think I see it.
Telemachus Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) Focus on your own actions, attitudes, and feelings. For a moment, forget what the other person was doing, and ask whether what you extended was love or whether you merely received gestures and affection. If you have not loved, then it definitely was not love. If you loved, and aren't sure whether the other person did, I'm not sure it makes much difference, unless you're a vastly wealthy heiress and it may have been solely for money/wealth. I'm a fan of Dr. Seuss when it comes to love: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality it far better than your dreams." It's not the love you receive in life that counts, but rather the love you extend to others. When you're a parent or your own parent is dying, you'll understand. Do you really think that some criminal mastermind spent years deceiving you with lavish displays of affection? For what purpose? Edited April 2, 2017 by Telemachus
Author hindsight2021 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 Focus on your own actions, attitudes, and feelings. For a moment, forget what the other person was doing, and ask whether what you extended was love or whether you merely received gestures and affection. If you have not loved, then it definitely was not love. If you loved, and aren't sure whether the other person did, I'm not sure it makes much difference, unless you're a vastly wealthy heiress and it may have been solely for money/wealth. I'm a fan of Dr. Seuss when it comes to love: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality it far better than your dreams." It's not the love you receive in life that counts, but rather the love you extend to others. When you're a parent or your own parent is dying, you'll understand. Do you really think that some criminal mastermind spent years deceiving you with lavish displays of affection? For what purpose? I think that sometimes people exhibit displays of affection and "love" for the sake of not having to face their own fears and challenges in life (i.e. being alone or feeling unlovable). For example, someone may act like they are ok with a relationship and some aspects of it early on, and never say anything about being unhappy or uncomfortable with "this or that" solely because they don't want to risk being abandoned because the fear is so great. Then, months or years later, they find someone else and then leave proclaiming they never wanted so much in the relationship to be how it was. In terms of "for what purpose?" the purpose is to manipulate someone else to give them what they can't give themselves. Love. I hear you on the love you give to others is what counts. However, some people, such as myself, give love to others to the point where we can get taken advantage of. Concepts found in codependency. That is when what I am asking about can become very destructive to a person.
mikeylo Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Love bombing is too much too soon and fizzles out as fast. Runs away at first problem. Wants all rainbows Authentic love. One has to feel it know. It's slow in progress , faces problems and hard to let go. It's never too fast. Both want to build something that is lasting. It's a lot of work basically. 1
somanymistakes Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 Hey everyone, Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences regarding telling the difference between love bombing and authentic love? I am struggling with knowing whether or not what I experienced in a relationship with someone was authentic love or if I was just being love bombed. The problem for me is that I have been love bombed before... so now I am unsure if I am just making it up or now when I think I see it. In many cases these labels can be unhelpful. Fixating on whether something was or wasn't 'love bombing' can blind you to taking real steps to improve your situation for the future. What is the real problem that you are having? Are you still in the relationship, or did it end quickly? Are you trying to figure out whether you're too easily swayed by people making romantic promises that they may not intend to keep?
Author hindsight2021 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 Love bombing is too much too soon and fizzles out as fast. Runs away at first problem. Wants all rainbows Authentic love. One has to feel it know. It's slow in progress , faces problems and hard to let go. It's never too fast. Both want to build something that is lasting. It's a lot of work basically. Yes, thank you, I agree. But, it is hard for me to tell the difference between too much too soon, and the idealization honeymoon phase? I can relate to the "wants all rainbows" statement. Like, 2 months in and I was wanting to communicate about some things and she would get really stressed out about it claiming she just wants things to be easy and fun. Which they were. The conversations would have led to just that, no drama or anything.
Author hindsight2021 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Posted April 4, 2017 In many cases these labels can be unhelpful. Fixating on whether something was or wasn't 'love bombing' can blind you to taking real steps to improve your situation for the future. What is the real problem that you are having? Are you still in the relationship, or did it end quickly? Are you trying to figure out whether you're too easily swayed by people making romantic promises that they may not intend to keep? I hear you on the fixation part. I am taking real steps to improve my situation in the future (therapy, I don't get drunk anymore, exercise, paying attention to subtle cues when I meet people that they might be unhealthy people to get involved with, etc etc). I am just curious about any signs that might be helpful in telling the difference between love bombing and "the honeymoon phase". The real problem is that I end up with women who will interact with my like my mother would, and basically treat me like she did. It doesn't matter what I do or who I meet. I'm like a magnet for it. I am currently looking into what I DO that may catalyze this dynamic in therapy, and connecting dots for sure. But, it doesn't change the fact that these women do indeed have certain types of character to them. I'm not in the relationship anymore. It ended after a few months after our first major blowout. No reconciliation after. She just ran from her feelings about me and about herself.
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