trisha477 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) Hi, I've been dating my SO for about 5 months now. I will be a graduating senior while he's going to need an extra year to graduate. I want to prefice this message with the fact that he treats me well, he's kind, listens when I bring up important things, prompt when I initiate, and respectful of my needs. There are however certain issues that have been reoccurring that i'm not sure how to handle. One common complaint from me is that he doesn't take much initiative for the relationship to grow. This is his first relationship and this is my second so I wouldn't consider either of us to be especially skilled at handling relationships. I wish he would plan out more dates, and follow up with future plans and initiate more things for us to. Currently we see each other roughly twice a week which i'm okay with but at the same time I don't feel really emotionally connected to him. I don't see myself opening up to him on a deeper level and I believe it has to do with the fact that we hang out casually for twice a week which doesn't facilitate that kind of connection. I've mentioned my issue with his lack of initiative but he doesn't seem to completely get it. Although he's apologetic and prompt when I ask him to come he doesn't initiate himself. I don't feel like I've been getting closer to him for a month now. What should I do? Should I just call it a loss due to timing and this reoccuring issue and our lack of closeness and focus on myself? Edited April 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Els Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Twice a week sounds about right for young people in high school. Are your parents and his going to be okay with you going out on dates every day while still in school? What sort of things are you expecting to do? 1
Rabbitman Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 As a guy, if you told me all this, I'd start planning a date that week. He probably just thinks you seem at ease with how things are going.
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I wish he would plan out more dates, and follow up with future plans and initiate more things for us to. I've mentioned my issue with his lack of initiative but he doesn't seem to completely get it. What do you mean you have mentioned it? Unless you point blank say "I need you to initiate & plan more dates" he might not understand exactly what you want. Men are not mind readers. A man who had never had a relationship before might think everything is great because it's great from his perspective. My husband isn't the best planner either but over the years I have asked that he plan certain things / dates -- our anniversary, my birthday etc & I take care of all the rest. We just got back from the trip of a lifetime that he planned for my big birthday. He had help & I had to step in for parts but it was more him then me & it was glorious. If you are not trying to fundamentally change the other person in a relationship you can get people to change a little. 1
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I don't think this has anything to do with spending time together or that you feel you both are inexperienced...this is a compatibility issue. Having a lot of things in common, and discovering new things you have in common is what creates the passion for each other, and what drives emotional connection. You can't force it or make it, it's either you have it or you don't. He's a lazy dater, doesn't have any drive to want to impress you or to have fun with you.....that's an indicator that he's just drifting in this relationship to just be in a relationship. Sure you can ask him to step up, but I don't think that is going to give you the emotional connection you are looking for. It's a case of, he looks good on paper, but there is no real spark and at 5 months, if you are not feeling it...I don't think it's going to happen.
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