How to break up without drama?

[Joga_31]

I have been with my girlfriend for one year and one month. She wanted me to go meet her mother and father in hong kong and her friends. She is not from Vancouver which is where I am from and where she lives now.

 

The positives of the relationship are sex, a companion and I developed feelings for her. I also have an outlet away from my home, I live with parents, not out of laziness. I have told her that I love her and I mean it. She says the same to me and wants to get married to me.

 

I enjoy going out with her doing couple things, such as watching movies together, going places like new restaurants, cuddling while watching netflix, meeting her friends when she does invite me to stuff.

 

The negatives are that she likes clubbing, drinking, smoking, and now gambling. She has definitely decreased from going everyday and doing these things everyday over the 1 year period. But she still has girls nights out every saturday where she does the above mentioned. Two of her friends are in relationships and the others are single.

 

I have told her how uncomfortable I am with her clubbing, but she does not seem to listen. She sees me on sunday and monday as well the weekday, but on that saturday or time im not with her she is either eating out at a restaurant with her friends or going casino or clubbing. While I am working tail off for my family and the expenses with her.

 

My girlfriend does not cook when I stay over and consequently its me and her paying the bill for restaurants. She can easily do this, but for me its a little more struggle. I work in security at a hospital and deal with violence to earn money, she works at a clothing store.

 

I can't handle this relationship anymore and it's eating at me emotionally and mentally. I feel so stuck and conflicted, I had good intentions, but I need to respect myself and it hurts that I have come to this conclusion, but I am going nuts.

 

Right now as I speak the princess is out with her friends when she had already gone out for drinks with them yesterday at a bar. She said she is going for food, and will let me know where she is, which she does do. I feel like she is playing me, but at the same time she makes time for me during the week and contacts me ALL THE TIME.

 

And this situation is driving me nuts. She has met my parents and I am about to make a huge trip to Hong Kong, and I feel I have made a huge mistake. I don't see her changing her ways. I can't seem to cheat on her, but know many men that would. I feel guilty anytime I even attempt to grind on another woman and take her home.

 

She claims the club is a place for her to drink, dance and chat with her friends and nothing else. I am going nuts, I am open to all comments.

 

Regards,

[GemmaUK]

I feel guilty anytime I even attempt to grind on another woman and take her home.

 

She claims the club is a place for her to drink, dance and chat with her friends and nothing else. I am going nuts, I am open to all comments.

 

Regards,

 

As someone else mentioned in your last thread on this same subject of going out with friends you're projecting what you would do out at a club or with friends onto her.

 

She will be better off without you.

Just end it asap.

[TheTraveler]

I can't handle this relationship anymore and it's eating at me emotionally and mentally.

 

And this situation is driving me nuts.

 

I am going nuts

 

These are your words, not mine.

 

The relationship has run it's course. The love goggles are off and it's time for you to accept this, end it, and move on.

 

GL OP

[Tressugar]

Sheesh! You know some of us women still go to the clubs with our friends to do just that! It's a girls' night out to let our hair down, have a good time and chill with our friends.

 

Trust and respect is everything within the confines of a healthy relationship.

[frus69]

If you want to break up just break up. Drama or drama less you just gotta do it.I don't understand your intention of creating this thread

[act00]

It's funny because the biggest thing I picked up on was why don't you cook? Why does she have to cook? Can she buy the ingredients and you prepare the meal? If you expect food at her home, I think the burden is on you is to bring it, and prepare it. If she doesn't reciprocate and wants to only do restaurants, then you have your answer - you simply cannot maintain this lifestyle.

 

It seems to me that financially and socially, you are on two completely different planes. She wants to go out, gamble, buy dinner, drinks at a bar, and you can't keep up with that lifestyle and expense. She also wants to party, while you would like to hang at home with a movie or go out on a lesser scale.

 

I think your lifestyles and interests have shifted and it may be time to consider moving on. You call her "the princess" and this is not good. Is she demanding a level of paying for her, and it's just not in the budget? Just wait until you're married, and she's spending money like mad to maintain her lifestyle and desires, and you work yourself to the bone to work off the debt she creates...and then the babies enter the picture.

 

You no longer mesh, and it's time to cut her loose. I hope you can get your money back for your tickets to Hong Kong. She's not ready to settle down.

[Simple Logic]

I have been with my girlfriend for one year and one month. She wanted me to go meet her mother and father in hong kong and her friends. She is not from Vancouver which is where I am from and where she lives now.

 

The positives of the relationship are sex, a companion and I developed feelings for her. I also have an outlet away from my home, I live with parents, not out of laziness. I have told her that I love her and I mean it. She says the same to me and wants to get married to me.

 

I enjoy going out with her doing couple things, such as watching movies together, going places like new restaurants, cuddling while watching netflix, meeting her friends when she does invite me to stuff.

 

The negatives are that she likes clubbing, drinking, smoking, and now gambling. She has definitely decreased from going everyday and doing these things everyday over the 1 year period. But she still has girls nights out every saturday where she does the above mentioned. Two of her friends are in relationships and the others are single.

 

I have told her how uncomfortable I am with her clubbing, but she does not seem to listen. She sees me on sunday and monday as well the weekday, but on that saturday or time im not with her she is either eating out at a restaurant with her friends or going casino or clubbing. While I am working tail off for my family and the expenses with her.

 

My girlfriend does not cook when I stay over and consequently its me and her paying the bill for restaurants. She can easily do this, but for me its a little more struggle. I work in security at a hospital and deal with violence to earn money, she works at a clothing store.

 

I can't handle this relationship anymore and it's eating at me emotionally and mentally. I feel so stuck and conflicted, I had good intentions, but I need to respect myself and it hurts that I have come to this conclusion, but I am going nuts.

 

Right now as I speak the princess is out with her friends when she had already gone out for drinks with them yesterday at a bar. She said she is going for food, and will let me know where she is, which she does do. I feel like she is playing me, but at the same time she makes time for me during the week and contacts me ALL THE TIME.

 

And this situation is driving me nuts. She has met my parents and I am about to make a huge trip to Hong Kong, and I feel I have made a huge mistake. I don't see her changing her ways. I can't seem to cheat on her, but know many men that would. I feel guilty anytime I even attempt to grind on another woman and take her home.

 

She claims the club is a place for her to drink, dance and chat with her friends and nothing else. I am going nuts, I am open to all comments.

 

Regards,

 

You are still home with your parents. She has ventured out into the world. That tells you right there you two aren't on the same page.

[Joga_31]

It's funny because the biggest thing I picked up on was why don't you cook? Why does she have to cook? Can she buy the ingredients and you prepare the meal? If you expect food at her home, I think the burden is on you is to bring it, and prepare it. If she doesn't reciprocate and wants to only do restaurants, then you have your answer - you simply cannot maintain this lifestyle.

 

It seems to me that financially and socially, you are on two completely different planes. She wants to go out, gamble, buy dinner, drinks at a bar, and you can't keep up with that lifestyle and expense. She also wants to party, while you would like to hang at home with a movie or go out on a lesser scale.

 

I think your lifestyles and interests have shifted and it may be time to consider moving on. You call her "the princess" and this is not good. Is she demanding a level of paying for her, and it's just not in the budget? Just wait until you're married, and she's spending money like mad to maintain her lifestyle and desires, and you work yourself to the bone to work off the debt she creates...and then the babies enter the picture.

 

You no longer mesh, and it's time to cut her loose. I hope you can get your money back for your tickets to Hong Kong. She's not ready to settle down.

 

she does not want me to cook, prefers to eat out. I like partying too, but she likes to party with her girlfriends, not me.

[Joga_31]

Sheesh! You know some of us women still go to the clubs with our friends to do just that! It's a girls' night out to let our hair down, have a good time and chill with our friends.

 

Trust and respect is everything within the confines of a healthy relationship.

 

Every saturday? while your boyfriend is at home wondering what is going? I think not

[Joga_31]

You are still home with your parents. She has ventured out into the world. That tells you right there you two aren't on the same page.

 

she ran away from home at 15 from an abusive background, I stayed at home studied criminology attempted to be a cop. It did not work, I did not get hired and consequently work as a security guard restraining violent patients and dealing with crisis. Not getting into the career I chose hurt me quite a bit. After all the volunteering and working/studying to become a police officer.

 

My mother also has experience some issues with her health and I have had to rescue her a few times.. and it was traumatic. My parents also do not have a lot of money so I help them with food and rent like a responsible person should.

 

I am planning on going to nursing school and will upgrade in September. I have traveled, but never as far as Hong Kong.

[act00]

she ran away from home at 15 from an abusive background, I stayed at home studied criminology attempted to be a cop. It did not work, I did not get hired and consequently work as a security guard restraining violent patients and dealing with crisis. Not getting into the career I chose hurt me quite a bit. After all the volunteering and working/studying to become a police officer.

 

My mother also has experience some issues with her health and I have had to rescue her a few times.. and it was traumatic. My parents also do not have a lot of money so I help them with food and rent like a responsible person should.

 

I am planning on going to nursing school and will upgrade in September. I have traveled, but never as far as Hong Kong.

 

You deserve someone who is on the same page as you, and who appreciates you and has the same values. You and your girlfriend are no longer on the same page. You sound like a responsible, descent guy and you've moved away from the party lifestyle. You have a lot on your plate with aging parents, and you need money to put aside for tuition and books, and of course rent and utilities, food, transportation, etc. Your priorities are so very different. It doesn't sound like she has to worry at all financially, or maybe she's just behaving irresponsibly, and do you really want to stick around to clean up that mess? Also, after a full year, I mean, I understand girls' night, but after a full year, you're not incorporated into her weekend or prioritized? I guess with your job, you might work a lot of weekends, so it works out with your schedules, but she just seems to be off in her own world and doesn't have the same level of responsibility, nor is she able to understand your needs, wishes, or point of view. It seems like she loves you, and she wants you to meet her parents, but she simply isn't grasping your needs. She seems rather selfish. You are very stressed, obviously. A trip to Hong Kong is not cheap, and eating out every day is not cheap either. How are you going to pay for nursing school if your salary continuously gets sunk into her desire to whoop it up and she won't so much as eat a home-cooked meal?

[Joga_31]

You deserve someone who is on the same page as you, and who appreciates you and has the same values. You and your girlfriend are no longer on the same page. You sound like a responsible, descent guy and you've moved away from the party lifestyle. You have a lot on your plate with aging parents, and you need money to put aside for tuition and books, and of course rent and utilities, food, transportation, etc. Your priorities are so very different. It doesn't sound like she has to worry at all financially, or maybe she's just behaving irresponsibly, and do you really want to stick around to clean up that mess? Also, after a full year, I mean, I understand girls' night, but after a full year, you're not incorporated into her weekend or prioritized? I guess with your job, you might work a lot of weekends, so it works out with your schedules, but she just seems to be off in her own world and doesn't have the same level of responsibility, nor is she able to understand your needs, wishes, or point of view. It seems like she loves you, and she wants you to meet her parents, but she simply isn't grasping your needs. She seems rather selfish. You are very stressed, obviously. A trip to Hong Kong is not cheap, and eating out every day is not cheap either. How are you going to pay for nursing school if your salary continuously gets sunk into her desire to whoop it up and she won't so much as eat a home-cooked meal?

 

she sees me sunday, monday and the day or two in weekday, but she has the need to go clubbing and drinking with her friends and it stresses me out.

 

This pretty much sums up everything to be honest. Yes I am so stressed to the point I feel dead from working so hard sometimes I work like 6 days a week just to make the 1 000 dollars I need.

 

The trip was 950 dollars, and this has not included the hotel and expense money I need. I don't think im able to get my money fully back.

 

The hotel is like 850. I paid the trip already, but need the hotel money and expense money. The trip is on May 20th.

 

Yesterday I felt even more conflicted, I called her at 1:40 am before I went to sleep, and she actually picks up the phone and legit tells me a story of what she is doing and that she will go to the casino. You would expect someone that does the activities she does to not answer my call, but she did.

 

So it hard to accuse her of cheating, but in terms of needs and responsibility we are not matching.

[stillafool]

You two are simply not compatible and that's okay. You didn't mention your ages. Just end it and don't spend the money to go to Hong Kong. She'll get over it and you'll be happier. Sometimes you can't avoid drama in break ups because some peoples emotions run high. Just deal with it as it won't last long and you'll be so glad you broke it off.

[d0nnivain]

The subtext I'm reading in your posts is that you want to change her. You are looking to us to give you magic words to make her stop clubbing & be the domestic stay at home person you want her to be. That will never happen.

 

 

To break up with her without drama you don't give her a laundry list of what you perceive to be her faults & what you want changed, you simply say that you two have different goals, desires & needs in a relationship & while she's a great girl you think it's best if you go your separate ways. Leave it at that. Use a soft tone when you tell her. Then leave & don't look back.

[Joga_31]

The subtext I'm reading in your posts is that you want to change her. You are looking to us to give you magic words to make her stop clubbing & be the domestic stay at home person you want her to be. That will never happen.

 

 

To break up with her without drama you don't give her a laundry list of what you perceive to be her faults & what you want changed, you simply say that you two have different goals, desires & needs in a relationship & while she's a great girl you think it's best if you go your separate ways. Leave it at that. Use a soft tone when you tell her. Then leave & don't look back.

 

this sounds like the best way.