Tressugar Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 There's another guy (he's older, divorced, two kids) that I haven't met yet, but he's over the moon with me. He's already making long term plans to be with me. He's calling, texting me constantly and gives me updates as to what's going on in his life. Sends me pics of himself and asks a lot of questions. The problem is I feel he's rushing this a little too fast. I haven't met the guy. We haven't even set up a date as of yet. I'm starting to become turned off by such brazen talks of being together. Is there something wrong with me or am I just used to guys who are a cold fish? Should I say something to him or maybe I'm not ready to date. 2
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Have you read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/619154-you-put-quite-show It sounds a very similar initial situation to me. Him being over the top in liking you before you have actually met is something to be wary of. It's completely unrealistic to like someone so much without meeting them. It also sounds like he is blowing your phone up with messages and pictures - a possible indication of a lack of respect for your time. 5
GoldSparkz Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I would certainly be wary of someone who is making long term plans with me but hasn't even met me yet. Some people are impulsive but this guy sounds irrational. 2
Miss Spider Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 "The hotter the flame, the faster it burns" etc etc It is normal to be just as wary of people who go too fast too soon as it is people who drag their feet. There is a happy, natural medium. 4
Author Tressugar Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 Good points on everything. I have read Dis' post when she reached out. I "liked" some of the feedback on that thread. I thought love bombing was supposed to happen in person...hehe. He said he was going to send me a text to see if I would respond back before calling me to tell me good night as he didn't want to wake me from my sleep. I'm thinking on pulling way back with the hope he'll do the same. I'm not even physically attracted to him...ok in one pic I am.
CptInsano Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 [...] I thought love bombing was supposed to happen in person...hehe. [...] I'm thinking on pulling way back with the hope he'll do the same. I'm not even physically attracted to him...ok in one pic I am. Agreed, I also wouldn't call it love bombing yet. This is just pure conjecture based on online pictures. It hasn't progressed beyond wishful thinking and a lack of self-control on his part yet. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 One thing does not a red flag make - unless of course it's a really obvious one! For me there'd be two here though so far - over the top in contact - but if you are reciprocating then you're enabling that and doing it yourself also. If he is being OTT complimentary not having met you then yes, wishful thinking but also doesn't give across a stable state of mind. The rationality is that until you meet you have no idea if you are attracted. Even you TS - you say one pic attracts you - my view is always go by the worst picture and if IRL he is better looking than that then great. If the worst pic is very unattractive to me it has generally worked out that he looks most like that pic. Then again I am and have always been more attracted to average looks facially. 1
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 It's completely irrational for anyone to make long term plans with someone that they have not even met. I would be especially concerned, given the fact that he has children. A parent should be even more selective, even more cautious, move even slower when considering a partner for a relationship when they are introducing children to the situation. Im sure the attention feels nice, but be very cautious with this one... 3
OatsAndHall Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Lol.. You don't start talking about a "future" together with someone you've never met. You're not the one who's not ready to start dating again: he is. I imagine the guy is harmless but I would politely cut it off with him. But, be honest and tell him he's moving too fast: maybe he'll learn from it. 2
coolheadal Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) There's another guy (he's older, divorced, two kids) that I haven't met yet, but he's over the moon with me. He's already making long term plans to be with me. He's calling, texting me constantly and gives me updates as to what's going on in his life. Sends me pics of himself and asks a lot of questions. The problem is I feel he's rushing this a little too fast. I haven't met the guy. We haven't even set up a date as of yet. I'm starting to become turned off by such brazen talks of being together. Is there something wrong with me or am I just used to guys who are a cold fish? Should I say something to him or maybe I'm not ready to date. Don't forget you are both strangers, you and really don't know who he is really and he is forgetting one part of this puzzle. What you want, what you like and where you see yourself at now and later on down the road. He's dangerous some would say he's a nut case! Edited April 2, 2017 by coolheadal
preraph Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Hey, you have to speak up. Tell him: Hey, whoa, we haven't even MET yet. The odds of us clicking in person are statistically very low. No more talk about the future until we've met in person. Have you been Skyping or Facetiming? That would be a good next step. If you have seen him in action and are still not overly excited like he is, I would put the brakes on. Why drag it out if he's scaring you with it?
SevenCity Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Hey, you have to speak up. Tell him: Hey, whoa, we haven't even MET yet. The odds of us clicking in person are statistically very low. No more talk about the future until we've met in person. Have you been Skyping or Facetiming? That would be a good next step. In principle I agree with this, but I found it much more fruitful to not tell someone how to act. People, guys especially, will tailor their style to accommodate your needs. The best way to get to know how someone really is like is to keep your mouth shut and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I never say anything to poor behavior. I let them act in their natural state and make a decision if I want to continue based upon their true actions - not a facade they put up to please me. 3
Dis Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Have you read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/619154-you-put-quite-show It sounds a very similar initial situation to me. Him being over the top in liking you before you have actually met is something to be wary of. It's completely unrealistic to like someone so much without meeting them. It also sounds like he is blowing your phone up with messages and pictures - a possible indication of a lack of respect for your time. Hey girl Yup thats my thread and your guy sounds awfully similar to the guy I was talking about Dont trust guys who do this kind of thing Its not reasonable for him to be making long term plans with you when you guys havent even met yet What most likely happens with these types is what Cookies pointed out....they come on strong and fade out in a blink of an eye This probably wont end well Cut the cord now so he wont hurt you later 1
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, that's because it's not! 2
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 In principle I agree with this, but I found it much more fruitful to not tell someone how to act. People, guys especially, will tailor their style to accommodate your needs. The best way to get to know how someone really is like is to keep your mouth shut and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I never say anything to poor behavior. I let them act in their natural state and make a decision if I want to continue based upon their true actions - not a facade they put up to please me. I agree, but that does depend upon how hard it is for the author to say no and terminate things. Women so often get crowded into things and won't just set their foot down and refuse to let it happen. Only because some people can turn into a problem is why I now always advocate returning them to the wild as soon as it's evident they may be a stage 3 clinger or simply outside of their comfort zone. They're harder to get rid of once invested.
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