QuestioningMind Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Background info: Matched with a girl on Tinder, chatted sparingly (as she took a while to respond), got her number in three days, texted her to set up a first date. Date went exceptionally well despite me poorly planning it. We had dinner and walked around the local neighborhood for two hours just talking. As her Uber arrived, I told her to let me know when she got home. She said sure. Didn't hear anything from her for two hours, so I decided to shoot her a text about having a great night and that we should meet up for dinner the next week if she's free. No response until the next day (12 hours later).. She responded with a "thank you [for hoping she got home safe]", she had a great time, and that she's down for dinner. A week goes by between the second date, and I notice that her texting schedule seems to vary in the range of 4 hours to 10+ hours. I know that she's busy with work, and I don't need to be having texting conversations (especially during work), but is a response time of 10+ hours normal? Anyway, we met up for a second dinner and had a great time talking. I walked her home and that was it. Texted her the next day saying it was nice seeing her and that we should meet up again next week. As expected, no response for 10 hours although she said that she wants to meet up again, and to let her know what day works for me. I responded to her a day later after figuring out my schedule with which night we should have dinner, and no response. It's been 6+ hours. A few thoughts run in my head: She isn't a big texter, she really is SOO busy that she takes 10+ hours to respond, or she isn't interested (but why does she agree to go on these dates..and especially a third date?).
Tressugar Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I think she's playing games with you. It doesn't take a day to respond to a text. Everyone is busy, but we make time for what's important.
hercules22 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 i work long hours aswell but a simple text message isnt hard to do during breaks and my work very busy cant even use phone get in trouble . just looks like she doesnt want to look like she fully interested maybe or look needy? she still seems to accept your dates and show up so that must be a positive at least lol
Author QuestioningMind Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 Thanks for the response Tressugar and hercules22. Update: Received two texts 32 hours later saying "Wednesday is good :)" and "Sorry I suck at texting. Shall we do something in the ___ [neighborhood]?" I sent a message at 4:39pm on Saturday and received a response at 12:43pm Monday morning. Two weeks ago (before we first met up), she texted me something along the lines of "Haha work has been crazy..that's why I've been such a bad texter!" It's hard to fathom that someone can be that bad at texting in this day and age, especially being a millenial. I get it that some people forget to respond because they get busy, but if they're romantically interested in you, it shouldn't take 10+ hours. Side note: As I came back from the restroom during our second date, she was on her phone doing "work related" stuff. I get that work is important, but if someone is on their phone during a date, how can they not check their phone at other times.. My thoughts, before receiving the latest texts, were that: 1) she ghosted me 2) I didn't get her message since I was in an area with no service 3) She's playing games. Are there other reasons why someone takes forever and a day to respond? Sorry if this sounds like ranting, but I'm genuinely interested in this girl as I feel like we have great in-person communication and lots in common. I hate the thought of "playing games". If I see the message, I'll respond in a timely manner (whether it be friends or someone I'm interested in). How should I proceed in this situation now? It's frustrating to not hear back for 10+ hours, but there's some weight off my shoulders when I do hear back and it's about agreeing / confirming the next meet. I feel like this is something I want to bring up sooner than later to her, but I don't want to sound needy. I feel like if I don't initiate the next date by a simple message, it won't happen.
KBarletta Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I can kind of relate to this, as I am dating someone who is really bad at responding to texts in a timely way. It takes hours usually. She also is very busy with work. But we've been on like 10 dates and have been physical, so I know there is interest there, she's just a bad texter it happens. (Also, we're GenX, which may or may not matter.) I would suggest, though, that if you are on your third date with this woman, you should initiate some physical contact and see how she responds. That will tell you way more about her level of interest than how long it takes her to text you back, IMO. And it will communicate to her that YOU are interested, because she needs to know that, too.
Miss Spider Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I'm a millennial and Im a "bad texter" in that I hate texting. It's like live chat, but not rly, so you have to keep checking it and having disjointed convos, most of which are of no significance with like 20+ people at the same time Don't be one of those ppl who dissects It and uses it alone to gauge interest. In conjunction with other things, by all means.
kendahke Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 is a response time of 10+ hours normal? For her, it might be. Not everyone is glued to their cell phone 24/7. I know I'm not. It gets me in trouble with my babygirl because I leave my phone in my purse while I'm doing other things around the house. I phone and talk if I have something to say. I only use texting to confirm information. I hate the thought of "playing games". Then stop using texting and use calling and talking with her. She's already told you she sucks at texting, so dial her up from now on.
SevenCity Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 This is why you go for a kiss at the end of your first date. That way, you know right away if she's interested immediately and don't waste time. After a first date if a girl is interested she'll be waiting for your text. I have one girl who responds hours later and seems otherwise interested because we have had sex. Overall though, if a girl is interested she'll respond in a timely manner. As far as why she would agree to a third date? If you take me out to dinner for free and I don't have to kiss you (I'm a dude) I probably would like it. Just because a girl goes out with you doesn't mean she's romantically interested. That's up to you to find out.
Author QuestioningMind Posted April 5, 2017 Author Posted April 5, 2017 I would suggest, though, that if you are on your third date with this woman, you should initiate some physical contact and see how she responds. That will tell you way more about her level of interest than how long it takes her to text you back, IMO. And it will communicate to her that YOU are interested, because she needs to know that, too. Thanks for the suggestion - I'll see how it goes tonight! I'm a millennial and Im a "bad texter" in that I hate texting. It's like live chat, but not rly, so you have to keep checking it and having disjointed convos, most of which are of no significance with like 20+ people at the same time Don't be one of those ppl who dissects It and uses it alone to gauge interest. In conjunction with other things, by all means. I'm not saying I need to be texting all day, everyday, to gauge interest. I'm just kind of baffled at the fact that it takes 10+ hours to respond, or some times no response at all, when a question is asked. I get that people are busy so I don't expect instant responses. I also know she's under no obligation to respond, so that's another factor. *shrug* This is why you go for a kiss at the end of your first date. That way, you know right away if she's interested immediately and don't waste time. After a first date if a girl is interested she'll be waiting for your text. It's a little too late to go back to the first date.. I'll keep it in mind for the future first dates. But I'm not the type to force a kiss if it doesn't feel right. Overall though, if a girl is interested she'll respond in a timely manner. What's a 'timely manner' to you? As far as why she would agree to a third date? If you take me out to dinner for free and I don't have to kiss you (I'm a dude) I probably would like it. Just because a girl goes out with you doesn't mean she's romantically interested. That's up to you to find out. Some background info: - Date 1: I paid for dinner even though she offered to split. She got ice cream afterwards. - Date 2: She offered to pay because I got dinner on the first date, I said no. Then she offered to split, so we went with that. So.. I didn't pay for everything. Sure, maybe she could just be using me as company to try out new restaurants or to go out. HAHA. We're supposed to meet up tonight for Date #3 so we'll see how that goes. After each date that we've had, I've always been the one initiating the convo and asking for the next date. In my mind, I'm thinking that if she's interested, she'd at least send a message about having a great time and expressing interest in another meetup. But I'm also thinking that if she is 'a bad texter', I may never hear from her if I don't initiate. Is this where 'persistence' comes into play where I have to keep initiating and asking for her time if I'm interested?
Author QuestioningMind Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Went on our third dinner date last night. Things went well. Talked throughout dinner asking random questions as well as a little deeper questions. Also brought up the 32 hours response time thing with her and she basically said that she either 1) checks her phone, says she'll respond later (has to drive, has work, etc), and ends up forgetting to respond 2) drafts a message, and forgets to hit send, and 3) I forgot what else she said.. Anyway, we had a great time. Walked her to her car, and went in for a kiss, and noticed that she reciprocated by pulling me a bit closer too. Stopped after a few seconds 'cause she said she had to leave. No biggy. Expressed to her that I enjoyed seeing her and meeting up, then I told her to let me know when she gets back home. No response (as expected) so I decided to message her this morning that I had a great time last night, and that we should check out a movie this Sunday if she's free. We've been on three dinner dates (during the week) so far and I'm looking to do something other / in addition to eating, but I'll be busy this weekend, she'll be busy next weekend, and our schedules are difficult to work with during the workweek. I'm planning on asking her if she wants to go hiking three weekends from now, but would some of you consider it "boring" if all we did was meet up for dinner (for now) during the week (given the weekend plans already made)?
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 You went on 3 dates...what the hell did you talk about in that time? In those dates you should be asking about what interests her, where she likes to go, what she likes to do, etc...then you plan your dates based on that info. She like animals? take her to a pet store or visit a zoo (if any exist) just as an example. She like being out on the water? take for a ferry ride to a small town or a small cruise around a harbor,....things like that. Take her to one of those fancy markets, grab some fish and chips. Keep it simple, but think outside of the box, be different.
Ribeiro2245 Posted April 7, 2017 Posted April 7, 2017 Background info: Matched with a girl on Tinder, chatted sparingly (as she took a while to respond), got her number in three days, texted her to set up a first date. Date went exceptionally well despite me poorly planning it. We had dinner and walked around the local neighborhood for two hours just talking. As her Uber arrived, I told her to let me know when she got home. She said sure. Didn't hear anything from her for two hours, so I decided to shoot her a text about having a great night and that we should meet up for dinner the next week if she's free. No response until the next day (12 hours later).. She responded with a "thank you [for hoping she got home safe]", she had a great time, and that she's down for dinner. A week goes by between the second date, and I notice that her texting schedule seems to vary in the range of 4 hours to 10+ hours. I know that she's busy with work, and I don't need to be having texting conversations (especially during work), but is a response time of 10+ hours normal? Anyway, we met up for a second dinner and had a great time talking. I walked her home and that was it. Texted her the next day saying it was nice seeing her and that we should meet up again next week. As expected, no response for 10 hours although she said that she wants to meet up again, and to let her know what day works for me. I responded to her a day later after figuring out my schedule with which night we should have dinner, and no response. It's been 6+ hours. A few thoughts run in my head: She isn't a big texter, she really is SOO busy that she takes 10+ hours to respond, or she isn't interested (but why does she agree to go on these dates..and especially a third date?). You're contacting her way too soon in between dates. You have to give women a chance to miss you. Let women come to you at their own pace. She is slowly losing interest because you are being needy and overpursuing . Don't hit her up again. Wait for her to contact you and when she does, set a date.
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