downtothis Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 So a few weeks ago, I started talking to the guy I had a crush on. He was really nice and we had multiple common interests. Six days after we met, he asked me out to date. Unsure what to say, because this is my first relationship, I said yes. So we went and had a good time and everything. The following Monday, he told he to sit with his friends. I was kind of reluctant but I did. The next day, I wanted to sit with my friend, and she was a bit salty regarding my new guy, so he said that she was being immature. On Saturday, I went out with him again. And he kissed me during this date and formally asked me out to which I said yes. There was a one week break for March break (I'm Canadian) and then, at school, he told me my friend was being immature again just because she didn't like him. One week later, he said he loved me. I understand I had a crush on him but we'd only known each for three and a half weeks. And we still barely knew each other because all he'd do is kiss me. I also remember eating with my friend and in the middle of me eating with her, he texted me and said he was feeling depressed because I wasn't with him. This has happened two times. He also follows me everywhere and needs to know everything about my day. Another important point: I expressed the possibility of me being bisexual to him and some of my closest friends yesterday. He confronted me and said he was worried about me leaving him. I said I wouldn't unless I was lesbian. I thought he would be okay but he just frowned and said not to break up with him even if I was lesbian. I don't what to do. Leaving him could ruin my reputation and he also said a lot of people have left him. I think this could progress to an abusive relationship because he's taking things way too fast. Any suggestions? Thank you xx 1
preraph Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Oh, boy, you are smart. You saw the signs of abuse right away, trying to rid you of friends, being overly jealous, having to track your every move and not the least of which is saying "I love you" way too soon. This guy probably can't really love. He's messed up. He's obsessive and jealous and not that it matters, but it can stem back to low self-esteem and needing someone to prop him up and prove to himself he's good enough. The sooner and more firmly you break off with him the better. The longer people stay invested, the harder it is to get away from them. So I truly advise you to just tell him, "I'm sorry, I have come to realize that we are not a good match. Please respect my decision and don't try to change my mind." Then if he won't stop, you'll have to write him a text or email so you have it on file saying "I don't want any more contact from you," and you should go ahead and block him anyway. Let us know what happens. I'm sorry this happened so soon to you and with someone you had high hopes for. Just goes to show people aren't who you hope they'll be usually. And don't agree to be "just friends" with him. That's just a desperate ploy to get another shot at you and control your life some more. 3
telemakus Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I feel you compressed an entire season of Dawson'signs Creek into 3 weeks. God I'm old. 3
Author downtothis Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 Oh, boy, you are smart. You saw the signs of abuse right away, trying to rid you of friends, being overly jealous, having to track your every move and not the least of which is saying "I love you" way too soon. This guy probably can't really love. He's messed up. He's obsessive and jealous and not that it matters, but it can stem back to low self-esteem and needing someone to prop him up and prove to himself he's good enough. The sooner and more firmly you break off with him the better. The longer people stay invested, the harder it is to get away from them. So I truly advise you to just tell him, "I'm sorry, I have come to realize that we are not a good match. Please respect my decision and don't try to change my mind." Then if he won't stop, you'll have to write him a text or email so you have it on file saying "I don't want any more contact from you," and you should go ahead and block him anyway. Let us know what happens. I'm sorry this happened so soon to you and with someone you had high hopes for. Just goes to show people aren't who you hope they'll be usually. And don't agree to be "just friends" with him. That's just a desperate ploy to get another shot at you and control your life some more. There's a bit more to it. He's just really nice in general. Like he'll compliment me a lot and he bought me candy when I was on my period. I also have internet friends gets along well with them. Too well, you could say. Like whenever I tell him something, he'll tell them. I don't what that's supposed to do. Should I still end the relationship?
spiderowl Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Wanting to know too much about what you are doing that day is not a good sign. It might a sign of a controlling person. The rest, however, could be controlling but it could also be that he likes you and wants your attention. You should not let him choose when you sit with your friends or not. If he says your friends are immature, that is his judgement and it is up to you whether you agree with his perception or not. Why do your friends not like him? One cannot assume they have got it right but of course you need to pay attention to your friends because they have known you for longer. I think this guy may have a tendency to be controlling but you could stand up to him. The question is whether he just needs clear boundaries or he is likely to become more controlling and even abusive. None of us know that. You just need to be careful. 1
preraph Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Obsessive people can't be "just friends" with you. Like you said, he's making sure everyone knows he's talking to you, and I predict he would continue to do that in an effort to make it look like you're more involved than you are. He's marking his territory. So on one hand, he's busy trying to turn you against your friend while meanwhile he's talking to your friends on the internet making sure they know you're in his pocket. I don't trust him at all, but you're the one who knows him. His type is really predictable, jealous, obsessive, and that's why I don't think you can keep contact with him without only making it a lot harder to get away from him.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Get away from him. He's nuts. Seriously. This is already very disturbing and you barely know him. It's a sign of much worse to come. Leaving him won't ruin your reputation. You can be honest and tell people who question you that he made you uncomfortable. Period. Don't bother trying to be friends with him either. He sounds unstable. 1
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 This is why it's always a bad idea to date someone that you go to school with. I did it once going against my better judgement and it ended in disaster. Same thing with dating a coworker....bad idea. I was in an abusive relationship when I was 15 for two years, and what you posted is all too familiar. Your gut instinct is right. He is being possessive, and who is he to criticize your dear friend....she has feelings too. He is the one that is being immature. I agree with the others you are putting yourself in a bad position being with him. Abusers go out of their way to separate you from friends so they can have complete control....trust me when a guy does this...it's not an act of love at all. Girl you have all the power. You have the ability to stand up for yourself and set him straight on how this is gonna play out. Tell him he must give you space to spend time with your friend without him fussing about it. If doesn't like it, you tell him to go stuff it. Don't you dare let him threaten you, or manipulate you. Stand your ground. Never ever let a guy push you around.....ever. If he starts spreading rumors about you, you can easily counter those rumors with the truth on how obsessive he is, and now he is just being a whiny B&^%$....make sure all the girls know what he is truly like...he will be forever GF-less in that school.
Author downtothis Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 We had a discussion about him and he said I was being different. When I asked him what I did, he said I was being off on Friday and I wasn't paying much attention to him and that I was wearing pink and (I know I said and too many times) and that I did my eyeliner differently. I'm still pretty appalled by how stupid that is. I also didn't message him on Saturday and he started messaging all my internet friends, asking them what was wrong with me. Then he wrote a long paragraph saying how good he feels when I'm with him even though he doesn't know me. He also mentioned how he thinks I'm focusing on school too much
todreaminblue Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 i would be open and honest with him......tell him your boundaries...but dont let your friends overstep boundaries...in my opinion they should be supportive if you are happy..and it sounds like they were salty before even giving him a chance....a guy wont know he has overstepped your comfort level if you dont tell him they arent mind readers..... i feel that if you dont open up and be honest the problems you are having are directly related to your inability to speak to change what boundaries are being over stepped..i know this because i struggle with an ex at the moment who is calling me constantly......and im not back with him..... .cant blame a guy for not knowing or being told.....if you really like the guy...communicate with him...if you are looking for advice that tells to you to leave..then you should leave.....if you really like him stay....see where things go after you show and tell the boundaries ...........good luck...deb
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