bradt93 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I know I post on this board, but I want to admit this I'm 28 and I never had sex. Should I feel ashamed and embarrassed? Is that unusual?
Chilli Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 You'd probably be amazed at how common that could be in girls or guys. Don't think l'd be advertising it but l also wouldn't be ashamed of it when that special girl comes along. ps, besides , lotta girls would probably love to get their hands on a 28yr old virgin
road Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Nothing to be ashamed though the question is why. As are you dating much?
Author bradt93 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 My aspergers is keeping me from socializing like I should be.
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 No, you should not feel ashamed at all. Lots of people have not had sex by your age, for various reasons. Some are waiting for someone special, some are just very shy, others find it difficult to socialise. There are lots of reasons why someone might be an adult and not have had sex. Is there anything that helps you to socialise? Do you have any best friends who you can go out with? You might find it easier to get on with very geeky girls who often have the same difficulties with socialising. What do you find most difficult about socialising, if you had to list three things?
Author bradt93 Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 No, you should not feel ashamed at all. Lots of people have not had sex by your age, for various reasons. Some are waiting for someone special, some are just very shy, others find it difficult to socialise. There are lots of reasons why someone might be an adult and not have had sex. Is there anything that helps you to socialise? Do you have any best friends who you can go out with? You might find it easier to get on with very geeky girls who often have the same difficulties with socialising. What do you find most difficult about socialising, if you had to list three things? Well, young adult lol. Here are my 3 things what I find most difficult about socializing 1. Having a conversation with someone and just stopping the middle of it. 2. Just being nervous to talk to people in general 3. Fearing if I socialize with a girl, I will get rejected.
spiderowl Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) It's great that you can identify particular areas which bother you. If we look at each of them, maybe it will help: 1. Having a conversation with someone and just stopping the middle of it. Do you mean you stop in the middle of the conversation? Do you forget what has been said and lose track of the conversation or just run out of things to say? People do often run out of things to say and there is no harm in a lull in the conversation. That is the time when maybe you could offer to go and get drinks or go to the loo for a mental break or maybe go buy some crisps to share. Turn the lull into a natural break instead of getting worried about it. Sometimes conversations can seem too intense and this can relieve tension and create a better atmosphere on returning. 2. Just being nervous to talk to people in general I truly sympathise as I struggle with this too. It is true to say that if you ask people about themselves and then ask them about what they have told you, that is a good way to converse. People like to talk about themselves and you get to know them better. It is worth asking them to elaborate on things that seem to matter to them. Best to avoid talking too much about your own special interests unless encouraged to to do. It does need to be a balance between what matters to them and what matters to you though. You could pay attention to what people seem happy to talk about - when they are smiling and laughing and clearly enjoying the conversation - and when they go quiet and start talking to others. These things happen to everyone in conversations and we all learn what works and what doesn't. 3. Fearing if I socialize with a girl, I will get rejected. I think it's really difficult for guys who really do have to put themselves at risk of rejection. If you want a girl, you have to take the risk of talking to her, getting to know her and asking her out. Be prepared for some to turn you down. Try to learn what makes girls seem happy with you and what makes them less happy. It is the same for everyone - guys who do not have Asperger's make the same kind of mistakes; it is a learning process. One thing I do know is that the guys who take the risks of asking a girl out are more likely to get dates. I have known quite a few guys who I have liked and of those, only the ones who dared ask got a date. That is because they asked! I had to assume the others weren't interested. If you are interested in a girl, let her know. It shows confidence and that is attractive. If you see taking the risk as a natural part of showing you are a man, it might be a better way of looking at it than thinking if it would be a terrible thing if I am rejected. Guys do get rejected but those who stand up and take the risk seem to have an understanding that stepping up does not necessarily mean you win, it means you have the strength to show you will go for what you want. Edited April 2, 2017 by spiderowl
5x5 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 To parrot everyone else, yes it's unusual and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. My aspergers is keeping me from socializing like I should be. Perhaps you might do well dating women who have Asperger's as well. Are there any social or dating groups for people like you? ps, besides , lotta girls would probably love to get their hands on a 28yr old virgin That's not very likely, it is more likely that most would not find it very appealing at that age.
Author bradt93 Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 To parrot everyone else, yes it's unusual and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Perhaps you might do well dating women who have Asperger's as well. Are there any social or dating groups for people like you? That's not very likely, it is more likely that most would not find it very appealing at that age. Well, what if you explained to the girl the circumstance of why you're a virgin at such a late age? Besides, would they even know if you were a virgin or not if you didn't tell them or could they tell if you're nervous having sex when you haven't had it before.
road Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Well, what if you explained to the girl the circumstance of why you're a virgin at such a late age? Besides, would they even know if you were a virgin or not if you didn't tell them or could they tell if you're nervous having sex when you haven't had it before. No need to tell them you are a virgin.
spiderowl Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 They would not know at all. There is no way to tell if a guy is a virgin. Even experienced guys, who have been married, divorced and had several relationships, can come across as not having a clue in bed.
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Asperger's holds many people back. The social aspects of the condition are part of it. If you have a therapist talk to that person about how you are feelings & work with that person to improve your social skills.
Recommended Posts