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Ex making it very difficult to get rid of him and cut all cords.

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
Posted (edited)

Won't get into details, but the break up was nasty, and we both did some things that we regret.

 

I don't want to come off bitter or like I'm blaming, but this all started because of his temper and inability to be an adult. Some weeks passed, we met up to exchange things, and I apologized for what happened.

 

He doesn't see his faults. He is very delusional, which if fine because that's no longer my problem, but he keeps sticking around. He finds reasons to see me. He won't return all of my things so that in a few weeks time he can have another reason to see me.

 

I wanted to get all my things from his place at the time of breakup, but he was too pissed off at that and kicked me out. Now he keeps delaying and delaying. I've sent family over to his place to gather my things, but he didn't give them everything. I've also suggested to go there and collect everything myself, but he's either too busy or never home. Always an excuse. I don't know how else to detach from him. He's making it difficult (he's very codependent).

 

These aren't just things I can forget about. I'm talking expensive shoes and leather jackets.

 

Any advice?

Edited by Hopeful30
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

Any advice?

 

Yes, never leave valuable things over your bf's house. Like never. Did you hear that? Never! I don't care how in love you are or how much you think you have a future together. Until you have a ring on your finger, keep your things at your place.

 

In the meantime, pretend play nice until you get all of your things.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Yes, never leave valuable things over your bf's house. Like never. Did you hear that? Never! I don't care how in love you are or how much you think you have a future together. Until you have a ring on your finger, keep your things at your place.

 

In the meantime, pretend play nice until you get all of your things.

 

He literally physically grabbed me and threw me out before I could get the last of it. The nastiness of the break up is that he got abusive. I hope that clears things up.

 

It's difficult to play nice because I physically feel sick everytime I see him. I literally just see him as this pathetic, disgusting human being who doesn't know how to be a man. How DARE he put his hands on me. This feeling of anger and disgust hasn't worn off quite yet, which is why I'm desperate to get the last of my belongings to get rid of him faster.

 

Of course now that I've kicked him to the curb he's acting like the good guy again, but I really, really don't want this person in my life.

Edited by Hopeful30
  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
He literally physically grabbed me and threw me out before I could get the last of it. The nastiness of the break up is that he got abusive. I hope that clears things up.

 

It's difficult to play nice because I physically feel sick everytime I see him. I literally just see him as this pathetic, disgusting human being who doesn't know how to be a man. How DARE he put his hands on me. This feeling of anger and disgust hasn't worn off quite yet, which is why I'm desperate to get the last of my belongings to get rid of him faster.

 

Of course now that I've kicked him to the curb he's acting like the good guy again, but I really, really don't want this person in my life.

 

I was talking about in the future (meaning with new boyfriends) never leave valuable things at their house when you are on good terms and getting along.

 

And play nice or forfeit your stuff. This is the lesson you will learn from this.

  • Like 2
curiouslysearching Established Member

curiouslysearching

Posted
Posted
He literally physically grabbed me and threw me out before I could get the last of it. The nastiness of the break up is that he got abusive. I hope that clears things up.

 

It's difficult to play nice because I physically feel sick everytime I see him. I literally just see him as this pathetic, disgusting human being who doesn't know how to be a man. How DARE he put his hands on me. This feeling of anger and disgust hasn't worn off quite yet, which is why I'm desperate to get the last of my belongings to get rid of him faster.

 

Of course now that I've kicked him to the curb he's acting like the good guy again, but I really, really don't want this person in my life.

 

There is NO REASON or SCENARIO that condones him doing this to you.

No man has the right to treat a woman like that...

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
Won't get into details, but the break up was nasty, and we both did some things that we regret.

 

I don't want to come off bitter or like I'm blaming, but this all started because of his temper and inability to be an adult. Some weeks passed, we met up to exchange things, and I apologized for what happened.

 

He doesn't see his faults. He is very delusional, which if fine because that's no longer my problem, but he keeps sticking around. He finds reasons to see me. He won't return all of my things so that in a few weeks time he can have another reason to see me.

 

I wanted to get all my things from his place at the time of breakup, but he was too pissed off at that and kicked me out. Now he keeps delaying and delaying. I've sent family over to his place to gather my things, but he didn't give them everything. I've also suggested to go there and collect everything myself, but he's either too busy or never home. Always an excuse. I don't know how else to detach from him. He's making it difficult (he's very codependent).

 

These aren't just things I can forget about. I'm talking expensive shoes and leather jackets.

 

Any advice?

 

HOLY COW! My ex was in a relationship like this. Just before we got together, she was involved with a guy who wouldn't return her things to her. She actually had to pay him to get her things back! It was crazy and just another sign that I should have avoided her. Oh, well.

 

Not saying that is the case for you, but this type of 'hostage-taking (things instead of people, of course)' is definitely a way to make it difficult for you AND provide an excuse to continue seeing you, holding onto what power he/she may have had or still possess.

 

I would bring some friends, family members to retrieve the items. Eventually involve the police, if it comes to that.

act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

1) Jump into time machine.

2) Collect all belongings and remove from household before breaking up.

 

If you have money to work with, you could probably hire/consult with an attorney to assist in the legalities of collecting your things. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll have to play nice until you get things back, and you may have to just resolve yourself to the fact that you'll have to forfeit these items in order to completely sever ties. If you "pull out the big guns," he may destroy or throw away/give away your things, so I think you're kinda screwed either way. You may wish to seek police to assist in showing up to the home to collect your belongings. Give local police a call and see if there's a protocol.

newheart Established Member

newheart

Posted
Posted
He literally physically grabbed me and threw me out before I could get the last of it. The nastiness of the break up is that he got abusive. I hope that clears things up.

 

In my opinion, no amount of nice things, I mean none - not my Louis Vuitton handbags - are worth this. I get it, I like my expensive shoes too, but he is holding onto these items as a control tactic and that is abusive behavior. Either call the police and see if they can escort you to retrieve your belongings - if you truly can't live without them - or let them go and eventually replace them. Personally, I don't think the cost of the items exceeds the cost of your safety and self respect. Whatever you decide, good luck!

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Won't get into details, but the break up was nasty, and we both did some things that we regret.

 

I don't want to come off bitter or like I'm blaming, but this all started because of his temper and inability to be an adult. Some weeks passed, we met up to exchange things, and I apologized for what happened.

 

He doesn't see his faults. He is very delusional, which if fine because that's no longer my problem, but he keeps sticking around. He finds reasons to see me. He won't return all of my things so that in a few weeks time he can have another reason to see me.

 

I wanted to get all my things from his place at the time of breakup, but he was too pissed off at that and kicked me out. Now he keeps delaying and delaying. I've sent family over to his place to gather my things, but he didn't give them everything. I've also suggested to go there and collect everything myself, but he's either too busy or never home. Always an excuse. I don't know how else to detach from him. He's making it difficult (he's very codependent).

 

These aren't just things I can forget about. I'm talking expensive shoes and leather jackets.

 

Any advice?

 

You go there with a police escort and pack up your things . . .

 

But, I'm talking expensive shoes and leather jackets.

-- There isn't anything more valuable than my peace of mind . . . leave the stuff if you don't want a police escort. He's not holding the stuff hostage, he's holding you hostage. I don't negotiate with terrorists or codependent people . . .

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

It's only difficult because you're holding on to the other end of the rope because of a few things, expensive or not . . . drop your end and he falls on his rear end.

  • Like 2
soulforge Established Member

soulforge

Posted
Posted
He literally physically grabbed me and threw me out before I could get the last of it. The nastiness of the break up is that he got abusive. I hope that clears things up.

 

It's difficult to play nice because I physically feel sick everytime I see him. I literally just see him as this pathetic, disgusting human being who doesn't know how to be a man. How DARE he put his hands on me. This feeling of anger and disgust hasn't worn off quite yet, which is why I'm desperate to get the last of my belongings to get rid of him faster.

 

Of course now that I've kicked him to the curb he's acting like the good guy again, but I really, really don't want this person in my life.

 

 

 

When you say he got abusive? Is this something that has been going on for a while?

 

Any details of this? And delusional???

EmilyJane Established Member

EmilyJane

Posted
Posted

Get a police escort to collect your belongings.

 

Tell them he was physically abusive and is controlling your leaving by not allowing you to collect your things.

 

They should help. I know a friend in the US who just literally had to do the same thing.

  • Like 2
marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted

And one day when he totally goes dark on you (and he will), you might be on here posting how someone who once loved you (to the point of holding your items for ransom) totally vanished.

 

 

My point here is right now you might be in a perceived position of power but that never lasts. Even dumpees like this guy eventually man up and all these angry feelings your feeling right now will vanish when all your getting is radio silence.

 

 

In a few months you won't recognise yourself as the author of this post.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
In my opinion, no amount of nice things, I mean none - not my Louis Vuitton handbags - are worth this. I get it, I like my expensive shoes too, but he is holding onto these items as a control tactic and that is abusive behavior. Either call the police and see if they can escort you to retrieve your belongings - if you truly can't live without them - or let them go and eventually replace them. Personally, I don't think the cost of the items exceeds the cost of your safety and self respect. Whatever you decide, good luck!

 

Yes get the Police to escort you to collect your things. If you can't do that just chalk them up as a loss and let it go.

anna121 Established Member

anna121

Posted
Posted
And one day when he totally goes dark on you (and he will), you might be on here posting how someone who once loved you (to the point of holding your items for ransom) totally vanished.

 

 

My point here is right now you might be in a perceived position of power but that never lasts. Even dumpees like this guy eventually man up and all these angry feelings your feeling right now will vanish when all your getting is radio silence.

 

 

In a few months you won't recognise yourself as the author of this post.

 

This has gotta win the award for the biggest non sequitur response. Ever.

 

OP, go there one time when you are sure he will be there. Bring someone with you. Have with you a itemized list of the things you are seeking to have returned. If he won't allow access, make a police report. Get a lawyer to draft a demand letter.

 

If he assaulted you, consider pressing charges.

 

In the end, it's his house. It may take effort, time and possibly $$ to retrieve your stuff.

 

What sort of nice stuff are we talking about? Prada? Dior? Great sentimental value?

 

Look. I like nice stuff too. I mean, really nice stuff. I'm a lawyer, so I have other ways to deal with this kind of sitch, but if it was causing me grief I'd leave it behind in a heartbeat. I can always buy another Prada bag.

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