t3000 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 So there’s this girl at work who I pretty sure likes me.. A few weeks ago i was out and bumped into her boss, she randomly told me this girl liked me. So i messaged her on the work system got her number and ask her out. She said yes, but for various reasons on both sides we couldnt meet up for a few weeks. Also because we work in different departments unfortunately we havnt had the chance to bump into each and chat properly again, but have been txting and have caught each others glance in passing a couple of times with a small smile. anyway we where meant to go for a drink last friday, and she suddenly cancelled with no explination asking if we could rearrange to another date. A few days later she told me that she felt uncomfortable, because we worked in the same office, that she was new and didnt usually date people at work. But said i should come chat to her next time i m in her department.... i m very aware not to get in the friend zoned thing Anyway i get the feeling that she is just a bit freaked out incase it didnt work out, she’s new and doesnt want to mess her work situation up. I also feel that because we havnt had person to person contact over the last few weeks, that this might have also made her insecure about the potential drink and situation. i feel the best thing i can do is just keep being friendly, try to spend some more real time with her, be a bit flirty, patient and as we get know each other better take it from there. I m usually pretty good with these things and have dated a lot of girls, the only reason i m chasing is that when were person to person chatting i get a really good vibe, and can tell her too and those things dont come around that often…my intuition is usualy quite good with these things? Hopefully i m not being blind and she’s just not interested? what your advice? thanks
OatsAndHall Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 She's told you that she doesn't want to date co-workers so respect that and back off. Yes, she sounds interested in you but she is being polite by basically friend-zoning you. You'll make her uncomfortable and create problems for yourself professionally if you push this. 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 She's told you that she doesn't want to date co-workers so respect that and back off. Yes, she sounds interested in you but she is being polite by basically friend-zoning you. You'll make her uncomfortable and create problems for yourself professionally if you push this. She's being wise in this matter. I have not nor will I ever date someone who works in the same building as I do and especially somewhere I enjoy working. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 My advice is . . . don't defecate in the place where the money for your food comes from . . . She liked you enough to consider having a drink with you and then she used her head instead of acting on her emotions and hormones and logic prevailed. What do you do? You respect her ability to use logic and reason and be a responsible person who values her job and her work environment and leave her alone in terms of dating her. She apparently has insight about workplace romances and the consequences of fallout when things don't go well. They very often fail. There are lots of threads on these boards that highlight the discomfort and awkwardness that dating co-workers causes. This is a risk/reward situation. High risk/low chance of reward. Insight and self-control are signs of maturity. If you pursue her, you also run the risk of a harassment complaint. 3
act00 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Dating someone in the workplace can be a slippery slope. If it doesn't work out, things can be awkward and can even get hostile. She is wise to avoid it. If she does not want to date a coworker, respect her choice. 1
Author t3000 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing It always starts this way... 1
Redhead14 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing What she's missing??? Being with a guy who doesn't want to accept/respect her wishes and then proceeds to be in her head and look for ways to manipulate the situation/her? What would happen in the future when you didn't like something else she said or did? Would you try to spin it and work around it? Get out of her head and focus on you and your job/well-being. 4
Hopeful30 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 The ugly truth is this: She's just not that into you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 The ugly truth is this: She's just not that into you. Honestly, there may be some truth to this. It may very well be that she is not into you ENOUGH to risk dating YOU as a co-worker.
preraph Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 That person who told you that may have misinterpreted whatever she said or did to make her think she liked you. She may have just asked your name or something that doesn't mean anything. Anyway, she has asked to reschedule, is that right? If so, tell her, Yes, I'm worried about dating in the workplace too, so how about we scale it back to just coffee and just get to know each other a tiny bit and see if it's even worth the risk. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing She may have reservations about dating a coworker. Some refuse to date coworkers. some workplaces have rules on no dating. My own perspective..... I generally would not date people I work with closely like part of the team I work with. If I work for a large employer with say 1,000+ employees I dont have an issue dating someone I met at work but dont really have direct work involvement with them. WE might have meet being part of a large project but now the project is done we really dont work together anymore.
kendahke Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 . i m very aware not to get in the friend zoned thing First off, you're in the work zone thing. This is a colleague thing and nothing more. Anyway i get the feeling that she is just a bit freaked out incase it didnt work out, she’s new and doesnt want to mess her work situation up. I also feel that because we havnt had person to person contact over the last few weeks, that this might have also made her insecure about the potential drink and situation. i feel the best thing i can do is just keep being friendly, try to spend some more real time with her, be a bit flirty, patient and as we get know each other better take it from there. I m usually pretty good with these things and have dated a lot of girls, the only reason i m chasing is that when were person to person chatting i get a really good vibe, and can tell her too and those things dont come around that often…my intuition is usualy quite good with these things? Hopefully i m not being blind and she’s just not interested? I I I I I... an awful lot of "I"'s in that paragraph... what your advice? thanks Respect what she said: she felt uncomfortable, because we worked in the same office, that she was new and didnt usually date people at work. and look elsewhere for your dates. She doesn't date coworkers. 1
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing It is still harassment even if you feel it's in a gentlemanly way...you are disregarding her request to not pursue things any further. Nice try fry guy... 2
chphan Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing Something tells me deep down you don't care and still want to pursue her hense the need to create this topic. You looking for people here to tell you to still go after her. And you know what I hope you do go after her. And I hope she talk to her superior or HR and file a sexual harassment case against you. Some people just can't take a polite hint of rejection because they are full of themselves. 1
Author t3000 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 Wow you guys are crazy, whats with all the harassment talk, where do you all work and live! You can still be nice and flirt with someone without being a creep....the world was built on a bit of optimism, belief and good old romance.
OatsAndHall Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 (edited) yeah thanks. I m not really the harassment type of guy, i have a bit more respect for her and myself. if i pursued her in would be with respect and caution, and in a gentlemanly way. Basically just showing her whats she's missing It doesn't matter how you pursue it: she has established her boundary. So, if you truly want to approach it with "respect and caution", you'll give her the space she has asked for. There is nothing "gentlemanly" about actively pursuing a woman who has said she doesn't want to be pursued. Also, let's assume that she doesn't file a harassment complaint against you. You're still not respecting her wishes by flirting with her or trying to "show her what she's missing". That's not "good ol fashion romance"; that's obsessive bullsh-t. Edited April 1, 2017 by OatsAndHall 1
Author t3000 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 who said no space. patients, understanding and respect are key to any relationship, and if there is no vibe after that then life goes on.... but life only progress and the most beautiful things only happen when boundaries are broken.
OatsAndHall Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 who said no space. patients, understanding and respect are key to any relationship, and if there is no vibe after that then life goes on.... but life only progress and the most beautiful things only happen when boundaries are broken. Given your reaction to our responses, I don't think she friend-zoned you.. I think she came to the realization that you have an obsession with her and is getting the f-ck away from you. But, feel free to express that deeply insightful bit philosophy at the HR meeting.. And then at the restraining order hearing. 4
Author t3000 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 lol ....you have a big imagination. not sure what your experience's are ... but things aren't always so extreme or black and white
OatsAndHall Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 lol ....you have a big imagination. not sure what your experience's are ... but things aren't always so extreme or black and white Well, my experiences involve acknowledging people's requests and their boundaries. And, I didn't need strangers over the internet to tell me to do so. Common decency taught me this basic level of respect. I'm not appalled at your lack of common sense when it comes to your job. I'm disgusted with your lack of consideration with regards to the very "black and white" line in the sand your co-worker has drawn for you. At best, it appears as if you're a creepy co-worker. At worst, you're a stalker who has some serious issues and delusions. 2
kendahke Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 who said no space. patients, understanding and respect are key to any relationship, and if there is no vibe after that then life goes on.... but life only progress and the most beautiful things only happen when boundaries are broken. Pride goes before destruction.... Whoooooh! That's some ammunition there. You do know that the rules governing the use of internet have changed dramatically in the past week, right?
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 In general it's not a good idea to socialize with people you work with outside of the workplace. It's easy to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than anyone else, but they are not friends. So don't socialize with them outside of work and don't share much of yourself outside of the workplace with them. And certainly don't do social networking with them because they will take information (even trivial, mundane things) and use them against you. And CERTAINLY do not date coworkers either. That's taking things to another level you cannot escape, try as you might. She said no, and that's the end of the story. Move on.
Recommended Posts