Ex and I flash-backed, what now?

[Bromeo]

Well you've given her complete power by putting the ball in her court. Never let yourself become someones option, who is she to decide whether she wants you in her life or not.

 

If someone needs to make a decision as to be in your life or not, your firm answer should always be no. As for needing to know whether the split is real or not, if she didn't call you/contact you within a few minutes of dumping you, profusely apologizing and begging for a second chance, consider it over.

Otherwise the best you'll get is her taking you back and dumping you again.

 

Dating a woman on med is something I wouldn't advise. Such a person in a relationship is like a sprinter trying to compete with a broken leg. Next time, tell her to give you a call when she's feeling better.

 

There's some things you need to address in yourself, get to self work right now. No delay. You'll feel better instantly.

 

This is exactly what I learned after my last breakup.

 

Without delving into "bro" terminology, a confident, centered man does not allow himself to someone's option, second choice, or waits around for her to make up her mind. It's not an issue of care or love, but simply putting yourself first. If she does not choose you, someone else will, who appreciates your time and attention.

 

Immature women love to keep lines blurred, and men in the grey zone.

 

Rereading the above, also applies to ladies, but since I am male (pretty sure), am posting from a guys pov.

 

I learned this the hard way. I got crushed by my breakup. I would wait all week for one text, she was always sick, busy, or some other bs.

 

Took me a couple months to figure it out, get centered, and start feeling good again. Cut her off, and while I still get stabs, have been healing way faster.

 

Be safe.

[Marc878]

You will do what you want but know this.

 

This relationship breakup is typical. Not special at all. Happens all the time.

 

Hopefully you'll learn something from it.

 

1- you can't make someone love you

 

2- don't project your feelings onto someone else. Just because you love her doesn't mean she feels the same way about you.

 

3- if she doesn't reach out to you there's nothing there. You'll just come across as needy/clingy which is extremely unnattractive.

 

4- denial or keeping a sliver of hope alive just binds you and keeps you from moving forward.

 

5- hopefully you'll learn the hard way.

[Blanco]

You will do what you want but know this.

 

This relationship breakup is typical. Not special at all. Happens all the time.

 

Hopefully you'll learn something from it.

 

1- you can't make someone love you

 

2- don't project your feelings onto someone else. Just because you love her doesn't mean she feels the same way about you.

 

3- if she doesn't reach out to you there's nothing there. You'll just come across as needy/clingy which is extremely unnattractive.

 

4- denial or keeping a sliver of hope alive just binds you and keeps you from moving forward.

 

5- hopefully you'll learn the hard way.

 

6- First relationships rarely are our last.

[Gene Clark]

Not a good idea at all. Worst case scenario literally is you get fooled into being just a friend.

 

I called her and she agreed to meet, didn't seem reluctant to the idea of us talking. What now?

 

I'll be sure to make it clear to her that I'm not looking for friendship...but how should I handle the situation and should I not mention the break up at all?

Edited May 2, 2017 by Gene Clark

[Gene Clark]

Hey ya'll, it's been a while since I've posted here...but I felt the need to update this thread on the current state of affairs of this story...

 

So last time I posted I decided I'd breach the NC agreement I had with myself, seeing that I was willing to do anything to try to get this girl back, and so I did.

 

I contacted her the week before and we arranged to meet last week for dinner at 6.

 

Here's a basic run down of how things between me and her turned out:

 

We met and she seemed to act like her usual perky self and didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that I had arrived a few minutes late (it was a cringe worthy mistake I realize could have sabotaged the whole thing).

 

But anyway, she didn't seem uncomfortable around me and that was reassuring.

We caught up on stuff, mostly small talk but it was nice and our conversation just flowed naturally...until things got a bit more touchy-feely that is.

 

I'm going to paraphrase here, for the sake of keeping this concise.

 

Basically, I brought up the fact that I had been thinking a lot about why most of people's first relationships don't last very long and I came to the realization that most people have unrealistic projections they place on their partners, which of course can create a lot of insecurity and frustration on both ends.

 

I told her that as much as I didn't want that for us, we were no exception and that given that she was my first long term relationship, I ended up causing her a lot of pain and unnecessary grief. If only I had let things follow their natural course things might have been much different. I said I felt deeply sorry for how things got so out of hand.

 

I also told her I'd reflected on my behavior and realized I could have been more respectful towards the things that were important to her and the people who respect her.

 

That brought her to tears...I was a bit tearful as well...that was a hard as hell but I felt I had to do it. I didn't expect her to react in that way...but she held my hand and asked me to lean in next to her...we hugged and the next thing I know we are all over each other.

 

She was irresistible...there was no act there. I got through to her and for a moment there nothing else mattered. This may come off as a bit naive but I couldn't have gone without saying it...I told her I felt for her something I couldn't understand completely but that it's irreplaceable and not disposable. Her response was positive and she said it was mutual.

 

If that sounds overtly dramatic it's because that's exactly how it was.

 

But reality hits hard again...I saw her off to her flat, she invited me to stay with her a little longer at the lobby where made out for bit longer and I popped her with the question of why she left me when she did. Maybe it was bad timing...but I just had to know.

 

She clarified that it was a tough call to make, but she felt was ultimately the right decision that would benefit us in the long run, that she could see me growing into a great man, that she could already see the progress etc...but that she wasn't looking to be in a relationship again for the time being as she was focused on looking after herself, that she feels like she's maturing which has brought a lot of new challenges to her life.

 

She said she felt sorry that I had set things in a quite arbitrary way, like I'd never show my face again. But then she got started on this talk about how she felt strongly that letting me go was the right thing to do, that I'd be better for it...regardless of what we end up being to each other in the future.

 

I told her she confused me, but that I'd take her word for it...because I know she genuinely cares for me.

 

But I'm still at a loss...it's still so confusing...I don't know what to do. Should I still pursue this woman? Should I just let go and let life do its thing?

She messaged me this weekend commenting on my profile picture...now we're on speaking terms and I don't know where to go from here.

 

Can someone please shed some light on what all of this might mean for us going forward?

Edited June 5, 2017 by Gene Clark