jm5423 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 My girlfriend and I met online and dated for about 8 months. About 4 months in I was trying to cancel my subscription and noticed her profile actively online. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the first time but checked back a week later to see again her profile was online. Fearing that she was searching around, I uploaded a new photo to my profile in the case I would need to join the online dating market again. Anyway after I did this I confronted her about her activity. She denied that she was ever online and wasn't sure how that happened. After that she put her profile in hiding - Mine was already in hiding. In my mind it was resolved by her doing this. Now fast forward 4 months, she said she was trying to deactivate her account and logged back in. She saw this picture that I had uploaded 4 months earlier. My profile was in hiding so I'm not sure how she saw it. Probably because we had a profile connection 8 months earlier. Anyway after seeing this she broke up with me and said I had lied and cheated on her. She said I cheated because I uploaded a photo on a dating website and lied because I didn't tell her about it. I sincerely apologized that I should have confronted her before assuming the worst and uploading the photo. Now she said she has lost all her trust in me and can't take me back. She said by me uploading this photo that I was cheating and unfaithful. I need some opinions from others. Do you agree that this is cheating? 1
Popsicle Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 She's over reacting. And may I suggest that you spend more time with her. If you spent most of your free time with her, she would know that you weren't cheating.
Life lessons Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I wouldn't see that as cheating at all. But as far as lying...you weren't exactly being honest. Maybe you should've explained the situation to her. It looks to me like she just wanted a reason to end it with you. Just my opinion! If she really wanted to be with you, I'd think she would've given you the option to explain. 1
mightycpa Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 More likely she was reactivating, saw the picture and saw an opportunity to blame you. Two possibilities: 1) I'm right, and good riddance. 2) I'm wrong, she's totally unreasonable, and her response to a problem is to blow up a relationship and good riddance. I learned a lesson a long time ago. The more inexplicable their behavior seems to you, the better off you are without them and vice versa. 5
EmilyJane Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Omg. She's not saying that you uploading that pic was cheating. She just has no idea of what has really happened and now doesn't trust you. She's saying that you lied to her in such a way about something that involves looking for other women that she is now not sure of anything you've said or if you've been cheating on her since that pic upload. She's in complete shock and questioning everything. It was a totally stupid thing to do. The absolute worst thing you can do is lie to your partner. It will always result in more trouble than whatever it is you were trying to cover up.
Author jm5423 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 Actually she is saying the act of uploading the picture was cheating. She knows that I didn't meet anyone else. I offered to show her all my text and voice records since I uploaded the picture and she won't look at them. When I wasn't at work and with my kids I was with her. Never did anything suspicious to give her a reason I was cheating outside of uploading that picture.
curiouslysearching Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Actually she is saying the act of uploading the picture was cheating. She knows that I didn't meet anyone else. I offered to show her all my text and voice records since I uploaded the picture and she won't look at them. When I wasn't at work and with my kids I was with her. Never did anything suspicious to give her a reason I was cheating outside of uploading that picture. Maybe I am in the minority on this one BUT her actions seem quite extreme. Do you think that possibly she was LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT???? 3
Poutrew Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Do you think the profile that 'she didn't have any idea how it became active' was the only profile she had? I think she was using the OLD while she was with you, and you only found out by accident. I think she dumped you because she has other options... what she said was only the excuse. If I were you, I'd tell her that the break-up is OK by you because you never really believed what she told you. You are tired of being treated like a chump by a prevaricator. Then go NC on her butt. You're better off without her...
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I presume you have explained that you saw she was online and that's what bothered you and why you uploaded your photo - because you thought she might dump you? If you haven't explained this, she is going to be mistrustful. I think people set too much store by profiles. It can be quite hard to get a profile removed as some sites tend to make it difficult because they want them to stay there so it looks as though the site is full of interesting people. Uploading a photo after starting a relationship might look a bit dodgy though. Calmly explain what happened, that you feared you would lose her, and then apologise for upsetting her. Say you want her and no-one else. If she still won't accept your apology or take a chance with you, there is nothing much you can do. I would give her chance to let her feelings settle after the shock of finding your new photo and hearing your explanation. She will be mulling it over. Tell her she's the one for you but you won't push it if she does have any feelings for you any more, then leave her to it. It will make her question whether she does still have feelings for you. I think being respectful but sad is your best attitude at the moment.
anduina Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Actually she is saying the act of uploading the picture was cheating. She knows that I didn't meet anyone else. I offered to show her all my text and voice records since I uploaded the picture and she won't look at them. When I wasn't at work and with my kids I was with her. Never did anything suspicious to give her a reason I was cheating outside of uploading that picture.You didn't cheat but weren't open with her. Her behavior's suspicious and sounds like someone who needed you to be the fall guy to deflect away from her bad behavior of signing onto the dating site. Once signed on, she likely checked your profile to ensure you weren't tracking her again and subsequently discovered your new pic. This caused her to freak and want to break up, believing you to be a hypocrite and giving her the opportunity to paint herself as a victimized angel. You're lucky that the relationship is over. When you had an issue, you discussed and resolved it. When she had an issue, she wouldn't listen and broke up with you. That's not a loving relationship dynamic.
Author jm5423 Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 Thing is after she broke up with me she updated her profile and was back online the next day. How can she move in so fast?
Miss Spider Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Thing is after she broke up with me she updated her profile and was back online the next day. How can she move in so fast? Sounds like me she was over it for awhile and used that as an excuse to get of it. Gaslighted you, basically.
SevenCity Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Sounds like me she was over it for awhile and used that as an excuse to get of it. Gaslighted you, basically. Yep. And I bet she was really online when you saw her there and lied about it. If anything, I think she's the one who cheated.
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 You certainly didn't cheat. The circumstances of this break up indicate that it was for the best. No trust. Possible gaslighting. I think she was looking for a way out.
todreaminblue Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 i don't consider that cheating...deceitful yes......loss of trust possibly....when you you use the word hiding to me that's ....deceitful...and she did it too....for that reason i believe she also has a lack of trust for you because her intentions also were to ....hide also..normally when one has alack fo trust there's a lack of trust of self........for that reason i believe she should also look at her own actions and give you another chance .... if she were too ....transparency can often avoid the necessity for future chances to be needed...not hiding things whoich in my experience actually leads to direct lies..... being open and honest with each other from the get go and concentrating on your relationship rather than dating profiles and uploading pictures on said profiles......if sh edoesnt...its best i feel that you take this as a lesson learned.....and next tiem be transparent from the astart....no hiding.either leave them up... or just deactivate if you are serious............i wish you well.....deb
Author jm5423 Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 (edited) Actually when I say the profile was in hiding, that essentially means its inactive. So no one should be able to see any of your pictures or content. Edited April 3, 2017 by jm5423
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