FosterJoe Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together about 3-1/2 years but we were friends and friends with benefits for about 2 years prior. During this time my gf and I have been through the usual ups and downs but we always manage to work things through... About 7 months ago my girlfriend got involved in a new church (one of the sects of Christianity) and has been slowly changing directions on me... I am Jewish and have my beliefs but I am more spiritual and very comfortable with who I am. My gf on the other hand, has always been very active in church but not to the extent that she is now... To me, it almost seems cult-like with all the things she does and the time she spends doing things. For the record, I am not in anyway against her practicing her religion, as I have encouraged her to do it, but it's the way her life is now.. For example, she has recently started carrying the bible almost everywhere she goes and spends much of her free time writing things down and studying them, she only listens to Christian music, she is constantly fasting for extended periods of time - like 7 days, 10 days, etc,. And by fasting I mean she will give up all meats, seafood, fowl, eggs and anything dairy.. So basically she will eat just beans, veggies and fruit.. She always saying God Bless You and "Don't worry, God will guide me,..." She attends bible study one or two times per week, plus goes to Sunday church services for about 3 hours. She has also decided that she wants to stop having sex because she wants to do right in God's eyes.. I don't think that at this point into the relationship her demands are fair to me..But she hasn't given up her drinking of wine, which she likes to do once a week or every other week. Plus she is still cursing, although not as much.. A part of me feels she is being vindictive towards me because she wants to hurry and move together and get married but I am not ready because she has some things she needs to clear up first, like get divorced. Plus, we have to figure out how the living arrangements are going to be because she has a kid and I have two. So that is also in the back of my mind. I like to think that I am a practical person when it comes to life changing events I thank everyone in advance for taking the time to read this...
telemakus Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I don't see how someone this religious can have a relationship with someone who lacks the same fervour. Let's be fair this isn't going to get better is it? 4
basil67 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 If you were truly practical, you would recognise that her changes have made the two of you no longer compatible and move on. 6
Whodatdog Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Deal breaker. You will never come first in her life. 4
Popsicle Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 shes so religious yet she wants to shack up before marriage, drinks and is not even divorced? Tell her to stuff her religious crap until she can get right first. 5
CryForNoOne Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 (edited) Hi, my girlfriend and I have been together about 3-1/2 years but we were friends and friends with benefits for about 2 years prior... A part of me feels she is being vindictive towards me because she wants to hurry and move together and get married but I am not ready because she has some things she needs to clear up first, like get divorced. WTF!!!! No seriously. WTF!!! You've been screwing for 5.5 years and she's still married to someone else??? Did she get married WHILE you were screwing??? I could not accept this $h!t at all. Just another incredibly selfish POS suddenly finding religion and hiding behind it to justify their subhuman behavior. Move on dude!!! Edited April 1, 2017 by CryForNoOne 7
Simple Logic Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 You haven't concluded this yet, but your relationship is over. 1
telemakus Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Tell her you've spoken to Zeus and he doesn't think it's gonna work. 3
Author FosterJoe Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 Thank you to everyone who responded. I guess I need to face facts - probably sooner than later... 1
joseb Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 The "fasting" is hardly that big a deal, it's just a vegan diet. But yeah the whole thing sounds like a cult pretty much. You can't put up with that. Sorry dude. Time to move on. 1
Noproblem Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I see time being lost. Our life on earth is important, and our time is limited why waste it on this failing relationship. Are you afraid of being alone? End it with grace while you still can..
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 WTF!!!! No seriously. WTF!!! You've been screwing for 5.5 years and she's still married to someone else??? Did she get married WHILE you were screwing??? I could not accept this $h!t at all. Just another incredibly selfish POS suddenly finding religion and hiding behind it to justify their subhuman behavior. Move on dude!!! PLEASE let us not dismiss this! I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is 'subhuman', :-P but this is not real. She may claim to have found god, but it isn't real. IT IS NOT REAL. 1
CryForNoOne Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 (edited) PLEASE let us not dismiss this! I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is 'subhuman', :-P but this is not real. She may claim to have found god, but it isn't real. IT IS NOT REAL. No doubt that FWB meant adultry for 2 years until she left her husband. Now she's pressuring him to move in and get married before she's even divorced, and withholding sex as punishment. "Finding God" may allow her to sleep at night despite all the awful things she has done, but it does nothing to mend the untold damage she's done to her husband, her kid, and now this guy. Yeah, I'd say that's subhuman... Edited April 1, 2017 by CryForNoOne 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 No doubt that FWB meant adultry for 2 years until she left her husband. Now she's pressuring him to move in and get married before she's even divorced, and withholding sex as punishment. "Finding God" may allow her to sleep at night despite all the awful things she has done, but it does nothing to mend the untold damage she's done to her husband, her kid, and now this guy. Yeah, I'd say that's subhuman... I'm not arguing with you, but you described what happens every day and has been a part of human behavior for ever....nothing new...dastardly and disgusting in its own right, but sounds very HUMAN (a part of the bad).
BC1980 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 You've been together 3.5 years, and she isn't divorced. Why?
Author FosterJoe Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 You've been together 3.5 years, and she isn't divorced. Why? She stayed married to help her husband finish his paperwork to become a legal permanent resident.. they were together about 5 years before things went sour..
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 She stayed married to help her husband finish his paperwork to become a legal permanent resident.. they were together about 5 years before things went sour.. I was going to respond but I seriously don't know what to say now. So she has committed fraud also? It sounds like it's one rule for one thing and not many for her that she doesn't like to be honest. I can't see any of this boding well for any future for you both. 3
Author FosterJoe Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 I was going to respond but I seriously don't know what to say now. So she has committed fraud also?[/quote No, it's not fraud. They dated, lived together and they had their child together and it didn't work for them but she wanted to finish process for his sake and for their child's sake... They were having marital issues before we met...
act00 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Religion can be a deal breaker. You are already working on a very unstable and untrustworthy foundation. I can promise you that if you don't want to convert, it will make your future terribly difficult, and if she's this heavily involved in a culty religion, she will have immense pressure from fellow believers to wed within the belief, and convert you to it, or dump you because you're not following the protocol. You have a kid. Do you want her converting your kid or putting your kid through her religious rules and stipulations? You will ultimately fight, a lot, because you're telling her to back of your kid and she's trying to save the child's soul (and yours). You will fight over your nonbelief and that you want nothing to do with this religion. BTDT, have the t-shirt. I have known couples with polar opposite beliefs to have a good, blended, working relationship, but it just isn't something that works with culty beliefs, and it is not easy. The church will always come first. Just wait until you start fighting over mandatory tithing! When the mother catches wind of this religion and the girlfriend/wife is infecting this child's mind, it will not go over well. She's married. She's having an affair with you. She's hooked up in a cult. She's a mess. She may back down from this religion when her own life settles down. People can get very involved in religion when their lives are unsteady. She will revert. They always do. Whenever your relationship gets difficult, and in marriage, there are difficult times, she's going to latch on to her religion again and cling tight with both fists and high fervor, and it's going to create havoc for you and your child. Red flags everywhere.
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) No, it's not fraud. They dated, lived together and they had their child together and it didn't work for them but she wanted to finish process for his sake and for their child's sake... They were having marital issues before we met... If he and she lied and stated they were still together when they weren't then that is immigration fraud. If she didn't say they were still together then it's not but then there would be no reason at all not to divorce in that time so why isn't she divorced? Edited April 2, 2017 by GemmaUK 1
Author FosterJoe Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 He has finished his process already - He's a resident. She just never got around to filing for the divorce....
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 There is nothing you can do except get out of this relationship. These people who get "born again" end up turning crazy and push you out, like she is already doing. Too much imbalance. 1
CryForNoOne Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 He has finished his process already - He's a resident. She just never got around to filing for the divorce.... I had some harsh words for her earlier, and to be clear, it doesn't really have anything to do with her previous marriage. All people make mistakes and do $h!tty things. But you face your past and move on. I have a really big problem with her using this born again BS as a scapegoat for not taking real responsibility, then being a total hypocrite with drinking, sex, etc.. These are all telltale signs of an incredibly selfish person on the inside...
Author FosterJoe Posted April 3, 2017 Author Posted April 3, 2017 I had some harsh words for her earlier, and to be clear, it doesn't really have anything to do with her previous marriage. All people make mistakes and do $h!tty things. But you face your past and move on. I have a really big problem with her using this born again BS as a scapegoat for not taking real responsibility, then being a total hypocrite with drinking, sex, etc.. These are all telltale signs of an incredibly selfish person on the inside... Yeah, the more I think about it the more I have to really figure our what's best for me now - and not worry about her feelings..
Ami1uwant Posted April 3, 2017 Posted April 3, 2017 I was going to respond but I seriously don't know what to say now. So she has committed fraud also? It sounds like it's one rule for one thing and not many for her that she doesn't like to be honest. I can't see any of this boding well for any future for you both. This isnt automatically be fraud just because someone carried about that their child had the other paent still in the country so stayed married for him to stay. It would be fraud if they had gotten married but never lived together.
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