Confushious Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was just wondering what other peoples out comes where when they were the leaver in a relationship. Did you eventually become friendly with one another over time. Was there forgiveness. I feel in my case I harbor no hate feelings and would like to think at some point in time we could get together to say hello and see how we have moved on. Maybe get some closure to the reasons the relationship didn't work out. Do people really say goodbye and never look back? Given my 8 year relationship I often think about when things calm down and we have had time to grieve and move on would it be normal to want to see how the other person is doing after so much time has pasted? Not so much to help clear your conscious, but to really know that things worked out for the best for both of you. To say I wish you the best of luck! Even to let them know they will always have a special place in your heart. Any thoughts??? 1
Maldives Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was just wondering what other peoples out comes where when they were the leaver in a relationship. Did you eventually become friendly with one another over time. Was there forgiveness. I feel in my case I harbor no hate feelings and would like to think at some point in time we could get together to say hello and see how we have moved on. Maybe get some closure to the reasons the relationship didn't work out. Do people really say goodbye and never look back? Given my 8 year relationship I often think about when things calm down and we have had time to grieve and move on would it be normal to want to see how the other person is doing after so much time has pasted? Not so much to help clear your conscious, but to really know that things worked out for the best for both of you. To say I wish you the best of luck! Even to let them know they will always have a special place in your heart. Any thoughts??? In 25 yrs of 5 different relationships it was only my ex wife that did this i never liked the closure I got but it was the truth I guess and current sort of but she's betrayed me wth her actions and I cldnt care less about her altho it hurts there's anger more than anything stil mourn the loss but then I remember wat she's done to me. However my ex wife contacting me was kinda not worth it because at the time I was going thru a tough break up wth cheating involved where this partner cheated wth a friend of mine well no friend anymore I seeked I guess answers and comfort from the ex wife wich I did get however at my worst moment she basically after getting in touch wth me Saud some really not nice things about our relationship so in hindsight it wasn't worth it. To answer ur question ur actually probably better off just never getting in touch wth em. If u really wanna know how there doing check out the social media profile.
Zahara Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 You're focusing on the wrong thing. This man was abusive to you. You don't revisit someone like him ever. You focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and putting this behind you. This fantasy thinking is detrimental. Pay close attention to the reality of who he is and at this point forward -- your priority is rebuilding a new life for you and your daughter. It makes no sense for you to even go down this kind of thinking when this man has treated you like dirt. One day the fog will lift and you'll cringe at the fact that you allowed someone like him into your life. 2
SevenCity Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 As someone who was left, I would have no interest in seeing my ex to check on things or reminisce. The only reason I would see an ex is for sex or potential reconciliation. As a dumper you have to realize when you walk it is forever and the person will likely never be part of your life again. 1
airborne3502 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was just wondering what other peoples out comes where when they were the leaver in a relationship. Did you eventually become friendly with one another over time. Was there forgiveness. I feel in my case I harbor no hate feelings and would like to think at some point in time we could get together to say hello and see how we have moved on. Maybe get some closure to the reasons the relationship didn't work out. Do people really say goodbye and never look back? Given my 8 year relationship I often think about when things calm down and we have had time to grieve and move on would it be normal to want to see how the other person is doing after so much time has pasted? Not so much to help clear your conscious, but to really know that things worked out for the best for both of you. To say I wish you the best of luck! Even to let them know they will always have a special place in your heart. Any thoughts??? My most recent ex, ( the reason I'm here ) , just wished me the best of luck. It sounded so insincere and condescending it was like... Like nails on a blackboard. The poster above me said that social media is a good way to check up on them. You can see the idyllic life they want to project to the world. If you really want to know how they are doing, you would have to contact them. Be prepared if you do. They may still only hear the awful sound of those nails... I'd leave it alone. Forever. 1
Altair0770 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 As someone who was left, I would have no interest in seeing my ex to check on things or reminisce. The only reason I would see an ex is for sex or potential reconciliation. As a dumper you have to realize when you walk it is forever and the person will likely never be part of your life again. Oh how so many dumpers don't believe in this. If you leave someone, you should expect to leave them for good. If you don't want that, then work out the problems in the relationship. In your case I go with the above poster. He abused you. You do not want to be around him. I know the situation sucks now, but you left him for a very good reason, and when you are at the point where you think you can have a friendly talk with him, you won't even want to. Sending positive vibes your way. 1
Bromeo Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I was just wondering what other peoples out comes where when they were the leaver in a relationship. Did you eventually become friendly with one another over time. Was there forgiveness. I feel in my case I harbor no hate feelings and would like to think at some point in time we could get together to say hello and see how we have moved on. Maybe get some closure to the reasons the relationship didn't work out. Do people really say goodbye and never look back? Given my 8 year relationship I often think about when things calm down and we have had time to grieve and move on would it be normal to want to see how the other person is doing after so much time has pasted? Not so much to help clear your conscious, but to really know that things worked out for the best for both of you. To say I wish you the best of luck! Even to let them know they will always have a special place in your heart. Any thoughts??? The reason most of the long term posters are here is because we/they have endured some atrocious circumstances surrounding our respective breakups, and needed this forum for guidance. You may not get an accurate bell curve. With what happened, and where I'm at currently, if my ex said best of luck, etc, I would look at it quite negatively. She played push pull till I went almost crazy. My example is individual of course, and others may feel differently. 2
Pumpingiron34 Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 the only reason id revisit mine is to spit at her 3
OatsAndHall Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I was just wondering what other peoples out comes where when they were the leaver in a relationship. Did you eventually become friendly with one another over time. Was there forgiveness. I feel in my case I harbor no hate feelings and would like to think at some point in time we could get together to say hello and see how we have moved on. Maybe get some closure to the reasons the relationship didn't work out. Do people really say goodbye and never look back? Given my 8 year relationship I often think about when things calm down and we have had time to grieve and move on would it be normal to want to see how the other person is doing after so much time has pasted? Not so much to help clear your conscious, but to really know that things worked out for the best for both of you. To say I wish you the best of luck! Even to let them know they will always have a special place in your heart. Any thoughts??? I had a serious girlfriend in my early twenties that I cared for very much. The relationship ended badly because I was an arrogant, immature idiot. She's a great woman and I treated her quite poorly. But, it ended, she married the next guy she dated and now has a couple of kids with him. We used to chat off and on as we went through some very hard times together. She did help me work through some personal stuff (non-relationship related) at one point. And, we did manage I did get a chance to apologize for my bad behavior. But, at the end of the day, she is married and her husband is uncomfortable with us talking so we stopped. I completely understand and I respect her decision. On the flip side of the coin, I avoid contact with my ex-wife at all costs. No good will come out of a conversation between the two of us and there's nothing left to be said. She has stated in the past that "I'm her best friend" and that she wants to have friendship but that ship sailed because of her actions. So, it's all relative. 1
jamili Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 If you leave someone, you should expect to leave them for good. If you don't want that, then work out the problems in the relationship.This really is the more mature way of thinking. Unfortunately, however, not all dumpers are this mature. We live in a throw-away society. Instant gratification, short-sightedness, impulse, etc. Take a look at the way we are treating this planet, and other people. So so think "in the now", only later to realize they jumped the gun and made a mistake. I'm sure this kind of immature thinking is quite common, to be honest.
Altair0770 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 This really is the more mature way of thinking. Unfortunately, however, not all dumpers are this mature. We live in a throw-away society. Instant gratification, short-sightedness, impulse, etc. Take a look at the way we are treating this planet, and other people. So so think "in the now", only later to realize they jumped the gun and made a mistake. I'm sure this kind of immature thinking is quite common, to be honest. Yeah. My ex was devastated and begged me (after breaking up with me) to remain her friend. When she broke up with me, she did more begging than I did. I do wonder if some dumpers take our feelings into consideration when they drop the bomb, or if they only think of themselves. But hey, my situation is much different. My ex is immature and a narcissists, so I don't want to be with her, nor do I ever want to even consider being friends with her now or down the line. It's the one thing that gives the dumpee a lot of power. The dumpers want us in our lives so bad but don't see a romantic relationship working. It's a shame they'd rather end the relationship rather than communicate and work through it.
Author Confushious Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 So I haven't heard a word from anyone on his side of the family? This kind of baffels me because I was pretty close to his daughter and she knew he had a nasty side to him. I wonder if they are curious as to why I left the way I did. Being that no one really had any idea I was that unhappy or we where having such serious problems to cause me to move out so suddenly. I always felt it was no ones business what went on behind closed doors. What I wonder about is how come I a not hearing from anyone cause I thought they would reach out to see how I am or what actually happened. Maybe they are waiting for the house to sell, so if I do react in a negative way, I wont lash out at him. Here's the thing. I loved his family and I know when I let him go I should expect to know I have to leave everyone else behind, but not hearing from anyone? Kinda bizzare to me. Am I off with my thinking? Guess they didn't care for me as much as I had thought?
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Ending an 8 year relationship is a huge change. Without reading the back story, it sounds like this was the best outcome. His family will NOT contact you. In a break up certain people have to chose sides. His family chose him. It has to be that way. Even if you have kids together his parents will go through him to see the grandchildren. That is not to say they will be mean to you if you bump into them. I occasionally see the family of some of my EXs because we live in a small town & I'm in the same profession as some of them; it's unavoidable. Everyone is polite but nothing more. As for closure, you get that from within. He doesn't have the words to talk about what went wrong. If you had that level of communication you'd still be together & happy enjoying a functioning, satisfying relationship
Author Confushious Posted April 2, 2017 Author Posted April 2, 2017 I guess you are right. If the shoe was on the other foot id expect it to be the same. I never thought about that aspect of it all until now, and it just makes the whole thing even sadder. Good thing is I did not really care for much of his friends or relatives. Time to move on I suppose, wish I could erase all the memories. 1
OatsAndHall Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 I guess you are right. If the shoe was on the other foot id expect it to be the same. I never thought about that aspect of it all until now, and it just makes the whole thing even sadder. Good thing is I did not really care for much of his friends or relatives. Time to move on I suppose, wish I could erase all the memories. This made my divorce much easier. I got along well with my ex father-in-law, tolerated my ex mother-in-law and avoided my former brothers-in-law like the plague. I did enjoy one of her friends and her husband but didn't have much to do with the rest.
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