DumpedGuy9617 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Hey all - Been having trouble sleeping tonight, even though I should be tired. Recently got the old, "I'm not ready for a relationship yet" from someone, who I thought was falling for me (and obviously vice versa). Worst of all, the statement, "I'm not ready for a relationship yet" could actually be true, because this girl is going through some major ****, physically, mentally, and emotionally...so even though I know what, "I'm not ready for a relationship" usually means, it's extra stringy along bs in this case, because there is a chance it's actually true. I was there for her (albeit for a short period of time) as she was dealing with it. I knew about it from day one (a smart man would have run then). But I was not with her for any other reason than I liked her...personality, looks, everything. Long story short, she laid the "I'm not ready for a relationship" on me about two days after she said how much she liked me. Anyways, I've been laying in bed running all the circumstances through my head. If you've felt heartbreak, you'd know what I mean...what did I do, what could I say, what about this...just a million things running through my head... When suddenly I have an epiphany - I thought it might help some people to hear it - Quit thinking about what you may have done wrong - focus on what you did right. If you treated a person well and they still rejected you, are they a person you want in your life anyway? I have been sitting here beating myself up....the truth is, I was a (bleepedy bleep) angel to this girl. Someone else deserves that energy more than her if she rejects it....the rejection really sucks....but so will her life when she gets treated like (bleep) by someone else. Can anyone else relate? It amazes me how a love struck mind can abandon reason. There are millions of people out there. I suppose if a broken heart didn't hurt so bad, love wouldn't feel so good. Keep your chin up folks - time is your friend. 5
amaysngrace Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Very nice insight and inspiration. You're exactly right. 1
breadbin Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 i can relate completely to this. my ex grew up without a dad, her brother is a psycho - ex drug addict with a temper and unemployed, he beat the mother and my ex growing up. he ruled the roost, her ex who she had a son with is a disaster - never pays a cent for the kid and gets away with it. doesn't see him from one week to the next. i come along and i've a good job, well educated, treat them all really well. she told me before i'm not a good role model for her boy. bear in mind her 'boy' is 12 and regularly hits his mother and granny. i never hit anyone in my life. i get on with everyone. in fact i think i'm too nice. too nice for my own good - i get walked on. i know it's not about money either but i had 14k in my bank before i started seeing this girl and spent it all doing fun things together. i think i did too much. i think she wanted a man to treat her badly if that makes sense? i don't have it in me. and you are dead right. there is somebody out there who would appreciate the time and love I put into this relationship. i just have to find them 1
Altair0770 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Can relate 100%. My ex dumped me and I didn't do anything wrong, I was just a trigger to her mental illness. Treated her so well and she knows that, but didn't want me in her life as a romantic partner. It hurts badly, but I know there is someone much better that will appreciate me. 2
Merriweather Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Post break up, I mentally take stock & responsibility for the things that were my fault, as I did during the relationship. I was a pretty good gf overall & pretty low maintenance as far as what people generally think of as high maintenance in women. But I know now that my ex could never fully appreciate the gf I was to him, the things I did, the support I gave.. & could never love me or anyone else unless & until he comes to terms with his avoidant/emotionally unavailable issues. Still I try not to blame him too much for dumping me. It's not like we were a train wreck waiting to happen, but I tell myself it would not have worked out in the end, had we hung on. I dislike focusing on all the things I did right, because it makes me angrier about the relationship not working out & that I was underappreciated. So I'm stuck in the general zone of feeling bad that he's gone. 2
jgraham11 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Well said I agree with this. If you put in a good effort and are true then you have no reason to feel blame for things going wrong. Of course it's not always that black and white, but at the end of the day it's good to remind yourself of this 2
breadbin Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 The only trouble is when your partner doesn't think the effort is enough. Mine wanted me to have a washboard stomach, she made a list of everything she wanted me to do! Now I made a huge effort in the relationship but my ex wanted me to change literally 'everything about myself!' Her exact words! I see other couples and one or other of them don't put the effort in and the relationships work great regardless. It depends on the 2 people concerned and the chemistry between them.
Author DumpedGuy9617 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 This was just a very disapointing situation for me, because this woman showed all signs she was way into me for like 10 weeks, then out of the blue told me she didn't want anything serious. Women are mysterious and strange creatures.
airborne3502 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 This was just a very disapointing situation for me, because this woman showed all signs she was way into me for like 10 weeks, then out of the blue told me she didn't want anything serious. Women are mysterious and strange creatures. It sucks when that happens. Something similar just happened to me where my ex did a 180. I rationalize it like this: She was into me right up until she wasn't. Now, I move on.
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