KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I met up with a girl off of Tinder a couple days ago. We'd been chatting for a few days over text quite a bit, which I have learned from this forum and life experience that isn't necessarily a good move, but I was working in a position at work that is quite boring and using my phone isn't a problem. Right from the get go I've notice that she seems quite infatuated with me and is very eager to push things along, even going as far as to suggest a second date before the first even happened, which I shut down immediately. She seemed to back off of that and take it more easy afterwards. I should note that she is leaving to go work out east in a couple weeks until August, so to me this is going to be a short term fling that could possibly be restarted when she gets back, provided we're both single. We met up and everything seemed to flow great as far as conversation and physical attraction. We went out for a couple drinks, I walked her back to her apartment, we made out a bit outside and that was a wrap. Last night she ended up going to the hospital to have a pain in her side checked out and ended up having to go back in the morning after three hours of sleep for another 10 hours of ultrasounds and whatever other tests, so I brought her a coffee and hung out with her in the waiting room for a while. So over these two dates and the texting there has been what I mentioned in the first paragraph, plus a lot of compliments towards my looks and lifestyle, and very heavy flirting. It's not unusual since we both seem attracted to each other physically and our lifestyles, hobbies, relationship goals, and views on life are almost a perfect match. I've gathered this from listening and not her adapting reactions to my disclosure of the above points. I like this girl and she seems really cool, but it's a lot more verbal attention than I'm used to. Maybe it's me and I'm being guarded, I'm not sure. She could just be really into me. I've never had an experience with a female love bomber so I'm curious to hear what people think.
bluefeather Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I've never had an experience with a female love bomber so I'm curious to hear what people think. Hi! ...our lifestyles, hobbies, relationship goals, and views on life are almost a perfect match. I've gathered this from listening and not her adapting reactions to my disclosure of the above points. Don't be so sure. I'm not saying she has BPD or anything at all... but I mention it as an example that some people with certain issues related to that disorder are so skilled at mirroring, you won't even know what you've given away. They're just that good. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 She seems a little overeager, but I would probably give it at least one more date. If she just can't calm down by that time it might just be too much...some people are seriously in your face and stay that way. But it also may be something as simple as excitement at meeting someone she can actually get along with following a whole string of flops or something. I'd try once more to see. 2
act00 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 You just barely met this woman, and you're hanging out in the hospital with her, and that's a real lot for a virtual stranger to do. You are connecting during a crisis, and this could work out long-term, or this can end when the crisis ends. You really shouldn't expect her to be making any major dating choices when she is dealing with a major medical issue...and she's leaving the country in August. You two seem to like each other, but the circumstances might be creating a false bond. I say stick with it, if you think you can deal with the dump after she moves. Stick with it if you think this can work long-term with long-distance-relationship. As with ANY relationship, you take your chances...no guarantees.
GemmaUK Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Love bombing is not gender specific. On it's own as a flag it's not too much to be concerned over necessarily. The only other real thing you mentioned is you appear to be happy with this being a fling as she is going away soon - is that how she sees this too? If she sees this a long term thing then that would be a concern as to me it would be a bit unrealistic - it's only a couple of weeks until she goes away for a pretty long period of time. Is there anything else about her that has sparked off your instincts at all? Little things here and there add up - just one thing does not a huge problem make - if you get me. It could just be that she is communicative and chatty and you're not used to it - but look for other things which make you feel uneasy first. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I met up with a girl off of Tinder a couple days ago. We'd been chatting for a few days over text quite a bit, which I have learned from this forum and life experience that isn't necessarily a good move, but I was working in a position at work that is quite boring and using my phone isn't a problem. Right from the get go I've notice that she seems quite infatuated with me and is very eager to push things along, even going as far as to suggest a second date before the first even happened, which I shut down immediately. She seemed to back off of that and take it more easy afterwards. I should note that she is leaving to go work out east in a couple weeks until August, so to me this is going to be a short term fling that could possibly be restarted when she gets back, provided we're both single. We met up and everything seemed to flow great as far as conversation and physical attraction. We went out for a couple drinks, I walked her back to her apartment, we made out a bit outside and that was a wrap. Last night she ended up going to the hospital to have a pain in her side checked out and ended up having to go back in the morning after three hours of sleep for another 10 hours of ultrasounds and whatever other tests, so I brought her a coffee and hung out with her in the waiting room for a while. So over these two dates and the texting there has been what I mentioned in the first paragraph, plus a lot of compliments towards my looks and lifestyle, and very heavy flirting. It's not unusual since we both seem attracted to each other physically and our lifestyles, hobbies, relationship goals, and views on life are almost a perfect match. I've gathered this from listening and not her adapting reactions to my disclosure of the above points. I like this girl and she seems really cool, but it's a lot more verbal attention than I'm used to. Maybe it's me and I'm being guarded, I'm not sure. She could just be really into me. I've never had an experience with a female love bomber so I'm curious to hear what people think. What's the problem? The only thing I gathered from your text is she's leaving soon and will be gone until August.. 1
EmilyJane Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) Dude. She's insane. Ok maybe not but the chick you meet online trying to set up a date before the first and even telling random guy she's in hospital? Which by the way I bet $200 was nothing. She has anxiety issues and is throwing up some major drama addict BPD flags. I'm very verbally (and physically) demonstrative...to people I know for long enough to have even developed any feelings about.... that is so not what this is. This is a bad idea. Seriously. There is currently a thread in the break up section by a guy on the other side of this relationship - I would seriously read it as what is going to happen for you and all the advice. Consider it seriously before getting in any deeper. http://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/617319-how-recover-toxic-relationship Initially these people are very very good at appearing to be exactly what you need and give you huge positive emotion hits. But they can't sustain it. Because it is not real. It takes time in person to develop trust and discover what you like about someone and feel comfortable expressing genuine personal compliments. There aren't actually any short cuts to that even though film and literature have created this cultural myth that means we are all suckers on some level for someone like I strongly suspect this woman is. I would not be at all suprised if she had done her research and has actually done exactly what you say can't have happened and worked out what is in sync and facsimilated it. Regardless the world is full of people who have all sorts of issues and still get into relationships. What you need to do is ask yourself what sort of relationship you want and compare it to what she is likely to be capable of giving. If it's not one of constant drama and health scares for attention and having to rescue her all the time and always be the one to blame for everything. I would just cut her loose Edited March 31, 2017 by EmilyJane
travelbug1996 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Doesn't seem like love bombing to me. Just that she likes you a little bit more than you're used to women liking you. Relax. 2
Author KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 Dude. She's insane. Ok maybe not but the chick you meet online trying to set up a date before the first and even telling random guy she's in hospital? Which by the way I bet $200 was nothing. She has anxiety issues and is throwing up some major drama addict BPD flags. I'm very verbally (and physically) demonstrative...to people I know for long enough to have even developed any feelings about.... that is so not what this is. This is a bad idea. Seriously. There is currently a thread in the break up section by a guy on the other side of this relationship - I would seriously read it as what is going to happen for you and all the advice. Consider it seriously before getting in any deeper. http://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/617319-how-recover-toxic-relationship Initially these people are very very good at appearing to be exactly what you need and give you huge positive emotion hits. But they can't sustain it. Because it is not real. It takes time in person to develop trust and discover what you like about someone and feel comfortable expressing genuine personal compliments. There aren't actually any short cuts to that even though film and literature have created this cultural myth that means we are all suckers on some level for someone like I strongly suspect this woman is. I would not be at all suprised if she had done her research and has actually done exactly what you say can't have happened and worked out what is in sync and facsimilated it. Regardless the world is full of people who have all sorts of issues and still get into relationships. What you need to do is ask yourself what sort of relationship you want and compare it to what she is likely to be capable of giving. If it's not one of constant drama and health scares for attention and having to rescue her all the time and always be the one to blame for everything. I would just cut her loose The hospital thing wasn't as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. She didn't tell me about it as she was going there, it came up late into the situation, and given how frequently we've been talking (which we talk about how are days are going) it would have been hard for her to maneuver around a 24 hour hospital visit without letting on something was up. After I found out I just did the kind thing and brought her a coffee since I had the day off. Other than the love bombing thing I don't really see any other red flags from her, and my BS radar is pretty sound. I'll continue to see how things go. From the responses on here it seems like I'm probably over thinking it a bit. I like her but I'll keep my eye out for any red flags.
Popsicle Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I'm a female love bomber and it's not fake. It's just how we express our real feelings. I realize that some people can't handle it. If they can't then oh well, were just incompatible. It won't change me. 3
smackie9 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I think you find it odd because well lets face it, most women want to be the one that is being pursued. I'm an aggressive woman, and I don't love bomb I sex bomb lol....But I only do it because I'm serious...I don't fake anything. True aggressive women don't beat around the bush (hehe) 3
SevenCity Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I met up with a girl off of Tinder a couple days ago. We'd been chatting for a few days over text quite a bit, which I have learned from this forum and life experience that isn't necessarily a good move, It's not always a bad thing. Problem is that it can lead to preconceived notions of what the person will be like in person. If you hit it off in person, no harm, no foul. but I was working in a position at work that is quite boring and using my phone isn't a problem. Right from the get go I've notice that she seems quite infatuated with me and is very eager to push things along, even going as far as to suggest a second date before the first even happened, which I shut down immediately. Dude, WTF???? Why would you shut that down? The girl likes you and you like her????? What were you thinking????? She seemed to back off of that and take it more easy afterwards. If you were shot down, would you not back down as well? I should note that she is leaving to go work out east in a couple weeks until August, so to me this is going to be a short term fling that could possibly be restarted when she gets back, provided we're both single. Set the ground work now - she's trying to. We met up and everything seemed to flow great as far as conversation and physical attraction. We went out for a couple drinks, I walked her back to her apartment, we made out a bit outside and that was a wrap. OMG - you had a good date.....RUN!!!! She's a psycho!!!! Seriously, people here are so jaded they project everything as a red flag. Last night she ended up going to the hospital to have a pain in her side checked out and ended up having to go back in the morning after three hours of sleep for another 10 hours of ultrasounds and whatever other tests, so I brought her a coffee and hung out with her in the waiting room for a while. If this woman ends up being your gf or future wife, she will never forget how you were there for her. Good move - bravo sir. So over these two dates and the texting there has been what I mentioned in the first paragraph, plus a lot of compliments towards my looks and lifestyle, and very heavy flirting. It's not unusual since we both seem attracted to each other physically and our lifestyles, hobbies, relationship goals, and views on life are almost a perfect match. I've gathered this from listening and not her adapting reactions to my disclosure of the above points. I like this girl and she seems really cool, but it's a lot more verbal attention than I'm used to. Maybe it's me and I'm being guarded, I'm not sure. She could just be really into me. It's not me, its you lol. She is showing all the signs of a girl who is interested in you. REALLY interested in you. Why are you looking a gifted horse in the mouth? I should warn you, she will likely want some pickle-tickle. I've never had an experience with a female love bomber so I'm curious to hear what people think. I'd hardly classify this as a female love bomber. It sounds like a textbook case of a girl who thinks you are groovy. THIS is why you are dating, no? To find a girl who you like, who likes you? Enjoy it dude - this is what we are all looking for. Now that's not to say she won't turn out to be a nut, have a drug problem, or some other emotional issue. But, nothing you posted is anything other than how a woman expresses interest in a guy.
Author KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 I think you find it odd because well lets face it, most women want to be the one that is being pursued. I'm an aggressive woman, and I don't love bomb I sex bomb lol....But I only do it because I'm serious...I don't fake anything. True aggressive women don't beat around the bush (hehe) We haven't done that yet, but I have a feeling she'll be sex bombing, too. I won't be having any concerns about that.
Tressugar Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 You just barely met this woman, and you're hanging out in the hospital with her, and that's a real lot for a virtual stranger to do. I this was strange too! I'd love bomb ya myself if you did that too me. That's toying with someone's feelings. If you suspect love bombing look at your actions. 1
Author KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 I this was strange too! I'd love bomb ya myself if you did that too me. That's toying with someone's feelings. If you suspect love bombing look at your actions. That's completely fair. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I guess I'm not reading between the lines enough, because I don't see her as being over the top, but you do, so that's enough for me. Here's my advice: Don't ever give her money. If you get a whiff that she is "having a crisis" just to get you to come attend to her, break off immediately. I'm not saying that's what she did. But just in case. If she ever gets hysterical trying to get you to engage with her, break it off. No one needs needy manipulation. Take it slow. Give her a couple weeks to forget about all those "we're just alike" things she told you and then start asking her for specifics. If she likes the same sport, give her a sports quiz. If she likes the same food, ask her what's in it. If she likes to go to the zoo, ask her for photos. Just try to verify these interests are real. If she likes videogames, bring her over and see if she can play. With her leaving the country, the biggest danger here is she tries to lock you down while she's gone by getting a promise or just love-bombing you long-distance. Do not start texting mush to her while she's gone. Keep it real. She says "I miss you," you say, "Don't be ridiculous. You should just be enjoying your trip." 1
bluefeather Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I'm a female love bomber and it's not fake. It's just how we express our real feelings. I realize that some people can't handle it. If they can't then oh well, were just incompatible. It won't change me. It's not about not being able to handle it, though, because I like the real kind, but I would never use the word love-bomb for that. I don't know anyone who doesn't like to be showed massive amounts of affection by their s/o. I appreciate that and can return it - but I'd consider that being very passionate or affectionate, and not love-bombing. If you're affection is not fake, I wouldn't call you a love bomber, as that term is usually referred to showing extreme amounts of affection with the intent to manipulate, in other words, not legitimate. It is a term sometimes likened to cult members attempting to make new-comers feel safe and welcomed in order to brain-wash them into falling in love. This can later be followed by abuse and/or discarding, which is what I have experienced. It is a jump from one extreme to the other. Well that is why I said what I said in my first post. I am not saying this woman from KBob's story is bad; I was just responding as someone with experience of, as he put it, female love-bombers. 2
Author KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 I guess I'm not reading between the lines enough, because I don't see her as being over the top, but you do, so that's enough for me. Here's my advice: Don't ever give her money. If you get a whiff that she is "having a crisis" just to get you to come attend to her, break off immediately. I'm not saying that's what she did. But just in case. If she ever gets hysterical trying to get you to engage with her, break it off. No one needs needy manipulation. Take it slow. Give her a couple weeks to forget about all those "we're just alike" things she told you and then start asking her for specifics. If she likes the same sport, give her a sports quiz. If she likes the same food, ask her what's in it. If she likes to go to the zoo, ask her for photos. Just try to verify these interests are real. If she likes videogames, bring her over and see if she can play. With her leaving the country, the biggest danger here is she tries to lock you down while she's gone by getting a promise or just love-bombing you long-distance. Do not start texting mush to her while she's gone. Keep it real. She says "I miss you," you say, "Don't be ridiculous. You should just be enjoying your trip." I wasn't sure if it was over the top or not, it's just more than I'm used to. She sounds genuine to me in her interests from how much we've talked about them, how much she's travelled, and how many pictures she has of her doing said activities. She would have to be the most convincing liar in the world to be fooling me this much, and I'm not detecting that. You're right about the locking me down thing. That won't be happening, not after only two weeks of seeing each other. She'll still be in the country but a few provinces over, which is still a four hour flight, so very LDR. Too soon for that.
Popsicle Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 It's not about not being able to handle it, though, because I like the real kind, but I would never use the word love-bomb for that. I don't know anyone who doesn't like to be showed massive amounts of affection by their s/o. I appreciate that and can return it - but I'd consider that being very passionate or affectionate, and not love-bombing. If you're affection is not fake, I wouldn't call you a love bomber, as that term is usually referred to showing extreme amounts of affection with the intent to manipulate, in other words, not legitimate. It is a term sometimes likened to cult members attempting to make new-comers feel safe and welcomed in order to brain-wash them into falling in love. This can later be followed by abuse and/or discarding, which is what I have experienced. It is a jump from one extreme to the other. Well that is why I said what I said in my first post. I am not saying this woman from KBob's story is bad; I was just responding as someone with experience of, as he put it, female love-bombers. Honestly, I don't even have a problem with male "love-bombers" and don't even like that word, but everyone else here has a problem with it. *shrugs* 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I met up with a girl off of Tinder a couple days ago. We'd been chatting for a few days over text quite a bit, which I have learned from this forum and life experience that isn't necessarily a good move, but I was working in a position at work that is quite boring and using my phone isn't a problem. Right from the get go I've notice that she seems quite infatuated with me and is very eager to push things along, even going as far as to suggest a second date before the first even happened, which I shut down immediately. She seemed to back off of that and take it more easy afterwards. I should note that she is leaving to go work out east in a couple weeks until August, so to me this is going to be a short term fling that could possibly be restarted when she gets back, provided we're both single. We met up and everything seemed to flow great as far as conversation and physical attraction. We went out for a couple drinks, I walked her back to her apartment, we made out a bit outside and that was a wrap. Last night she ended up going to the hospital to have a pain in her side checked out and ended up having to go back in the morning after three hours of sleep for another 10 hours of ultrasounds and whatever other tests, so I brought her a coffee and hung out with her in the waiting room for a while. So over these two dates and the texting there has been what I mentioned in the first paragraph, plus a lot of compliments towards my looks and lifestyle, and very heavy flirting. It's not unusual since we both seem attracted to each other physically and our lifestyles, hobbies, relationship goals, and views on life are almost a perfect match. I've gathered this from listening and not her adapting reactions to my disclosure of the above points. I like this girl and she seems really cool, but it's a lot more verbal attention than I'm used to. Maybe it's me and I'm being guarded, I'm not sure. She could just be really into me. I've never had an experience with a female love bomber so I'm curious to hear what people think. um I would say just enjoy it and observe. people will eventually show you who they are if that good stuff they spitting is genuine or not. observe her actions. be flattered. respond receptive. don't be an arse to her just cause you may be skeptical lol. but don't be no fool and just still look at her actions. 1
CptInsano Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I think you find it odd because well lets face it, most women want to be the one that is being pursued. I'm an aggressive woman, and I don't love bomb I sex bomb lol....But I only do it because I'm serious...I don't fake anything. True aggressive women don't beat around the bush (hehe) Peanuts. Really aggressive women propose marriage after a transatlantic flight together. I kid you not.
Author KBob Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 Peanuts. Really aggressive women propose marriage after a transatlantic flight together. I kid you not. When is the wedding? 1
CptInsano Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 When is the wedding? I was tempted, she seemed rather wealthy. But no, that was too fast, even for me. Plus she really made it sound like a business transaction. 2
bluefeather Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Honestly, I don't even have a problem with male "love-bombers" and don't even like that word, but everyone else here has a problem with it. *shrugs* Maybe we have different definitions of that word, then. For me, the word has negative connotations, referring to a tool used to manipulate, and a step in the process of relationship abuse that follows, when performed by a person with a mental disorder. This may not be the case at all with the original post. But if that is so, I don't think this word should be thrown around as often, and maybe something else should be used instead..? Perhaps just saying that someone is overly affectionate, which I definitely enjoy and return. Oh well.
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