mortensorchid Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was curious as to what others have had experience with in terms of contacting a person after meeting them (OLD or otherwise). I have been on many an OLD in my life, there seems to be a certain pattern to behaviors afterward. 40% of the time, I would meet them and then that was that. Nothing. If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again. Done. About 60% of the time I will get a text from the man within an hour of ending the evening, or the next day with a polite "I had a nice time, hope we can do it again." I text back and say "Thanks, I did as well." I do not punctuate it with "I hope to see you soon" because I think the man should say that he wants to see me again. In those said 60% of the time situations, we would exchange a text or two, just chatty things. Then one day I would reply to his last text of whatever it is/was we were talking about in texts, and ... He would never respond. Also done. The most positive reaction in the past to me has been from a phone call. And that has happened in maybe a grand total of 5 or 6 get togethers I have had in my lifetime. So I believe that a phone call rather than a text is the answer because a text is a passive way of communication when a phone call is more direct. Any other thoughts on this?
jgraham11 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Well in terms of calling vs texting it's always texting with me, but i'd like it to be calling. Calling is a little taboo with younger types nowadays if you ask me. I'd prefer to call cause stuff can get lost in translation with text, but it's just the way most people are If I like a girl enough after a first date I don't even let it get to the texting though. I set things up before we even leave the 1st date. I don't play that waiting game where you go a day or two before texting. That's how people get confused and lose interest
coolheadal Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 OLD Text = Text Buddy (this is no relationship) Phone = real life Phone is best one. Text is so impersonal I prefer to get down and talk on the phone. Shock is over and the talking will start to get to know the stranger faster. So when you meet in person things should go smoothly. The quality of your dates so far sounds like your not meeting the right sort of men. What do you want in a man may I ask you that question? We can all here help you with this.
Medsop Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 texting is fine when you are both at work or school but once you arrive home it's time to talk on the phone to discuss the next date. 1
todreaminblue Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 theres a time and a place for texts but all serious relationships you need to be able to communicate in real time in real life and as far as time spent with either...its face time one on one not facebook or even phone.....face time that is most important of all.....i flong distance probably skype more would be a better option as well...deb
Simple Logic Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Yea, I really miss the good old days before cell phones when after a date you didn't call, you sent a letter by mail. 6
act00 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I honestly don't know how to gauge this one. I grew up in a time that cells didn't exist, no texting, no emails, and phone calls were all we had. Many men my age prefer phone. I love the text. I am on the phone with people all day long in a customer service capacity, and I am just not up for conversations on the phone anymore like I used to be. And I used to be a HUGE phone talker...HUGE. I am struggling in this area. I think phone conversation is an IMPORTANT part of the courtship process, particularly if you can't see each other often in person, so you connect in voice and conversation, real life. I can't gauge how often is "correct," and I think couples need to determine their own comfort zones. New dating? You kind of have to go with the flow. Texting and emil has limits, and voice/face time is important. The texting is fillers and easy communication in between the time spent together, either in person or by voice.
Ronnys93 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 OLD Text = Text Buddy (this is no relationship) Phone = real life Phone is best one. Text is so impersonal I prefer to get down and talk on the phone. Shock is over and the talking will start to get to know the stranger faster. So when you meet in person things should go smoothly. The quality of your dates so far sounds like your not meeting the right sort of men. What do you want in a man may I ask you that question? We can all here help you with this. I think it's unrealistic to say that "text" conversations just equate to text buddies. You can have both and still have quality conversations as long as you understand that things can be misinterpreted through text. Hell things can be misinterpreted through phone too as you don't have the facial cues to go off of. I do agree with you that talking on the phone breaks the ice quicker and you tend to open up faster to the person on the other line. It lends to meeting up quicker and is the more preferable option.
GemmaUK Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Since texting came about I've only ever had one guy ghost on me and we were not at all suited so it was fine by me. Texting for me is not a priority at all - it's helpful for meeting up. A quick call a couple of times a week and some great dates are what I'd look for. Just because I am dating someone it doesn't mean for me that has to become my life - I don't want to be beholden to my phone. Plus, if someone is texting me or calling me all the time I have no time to kick back and think about how things are going and whether they are going well or not. Too much communication can stop thought processes. Same with LDRs which tend to involve long weekends or days at a time together - there is no time to think about the date on Friday night and how it went. 2
jgraham11 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I've gotta say I'm pretty surprised at the response this has gotten. I'm in my mid 20s and people my age are all text, all the time, at least the girls I've been dealing with I'm curious of your ages, but I don't expect everyone to rattle off their age either haha. I only saw one post that kind of gave away age a little bit
EmilyJane Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) Yea, I really miss the good old days before cell phones when after a date you didn't call, you sent a letter by mail. And had to walk twenty miles to school in the snow right? OP I think the answer here isn't about your communication method but your personal style. By text it sounds like you might come of as distinctly stand offish and not giving the guy much indication you have any interest. So they pull the fade in favour of women that give less ambiguous signals. It's been forty years since the sexual revolution. These guys have no idea you think it's meant to be their job to say they want to see you again with no indication of your wants. They are just swimming blindly like trying to work out what the signals are and not get rejected too often. On the phone you convey your interest more accurately and feel more at ease. Hence the appearance you are more successful when the contact involves phone calls. Edited March 31, 2017 by EmilyJane 2
grays Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I much prefer texting and I've had good results with it.
Medsop Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Some people confuse texting with instant messenger. Instant replies are not going to happen sometimes
xUnknown Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Texting. I'm 26 I've done both. I think it all depends on the type of connection you get with the person before you ask them out. Have you talked to them before? How well do you know them (a few years? few hours? straight up cold calling and just asking them out at first sight?) People these days are more laid back. To me, phone calls seem too eager. After date 3 and you know them a little bit and you both know you want to see each other again, yes, then phone call. Before that, slower is better. My brother and sister are both in college. They say texting 100%. If youre in your 30s or 40s, then sure, I can see how phone calls would work, since thats how you were raised. Be direct in the text messages. Don't flake. Confirm the date beforehand. Generally, as a guy, I prefer the woman to text me saying they had a good time if I asked them out. I feel like this happens 50% of the time. If they don't text me first, then I text them saying I had a good time and if I'm interested or get the vibe that they are, I'll ask them out again through text (that is, if I don't see or bump into them in person, where I'll just ask in person).
WaitingForBardot Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 And had to walk knee-deep twenty miles to school in the snow right? FIFY... Not 20 miles, but I actually did that once just so I'd be able to say it to my kids in the distant future! And then I did... ..lol.. Anyways, I also come from the dark ages and my general rule for communicating with anyone, not just romantic interests, is... Never text when you can call, Never call when you can talk in person.
OatsAndHall Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Phone calls, for sure. Texting is impersonal and it's very easy for things to be misconstrued. People seem to read into EVERYTHING with text messages now.. The time it takes to respond, use of emoticons (or lack there of), short responses, long responses, etc..etc... A half hour long phone call is so much more intimate for me than hours of texting. I am trying to address this very issue with my significant other at this point. She's read wayyy too much into some texts in the past and it's caused problems. 1
coolheadal Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I think it's unrealistic to say that "text" conversations just equate to text buddies. You can have both and still have quality conversations as long as you understand that things can be misinterpreted through text. Hell things can be misinterpreted through phone too as you don't have the facial cues to go off of. I do agree with you that talking on the phone breaks the ice quicker and you tend to open up faster to the person on the other line. It lends to meeting up quicker and is the more preferable option. Text Buddy All they do is text only Frankly I rather talk on the phone or in person than text. I have to use voice diction to keep up with those or are Text Buddy. Here in my State it's against the law to text while driving and I am not going to get into car accident over text. Where you can call them on the phone to talk to instead.
Author mortensorchid Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 I am 42. I also lived in the days before texting. I have gone out with guys who were anywhere from a little bit to quite a bit younger / older than me. And they all text. A phone call is still the name of the game as far as I am concerned. One guy I went out with on an OLD years ago said he likes OLDing because he has a lot of texting buddies with it. I immediately knew this was a waste of time and we were never going to talk again after that day. And we didn't. He never called not did he text. So phone calls for serious, text for casual.
Shining One Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was curious as to what others have had experience with in terms of contacting a person after meeting them (OLD or otherwise).Most of the time, the woman would text me to thank me for coffee/drinks/whatever after the date. This usually happens while I'm driving home, so I don't respond until I get there. A handful of women (usually older) have called me instead of texting. On the rare occasions in which the women paid for the first date, I thanked them via text as soon as I got home.So I believe that a phone call rather than a text is the answer because a text is a passive way of communication when a phone call is more direct.Both texting and calling can be passive or active. Sitting back, waiting, and only responding (whether it's a phone call or a text) is passive. Initiating and reaching out is active.
Silverstring Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 So phone calls for serious, text for casual. I'm about the same age, but wouldn't use this as a rule. It really depends on the person. And it depends on how you view OLD. Back when I was doing it, I didn't view first meets as dates at all, this was just to see if you wanted to continue dating this person in the future. So many, many one-and-dones. It's just a numbers game, so the more people you meet with the least investment works the best. Then when you actually do connect with someone, you can slowly increase the amount of time and energy you invest in them. Just curious though, seeing as you're still single, technically the guys who called you on the phone also didn't work out right?
Space Ritual Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I was a guy who was Catfished 10 years ago before I even knew there was a term for it. So after that I never delved back into O.L.D. As for myself, the biggest problem I find is that in a lot of cases, it is difficult to decipher tone through text, especially if you are dealing with a person who uses abbreviations a lot. So I myself prefer the phone at any time. I always figure if you are too lazy to pick up the phone and speak to me then you are too self important. Thus you are not worth much effort on my part.
SevenCity Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Although I'm very good on the phone, I prefer texting. It's nice to have that little green icon with a number next to it to make you feel wanted. It's also much more convenient. I can quickly respond to a text during my work day but NEVER have personal calls. Some women I've dated / dating I have never spoken to on the phone at all. If they want to speak on the phone I usually accommodate but not for too long. I don't want to run the risk of burning out the fire we should have in person or getting trapped into daily hour long phone calls. Neither one is a replacement for in person though. That's where you should get to know someone.
Medsop Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 I have a date tomorrow and will definitely be calling her tonight. Not texting
CryForNoOne Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 95% of under 30 prefer texting. My under 30 ex texted all the time "Call me..." which I hated... So once I called her, said "Text me" and hung up...
Medsop Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 95% of under 30 prefer texting. My under 30 ex texted all the time "Call me..." which I hated... So once I called her, said "Text me" and hung up... This made me laugh. Lol
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