Grey40 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 What should I do? Asked a girl to go out with me tomorrow night to go see my friends band at this bar near her. She's an actress and she lives a busy life. I said Me: "my friends band is playing at xx in xx tomorrow night, would you want to go with me? Maybe we can get some food beforehand. Itll be really fun. Her: awesome! No way! Thanks so much for the invite! I'll have to play tomorrow by ear I'm filming a shoot all day long and don't know when I'll be getting out exactly so I probably can't get food but I will def try to go out and see some music with you Kind of sucks, doesn't sound to me like it's very promising, now I have to sit around and "wait" to see if she's going to come? I don't live all that close to this place I don't want to show up there looking like a moron if she doesn't end up coming.
smackie9 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 You are going to see your friend's band, she was just an after thought....if she shows up fine, if not, you can hang out with your friend between sets and possible even meet some ladies there maybe get a few numbers. Play the field when the opportunity strikes. Call on a buddy to join you.... IMO don't try to date people who have real busy lives...waste of time. 2
RecentChange Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Well first, why don't you reach out before driving to the show and ask her if it looks like she will be able to make it. Second, if it's your friend's band, why would you look like a moron by going and supporting your friend? 1
Author Grey40 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 Well first, why don't you reach out before driving to the show and ask her if it looks like she will be able to make it. Second, if it's your friend's band, why would you look like a moron by going and supporting your friend? This is what I was thinking I would do is kind of see if by tomorrow afternoon I can get some kind of confirmation from her. If not, I'm not going to drive there it's a good 40 min and these guys are not really "close" friends. Rather just try and hang out with more local people if she isn't going to come. Any ideas on how to go about asking her the deal without seeming too eager?
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 This is what I was thinking I would do is kind of see if by tomorrow afternoon I can get some kind of confirmation from her. If not, I'm not going to drive there it's a good 40 min and these guys are not really "close" friends. Rather just try and hang out with more local people if she isn't going to come. Any ideas on how to go about asking her the deal without seeming too eager? Ask her out point blank! No games, no hiding behind getting together to see your friends band or whatever. You like her, then go for it. I'd really like to take you out to dinner. Or let's go for drinks. 1
bluefeather Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 That doesn't actually sound like a good first date anyway. How are you going to get to know her if you're both just watching a live band play? You won't even be able to talk, besides yelling, "Hey, want a beer?" a few times.
xUnknown Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 That sounds like a good 3rd or 4th date to me, but not first. As previously mentioned, too loud, won't be able to talk. Who knows, maybe she doesn't even like the type of music that your friends band plays. Don't sweat about tomorrow night. No biggie. I would NOT do the following: Text her saying your plans have changed now youre free whenever she gets done. That makes you look too eager and willing to change your plans because of her. She doesn't know that you're not good friends with the band, so if you were to bail on the band for her, then it looks like you're trying too hard to get her attention/time. See if she texts you this afternoon, but if she doesn't, don't worry about it. Just text her Saturday and ask her out to get a bit or a drink or something. If she asks you about the band (and you decide not to go), I'd just say it was a good time, they were good....yes, a white lie, but really, who cares - in all honesty, she probably won't care either and is just trying to make conversation.
SevenCity Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 As stated a first date should be a quite / fun event where you can talk and get to know each other. If a woman says she's not sure, you do the takeaway and say "Sounds like you are pretty jammed out Friday. Why don't you contact me when your schedule frees up and we'll plan something then?". If she is interested she will make it easy by recommending a day when she is free. It was nice of you to invite her but you want to make sure she knows you want to take HER out. You also don't settle for maybe dates. Definite time and place. She can be the busiest woman in the world and if she likes you she'll make the time. The date as it sounds now is flaky at best and just a meet up. Not wanting to eat with you makes me think she's not that interested. No problem if she's not, you can stop wasting your time on her and find one of the many who is interested.
Author Grey40 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) As stated a first date should be a quite / fun event where you can talk and get to know each other. If a woman says she's not sure, you do the takeaway and say "Sounds like you are pretty jammed out Friday. Why don't you contact me when your schedule frees up and we'll plan something then?". If she is interested she will make it easy by recommending a day when she is free. It was nice of you to invite her but you want to make sure she knows you want to take HER out. You also don't settle for maybe dates. Definite time and place. I don't think persistence is a bad thing. A lot of relationships can start because the guy was persistent. But yeah there definitley is a limit to how much to put up with. She can be the busiest woman in the world and if she likes you she'll make the time. The date as it sounds now is flaky at best and just a meet up. Not wanting to eat with you makes me think she's not that interested. No problem if she's not, you can stop wasting your time on her and find one of the many who is interested. She texted me this morning saying she'll keep me posted. She hasn't it's now 8pm, originally the plan was to meet sometime after 10. I really read this wrong, thought for sure she was interested. Oh well. Your strategy never has worked for me ever. The girls almost never reach out for many reasons--they don't feel confident to do so, they feel they need to be chased, they're worried too much time has passed etc. I think you doing that simply just means dropping them and moving on. The chances of them ever coming through are slim. Edited March 31, 2017 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 I don't think it's bad to be persistent. I've heard about a lot of relationships starting because the guy pursued and kept trying. But I agree there's definitley a certain limit to how much to put up with.
Author Grey40 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Posted April 1, 2017 Update: well she texted me at 9:30pm, 30 min before the "date" Her: who knew it was suppose to rain all day and night, not this guy! are you still heading to see them? Me: Hey yeah weather is nuts, but yeah was going to head over there, be there a little after 10, still coming? 20 min later Me: Actually probably just going to stick around here tonight, we can hang some other time, no worries Her: hey sorry was getting my things ready for tomorrow - my cuz is getting married ! ah okay, what changed?! Me: Oh damn congrats to them, it's all good, people bailed out/friends asked me to hang out here. I'd still go tonight if you're going to come though but no biggie we're both pretty busy. Her: ah I’m sorry! i didn’t know you were just planning on meeting me! i woulda been down to stop by but since my day was so long didn’t know how long id be up for staying out =/ esp cause i have my cousins wedding. Can we raincheck it (hahahah kinda literally right?). I am def up for hanging when do your friends play next round here? Maybe we can catch them next time? Me: Hahaha good one. Yeah no worries and yeah I'd love to hang out so we will definitely do a raincheck. My friends live up there and play there all the time so there will definitely be more opportunities Her: okay =] sounds good to me! keep me posted on when they play next I need some advice on how to read this. She also liked a few of my pictures on Facebook after this conversation.
GemmaUK Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Pretty much sounds like she doesn't see it as a date to me. Plus you've not asked her out to anything else, only seeing this band play so you're obviously not that keen on meeting up with her - at least that is how I would interpret it if I were her and from what you have said. Does the meet up have to be seeing the band? I also agree with the others who have said it's not a great idea for a first meet or first date - the focus will be on the band, not on talking or getting to know each other. 1
BluesPower Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 I am not sure that I understand... And by your username I am guessing that you are 40? Maybe RC or the other ladies can help me understand??? Here is what I do and frankly I don't ever chase and never play games. In this situation, if you dig her, for Christ sakes just be straight and ask her out. Something like, want to go to dinner this week, let me know. Maybe I am out of touch, even if I am never without female attention. My style is a little different. For ex, I am a musician so if the chick is into that, I let her know, "Hey, I am playing at XXXX, swing by if you want to..." If she wants to cool, if she shows up too late and I already have a girl for that night, sorry.... I am not sure I understand how this stuff works in your situation. For me, IF I really dig a girl, I ask her out twice, she either makes the effort or she does not. If she does not, I am not butt hurt. The way I look at it, she has my number, if she wants to be with me she will let me know. Most do, some don't.
SevenCity Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 She texted me this morning saying she'll keep me posted. She hasn't it's now 8pm, originally the plan was to meet sometime after 10. I really read this wrong, thought for sure she was interested. Oh well. Your strategy never has worked for me ever. The girls almost never reach out for many reasons--they don't feel confident to do so, they feel they need to be chased, they're worried too much time has passed etc. I think you doing that simply just means dropping them and moving on. The chances of them ever coming through are slim. I think the problem is you are asking her as an afterthought. Be more direct in your intentions. This has worked for me. And when it doesn't work it's because they are not interested. I don't waste my time on girls who are not interested.
SevenCity Posted April 1, 2017 Posted April 1, 2017 Update: well she texted me at 9:30pm, 30 min before the "date" Her: who knew it was suppose to rain all day and night, not this guy! are you still heading to see them? Me: Hey yeah weather is nuts, but yeah was going to head over there, be there a little after 10, still coming? 20 min later Me: Actually probably just going to stick around here tonight, we can hang some other time, no worries Her: hey sorry was getting my things ready for tomorrow - my cuz is getting married ! ah okay, what changed?! Me: Oh damn congrats to them, it's all good, people bailed out/friends asked me to hang out here. I'd still go tonight if you're going to come though but no biggie we're both pretty busy. Her: ah I’m sorry! i didn’t know you were just planning on meeting me! i woulda been down to stop by but since my day was so long didn’t know how long id be up for staying out =/ esp cause i have my cousins wedding. Can we raincheck it (hahahah kinda literally right?). I am def up for hanging when do your friends play next round here? Maybe we can catch them next time? Me: Hahaha good one. Yeah no worries and yeah I'd love to hang out so we will definitely do a raincheck. My friends live up there and play there all the time so there will definitely be more opportunities Her: okay =] sounds good to me! keep me posted on when they play next I need some advice on how to read this. She also liked a few of my pictures on Facebook after this conversation. You did the takeaway and it seems to have worked. You must be more direct. Something like "Regadless if the band is playing or not, I'd love to take you out. When are you free?" Right now you are saying you'll see her if you happen to be in the area. This won't make a woman feel like it's anything more than a hang out. Make a date with her. If she flakes or declines, then you know she's not interested. I am very direct in my intentions and misunderstandings never happen.
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