ishe23 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I asked a guy if he was still seeing someone even though I heard through the grapevine that he no longer isn't (confirmed he's single). He told me that yes, he still is seeing someone. Ouch. I must say I feel even more offended that he lied to me. I guess he must've thought I was going to ask him out or something. I would've appreciated it more if once I asked him out, he'd say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But lying tells me he must really hate me or thinks so low of me, he'd rather lie to avoid any confrontation. In this case, wouldn't you rather be told the truth instead of being lied to? I don't really consider it as a white lie. Edited March 30, 2017 by ishe23 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I asked a guy if he was still seeing someone even though I heard through the grapevine that he no longer isn't (confirmed he's single). He told me that yes, he still is seeing someone. Ouch. I must say I feel even more offended that he lied to me. I guess he must've thought I was going to ask him out or something. I would've appreciated it more if once I asked him out, he'd say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But lying tells me he must really hate me or thinks so low of me, he'd rather lie to avoid any confrontation. In this case, wouldn't you rather be told the truth instead of being lied to? I don't really consider it as a white lie. Pot calling the kettle black? Women do this ALL the time and guys are told not to get butt hurt and just move on. This tells me more about your ego than him. He doesn't necessarily hate you nor does it mean he thinks your so lowly. He's just not interested... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Maybe he is seeing someone. Grapevine isn't always reliable. Plus, there could be things going on in his life that no one may know about. And even if he didn't want to go out with you, why would you go to such an extreme that he hates you or thinks low of you. Such an extent of self-deprecation. This is likely your own view of yourself. Besides, we're all going to face rejection at some point in our lives. Dust this off and move on. Some people deal with situations differently. You believe he should have been upfront, if it were true that he was single and he maybe felt it was the easy way out of an awkward situation by saying he was attached. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I think you are interpreting this all wrong. Saying you are seeing someone is letting them down easy It's a gentler rejection. It's saying "I am not rejecting you, I am not available". Saying "not interested" is an in your face rejection. Saying that this proves he HATES you!?! Come on' If he hates you, perhaps he would laugh in your face and tell you never in a million years would he date you. But instead he tried to spare your feelings and said he wasn't available to date. So.... Let's break this down. You said he must of have thought you were going to ask him out. Is he wrong about that? Why were you asking his status? Why were asking? Why were so insulted? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 RC is right once again. More than likely, he was trying to be a GOOD GUY and not come as a jerk. Saying that he is involved may simply have been nothing more than he was not interested romantically but thinks you are cool. I do think it is important to not ALWAYS jump to conclusions and give someone the benefit of the doubt at first....a novel concept I know but.............. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) It is hard to know how not to hurt someone. You're rejecting the person. There IS no way to know you've done it "right," whatever right is. I've seen the same people who complained of lack of honesty in a rejection, complain of "bluntness" in another. Just let it go, the guy was trying to not hurt your feelings. Edited March 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Why would you owe someone a truthful confrontation and get into all that drama if you weren't interested in them? Women do this to men all the time to try to just not openly hurt their feelings. Your feeling entitled to a showdown just means you're unjustifiably invested and looking for some way to keep engaging with him even after he's told you no. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 there is an old song that talks about there being no easy way to break someone's heart...the song was right then as it is NOW.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 You weren't lied to. You asked him if he was seeing someone and he told you he was. You can't ask for more honesty than that. And, no, it wasn't a "lie by omission" as you assumed he was single because of what you heard from other people, versus just asking him straight off the bat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ishe23 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) I guess I felt disrespected because we are not strangers nor friends, but we see each other quite regularly. And he is single. All his best friends confirmed this except him to me. I just don't know why he felt he had to lie to me about it. He knows I was once interested in him, but it wasn't like I was going to ask him out again. I was just making conversation, but it hurt when I knew he was lying to me. Edited March 31, 2017 by ishe23 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 So why did you ask if you already knew the answer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ishe23 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 So why did you ask if you already knew the answer? Like I said, was just making conversation like I ask someone, "Did you just get here?" even though I know I saw them half an hour ago. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) I asked a guy if he was still seeing someone even though I heard through the grapevine that he no longer isn't (confirmed he's single). He told me that yes, he still is seeing someone. Ouch. I must say I feel even more offended that he lied to me. I guess he must've thought I was going to ask him out or something. I would've appreciated it more if once I asked him out, he'd say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But lying tells me he must really hate me or thinks so low of me, he'd rather lie to avoid any confrontation. In this case, wouldn't you rather be told the truth instead of being lied to? I don't really consider it as a white lie. Guys like him do it because they can get away with it. You'll know the truth and when you do find out if they're man enough to tell you that they're seeing someone else or engaged or even married. Women do this also. I've been burnt several times in the past. Their excuse is always the same they don't see anything wrong with it. What's the problem? You lied! Can't trust them and what they will do to you will always continue on.. *infidelity *Extramarital affairs *illicit romance Edited March 31, 2017 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I asked a guy if he was still seeing someone even though I heard through the grapevine that he no longer isn't (confirmed he's single). He told me that yes, he still is seeing someone. Ouch. I must say I feel even more offended that he lied to me. I guess he must've thought I was going to ask him out or something. I would've appreciated it more if once I asked him out, he'd say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But lying tells me he must really hate me or thinks so low of me, he'd rather lie to avoid any confrontation. In this case, wouldn't you rather be told the truth instead of being lied to? I don't really consider it as a white lie. Perhaps he's the last one to know . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) I asked a guy if he was still seeing someone even though I heard through the grapevine that he no longer isn't (confirmed he's single). He told me that yes, he still is seeing someone. Ouch. I must say I feel even more offended that he lied to me. I guess he must've thought I was going to ask him out or something. I would've appreciated it more if once I asked him out, he'd say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." But lying tells me he must really hate me or thinks so low of me, he'd rather lie to avoid any confrontation. In this case, wouldn't you rather be told the truth instead of being lied to? I don't really consider it as a white lie. Rumor isn't reliable enough. They don't know for certain unless they live with him. Do they? Then they really don't know who he's seeing. All I need to know is "yes" or "no". If he's telling me he's not available, then that means he's not interested in being available to me. Doesn't matter what the grapevine thinks. He's made himself clear and that's all I need to go on. Edited March 31, 2017 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Wait, so you don't even want to go out with this guy anyway??? In that case it's ego. You don't want him but he better want you and how he dare try to let YOU down gently, who does he think he is...? He did nothing wrong, IMO. We women do this all the time. We manage to bring up a boyfriend or husband just in case the person thinks we are coming on. Either you gave off signals, or he for whatever reason worried you might think the conversation was more than just passing the time of day and he wanted to gently nip any possibilities in the bud. Just forget this. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I guess I felt disrespected because we are not strangers nor friends, but we see each other quite regularly. And he is single. All his best friends confirmed this except him to me. I just don't know why he felt he had to lie to me about it. He knows I was once interested in him, but it wasn't like I was going to ask him out again. I was just making conversation, but it hurt when I knew he was lying to me. Had he said he was single stopped you from trying and trying and trying to get with him? Him being single doesn't mean he's attracted to you or wants/is obligated to pursue a romantic relationship with you. He and everyone else has a right to their preferences in a romantic partner. You must not be his preference in a romantic partner. He lied to you probably because he didn't want to give you false hope or deal with tears... and his best friends do not know everything about him, despite what they may say to you. He's unavailable to you and he's well within his rights to determine who he wants as a romantic partner. Him being single doesn't strip him of his autonomy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Pot calling the kettle black? Women do this ALL the time and guys are told not to get butt hurt and just move on. This tells me more about your ego than him. He doesn't necessarily hate you nor does it mean he thinks your so lowly. He's just not interested... Generalize much? Whatever women do "all the time," evidently this woman doesn't and has a problem with it. That said, I agree with you that OP needs to not be butthurt and move on. OP - the guy owes you no explanation. If he feels more comfortable nipping your interest in the bud this way, it's his choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Generalize much? Whatever women do "all the time," evidently this woman doesn't and has a problem with it. That said, I agree with you that OP needs to not be butthurt and move on. OP - the guy owes you no explanation. If he feels more comfortable nipping your interest in the bud this way, it's his choice. I'm a woman...I thought it was fairly common to mention a boyfriend when worried the guy we are speaking to might get the wrong idea. You even see it mentioned in literature and movies, it's so commonplace. It's weird because last night my husband and I were talking about exactly this. We were watching the 1992 Dracula and when Mina hissed "Are you acquainted with my HUSBAND?' at the obviously smitten, and pushy count the two of us cracked up. I said, " Oh man. Done that!" And yes, it's intended to make it plain we are not up for "anything" without anybody getting embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I guess I felt disrespected because we are not strangers nor friends, but we see each other quite regularly. And he is single. All his best friends confirmed this except him to me. I just don't know why he felt he had to lie to me about it. He knows I was once interested in him, but it wasn't like I was going to ask him out again. I was just making conversation, but it hurt when I knew he was lying to me. And maybe that is why he felt it best to say he was attached -- in his mind he likely felt it would be a lesser blow than you knowing he is single and rejecting your advances again. YOU were just making conversation. He isn't in your head so he likely thought you were heading down that road again and tried to nip it before it went anywhere awkward. There was no disrespect except for what you've manufactured in your head. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 I guess I felt disrespected because we are not strangers nor friends, but we see each other quite regularly. And he is single. All his best friends confirmed this except him to me. I just don't know why he felt he had to lie to me about it. He knows I was once interested in him, but it wasn't like I was going to ask him out again. I was just making conversation, but it hurt when I knew he was lying to me. He might not be physically seeing someone but might have an ex on his mind. It would be easier for him to say he was than to try to explain what could be an embarrassing situation. It might be that he wasn't rejecting you but knew he still had feelings for someone else. You can never know why someone reacts the way they do when relationships are concerned. Just look at the number of people on here who are still stuck on their exes. Link to post Share on other sites
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