Marie1973 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 From Lady::: I don't want to stir up any trouble. But I do agree with Fly On the Wall. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to not get taken advantage of. I would abruptly cut him off. Someone who is making me cry and breaking my heart doesn't deserve an explanation whether he's married or not. Him being married just makes it worse. But of course I am not Marie. No matter which way you see it, the MM has the power whether she waits or not. The only way for her to get her power back is to live her life without him and be happy and in control of her emotions. Stop letting her emotions be controlled by him. The only way she can do that is to take a break from him and learn to really love herself. F*&K deadlines. This is your one and only life you were given. Do you really want to waste it waiting and counting down minutes? Loving yourself means that you put yourself first and not let anyone still your Joy or time away from you. Waiting for him and living on her emotions for him gives him the Power. Being sad over him is giving him the power. Letting him come and go as he pleases is giving him the power. Just letting him in her life gives him the Power if she lets him get away with being a jerk. I am not saying she should tell him to be a certain way. But her actions should make him want to be a certain way. I am saying that if she is still in his life after he lied to her time and time again then she subconsciously trained him to not have to try very hard. She's just finding happiness from him and hoping one day he will tell the truth. If he gets what he wants by lying then he's going to continue to lie to get what he wants until she changes how she responds to him. I hope that makes sense. Live your life the way you want so that you can be happy no matter what. That's what your MM is doing. The bad thing about him is that he is using other people's emotions to make him happy. If you can strongly take yourself out of painful situations because you love yourself more than the pain, then that's when you have the power over yourself and over any situation. He should have to do a whole lot more than say "I love you" or buy her things or say sweet nothings to get her in the first place. He should have had to just be an honest man. Being honest sometimes makes everything else fall into place. An honest man would not cheat on someone or manipulate people to fall in love with him to get what he wants. No "person" is worth putting your life on hold for. If someone is meant to be with you, they will be with you at the right time no matter what. You wouldn't even have to force it. All you would have to do is live your life for yourself and be happy. If you have to question anything or if someone makes you cry or feel sad in anyway. Then it's time to let that person go so that you can help yourself. Anyone who is going to make a life with you would do everything in their power to add to your happiness. Not subtract from it. It doesn't matter if he loves you or not. He made you cry and feel sad and you are feeling depressed and low. That right there is enough to say STOP. I don't want to keep torturing myself any longer. I love myself too much for this sh*t. Then dust yourself off and start over again. Believe me that's the best kind of power to have over yourself and even over the MM. People respect people who respect themselves. You know why? Because a person who respects themself will not allow it to be any other way. So respect yourself and start your own path without him. Either way, if MM wants to be in your life he will do what he has to do truthfully and rightfully. You don't need to sit and wait. Stop being in pain for this mere man who is pretty much replaceable. You can find men like him a dime a dozen. Maybe not financially but definitely mentally. A respectable man would not cheat on his wife or lie to only satisfy himself. He would deal with her first and get out then look for love with another. A greedy man would do anything in his power to have his cake and eat it too to make himself happy because he's too lazy to actually take the hard route. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men and women as well, who fit the latter. Marie, I hope the best for you. I was an other woman by the way. Once I learned to live my life on my own terms. I kicked MM to the curb like a hot potato and never looked back. So whatever happens, make sure it will add to your life and keep you focused on who you are. Don't let it be all about this MM or any man. Let it be All about you. Find out what would make Marie happy deep down inside without someone else or without hurting someone else. You don't know the wife but in some way you may be hurting people as well even if you don't think so. You are hurting your "own" self for this man. Don't "you" count too? Sorry so long. This just touches my heart. 1
Devils Prize Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I am not an OW but I can say that I couldn't agree more with Lady. Amazingly well said.
BoatingBabe Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 From Lady::: People respect people who respect themselves. You know why? Because a person who respects themself will not allow it to be any other way. . Great post, this is my favorite part...and it's soooo true...Marie, I hope you listen to this advice....I try to follow it myself after screwing up in the past... One of my favorite sayings is..."no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 1
jadeblossom Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 This post drove the dagger home. Thanks for sharing. It's true that we need to put ourselves first. What makes us happy? Not a man who makes us cry and sink into despair, not a man whom we can't call any minute of the day when we need someone to lean on, not a man who would lie and cheat and betray his wife for whatever reason. We've gotta learn to pull ourselves up and LOVE OURSELVES. and yeah... f#*k deadlines.
newbby Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 good idea to thread this marie, its a brilliant and inspirational post lady.
LadyRLD Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I am in tears. I hope you all know that you are a beautiful prize to be won. So treat yourself like one and don't let anyone whoe acts like a loser take that part away from you. They only do it so that you will feel the way they feel. I love you all ;-)
LovelyL Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Great post LadyRLD: Thanks for sharing your wisdom. You have an old and romantic soul. I will remember this daily, not only for relationships but for inner self awareness. Thanks!
newbby Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 love you too lady ((hugs)) and you would be great in a job that involves inspiring and helping people
joodee Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I mentioned it before, this is a really wonderful post, and I'm glad I re-read it today, cause I felt like calling him (feeling really down right now), this just made me more determined to respect myself and love myself more. Hugs to you all.
Author Marie1973 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 You don't have to thank me Lady. I thought it was such a wonderful post that I wanted to share it with all the other OW so maybe it could help them also!! It's not easy being the OW & this post gives us something to think about!! SO, NO THANK YOU!
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