breadbin Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I am struggling today with not contacting my ex. As the title says. I don't know why but i guess it has to do with the fact I saw her tuesday night and wednesday morning. I worked days and she was on nights and we passed by each other. Said a quick hello to each other and that was it. She ended the relationship 5 months ago and since then I have tried various times to not contact but it isn't really possible seeing as we work together. I got sick of the breadcrumbs and finally just started to ignore her. 2 weeks ago she sent me a message 'hi' and that was the last straw. I ignored her then, ignored her next few texts and calls which lasted 5 days and then she sent me a desperate text. I replied. I was hungover. She said she desperately wanted to tell me something really important. I agreed to meet for a quick coffee and was waiting around for her for ages. We never agreed 100% on a time but she did mention she would be leaving some place at 5pm so I worked it out and decided to wait for her and walk around taking photos. It was a lovely evening and the sunset was amazing. She hadn't arrived within an hour and a half and I couldn't wait any longer. I asked her how she got on at the thing she was at. She texted me about 30 minutes later and she said she was only back now. This could well have been the truth. I don't believe for a minute she was making me wait on purpose or messing me about. She was busy volunteering and them things do drag on. Anyway, I texted her I couldn't hang around and maybe some other time if I'm passing through later on we could meet. She said she couldn't get a babysitter. Again this is probably the truth because it was late. The next day I messaged her because I felt like it was my fault that I stood her up. I apologised for the mix up and said i had been down there earlier and really couldn't wait any longer but that from her texts it felt like she had something important to tell me. She said she doesn't know why the mix up happened and no worries. Thats it. Nothing since and that is a week ago. Like I said I met her in work them 2 times and didn''t even make eye contact the first time but second time said hello, eye contact, how was your night etc. It was like she couldn't get away quick enough. The reason I'm struggling today is that I feel like she could be finding it tough and then me standing her up might make her hate me. I couldn't wait any longer because I had a family thing. I feel guilty and it might look to her that i'm messing her about. Arranging to meet and then cancelling last minute. I don't know why I'm such a mess about it. I still love her which is obvious. I feel like I need to see if she doesn't hate me. I know this goes against the no contact plan i had but it hurts. I feel like I dumped her now! The guilt is horrible.
BryanSmiley Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I’m in a similar ish situation, given I can’t avoid my ex at work etc. What I would say is, ultimately she was the dumper and it was her irrespective of reason, that asked for then couldn’t quite make the meet-up. It’s definitely for her to put right in terms of reconciliation IF that’s what she was looking to do. And it’s for her to re-arrange the meet-up. She needs to realise that if she doesn’t already. It’s not for you to fix or chase on either side. That’s gotta feel messy, frustrating, painful, but that’s the reality, she needs to maturely make steps to meet and reconcile. I had similar feelings as yourself and it’s not uncommon, in-fact I tried NC and contact with my ex, and after awhile contact worked and we agreed to try. Ultimately it failed again and I wonder if I didn’t chase would it have given me more power, and her the space/motivation to later – realise and reconcile. Some people are stubborn and even if they did have thoughts to reconcile, may push those feelings away or just not be willing to reach out, to be vulnerable, take the risk, tell themselves you wouldn’t have them back now anyway. Well that could be true, it is greyer than often times made out. But then, do you really want that worry of being with someone if they aren’t sure enough they want to be with you, that they can take a risk and reach out and tell you just that? The follow up break up hurts more, let me tell you. I wouldn’t initiate contact, it’s for her to sort a meet-up (shame your msg insinuated if your in the area however, she mighta taken that as he’ll let me know). Give it some time, see what if any comm’s come through.
airborne3502 Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 If your girlfriend had something important to tell you, she'd tell you. Don't beat yourself up about "standing her up." You've got enough emotional trauma right now without piling that on top of it.
Author breadbin Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 thanks for the replies, I'll put it down to just having a bad day. I didn't text her and yeah you both are right. i said enough to her in the past. She knows how I feel. when i started going no contact and ignoring the breadcrumbs I sent her a message saying why I was doing it. I wasn't angry at her, angry at myself. I was doing something I should have done ages ago. I hate what the break up has done to me. Made me into a bitch of a man etc and I need to heal myself. I then said I couldn't do friends. I tried but it is not easy and that I needed time out. A lot of the anger is back today though and I don't know if that is helping me:) I was just reminded of something she said about me not being a good role model for her son. His dad doesn't pay a penny towards him and couldn't care if he sees him or not. The only other man in his life is his uncle who is a wannabee drug dealer on the dole with a temper. Here I am working in a good job, educated to the nines and i'm not good enough. She said some horrible things to me throughout the relationship which I have to question why the hell do I miss her so much. She wasn't good for me. The good times were good though and we had plenty of them. Pity about the other bits. 1
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