NewfieEd Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Ok, so I've posted here before about a girl I've been seeing for 6-7 months now. She told me then she didn't want anything serious because she was recently single and needed to be like that for a while. I gave her space, we used to hang out, do things together, have lots of fun. So as time went on this began to happen more and more and feelings on both sides intensified. It was all going good until a few weeks ago. I was offered a job 2 weeks away from home and 1 week home. It's a short term contract and I don't want to do it for too long. She told me I should take the position so I did. While I was gone she wrote me extremely upset I liked a girls pictures, over a period of time that she thinks is "trouble", and I told her I had no feelings before about. She wanted to know why I liked so many of her pictures over time because this girl has a reputation of sleeping around. To add to this I went to a once in a life time sporting event with my friend recently and she got extremely upset saying she thought we would watch it on tv together. Then she told me she don't like that I am gone away for work even though we both decided it was a good idea. So I got home today and the last few days everything had been smoothed over and fine. She came over and everything went as normal. Then she was getting ready to go home and said "I need to have a sit down conversation soon" I said "well now is the time" she proceeded to tell me she don't know what she is feeling, she likes me but she don't like how everything is going. Maybe she needs to be single, her heart tells her one thing, her mind says another, etc. This went on for 20 minutes. I said ok "let's just get it overwith and say it's over" she said "I don't want that, I don't know what I want, I'm extremely confused lately". She got up and left and said "can we sit down and talk about our feelings and where we are tomorrow". I said I guess we will see. She then texted me "I hope we can really sit down and talk about everything tomorrow". I didn't respond. One minute she's hot everything is fine. The next minute she's telling me she can't see where things should go. Is she just confused ? Is there anything I can say/do to help her thought process? Or is she just ready to move on and can't admit it? I think the world of this girl, the connection we have is intense but I can't wait around for something that's not there.
act00 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Your being away seems to have caused a lot of anxiety and insecurity to creep up. She's just not sure what to do about her feelings. You were gone for a week, and suddenly liking a girl's pictures becomes an issue? If you like her, I'd say just ride it out and see where she's going. Be prepared a breakup is possible. You certainly don't want to be with someone long-term who has no trust in you and gets upset that you have outside interests that don't always include her, or you have to defend yourself because you liked certain pictures. You will constantly have to prop her up and assure her, while defending yourself, and that's tiresome. You've invested a lot of time and emotion into her, and you like her, so don't dump and run too fast. Let her have some time to work on her feelings and be open with her. Is this a pattern with her? Does she consistently get upset when you don't do things together, or you like a photo she thinks you shouldn't, or you talk to women casually? Was this recent situation a magnified version of a consistent problem?
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Ok, so I've posted here before about a girl I've been seeing for 6-7 months now. She told me then she didn't want anything serious because she was recently single and needed to be like that for a while. I gave her space, we used to hang out, do things together, have lots of fun. So as time went on this began to happen more and more and feelings on both sides intensified. It was all going good until a few weeks ago. I was offered a job 2 weeks away from home and 1 week home. It's a short term contract and I don't want to do it for too long. She told me I should take the position so I did. While I was gone she wrote me extremely upset I liked a girls pictures, over a period of time that she thinks is "trouble", and I told her I had no feelings before about. She wanted to know why I liked so many of her pictures over time because this girl has a reputation of sleeping around. To add to this I went to a once in a life time sporting event with my friend recently and she got extremely upset saying she thought we would watch it on tv together. Then she told me she don't like that I am gone away for work even though we both decided it was a good idea. So I got home today and the last few days everything had been smoothed over and fine. She came over and everything went as normal. Then she was getting ready to go home and said "I need to have a sit down conversation soon" I said "well now is the time" she proceeded to tell me she don't know what she is feeling, she likes me but she don't like how everything is going. Maybe she needs to be single, her heart tells her one thing, her mind says another, etc. This went on for 20 minutes. I said ok "let's just get it overwith and say it's over" she said "I don't want that, I don't know what I want, I'm extremely confused lately". She got up and left and said "can we sit down and talk about our feelings and where we are tomorrow". I said I guess we will see. She then texted me "I hope we can really sit down and talk about everything tomorrow". I didn't respond. One minute she's hot everything is fine. The next minute she's telling me she can't see where things should go. Is she just confused ? Is there anything I can say/do to help her thought process? Or is she just ready to move on and can't admit it? I think the world of this girl, the connection we have is intense but I can't wait around for something that's not there. what she is experiencing is this. she like you but she don't like the things you do. so she is confused and wrestling with whether to be with you or not. what SHE needs to understand is that she cant change you and she needs to either accept you as is and move on. now what do you do about this situation? well think about what you do that she don't like...do you have a problem with what you do? if not then it just may be a good idea to let the girl go on cause all your going to do is continue doing the things she have a problem with and have this unnecessary back and forth. you only need to allow her to come back around when she accept you as is. now if you do agree that the things you do is a problem and if she is worth it to you...then stop doing whatever it is she don't like and see if yall improve. so recap. let the girl go OR make the necessary changes if you a)believe it is problematic b)believe she is worth it. good luck dude.
Author NewfieEd Posted March 30, 2017 Author Posted March 30, 2017 She is constantly up and down. It don't help that when I started seeing her two of my friends were also interested and made me out to be bad person, telling her "she was my flavour of the month", "she was just another girl who doesn't meant anything" this was never true. Just fabricated by them for personal gain. In my past I have been somewhat of a player and she knows this from a few of her friends who grew up in the same community as me, I try to explain to her she's different to me and means a lot. I guess that's why the picture liking bothered her so much. She has been in 2 long term relationships where as I've only had relationships that have lasted months usually. She tells me "I'm inexperienced with dealing with long term issues" and it's a big problem for her.
Redhead14 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 This girl likes to burn the bridges before she gets to them . . . she operates from a place of fear and insecurity which creates emotional chaos and confusion. That being said, this is one bridge you should burn immediately. Are you really going to put your dating/relationship life on hold while she gets "unconfused"? That may take a long time. Her confusion didn't happen overnight and so getting unconfused isn't going to either.
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