Hailey.m.w Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 So back in November, I got laid off from my job and was living in Washington at the time. I came down to Cali to visit my family for Thanksgiving. While I was down here, I decided to go on a few tinder dates to occupy my time. One of those dates was with my now boyfriend of 3 months. After meeting I decided to move home and focus on school and saving for a house. At first, things with my boyfriend were great. He works two jobs and we had a good balance of time together and a social life. Now 3 months into the relationship, I find myself getting fed up with him and wondering if its worth the hassle. He hasn't had a car for about a month and a half so I have to keep giving him rides to both his jobs and I just recently started working about 3 weeks ago. On top of that, he doesn't really offer gas money or anything and he already knows I'm struggling to pay my own bills since moving back and only finding part time work. On top of that, I feel like I pay for everything and I constantly feel like a parent. Since he doesn't have a car right now, he's dropped me off at work and I have to remind him to pick me up. I feel like that shouldn't even be a problem since he's in my car. I constantly tell him things and he'll ask me the same question 20 minutes later. He couldn't even remember how to spell my name or the year I was born. Also, when I met him, he was living with his parents which I didnt mind because he was doing it for the same reason as me, to save for a house.But now I feel like he's all wishy washy with his future plans. Another problem I have with him is that he doesn't really like the same things as me and he's not even willing to do the things I like to make me happy. He basically calls me selfish and tells me if I really loved him, I wouldnt force him to do stuff he doesnt like. At this point I don't know if its worth the frustration. I know him not having a car is putting strain on the relationship and I don't know if i should just ride it out. Opinions?
normal person Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Also, when I met him, he was living with his parents which I didnt mind because he was doing it for the same reason as me, to save for a house.But now I feel like he's all wishy washy with his future plans. The guy doesn't even have a car. Do you really think he's anywhere near ready to begin paying for a house? At this point I don't know if its worth the frustration. I know him not having a car is putting strain on the relationship and I don't know if i should just ride it out. Opinions? All of this sounds pretty awful. Is there any timetable on how long it will take him to get his act together? If not, have him make one (make sure it's realistic). If he can't produce a timetable, he's not committed or driven enough. If he can, but the time table suggests it's going to take longer for him to get his act together than you want to wait, I'd suggest you move on. I can't imagine why you'd even stay with him as long as you have -- or at all. 2
PegNosePete Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) You've been together 3 months and it's pretty clear that you're extremely unhappy with this guy. Why are you bothering to see him any more? Do you think these issues will simply go away with time? No, they will get more and more exacerbated as your relationship goes on. His emotional blackmail and manipulations are signs of an abusive personality. Major red flags. Do yourself a favour and end this relationship before you get really resentful and unhappy. It's quite clear that he's a totally unsuitable partner for you. Edited March 30, 2017 by PegNosePete 2
basil67 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Hailey, your problem is that you don't know how to say "No". What I see here is that you're very busy enabling him to be a child. You DON'T have to give him rides to his job. If he can't remember to pick you up, then don't lend him your car. He can't get to his job? Not your problem. Let him sort it out himself. If he can't afford to go out, then leave him at home and go with someone else. You don't have to pay for him. 2
Leigh 87 Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Most men would be too embarrassed to accept this kind of help. I'm know my BF would feel pretty emasculated if I had to support him like this. We all have financial issues during one time or another. But hard working driven men would definitely convey their embarrassment and give you a time line as to when they hope to get a car. 1
angel.eyes Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Let's see... Living with his parents, no car, "no" money despite working two jobs and mooching off his parents (and GF), borrows your car and leaves you stranded unless you remind him to get you, calls you selfish for wanting to do stuff that you pay for.... Why are you with him? What are the positives? Are you afraid to be single? Just trying to understand why any of this nonsense is tolerated. 1
Whodatdog Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Sounds like he found himself a sugar mamma. Dont let him use you that way. Start saying..sorry, no.
Els Posted April 2, 2017 Posted April 2, 2017 Your boyfriend can't remember the spelling of your NAME or your age, 3 months after being together??? How does that even happen?!?!?
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