Shy, anxious, smitten and he hasn't kissed me after 4 dates

[Mkn1010]

I'm pretty sure it means that he either freaked out and realised he's not ready or that he wanted something casual in the end.

 

There's a good saying that sums me up as a person: "Your love will be too strong for anyone who isn't looking for something real"

 

This has happened to me before sadly.

[SevenCity]

I was really hoping for a happy ending on this story.

 

This sucks OP. At least he didn't say this after sex.

 

The important thing to take away from this is you CAN have those feelings for someone other than your ex. I know it's not a consolation but now it's just a matter of finding the right guy.

 

Uhg - why must dating be so difficult.

[Tressugar]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. At least you found out now without wasting anymore of your time.

 

I think you kinda knew that he wasn't the one for you. Your intuition was right.

[Mkn1010]

Thank you Seven and TreeSugar!

 

I'm honestly sad and it might be stupid because it was 4 dates but that's how I feel.

 

I can't do dating anymore, I'm honestly so so tired!

[EmilyJane]

What exactly does that even mean??

 

Totally.

 

Jeebus.

 

I think we need an interpreter.

 

 

I'm so sorry.

 

But. You did good. You managed your emotions. You acted to make sure you weren't powerless and that he couldn't leave you hanging indefinitely. You didn't compulsively message in order to do so and you switched your thinking and sent yourself some good healthy messages over his importance.

 

You won't forget that. You should be very proud

 

I am not sure he's ending it with you. I'm not sure he's keeping it going.

 

But devils advocate, could he be expressing self doubt but still wanting to see you? Wanting reassurance? Typically that is not generally a male way to go about it.

 

And honey don't let one guy with unknown issues deter you - how much power over your world and future does that give him?!?

Edited April 2, 2017 by EmilyJane

[preraph]

He wasn't enough for you, plain and simple, and he knew it. This is not YOUR failure, obviously. He's not mature and balanced enough for a relationship and may never be, though one hopes.

[Medsop]

I know for me it has to be the right environment for me to go in for a kiss like inside a car or maybe at her place or my place. I been on two dates with this woman and I haven't went for a kiss yet because we haven't been alone yet. We did hug at the train station after the date last night but I didn't go in for a kiss because I was in public. Maybe I should arrange for our date next date to be at the movies so we can get closer. Our first two dates were both at Restaurants.

 

So I definitely don't want to go on 4 dates without having kissed her.

[Medsop]

OK so I met a great guy through OLD. He’s the onlyguy I’ve been talking to/seeing (I don’t dig multi-dating). We’ve caughtup 4 times now, 2 times per week. So it’s very early days and I must say, I’mtotally freaking out by how much I like him. And get this, we haven’t even madeout. He kisses me on the lips as a ‘goodbye’ gesture after each date, but hasnot made a move. Nor have I.

 

 

We’re both the shy type, get awkward with receivingcompliments etc. He’s also 3.5 years younger than me (about to turn 27 and I’m30). I’m very inexperienced and feel like a goofy teenager here. And if anyone’sabout to ask whether I want to be dating a guy who seems too shy to kiss me,well the answer is yes, yes I do. It would be highly hypocritical of me toexpect him to be able to move the thing forward physically when I’m too scaredto do so myself. And there’s something very very sweet about him. But also heseems to be intimidated by me OR intimidated/afraid of intimacy OR just slow.

 

 

So what are we going to do? We laugh a TON, the whole datesare filled with lots of humour. But we don’t talk about serious things and Iget the feeling that he moves SLOW in revealing his emotions.

 

 

I’m also nervous because he asked me to catch up again atthe end of every date, EXCEPT for last night’s date. Granted, we were in themiddle of laughing and then he did the quick goodbye kiss as the Uber driverwas waiting and then I just blurted out “see you soon”. We had a brief textconvo after the date. But we don’t have plans scheduled at this stage.

 

 

Also, he usually texts me about once per day just to ask howI’m going and have a joke or two, we definitely don’t spend a long time texting.A few times (maybe 2-3), I have been the one to text first on a day.

 

 

I have not felt this way in agessssssssss! He is sooooofunny and our life compatibility/tastes etc are so in sync. After every date, Ihave to sit down and just go ‘wow’ to myself. And then the anxiety hits becauseI haven’t been in a relationship in 2.5 years since my long term ex completelyruined me.

 

 

Do you guys think I’m dangerously verging on getting friend-zoned?

 

 

 

Have all your dates been in public? That could be a reason if that is the case.

[Mkn1010]

What does everyone think about me proposing something more casual/slow (yet respectful)? It's not like I'm hell bent on any particular future goals, despite the indication my age may give.

[smackie9]

How about reading between the lines that he is not interested...his excuse was some thing he made up IMO....he wanted out. If he wanted casual he would have come out and told you that is what he was looking for. He cast you away my dear.....you deserve more than this for sure.

[SevenCity]

What does everyone think about me proposing something more casual/slow (yet respectful)? It's not like I'm hell bent on any particular future goals, despite the indication my age may give.

 

Not a good idea. I feel this way when giving advice to guys who were dumped - lay your terms on the table. If they are rejected you walk away.

 

You will be MUCH more hurt if he continues to string you along / have sex with you and then dumps you.

 

Everyone here can say find someone else, there are a million guys blah blah blah.

 

I understand what it can be like to have a connection so rare. You don't want to let it go. I felt the same wih my ex but I realized I had to let it go.

 

The right thing to do is walk away and never look back. Keep the door open by saying "No problem, call me if you change your mind" and then delete his number.

 

As a woman your chances of finding a guy you like are much better than a man's. Don't worry - he'll come along eventually.

[kidm]

Yikes please don't. This is his out. Find someone else who is interested in you. Never try to counteroffer/negotiate/bargain (whatever you want to call it) in such a situation. Move on and I'm sure you'll meet someone who matches your level of interest.

[Mkn1010]

Thanks, I know all of this, and it would come across as desperate AF! I just needed to be told!

 

And, yes, my problem is that I never like anybody so when I do it's a rarity

[EmilyJane]

What does everyone think about me proposing something more casual/slow (yet respectful)? It's not like I'm hell bent on any particular future goals, despite the indication my age may give.

 

Please don't.

 

I'm not sure what's been said since his little cryptic head****

 

But if that is the last message in the chain. Go total indefinite radio silence.

 

He will be back. But I doubt to any purpose

[Mkn1010]

After the cryptic text, I just thanked him for letting me know and that it was mature lol. His last text after that was "I do have my mature moments but they're few and far between". To which I did not respond and I've gone silent since.

 

Yeah I kinda know he'll be back. This happened before with another (younger again) guy and he said something similar and that it all started to feel too serious (after 2 dates mind you lollll). And he kept reappearing and disappearing thereafter! There's no purpose or point for me.

[mortensorchid]

Well ...

 

According to all guy friends of mine, a man will try to get what he can get from a woman he is attracted to, even if it's just a simple kiss. If he's not trying to get at least something in the slightest in terms of sex from you (a kiss or holding hands), he's not interested in you in that way. You might be saying "he's shy", and yes he might be. But he will also be shy in other ways with you in terms of the bedroom.

 

Years ago I went out on three OLDs with a guy who was, I could tell immediately when I met him, a shy guy. Quite honestly, I was not that interested in him and I could tell that he was not that interested in me beyond meeting me for dinners here and there. I hate to admit it, but I was bored and didn't feel like cooking on those nights, and after the third encounter, I knew it was done. He never even bothered to tell me his last name after three encounters. It was what it was.

[Mkn1010]

Lol thank you, I get what you're saying but he did try. At the end our dates he'd awkwardly linger around for longer than at all normal and we'd be in the street and I'd just smile at him and I could see the unneasiness of him not wanting to leave but not having the balls to come closer either. Then he would somehow quickly come in and just quickly kiss me on the lips. And then go, like he just p*ssed his pants haha. I don't mean to laugh, I thought it was sweet as hell! He also always looked at me like a deer in the headlights. I'm not delusional, I didn't make this up in my head.

[preraph]

No, don't accept something less hoping he'll step up. He is all shy like you said, but yet he found it imperative he told you he doesn't want to do it anymore. That must have been really hard for him. Set him free. Find someone who is ready.