Confidence After Bad Relationship Experiences

[selinaluv]

Hello,

 

A while back I wrote about having confidence after bad dating experiences. About having faith in myself and my dates.

 

I will say that I think I have recently met a really great guy who shows me very much that he is very interested in me and who I am as a person.

 

He is setting up dates, courting me, calling me, and consistently showing me his interest. I like him and we have great rapport. There is true potential here and his interaction with me is on a level very different from the typical dates. He has made it very clear that I am someone of potential (and I don't think he is that great of an actor to fake it).

 

We have talked for a couple weeks, have had one great date last Friday, and one tomorrow... so it is very early. Admittedly we got intimate on our date, but I have zero regrets. I wanted it. We had a great time and he continues to pursue me and has made it clear his end game is a relationship and he likes me.

 

All is good!

 

So my problem is having faith that things won't fall apart. To believe in myself and him that he truly does seem like he wants to have something with me. He has done nothing but be positive and show interest. I feel confident in that, but sometimes I have a hard time being in the moment and enjoy this great person and not worry about anything else. And to have faith that he won't let me down and if he does it is not a big deal.

 

This all stems by my past divorce and my abandonment issues regarding my ex. Things I have been in therapy for and need to continue to work out. Believing in myself and that a man could love me again. I have often had to be the one to "take care" of a man and this guy already is flipping that script. It is actually taking me out of my comfort zone in a good way, but I always think the shoe will drop and he won't call again, or won't show for our date. I need to break these thoughts.

 

Can anyone relate?

[DumpedGuy9617]

My advice to you would be to live in the moment as much as possible, and keep you hopes levelled out. Have fun, get to know him. It's early.

 

I recently scared someone off because I fell for them too fast...and now I'm kicking myself for it. Don't make that mistake. Let it progress naturally. Learn his faults and consider their long term implications.

 

Love develops over a long time. Enfatuation doesn't....

 

Hope it works for you!

[todreaminblue]

I can relate ...I have had some rough experiences.....abandonment issues...cheating deceit betrayal...abuse...physical...emotional....sexual........

 

and i have just anxiety on my best days what i try to do though i snot project my emotive negativity on to the relationship that i would be in....when i feel that vibe coming on i focus on the positives....i put myself in the moment with the guy i am with..i am not back in that time.....or being treated badly...i am being shown care and consideration and communication...when i am anxious i also let the guy know hey its not you but i am feeling anxious and i just have to work through it.....my ex sadi to me recently...deb you will always feel insecure you know that ..you can work through it...and its true ...i do and i can...........wouldnt matter if i was in peak condition and on fire i would still feel anxiety i would just handle the anxiety more efficiently.....i am a survivor...and thats what i keep telling myself...whatever happens ill get through it....

 

my own inner pep talker tells me so many beautiful things i have going for me......my compassion my humor..my intuition...blah blah blah...smilin......that too ...my mona lisa smile......i can smile at myself.....going through rough times..because i know ill make it ...and so will my relationship and my guy ...taking him with me.......i have mad skills.....

 

god has way of helping me out i reckon...with that inner pep talker.....and the fact i know honesty early on in regards to history is important and i let a guy know .........hey I havent had it so good in the past please dont think its you i work through this as it happens.......especially if they are being attentive........so if i appear off please be patient with me..guys seem to appreciate my honesty.....and honesty will always work with the right type of guys,....

 

remind yourself of your beaitful things about you and th ebeautiful things in yoru relationship what makes you really happy and hold tight to them......its how you make it......i should know.....i have had to make it...a lot..and i mean when things dont turn out too...whatever happens you can do it...trust that you can ...and everything else...will happen regardless of whether you are happy or sad or doubtful...choose happy.........i wish you peace ......deb

[Popsicle]

I think it's normal to feel some anxiety in the beginning. You just have to not let it make you screw things up or act crazy. Push through it and hold it in. In time, if he's the real deal, you will feel more secure.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I think you can talk to a trusted friend as a sounding board ( kinda like you're doing now) but face to face advice can help rather than a random bunch of strangers online- I know, I am preaching to myself here..

 

 

I have the same issue. Abandonment issues and harsh rejections from other men. It makes you question your desirability, and you start to look at yourself thinking: did he notice and judge me harshly on the same things that I have a problem with and what I feel insecure about?

I was also watching this thing online it was a cute little animation about why we ( in this case women) are attracted to unattainable men- meaning why we like and chase then men that do not like us and why we are petrified of the ones that do.

 

It all stems from a belief that we think we do not deserve love. Somehow, all those little rejections have built up over time, and we become afraid of trusting a sincere person. We have become acquainted with dishonest people, and yet dishonest people stringing us along, become all we ever feel comfortable with because it's all we've ever known. When someone comes a long who likes us, we become suspicious, and our emotions become erratic. In my past, I kept pushing someone away, because I was CONVINCED no one loved me before or ever could. Eventually, I did push him away. I simply wasn't use to a man liking me; the whole concept was a culture shock, strange, weird and astonishing.

So, unfortunately, if these feelings do not get dealt with, we will become surprised if a nice guy comes along, we will think something isn't quite right, we will try and try hard not to question his motives, and yet we are very paranoid that at any time, the rug will be pulled out from under our feet and he will stop being attracted to us and leave, just like the man before and the man before that.

 

I pay a little money to a counsellor who uses ways to uncover some long-held beliefs about myself. Although I think I am the most messed up person alive, I am not incurable, and these things do resurface, and I can deal with these things right then and there. I have found, that a person who sincere in pursuing you is often really ready for a relationship and recognises it and does not court you out of loneliness. Perhaps he wants to puff up his feathers like a peacock does, make most of the effort.

 

It's perfectly normal to think it all feels odd if you are not use to it, and you can explain to him that these things may take time to get use to, but he also may want to convince you that you deserve love, he won't change and to expect more and more of the same loving behaviour that your experiencing from this man.

[selinaluv]

 

I recently scared someone off because I fell for them too fast...and now I'm kicking myself for it. Don't make that mistake. Let it progress naturally. Learn his faults and consider their long term implications.

 

Love develops over a long time. Enfatuation doesn't....

 

Hope it works for you!

 

Thank you. I am really doing my best to try and keep it under wraps and not get too ahead of myself. So far, I am being pretty cool about it. For the most part I do have a calm and confidence about this, but every so often doubt creeps up. I am trying to remind myself of being present and not going too overboard with him. I have a feeling he is doing the same.

[selinaluv]

I can relate ...I have had some rough experiences.....abandonment issues...cheating deceit betrayal...abuse...physical...emotional....sexual........

 

and i have just anxiety on my best days what i try to do though i snot project my emotive negativity on to the relationship that i would be in....when i feel that vibe coming on i focus on the positives....i put myself in the moment with the guy i am with..i am not back in that time.....or being treated badly...i am being shown care and consideration and communication...when i am anxious i also let the guy know hey its not you but i am feeling anxious and i just have to work through it.....my ex sadi to me recently...deb you will always feel insecure you know that ..you can work through it...and its true ...i do and i can...........wouldnt matter if i was in peak condition and on fire i would still feel anxiety i would just handle the anxiety more efficiently.....i am a survivor...and thats what i keep telling myself...whatever happens ill get through it....

 

my own inner pep talker tells me so many beautiful things i have going for me......my compassion my humor..my intuition...blah blah blah...smilin......that too ...my mona lisa smile......i can smile at myself.....going through rough times..because i know ill make it ...and so will my relationship and my guy ...taking him with me.......i have mad skills.....

 

god has way of helping me out i reckon...with that inner pep talker.....and the fact i know honesty early on in regards to history is important and i let a guy know .........hey I havent had it so good in the past please dont think its you i work through this as it happens.......especially if they are being attentive........so if i appear off please be patient with me..guys seem to appreciate my honesty.....and honesty will always work with the right type of guys,....

 

remind yourself of your beaitful things about you and th ebeautiful things in yoru relationship what makes you really happy and hold tight to them......its how you make it......i should know.....i have had to make it...a lot..and i mean when things dont turn out too...whatever happens you can do it...trust that you can ...and everything else...will happen regardless of whether you are happy or sad or doubtful...choose happy.........i wish you peace ......deb

 

Thank you for the kind words. It is always good to hear people also feel the same way and it comes from a place of similar experiences. Being abandoned and betrayed can really do a number on you. Coupled with childhood issues that compound why I choose men who need my help versus those who are there to be a partner, it is a work in progress. I have identified these issues throughout the past few years and really working to try and find the right man. But doing so takes me out of my comfort zone because I am used to them "needing" me and me wanting to fix them.

 

Right now I see a man who at this point is balanced, kind, pursuing (but not overboard, which is usually what I gravitate to), and generous and sometimes the unfamiliarity can be unsettling... even though it is right and the way it should be. Not one glaring red flag yet.

 

He calls when he wants, says hi all the time, and we have settled nicely into a good groove. It is when my abandonment issues creep in if I haven't heard from him in a while, that gives me the irrational fear he will just drop away, like many of the others. But he has given zero indication and just confirmed our date for tomorrow.

 

I know in time I will get a handle on it, but it is a process. If this continues, eventually I may have that talk with him.

[Popsicle]

Ms. Selina,

 

You just come and post here when that feeling comes up. I wish you the best of luck!

[selinaluv]

It all stems from a belief that we think we do not deserve love. Somehow, all those little rejections have built up over time, and we become afraid of trusting a sincere person. We have become acquainted with dishonest people, and yet dishonest people stringing us along, become all we ever feel comfortable with because it's all we've ever known. When someone comes a long who likes us, we become suspicious, and our emotions become erratic.

 

So, unfortunately, if these feelings do not get dealt with, we will become surprised if a nice guy comes along, we will think something isn't quite right, we will try and try hard not to question his motives, and yet we are very paranoid that at any time, the rug will be pulled out from under our feet and he will stop being attracted to us and leave, just like the man before and the man before that.

 

It's perfectly normal to think it all feels odd if you are not use to it, and you can explain to him that these things may take time to get use to, but he also may want to convince you that you deserve love, he won't change and to expect more and more of the same loving behaviour that your experiencing from this man.

 

I have been very guilty of the above after my divorce.

 

First unavailable men because I was unavailable.

 

Then a bad boy phase to get something out of my system.

 

Then not looking at the whole picture and truly hearing what they say.

 

I have taken the past few months to weed out losers immediately and listen to my gut. I think that work has led me to him. Someone who made it clear from the start he is looking for a relationship and is not a player.

 

He seems to have picked up on my need to please and made note that I probably don't often have men taking care of me. He said he wants to change that. It does not come off as love bombing as others in the past. It feels sincere. I believe him and want to make sure my anxiety doesn't get the best of me.

[selinaluv]

Ms. Selina,

 

You just come and post here when that feeling comes up. I wish you the best of luck!

 

Thank you so much Popsicle. It really does just help to type it out. I also focus on the positives when I do so.

[ashy555]

The main thing is to not let the anxiety get to you. If it does rear its ugly head that is!! (lets hope it doesn't )

Distract yourself and have faith in whatever is meant to be. Trust your gut. 9 times out of 10 our gut knows first that something is amiss.

 

What you have to remember is that you are worth it and deserve to be treated with respect. If that changes you still need to stick to that and find someone who does respect you. Don't let your rose coloured glasses get in the way. (Don't put them on and party on as Katy Perry once said.. That's just silly )

 

So far he is treating you so well which is fantastic. Still early days so please ENJOY!!! Try not to think too much ahead.

 

 

Wish you the best

[selinaluv]

The main thing is to not let the anxiety get to you. If it does rear its ugly head that is!! (lets hope it doesn't )

Distract yourself and have faith in whatever is meant to be. Trust your gut. 9 times out of 10 our gut knows first that something is amiss.

 

What you have to remember is that you are worth it and deserve to be treated with respect. If that changes you still need to stick to that and find someone who does respect you. Don't let your rose coloured glasses get in the way. (Don't put them on and party on as Katy Perry once said.. That's just silly )

 

So far he is treating you so well which is fantastic. Still early days so please ENJOY!!! Try not to think too much ahead.

 

 

Wish you the best

 

Thank you. I will get there. I have been doing so well lately with keeping my respect in view and if a man starts to go in a place I don't like he is gone.

 

I will do the same here should it happen.

 

I just need to be grateful and realistic on what is happening now. My mind plays tricks and can be irrational.

 

For instance what I typed in another thread:

"Guy I am dating now went hard before our date. I could see him trying to lock it down and stand out. But he didn't love bomb or sweet talk me. He just tried to get to know me. We had a great date, he immediately asked for a second. He has gone down maybe slightly 10% in his outreach and that may be attributed to an allergy reaction and ER visit that took him out a couple days. Even then he was texting and calling to check in. I also have no issue texting or calling him. The conversation has been fluid."

 

This is all great and the true reality. Despite being in the ER yesterday for an allergic reaction, he will be making a point to drive to me (he lives a little over an hour away, but will be moving to my town in a month for a work transfer), and made note twice today he can't wait to see me. He is dead set on doing so because I am leaving town for a week and he said he doesn't want to wait until I get back. I think he also has some anxiety that I will find "something better" online.

 

And yet I stress that he will bail since our exact meeting time isn't set. Silly considering everything I mentioned above. All irrational thoughts and things I need to get in line. Honestly no man recently has giving me a reason to think this way. And I think it is because he has potential.

Edited March 30, 2017 by selinaluv

[todreaminblue]

Thank you for the kind words. It is always good to hear people also feel the same way and it comes from a place of similar experiences. Being abandoned and betrayed can really do a number on you. Coupled with childhood issues that compound why I choose men who need my help versus those who are there to be a partner, it is a work in progress. I have identified these issues throughout the past few years and really working to try and find the right man. But doing so takes me out of my comfort zone because I am used to them "needing" me and me wanting to fix them.

 

Right now I see a man who at this point is balanced, kind, pursuing (but not overboard, which is usually what I gravitate to), and generous and sometimes the unfamiliarity can be unsettling... even though it is right and the way it should be. Not one glaring red flag yet.

 

He calls when he wants, says hi all the time, and we have settled nicely into a good groove. It is when my abandonment issues creep in if I haven't heard from him in a while, that gives me the irrational fear he will just drop away, like many of the others. But he has given zero indication and just confirmed our date for tomorrow.

 

I know in time I will get a handle on it, but it is a process. If this continues, eventually I may have that talk with him.

 

you are going to make it selina.....you have a level headed approach ..and yes abandonment and childhood issues are savage to self esteem...i also try to fix men bu thave known from experience long term ...i cant be with them..and in a way its a self defense thing i think..no i cant date you i dont know you..... i want to be your friend and fix you instead which probably really annoys most men...i cant be the fixer all the time in every relationship i just need a guy where i dont have to repair broken and work on my own issues and building me up instead.....

i had this inner whisper once that told me.....why do you think you are the one who is there for them..how do you know its not the other way around..that a guy might be the one who is there for you

 

...i am hopin' for you..you have that balance .....im happy for you that you feel so hopeful.......deb

[coolheadal]

Hello,

 

A while back I wrote about having confidence after bad dating experiences. About having faith in myself and my dates.

 

I will say that I think I have recently met a really great guy who shows me very much that he is very interested in me and who I am as a person.

 

He is setting up dates, courting me, calling me, and consistently showing me his interest. I like him and we have great rapport. There is true potential here and his interaction with me is on a level very different from the typical dates. He has made it very clear that I am someone of potential (and I don't think he is that great of an actor to fake it).

 

We have talked for a couple weeks, have had one great date last Friday, and one tomorrow... so it is very early. Admittedly we got intimate on our date, but I have zero regrets. I wanted it. We had a great time and he continues to pursue me and has made it clear his end game is a relationship and he likes me.

 

All is good!

 

So my problem is having faith that things won't fall apart. To believe in myself and him that he truly does seem like he wants to have something with me. He has done nothing but be positive and show interest. I feel confident in that, but sometimes I have a hard time being in the moment and enjoy this great person and not worry about anything else. And to have faith that he won't let me down and if he does it is not a big deal.

 

This all stems by my past divorce and my abandonment issues regarding my ex. Things I have been in therapy for and need to continue to work out. Believing in myself and that a man could love me again. I have often had to be the one to "take care" of a man and this guy already is flipping that script. It is actually taking me out of my comfort zone in a good way, but I always think the shoe will drop and he won't call again, or won't show for our date. I need to break these thoughts.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

I can relate but, I know how to control my emotions, mental state and very confident and don't take any bull from any women. I have to be, strong. You have bad experience that have damage your willpower, rally cry (take charge). Your always going to worry about if the guy is going to do this or that. Therapy should help you, I never did that and I don't need it. I have woman I know and dated that are doing that, not for me but for them to coop otherwise they get very high stress levels, they tend to lose it. Some take drugs to help with their issues. I tolerate a lot but not so much. You have to trust the guy, but you willing to give in too much. Fear if you do, and fear if your don't. Guy you date can do anything he pleases. But communication is the best policy.

 

You have to learn how to control:

 

Stress

Fear

Anxiety

High Anxiety

 

I help others with meditation (reiki, tai chi), I am healer (emotion, mental, spiritual and physical) It's the only way to control the fears. We all get this way. Just have to learn how to control them to a state of mind. Not to worry about things. I try not to worry. Living in a carefree lifestyle. Once you get to this level you can take on the relationships challenges a lot better. Only you can do it. No one else can for you. They can help you coop too a point. The rest is in your ball park.

Edited March 30, 2017 by coolheadal

[selinaluv]

I can relate but, I know how to control my emotions, mental state and very confident and don't take any bull from any women. I have to be, strong. You have bad experience that have damage your willpower, rally cry (take charge). Your always going to worry about if the guy is going to do this or that. Therapy should help you, I never did that and I don't need it. I have woman I know and dated that are doing that, not for me but for them to coop otherwise they get very high stress levels, they tend to lose it. Some take drugs to help with their issues. I tolerate a lot but not so much. You have to trust the guy, but you willing to give in too much. Fear if you do, and fear if your don't. Guy you date can do anything he pleases. But communication is the best policy.

 

You have to learn how to control:

 

Stress

Fear

Anxiety

High Anxiety

 

I help others with meditation (reiki, tai chi), I am healer (emotion, mental, spiritual and physical) It's the only way to control the fears. We all get this way. Just have to learn how to control them to a state of mind. Not to worry about things. I try not to worry. Living in a carefree lifestyle. Once you get to this level you can take on the relationships challenges a lot better. Only you can do it. No one else can for you. They can help you coop too a point. The rest is in your ball park.

 

I have actually improved a great deal. Now I can identify what it going on and address it in the moment. Therapy has gotten me there, but I am not in it at the moment. May be time to go back just for a check in.

 

Last night for example he called and left a message and I called back and left a vm. I did not hear back.

 

I was stressing a bit this morning, was about to send a text, but held off. He then texted me back that he had another allergy flare up - they are thinking it may be from recent exposure to airbag toxins - and said he wants to show me pictures.

 

He is at the doctor again and said he will call on his way out. I am giving him an out on our date and don't want to push him.

 

All along the anxiety is in check and I am working to keep it that way. I do want to see him before my trip because I want to maintain momentum, but sometimes life gets in the way.

 

LOL at this point if he was backing out of the date, he is working a very complex, convoluted angle to do so. I know that is not the case and he wants to see me. I just wish these things could go easier.

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

A while back I wrote about having confidence after bad dating experiences. About having faith in myself and my dates.

 

I will say that I think I have recently met a really great guy who shows me very much that he is very interested in me and who I am as a person.

 

He is setting up dates, courting me, calling me, and consistently showing me his interest. I like him and we have great rapport. There is true potential here and his interaction with me is on a level very different from the typical dates. He has made it very clear that I am someone of potential (and I don't think he is that great of an actor to fake it).

 

We have talked for a couple weeks, have had one great date last Friday, and one tomorrow... so it is very early. Admittedly we got intimate on our date, but I have zero regrets. I wanted it. We had a great time and he continues to pursue me and has made it clear his end game is a relationship and he likes me.

 

All is good!

 

So my problem is having faith that things won't fall apart. To believe in myself and him that he truly does seem like he wants to have something with me. He has done nothing but be positive and show interest. I feel confident in that, but sometimes I have a hard time being in the moment and enjoy this great person and not worry about anything else. And to have faith that he won't let me down and if he does it is not a big deal.

 

This all stems by my past divorce and my abandonment issues regarding my ex. Things I have been in therapy for and need to continue to work out. Believing in myself and that a man could love me again. I have often had to be the one to "take care" of a man and this guy already is flipping that script. It is actually taking me out of my comfort zone in a good way, but I always think the shoe will drop and he won't call again, or won't show for our date. I need to break these thoughts.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

Cross the bridges that need to be crossed if/when you get to them . . . Do you drive your car assuming or worrying that you might get into an accident????

[selinaluv]

Cross the bridges that need to be crossed if/when you get to them . . . Do you drive your car assuming or worrying that you might get into an accident????

 

Love this! I need to keep this in mind.

 

And to answer your question. No I don't, I get in and enjoy the drive. I need to do that here more often. Sometimes there are bumps and we just deal with them and move on.

[selinaluv]

Not sure if this is the right spot to continue this thread because I have another question about this or if I should start new. I will try here and see how it goes.

 

The guy I mentioned in my thread had to cancel our date because he has had two recent allergy flare ups throughout the week and they are thinking it may be from recent exposure to airbag toxins. He experienced swelling and shortness of breath. He was in the ER and at the doctor all day yesterday and calling me with updates. I could tell he was scared and anxious about what was going on and told me so.

 

He was also extremely anxious that I would think he was blowing me off and it was definitely not the case and he wants to see me as soon as possible. I told him I believed him and joked this would be a very convoluted way of blowing me off.

 

But we agreed to full honesty moving forward.

 

My main concern is I am leaving for a week to NY.

 

It is very early on in this, but we did have such a good connection and conversation (maybe even too much) and I am afraid we could lose momentum. His communications have also been different and I know it is because of his medical issues. He called me quite a bit yesterday then disappeared in the pm. I texted him this morning and have not heard back yet (but it is very early). No big deal, but I don't want either of us losing steam on this because of his ailments and his anxiety around it. And I am feeling myself do that already and saddened by the bad luck. I also don't want my anxiety to get the best of me.

 

I know this is being somewhat selfish. I am mostly concerned about his health and want him to know that I will be available when he feels better. But I also want to feel from him that he is still interested.

 

Am I being realistic or should I back off for a bit?

Edited March 31, 2017 by selinaluv

[Redhead14]

Not sure if this is the right spot to continue this thread because I have another question about this or if I should start new. I will try here and see how it goes.

 

The guy I mentioned in my thread had to cancel our date because he has had two recent allergy flare ups throughout the week and they are thinking it may be from recent exposure to airbag toxins. He experienced swelling and shortness of breath. He was in the ER and at the doctor all day yesterday and calling me with updates. I could tell he was scared and anxious about what was going on and told me so.

 

He was also extremely anxious that I would think he was blowing me off and it was definitely not the case and he wants to see me as soon as possible. I told him I believed him and joked this would be a very convoluted way of blowing me off.

 

But we agreed to full honesty moving forward.

 

My main concern is I am leaving for a week to NY.

 

It is very early on in this, but we did have such a good connection and conversation (maybe even too much) and I am afraid we could lose momentum. His communications have also been different and I know it is because of his medical issues. He called me quite a bit yesterday then disappeared in the pm. I texted him this morning and have not heard back yet (but it is very early). No big deal, but I don't want either of us losing steam on this because of his ailments and his anxiety around it. And I am feeling myself do that already and saddened by the bad luck. I also don't want my anxiety to get the best of me.

 

I know this is being somewhat selfish. I am mostly concerned about his health and want him to know that I will be available when he feels better. But I also want to feel from him that he is still interested.

 

Am I being realistic or should I back off for a bit?

 

I don't want either of us losing steam on this because of his ailments and his anxiety around it. -- You're driving the car worrying about an accident -- again.

You are trying to think of ways to control the situation. If it loses steam because of his ailments, it's HIS problem. Let him deal with what he needs to deal with and, he doesn't have a terminal or crippling ailment, it's inconvenient, annoying and treatable. If this causes him to forget about you, it just means that his connection wasn't as strong as either of you think.

 

He was also extremely anxious that I would think he was blowing me off -- Both of you are doing the same thing. And, one of you needs to have a grip here. It's the anxiety and stress that will kill this if you don't get it under control. Use your head, don't operate from a place of fear. Use a little more logic than emotion.

 

And, you should stop stressing about his interest since he just told you he's concerned about how all this would affect you. Logic dictates. Go with what you KNOW, not what you fear could happen. Right now, you know he's thinking about you and interested. The man is sick and he's still keeping in touch!

 

That being said, I'm not too keen on a guy who I've just started dating to be including me in all his "stuff" so much -- calling all day, etc. The relationship is not a point where a dating partner should be relied upon for support, etc. But, for now, just let it be.

 

Wish him well before you leave on your trip. Shoot him a text at mid-point in the trip -- something light about the trip and when you'll be back. Then let him pick up the ball.

 

Focus on your trip and activities and stop stressing over this. There is no point to it. It will be what it will be. Deal with the "will be" if it happens, whatever it is.

[selinaluv]

I don't want either of us losing steam on this because of his ailments and his anxiety around it. -- You're driving the car worrying about an accident -- again.

You are trying to think of ways to control the situation. If it loses steam because of his ailments, it's HIS problem. Let him deal with what he needs to deal with and, he doesn't have a terminal or crippling ailment, it's inconvenient, annoying and treatable. If this causes him to forget about you, it just means that his connection wasn't as strong as either of you think.

 

He was also extremely anxious that I would think he was blowing me off -- Both of you are doing the same thing. And, one of you needs to have a grip here. It's the anxiety and stress that will kill this if you don't get it under control. Use your head, don't operate from a place of fear. Use a little more logic than emotion.

 

And, you should stop stressing about his interest since he just told you he's concerned about how all this would affect you. Logic dictates. Go with what you KNOW, not what you fear could happen. Right now, you know he's thinking about you and interested. The man is sick and he's still keeping in touch!

 

That being said, I'm not too keen on a guy who I've just started dating to be including me in all his "stuff" so much -- calling all day, etc. The relationship is not a point where a dating partner should be relied upon for support, etc. But, for now, just let it be.

 

Wish him well before you leave on your trip. Shoot him a text at mid-point in the trip -- something light about the trip and when you'll be back. Then let him pick up the ball.

 

Focus on your trip and activities and stop stressing over this. There is no point to it. It will be what it will be. Deal with the "will be" if it happens, whatever it is.

 

Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I need to be better about not always operating in fear as you say. I don't do it any other place in my life expect for dating. The reality right now is what he has told me and I do need to try and let it be what it is.

 

I have a feeling he and I are very similar in these way.

 

I also agree with you about him needing "support" from me at this time. I am not sure I am totally keen on it so early, but I am going with it. I do want to be there for him, but I also know that can cause me to get even more attached.