Not sure what to tell her.

March 26, 2017

Asked a girl out for valentines, she originally declined me. On valentines she was telling me she was crying and confessed she says stuff she doesnt mean. Shes never been with anyone (20f), and told me she is kinda socially awkward. She seems to hate to admit if she likes someone.

Told her not to worry id bring her somewhere sometime. So the next week or two she was flirting a lot. Sending selfies, ect. We agreed to go to a hockey game after march break for our school which would be about 3 weeks after valentines. She asked me if I wanted to meet up the day after our week long march break to go over some paper I finished with her. We ended up just talking for two hours and she was playing around on facebook. She reminds me of this "meme" she sent me where it said, "When you have to get in line to date me" and nobody was in line. I told her it was funny. I msg her later that night about going to the hockey game and she was like "Sure I love hockey, whens the next game.".

Two days later I touched her on the back when I was leaving and said bye, and she texted me right away and asked if I wanted to meet up again to work on the assignment. Which was as that point her just working on her own stuff, and we just sat next to each other. I felt her foot touch my leg a few times. I notice anytime I've touched her back when I walk out of class she text or messages me right after. We kept working on the assignment from 4PM to 6, and left for the hockey game. About 30 minutes into the game I started joking about getting her pic with me, and I thought she was being funny with how she was hiding her face. I told her "I WILL GET ONE". She didnt seem to like it so I dropped it. About 15 min later I randomly put my arm around her shoulder. She tells me she doesnt like it. I did drink one beer, so part of me thinks she thought I was drunk since she mentioned it.

Most of the rest of the game she kept talking but wouldn't really look at me(she did this the day I originally asked her out) Next day I tell her I hope she had an okay time, and she said yeah. And I told her my fault if I made her uncomfortable. Thats when she was like "Yeah I was uncomfortable since I am seeing someone", then she said.. what you thought I was interested? I thought it was just to hang after I mentioned I thought for sure it was a date. I honestly think I just made her feel weird and she wanted out. Which I can't blame her I was super anxious/nervous not acting myself. I waited so long to take her out.

Like she showed a lot of signs I thought of someone being interested. I was her #1 friend on snapchat, she would message me non stop. Asked to meetup to study basically nothing. Flirted with me via memes. Sent me a pic of a valentine cupcake saying for my sweet heart. One time I touched her arm when I said hello, at the same time she said sup, and she laughed really hard for no reason. Just a lot of random things like that.

Like is it possible she is this confused? One thing I hadnt called her pretty or really flirted with her much leading up to the game. Did she think I wasnt interested? I wrote a note basically calling her out saying there is no way you didnt think that was a date, and told her how I was super nervous when I brought her on the date.. (which was true) I told her I liked her as a person and think she is really pretty, and the wait felt so long. I got sortve overly detailed with how I think she has the prettiest eyes, and how I love how she's actually a girl I can hang out with since we like all the same stuff. The letter made her uncomfortable at first since she told me not to talk to her.

At any time I try to mention it she tells me its just so much to take in, and to stop messaging her about it.. she needs time to process it all since she has exams. I figured it was her way to make me go away. I didnt speak to her in class next time I saw her. I sent her the assignment I finished since we work on them together I didn't even ask to meet up. She said I didn't have to. I told her to just pass me a coffee next time she sees me.

So next class briefly ask her how she did on the exam, she looked at me and said good. After that she started sending me snapchats again, and later in the day asked if I wanted to grab coffee with her after exams and she said I could explain whatever I wanted.

Now I am just not sure how I am going to go about this. I originally wrote the letter to show her how I really felt, because part of me thought she didn't think I really liked her like that. She isn't the type of person to ever admit she likes someone tho, she's even told me this wayyy back.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Rabbitman

March 26, 2017

She sounds like she does not know how to behave with guys and can give misleading signals. If you do decided to date her again, make it clear that it is a date so she cannot claim otherwise later. Frankly, I would back off a bit until she makes it clear she wants to go on a date with you.

You need to be careful whatever you do that you get her explicit consent, especially if you two ever get intimate. Take time to build a relationship with her until you know her better because you cannot afford to have any more misunderstandings with her. It may then become clearer to you what kind of personality she is and whether she tends to backtrack a lot.

March 26, 2017

She's not ready for what you want. She's not mature enough to get anywhere with her. Exams are just excuse an another way to push you away. This is more friend-zone type of situation.

March 26, 2017

She's not ready for what you want. She's not mature enough to get anywhere with her. Exams are just excuse an another way to push you away. This is more friend-zone type of situation.

She is very smart/mature for her age, but yeah you might be right.

I feel like putting my arm around her in public without showing much flirting/affection before that maybe threw her off?

I wrote a long letter like I said.. I kinda called her out . I'm surprised she even is okay to talk this week. I am just not sure what I should say. I even mentioned at one point when she sent me a meme (picture) that said "if you wanna date me get in line", and nobody was in line. I felt I didn't even need to tell her.

Like I felt we both knew it was a date. Did I just scare you with the arm? That's what I want to ask her, but Idk.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Rabbitman

March 26, 2017

Thats when she was like "Yeah I was uncomfortable since I am seeing someone", then she said.. what you thought I was interested?

March 26, 2017

Yeah I know. It seems a bit crazy. It was the morning after, and I was messaging her quite a bit since I felt bad. I didn't say I thought she was interested, but I mentioned I thought it was a date, and she got a bit upset that I was implying she liked me or something. There's more to it I just cant remember every little detail. I kinda acted out of line though by drinking, and bugging her about the picture when she said no. Then the arm thing when I told her it would be casual probably just got to her.

Not sure why she is okay with me explaining in person though. In the past she was a bit shy about meeting up. I don't want to offend her, but I feel like I should be real with her.

March 29, 2017

Okay so I wrote something similar about this girl and got a few replies about it in general, but I am curious what you guys/girls think I should actually say to her. She's never been with anyone (20F), kinda antisocial, and shy. She also has crohns which I found out through another friend which probably doesn't help. (Digestive disease).

Story:

Met this girl in one of my classes back in November through a school app she found out I thought she was pretty. We would talk every other day, nothing crazy. She mentioned hanging with her friends, helping tutor me, so I asked her out. She said yes in a shy voice. I mentioned it the next day and she said she was kinda seeing someone so it might not be a good idea. I left it alone and forgot about it. She would still talk to me ever other day asking random questions but whatever.

So this semester I ended up having another class with her. She (jokingly?) sent me a meme over snapchat basically saying we should go out for valentines. I said something, and she barely replied so I realize it wasn't really a joke, and I told her knowing me Id probably ask her. She laughed.

I made her a card and left it for her, she told me it was so cute and super slick of me to do that. She started flirting with me a bunch, but I notice she started talking to the other guy I thought she was seeing, and we both stopped talking about it.

She mentioned some stuff about him later and I realized they weren't really talking anymore. She also mentioned looking up cocktail recipes since she was drinking alone. I kinda just told her guys hate valentines, because I was kinda sick of her little "games". She didnt really talk to me for like two days. I saw her next class and I decided screw it and asked her out in person. She didn't say no but she said she sorta planned on drinking alone, so I cut her off and said don't worry about it. She then asked if I wanted to go snowboarding with her and her friends. I just said sure why not.

I sat next to her that class(for the first time) and we chatted a bit. She kept mentioning that I should go to the school bar this weekend to check it out. I decided I wasn't going to message her anymore after that. She messaged me first for the next three days, so I just replied. I didn't get why. She would also look at me way differently like, look into my eyes, then my mouth. So Saturday comes and she tells me that shes going to the school bar/party that was going on. I told her I'd probably go to. We ended up talking over snapchat all night. At one point she sent me some picture of a movie she was watching and I realized it was a romantic comedy..

Anyways I never mentioned meeting since I figured we'd see each other anyways, since its a small place. I saw her in line and she smiled back at me. She was with some girl, and once we got inside I lost track of her. It was really dark. She said she was dancing by the DJ which was pitch black.

Anyways Valentines comes and she seems a bit quiet in class. Later in the evening we are talking over text and I brought up Valentines jokingly and she mentioned sometimes she says stuff without thinking. She basically said she was crying and made a mistake (because she said shes too shy/awkward), and wished I brought her. I went and got her something and told her I'd bring her somewhere in the future.. something casual like a hockey game.

So next 2-3 weeks she was flirting quite a bit, sending cute selfies of her face and stuff. I notice it went from me asking her to meet up to study, to her asking me. At one point I mention bringing her somewhere, but she wanted to go after midterms and march break which was about 3 weeks after valentines. She flirted quite a bit during march break.

I am not a huge flirter, maybe I didn't show enough attraction to her.. not sure but, she asked me to meet up to go over the assignment with her. We ended up just laughing and talking. Drover her to her friends, and left.

She mentioned meeting up again surprisingly to work on the next assignment which had JUST been posted. I mentioned the Hockey game and she said, sure I love hockey, whens the next game? So we agreed to meetup around 4PM to work on the assignment together. I notice a few times her foot kept touching mine, I touched her hand because it looked really red and asked her why, she kinda blushed.

After two hours of working on the assignment we leave. I was super anxious, and kinda nervous.. For some reason in my head I knew it was a date, but I wasn't 100, since we hadn't spoke about it in a long time. It was also my first date. Anyways I kinda acted anxious driving, like I hit the break a bit hard. She laughed tho so I don't think it mattered. When we got inside the game I bought myself a beer to try and chill myself down. I ended up acting kinda stupid and tried taking a picture of us. I thought she was joking at first since she was smiling, but I realized after a few times she didn't like it.

Like 30 minutes later I put my arm around her shoulder. After a few seconds she said she didn't really like it. We still talked the whole game but she seemed a bit off. She wouldn't really look at me. I upset her.

The next day I messaged her and hoped she had a good time, and she said she did. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable, and I didnt mean it the way it looked. (For some reason I didn't think she would get so upset, I didnt think she would really like it). She told me she was seeing someone and she thought it was just to hang out.

I notice she seemed a bit quiet with me, not the same idk. I don't get to see her besides class since I live off campus so I left her a letter trying to explain how I was super anxious, and was kinda crushing on her and sorry for acting weird. I also brought up how there was no way I couldn't have thought it was a date with all the things she sent me(she sent a meme saying "if you wanna date me get in line", and nobody was in line). Like how could I not think it was a date.

It was a bad time to do all this since we had a few exams left that week. So she told me it is just too much to think about right now and I am typing way too much. We work on the assignment together, so I just finished it myself and told her I put her name on it anyways, and just pass me a coffee during class.

She messages me a few days ago about meeting up and she will buy me a Coffee if I want to talk/explain what I wanted to say since she wasn't having it over text.

March 30, 2017

Sorry I wrote this store twice, once in another thread. Guess an admin moved it here.

I am going to talk to her tomorrow. Any tips on what I should say? I feel like she either 1)- Played me or 2)- Thought I was playing her.

I notice she has been extremely quiet on social media lately, and super quiet in general. Yet she wants me to talk to her. She told me she's going through some things when I asked if she was okay.

Edited March 30, 2017 by Rabbitman

March 31, 2017

Wondering if you guys(or girls) think this convo would be implying a date to a girl? This was after I had asked her out, and she knew I thought she was pretty.

Me: Weird might be kissing a file Missing*

Her: haha kissing file its valentines day haahahaha

Me: Fail I guess it was meant to be

Her: haha i hope yours has been better than mine

Me: Just another day at this point Happy Valentine's Day btw don't get too drunk

Her: dont even want to drink haha and i dont even know half the people on my matchmaker thing...i have some facebook stalking to do

Me: valentines matchmaker thing?

Her: yeah i think tinder has a better success rate

Me: Most likely lmao. How do they even match people? Questions?

Her: short vague survey hahaaha ive had better success on tinder hahaha

Me: Lol You a savage tho you straight denied my ass

......I dont think before i speak...thats for sure someone asked me to the school bar last semester and i wrote back "Lol nah"

Me: Why would you say that? Well it didn't have to be too serious or anything I would've gladly brought you somewhere.

Her: I dont know haha I'm socially retarded It's all good. Tbh I felt like **** but I hide stuff

Her: that face is sadder than im trying to show you ^

Me:I'll bring you somewhere sometime. I'd say tonight but it would be super spontaneous and I'd like to actually plan something not too bad.

Her: Lol dont worry you dont have to

Me: I just don't like being pushy towards someone. No I really want to man. I don't play games. I just hate pushing someone into something so I just back off and whatever.

Her: yeah haha i get that

Me: I'm sure you will change your mind but I will ask you after mid terms we can go somewhere chill like a hockey game or something. Would that be Ight? I mean I'm at the help centre ATM

Her: haha damn pull the hockey card on a canadian...i cant say no to hockey

Me: I am back home I wasn't even focusing on the assignment anyways lol I wanted to ask you again this morning lmao. Kinda slapped myself out of it.

Her: yeah no i think we have both given up on the assignment haha yeah I am ruthless sorry

March 31, 2017

That's too nebulous--asking for a date is saying "I'd like to take you out on (date) at (place). I'll pick you up at (time)--or-- I'll meet you there at (time). I'll call the day before to reconfirm."

That direct and not left up to speculation or confusion.

What you have here is you not being direct and then expecting her to read your mind or fill in the blanks.

March 31, 2017

Geez, official!y ask her out! "Sometime" sounds like a blowoff. It's kind of like the "later" I give my kids...it implies "uh, probably never. Not while I still draw breath." "Mom, when can we watch that R-rated slasher movie with all the boobs in it?" "Maybe later, kids."

March 31, 2017

You're right. I just asked her out in person for Valentines a week prior so I figured it was safe to assume at that point. Plus we flirted/she sent me a dating meme on snapchat.

I am stupid though, she was definitely into me at one point.

March 31, 2017

You're right. I just asked her out in person for Valentines a week prior so I figured it was safe to assume at that point. Plus we flirted/she sent me a dating meme on snapchat.

I am stupid though, she was definitely into me at one point.

You're not stupid. Don't say that about yourself.

Until she gets to know you better and can read between your lines, try the direct, measured approach. Let her get to know your personality better.

March 31, 2017

You're not stupid. Don't say that about yourself.

Until she gets to know you better and can read between your lines, try the direct, measured approach. Let her get to know your personality better.

It's too late. I kinda called her out asking what happened I thought it was pretty clear it was a date. She won't talk anymore. I just wanted other opinions.

March 31, 2017

You are way too passive.....wishy washy, kinda sorta, asking around about way....that's where you lost her. You made yourself look insecure (NOT SAYING YOU ARE)...but it is a turn off.

Girl's want bold/confident/forward/fearless guys....

March 31, 2017

Just my 2 cents, she knew it was a date...she just pussy footed around it a little, trying to think what to say avoiding coming out and saying NO....so she just joked around to divert having to actually give you a firm answer. Being like buddy buddy trying to make you read between the lines she is not romantically interested in you.

March 31, 2017

She sounds wishy washy or undecided about you, you know, half flirty/friendly/half discouraging with her "you don't have to," etc., not very encouraging. If she don't know, she should just go on a date and find out if she likes you or not, I think. And the one date we know she WILL go on is hockey, so take her to hockey, see if she warms up or not. If not, well, just a friend, but friends have girlfriends they can introduce you to, right? Good luck.

April 1, 2017

Yeah she sent me a little meme on snapchat about getting in line to date her. With nobody in line. So I just assumed she knew it was a date. She let me talk about all the BS to her yesterday and I brought it up. Her response "I literally sent that to 10 people" Problem is she had to individually send it to me since its a picture. She also added a caption. I called her out on a few things and I think I just made it worse since I was feeling really ****ty and couldn't even explain half the stuff anyways.

April 1, 2017

Just my 2 cents, she knew it was a date...she just pussy footed around it a little, trying to think what to say avoiding coming out and saying NO....so she just joked around to divert having to actually give you a firm answer. Being like buddy buddy trying to make you read between the lines she is not romantically interested in you.

She kept asking me to Study with her and we would end up just talking. I never asked to hang out because I was just waiting for the date. Which I tried explaining to her later. She told me she thought I wasn't interested since I didn't really act like it. I didn't really call her pretty all the time, but I always touched her on the back/hand when we worked together. I felt I kinda made it obvious.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Rabbitman

April 1, 2017

It's too late. I kinda called her out asking what happened I thought it was pretty clear it was a date. She won't talk anymore. I just wanted other opinions.

Yeah, that why I said "direct, measured approach".

Calling her out is too much of an affront, so no wonder she won't talk anymore. Who needs daddy reprimanding them?

April 1, 2017

Let me make your long story a little shorter for you:

Asked a girl out for valentines, she originally declined me. On valentines she was telling me she was crying and confessed she says stuff she doesnt mean.

There, right there!

She says stuff she doesn't mean.

Just repeat that over and over until the massive ramifications of that one little thing sink in.

April 1, 2017

Just my 2 cents, she knew it was a date...she just pussy footed around it a little, trying to think what to say avoiding coming out and saying NO....so she just joked around to divert having to actually give you a firm answer. Being like buddy buddy trying to make you read between the lines she is not romantically interested in you.

Maybe. I feel like she was at one point tho, I was just a bit passive due to how she acts. Shes never been with anyone and acted super hot and cold at first. She started showing a lot of interest after she admitted to kinda liking me. Even the way she would look at me (eyes/lips) was way different. Three weeks had passed before the actual "date". Due to a school break.

I thought maybe she thought it was a date too but I kinda turned her off by bugging her/putting my arm around her way too soon. What I don't get is if we were just friends, why was she acting so cold to/around me after I simply put my arm around her. She started talking about hanging out and stuff. She kept initiating study meet ups too like I said, where we just talked mostly.

She told me I could go for a walk with her yesterday and try to explain. It didn't go very well since I kinda started saying that I didn't believe her. Just kinda pointless back and fourth where nobody really agrees. She did mention she felt like she needed her space, and time to think about it.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Rabbitman

April 1, 2017

I wouldn't do a lot of explaining to this girl. She may be socially awkward, almost certainly, but that doesn't mean she isn't also making crap up as she goes along. Like if she was seeing someone, wouldn't that have come up earlier or wouldn't she NOT be spending so much time jerking around with you online?

Again, do not let her put you on the spot here. Tell her basically what you already did: Please. You knew perfectly well it was a date because I'd asked you out before and the only thing you wanted to do was go to hockey. If you are exclusive with someone else, you know as well as I do that this is news to me. For the record, I am only interested in dating you, not in just being your friend, and since it seems you are not interested that way in me, I don't see this going anywhere, unless you have something to add."

Put it right back on her.

P.S. for what it's worth, I think your approach has been perfectly in line on this. Light touching so she knows this isn't her newest girlfriend, respecting boundaries, and being direct about she knows it was a date. So don't go changing thinking your way is all wrong. She's a weird duck.

Edited April 1, 2017 by preraph

April 1, 2017

I wouldn't do a lot of explaining to this girl. She may be socially awkward, almost certainly, but that doesn't mean she isn't also making crap up as she goes along. Like if she was seeing someone, wouldn't that have come up earlier or wouldn't she NOT be spending so much time jerking around with you online?

Again, do not let her put you on the spot here. Tell her basically what you already did: Please. You knew perfectly well it was a date because I'd asked you out before and the only thing you wanted to do was go to hockey. If you are exclusive with someone else, you know as well as I do that this is news to me. For the record, I am only interested in dating you, not in just being your friend, and since it seems you are not interested that way in me, I don't see this going anywhere, unless you have something to add."

Put it right back on her.

I did kinda do this when we talked. She kept saying stuff like "This guy I know was telling me how sometimes guys are just stupid and you have to tell them." She would say like "That dating picture I sent on snapchat I sent to like 10 people." I didn't even know how to reply at the time, but she also asked me in person a few days later if I liked her "meme" she sent. So I know shes lieing. She also mentioned it being okay to be rejected. I felt so mad when she said that. Like she originally rejected me and I just stopped messaging her. She was the one who came back to me. Wish I would've said this haha.

She was basically deciding between me and this other guy I am almost certain. Once I messed up on the "date", I guess it was a good reason for her to ditch me.

Maybe I didn't show verbal flirting, but I feel like touching her hand asking why its so red, putting my hand on her back everytime I say bye.. Seems obvious. Id sit super close to her too. She seemed perfectly fine with that, she would touch back, ect.

She seems to have trouble with guys in general. Not like I am the first shes been talking to that didn't work out. I might just pull back like I did before, just weird since we have a few weeks of classes left.

April 1, 2017

Well, for someone with a boyfriend, she's sure doing a lot of fishing sending 10 people her snapchat photo, accepting expensive dates like a hockey game, etc. To me, she sounds like kind of a messed up user that maybe you should just block and forget about. I don't think she's shy or inexperienced.

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Not sure what to tell her.

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