Was this a FWB or not?

[Dlover5634]

Ok so I dated this guy who has been after me for about a year trying to ask me out. Basically one day, I asked him a simple question and he got super upset and yelled at me saying that I "kill everything" referring to everything = our relationship. He hung up and ignored me for 2 days after that, in which I was trying to contact him.

 

He texted me late on the second day saying he hadn't replied that day because he was doing job training, mind you it was obvious he was ignoring me. So I broke it off with him because I felt that he never wanted to address how I felt, instead he would get mad and try to avoid me. He texted me 2 weeks later saying "sorry I never gave you the time needed, but you got crazy on me". I just replied with "ok". He then texted me for ny bday 4 days later saying "happy birthday" and he said he had a gift for me that he wanted to give me.

 

I replied with "ok whatever you say" and he never brought me my gift or texted me. I then text him 1 week later telling him that I felt taken for granted while I was with him. He said his mind was "never there with me" and that he "was going through his own problems" and that he thought he wanted a relationship but then he didn't. Why was he with me if he was unsure? I askd him if he thinks about me and he said “sometimes not all the time” . he also said “you are a great girl I know what I lost” yet he didn’t even fight to get me back. I asked to speak in person with him and he said ok, that he would come by that night.

 

He didn't come and then the following night he said he would come, and he didn't and when I called asking him what happened he said "it's raining and I'm tired from work" mind you he lives 15 mins away from me and he drives and he was at his moms house. I felt that he was just trying to avoid speaking to me and making excuses and I cussed him out. I apologized profusely a few days later and offered to talk things out with him again and he said no. I tried again another 3 weeks later and told him sorry again and that this was all just a misunderstanding and that we should talk calmy and he said "we can be friends but I don't want a relationship with anyone right now" and he said that everything he did made me upset, which is untrue and that he thought he was going to have the time for me but then he realized he didn't. I see hin driving by with his friends by my neighborhood all the time with a bunch of free time.

 

I could tell he was a little mad and I said " all couples fight but they try to fix things, but instead you ignored me for two whole days" The last text I sent him was this" all couples fight, but they try to talk things out. I accepted you for all your flaws, but you couldn't accept mine. It's ok I guess thats how life goes. Goodbye and take care" He never replied and I changed my # 2 days later. What gives? Should I try to contact him later on? I don't want to lose him but I don't want to be begging again. He is my first and it hurts so much to be without him I can’t move on.

 

I feel like it is all my fault. I changed my number two weeks ago so I wouldn't be tempted to text or call him again. Should I give him my new number?He knows where I live.

Edited March 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and merge similar threads into BBU

[Dlover5634]

He are some details: he is 34 I am 21. He used to be a drug dealer and was in jail for 3 yrs before I met him. I am a good at home kind of girl. I work and go to college, he never graduated high school. I was a virgin when I met him. He spoke to my mother and my mother told him I was a little sensitive as I was abandoned by my father when I was 14 yrs old. He knew I was inexperienced.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stay far, far away from this man.

 

He is nothing but trouble and it's pretty clear he doesn't care about you. You need much higher standards, girl.

[Bromeo]

He are some details: he is 34 I am 21. He used to be a drug dealer and was in jail for 3 yrs before I met him. I am a good at home kind of girl. I work and go to college, he never graduated high school. I was a virgin when I met him. He spoke to my mother and my mother told him I was a little sensitive as I was abandoned by my father when I was 14 yrs old. He knew I was inexperienced.

 

This has all the makings of a happy relationship. Please consider the counsel given by others here.

[BluesPower]

Sweet heart, no do not give him your number. Why would you mess with a guy like this?

 

It takes a lot to actually go to jail for drugs, he is not a good guy. He was playing with you the whole time.

 

Find a more mature guy that you can actually build a life with...

[Dlover5634]

So I was dating this guy for about 3 months, after one of our dates I asked him "what are we?" And he just said "obviously more than friends" We were beginning to get intimate around two weeks before I asked him this. The next night I sent him a cute pic in shorts, to which he replied nothing. Yet he was on instagram the whole night. When I asked him why he didnt reply to my pic, the next day he gets mad and said that "I kill everything" and said he would call me later. He ignkred me for 2 days of which I was trying to get in clntact with him. I dumped him the second night saying it s over. He texted me 2 weeks later saying "sorry I never gave you the time needed but you got crazy on me". I just replied with ok. I let another 2 weeks go by, and text him saying how I felt taken for granted the whole relationship and he replies saying "It was never like that, I was just going through my own problems that my mind was never really there with you, you re a great girl trust me I know what I lost". I called him so that we could speak in person to try and fix things and he said he would come by that night and he didn't. I texted him that night and he texted me the next morning saying "I will go tonight I will text you". I waited until 9pm and he never came nor texted me so I called him and he said he was too tired from work and that it was raining, mind you, he drives, lives 10 mins away from me and he had gone to his moms house, driving, to eat dinner. His mom lives 15 mins away from me. I was furious and cursed him out and hung up the phone. I felt bad so I apologized 4 days later through text and again tried to reconcile and he said "I'm good". I tried calling him and he would not pick up. I waited two weeks and texted him again apologizing and asking to fix things and he said "I was not affected by anything that you said my love but I don't have the time for a relationship with you or anyone right now but we can be friends" and he went on saying how I picked fights for no reason and that was why the relationship didn't work. I texted him a goodbye saying "all couples argue but they try to fix things. I had the patience for you but you did not have it for me. I wish you luck. Take care" and he didn't reply the whole next day and I changed my # so I would not be tempted to beg for him again. I feel like its all my fault! I feel bad for changing my # because how will I know if he ever decides to contact me again. He knows where I live and is always by my neighborhood. He knows my apartment number and everything. Did I do the right thing? What should I do I feel helpess!

[diddy]

if he really wants you back he knows where to find you(he has ur address u said)

either u can keep begging or trying or whatever,he has finally told u ,he is not interested.i think that shows u that u need to move on.i've been in ur situation trust me but u cant keep pushing ,its useless and the hoping he might come around isnt helping you any bit,GROW BALLS & MOVE ON. the only person suffering is you ,you changed your number now thats a good start .

[Dlover5634]

This guy was very persistent in trying to talk to me. I gave him my nimber, we start talking. He contacts me everyday, would call everyday. We had a few arguments here and there in the 3 months we were together but they were always resolved. He said he wanted a relationship but wanted to get to know us slowly. He said even though we would argue at times, he saw himself with me. He would call me everyday, we'd go out on dates once a week, I'd go to his house. I met his ex, he told me he was over her. He met my mom, i met his mom, but he introduced me as a "friend". I notice he starts fading away and I ask him upfront if he lost interest he says no. We start getting intimate at the end of the 3rd month, and I ask him "what are we?" He says "obviously more than friends b/c friends don't do everything we do". I felt a little hurt but did not want to come off as pushy so I left it at that. Around this time, he gets mad at me for asking simple questions and blows things up & seems to be pulling away more. I felt like he was indirectly trying to get me to break things off so I end things. He texts me 2 weeks later saying "his mind was never there" and that he knew what he lost". Wtf? Was he playing me?

[Zahara]

I don't think it really matters whether you were played or not. There could be reasons other than "playing you" that led to him stepping back. What's important is that you didn't invest anymore time in this and you will move on fairly quickly from this.

[Dlover5634]

But what doed it sound like? We were being intimate and he just says "were more than friends" That seems sneaky to me. I feel like its all my fault

[Zahara]

But what doed it sound like? We were being intimate and he just says "were more than friends" That seems sneaky to me. I feel like its all my fault

 

It's not your fault. You trusted his intentions but unfortunately it didn't turn out the way you hoped.

 

When you felt him fading, you should have stepped back, not give him more intimacy. Lesson learned there.

 

He could have realized he wasn't that into you. He may have been having trouble committing to you. He may have just dragged you for 3 months for sex. No one can pinpoint his true intentions but speculate so the best thing to do is accept that it is over regardless of his intent, the goal is to move forward. You can't get into his brain. It's futile.

[smackie9]

My advice: When you hear "take things slow" especially from guy (golly!) you dump them right there because he's not that into you and there is a possibility they are seeing someone else at the same time.

[xUnknown]

My advice: When you hear "take things slow" especially from guy (golly!) you dump them right there because he's not that into you and there is a possibility they are seeing someone else at the same time.

 

Disagree. As a guy who advances things with women quickly and looses interest shortly there after, I'm glad I'm taking things slow with the woman I'm seeing now. I'm definitely into her and would love to see where things go. I should also specify nobody ever said "lets take things slow", that's just how things have panned out.

 

I couldn't tell you why I lose interest after hooking up, but I just do. I don't mean I'm only trying to hook up with them; I'm trying to date them, we hookup after a date or two and from there I lose interest.

[Dlover5634]

But we got intimate 3 months in? Is that too soon? And he seemed pretty invested the first 2 months then started pulling away. If he was so interested in me, his interest couldn't have died out so quick

Edited March 29, 2017 by Dlover5634

[Zahara]

But we got intimate 3 months in? Is that too soon?

 

There are people that have sex on the first date who end up having long term relationships. There are people that wait for months to have sex only for the relationship to die soon after. There's no too soon or too late.

 

Try to stop beating yourself up about this and going through it all with a fine tooth comb. Seek acceptance and realize this was a blessing because anymore investment would have had you in much more pain.

[William]

Moderation merged three threads on a similar topic so there may be some overlapping or duplicate content. I also added paragraphs to the starting post to make it more readable. Please continue the discussion of this topic in this thread. Thanks!

[Dlover5634]

But how do I get over the fact that he liked me so much and then started drifting? Is it my fault? I don't know if I did anything wrong?

[Zahara]

But how do I get over the fact that he liked me so much and then started drifting? Is it my fault? I don't know if I did anything wrong?

 

It happens all the time. It has happened to me and most of the posters on LS. It's just part and parcel of the dating process. It's no one's fault. Not everyone is going to like or love you. Just because someone likes you so much DOES NOT guarantee that it's going to be long lasting. There's a reason why relationships and even marriages end. People move apart, realize for whatever reason that it's not what they want to further invest in, what more something that's only 3 months old. Your situation is not unique -- most times the 3 to 6 month period is the make or break.

[stillafool]

He are some details: he is 34 I am 21. He used to be a drug dealer and was in jail for 3 yrs before I met him. I am a good at home kind of girl. I work and go to college, he never graduated high school. I was a virgin when I met him. He spoke to my mother and my mother told him I was a little sensitive as I was abandoned by my father when I was 14 yrs old. He knew I was inexperienced.

 

Since you are such a good girl can't you find a better guy to date you other than a drug dealer? Hold yourself up higher than that.

[Zahara]

OP, I read your other post. Focus on your education and invest all that energy into your future.

 

And yes, I'm with Stillfool. Aim higher for yourself.