Guy says I'm too much because I want to see him more.. not sure if I should break up?

[spiderowl]

Has he set himself up as someone to advise you about dating? I see no harm in talking to him - as a friend - but what gives him the right to advise you?

[BC1980]

So he called me on his work break and told me some pointers about dating. He said he wanted to talk it out and get an understanding.... Now I'm a bit confused.

 

Is he trying to give you dating advice?

 

I don't see where you were ever exclusive with this guy, so it doesn't seem like this is something to invest more in. Like you said, he wants a text buddy, and you said he never initiates.

[Jj66]

Very incompatible. Move on and don't look back!

[ExpatInItaly]

So he called me on his work break and told me some pointers about dating. He said he wanted to talk it out and get an understanding.... Now I'm a bit confused.

 

I would have laughed and hung up on him.

 

Why aren't you able to stand up for yourself more, OP? Stop giving him access to you.

[Purepony]

Don't tell him anything just disappear like he would

[moonchild94]

Is he trying to give you dating advice?

 

I don't see where you were ever exclusive with this guy, so it doesn't seem like this is something to invest more in. Like you said, he wants a text buddy, and you said he never initiates.

 

Yeah, I asked him before are we dating. He said yeah that's what more than friends mean. This scenario happened up above and he called me after I said we aren't looking for the same. He wanted to talk it out. He said he didn't understand why we aren't looking for the same thing when he clearly said he likes me, thinks I'm cool and always goes to my places I invite him to. I told him I feel like I'm bothering him because he does not ask me out. He says he wants to continue to "talk/date". What angers me is that even though I expressed I wanted to be invited out-- he continued to say oh I have this many days off... and doesn't even hint on seeing/inviting me out. I just stopped replying to him.

[moonchild94]

What pointers did he give you?

 

That I shouldn't let my insecurities come in and blame them on another person (him).

[moonchild94]

Has he set himself up as someone to advise you about dating? I see no harm in talking to him - as a friend - but what gives him the right to advise you?

 

Because I told him I've never had a lot of bfs and this is all new to me. So he wanted to give me his two cents. I don't feel special around him and he doesn't take me on real dates. I stopped texting him. When he does text me I reply with one word. He keeps telling me how on Friday he's "off" and it's his weekend. But he knows we were supposed to hangout and I wanted to hangout. He hasn't made any plans with me ... again. I feel like he's mocking me.

[1fish2fish]

Please don't entertain any communication from him anymore.

 

I would have been pissed if someone pulled the "don't blame me when it's your insecurities causing the problem" attitude. By entertaining him and his "advice", you are only feeding any insecurities that you do have.

 

This is waaaaay too much for what...a month of casual dating where he put in minimal effort? F that!

 

Kick some dirt on that sh*t and move on.

[spiderowl]

Because I told him I've never had a lot of bfs and this is all new to me. So he wanted to give me his two cents. I don't feel special around him and he doesn't take me on real dates. I stopped texting him. When he does text me I reply with one word. He keeps telling me how on Friday he's "off" and it's his weekend. But he knows we were supposed to hangout and I wanted to hangout. He hasn't made any plans with me ... again. I feel like he's mocking me.

 

I think if you like this guy, you need to trust your gut instinct and make yourself scarce until he modifies his behaviour and starts being the interested guy you want him to be. Expect him to ask you out and make firm plans if he wants to date you. Don't pick up on hints from him. He is used to you doing that so it will be a shock to him at first that you are no longer taking the initiative. It will take him a while to adjust to having to be more pro-active himself. You are doing good

Edited March 30, 2017 by spiderowl

[moonchild94]

Update: I went to a counselor and he said this guy doesn't seem like a right fit and to take care of myself. Of course me being big headed didn't listen at FIRST and I called the guy. I kept hinting that I'm off on these days too... he finally said so what are we doing on Friday. I still had to suggest places. Slept on it and it just wasn't a good fit for me. Texted him this morning I'm going to stop dating and focus on myself. He said it's ok he understands you have to take care of yourself before you let anyone else in your life and that if I ever need to talk he will be there for me. Which I find ironic because he barley liked talking on the phone then and when I had a situation before and I needed someone he wanted me to drive an hour to him and I had to beg him to talk on the phone with me... it's like he wants me to continue chasing him In a non romantic sense too. Idk he may have been kind hearted with it but it didn't feel like it. I'm a bit glad I left and didn't stay/ he dumped once he got bored of me. I think I liked him because of his looks were ideal to me. Starting to learn that looks can only go so far.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good for you for seeing a therapist. I think you will find that very helpful in learning to respect yourself more and ignore the people who don't.

 

One thing you need to keep in mind that people can say anything, but it doesn't mean they are sincere. This guy telling you that he is there if you want to talk is a load of hooey. He knows that's what he "should" say, but please don't assume there's any genuine intent on his part.

 

Actions always speak louder than words.

[moonchild94]

Good for you for seeing a therapist. I think you will find that very helpful in learning to respect yourself more and ignore the people who don't.

 

One thing you need to keep in mind that people can say anything, but it doesn't mean they are sincere. This guy telling you that he is there if you want to talk is a load of hooey. He knows that's what he "should" say, but please don't assume there's any genuine intent on his part.

 

Actions always speak louder than words.

 

Yeah, I got the vibe that he wanted out but didnt want to look like the bad guy. Gut feeling told me not to trust him either for some reason.

[BC1980]

Yeah, I got the vibe that he wanted out but didnt want to look like the bad guy. Gut feeling told me not to trust him either for some reason.

 

Didn't you say he sells drugs? That alone means to run. You could get into so much trouble by just being associated with him. Besides that, find someone who goes through the trouble to initiate meeting you and seems excited to see you.

[moonchild94]

Didn't you say he sells drugs? That alone means to run. You could get into so much trouble by just being associated with him. Besides that, find someone who goes through the trouble to initiate meeting you and seems excited to see you.

 

Yeah, he used to and he said he would do it because it's good money.

After I insisted we didn't text he keeps saying to hit him up if I want to talk later. I told him I needed to save money and not go out as much. He said he needed to save money too. I had him on social media and it looks like he's out with someone else. So much for saving money.. I deleted him on there too. Most likely going to block his phone number because that's game playing. If he truly wanted me and cared about me like he said he would've did something else or reassured me he will wait. I'm glad I stopped pursuing the fool. I want someone to take care of me not run after him.

Edited March 31, 2017 by moonchild94

[moonchild94]

Didn't you say he sells drugs? That alone means to run. You could get into so much trouble by just being associated with him. Besides that, find someone who goes through the trouble to initiate meeting you and seems excited to see you.

 

Oh and he told me "peace out"