todreaminblue Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 i think either extreme emotions towards a guy i am dating by other women would upset me..i want the guy i care for to be treated and thought of with respect...no less.....from anyone.... ..i would really dislike women hating on my guy or feelings of dislike or contempt....or superiority or spite or disrespect.........it would make me defensive and a strong desire that i need to protect and stand up for him.....it would confuse me as well.....the other emotions i dont like associated with a guy i am interested in is feelings of ownership that comes with another womans love.......jealousy spite .anger...resentment and feeling superior to me...like another poster said i also make my own mind up by a guy i dont need another woman's feelings in my emotive mix to validate my own emotions...... if a guy had a platonic friend who was female and purely platonic i would feel that respect i guess.....from both sides.....im pretty in tune with that..... i would rather just feel my own desire...not someone elses.....the guys i have decided to be with...have normally been single for a longer length of time...looking back on it now..its probably because im not interested in taking anyone's love interest away from them...i want to know also the guy i am with ...has no interest in other women.....his focus on me so i can focus on him not distrusting the people around him...but my focus in trusting him..... usually i get to know the guy before i even let him know how i feel and normally its because they have interest in me..........having other women in the picture..is a turn off for me....a huge one..almost yes a deal breaker...it woul dhalt and confuse any feelings i had...so i wou;dnt act at all......and i dont choose to date just to date...my goal is always long term.......deb
Popsicle Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 If I find my guy attractive then I will assume other women find him attractive too. But guys with female BFF's? Nah, I'll pass I don't want that drama in my life. 1
Author Mrin Posted March 30, 2017 Author Posted March 30, 2017 If I find my guy attractive then I will assume other women find him attractive too. But guys with female BFF's? Nah, I'll pass I don't want that drama in my life. Thanks. That was sort of what I was looking for. Whether that was a thing. Just to level set: this is all academic. My ex is my ex. And she never showed any signs of insecurity. Nor have either of my two female friends put the moves on me or crossed boundaries. We are all mutually friendzoned. I was just wondering if what Pops said above is out there. I had assumed everything was hunkydory but maybe it wasn't. Or maybe it wouldn't be to another woman. And I need to consider that in the future when I eventually start dating again. Damn, why must it be so complicated. 1
mushroomlol Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) It won't change how I feel about the guy. But it will make me hesitant to continue the relationship/approach him. I feel like it's totally ok to have friends of the opposite sex. But the things make me hesitant are usually when my bf put them in a higher priority than me. And a big red flag when the close girlfriends actually call the guy when she cries/feels down. I don't know this is just my thoughts. Edited March 30, 2017 by mushroomlol 2
Miss Spider Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 But Cookie if he is with you there is no reason for him to even GLANCE around the room.....can't you understand that? D'awww. They can do a stealth glance This more women glancing at the guy, though??? But if she's dating you, curiously, she's just going to have to get used to it! ,
five2nine Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Yes i'm insecure and no i don't want to compete with his friends. Now it depends on the friendship and how they act but really i'd rather not deal with it period. Getting together often or flirting? No thank you she can keep him. I keep guy friends distant and would expect the same, or would only choose a guy who has the same beliefs i do. My parents were the same so i guess that's the expectation i have from growing up as well
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Thanks. That was sort of what I was looking for. Whether that was a thing. Just to level set: this is all academic. My ex is my ex. And she never showed any signs of insecurity. Nor have either of my two female friends put the moves on me or crossed boundaries. We are all mutually friendzoned. I was just wondering if what Pops said above is out there. I had assumed everything was hunkydory but maybe it wasn't. Or maybe it wouldn't be to another woman. And I need to consider that in the future when I eventually start dating again. Damn, why must it be so complicated. My ex wife was exceptionally jealous. She once got upset that I danced with the dance instructor at one of our dance lessons. All I could say was WTF!? She'd yell at me because women flirted with me in her dreams. She was livid that I actually talked to the woman working in the office next to me. No way she could have handled female friends. I got flack if I ever went anywhere or did anything without her. I started working longer hours just to be away from her more. I call that horrible period my Babylonian Captivity. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I think most people are "insecure" in that regard..people who are just beginning a monogamous relationship with you are gonna be a little iffy when you go out with your opposite sex friend Of 17 yrs who they know is attracted you who they know is a attracted to you alone Unless they are the most oblivious or trusting person in the world?! But I guess I'd suck it up and deal. Give benefit or doubt..but it wouldn't be my ideal situation. Not sure about deal killer, but points off Edited March 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Els Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if he is desired, but the deal killer to me would be in how he responded to them. If he was encouraging a "close friendship" with women who are clearly wanting to be with him, that would possibly be a dealbreaker. I don't expect him to go NC with any woman who finds him attractive - remaining civil as a colleague etc is fine - but "close friendship" with a person who is clearly not wanting anything platonic... that exceeds boundaries IMO. I wouldn't remain "close friends" with a man who has explicitly tried to woo me while I was in a LTR, either. I am acquaintances with a few who have tried in the past, but as I said, that's rather different from "close friendship". 4
CloudyHead Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I think if boyfriend wanted a relationship with his female friend, then it would have happened by now as they have been friends for about two years. I questioned him about his feelings for her and there are none beyond friendship. They play golf together at times. She has a live in boyfriend of one year. I feel that I addressed the issue with him, told him how I felt about it, he reassured me there was no interest on his end and I'm over it. If I can't trust him, then why be in a relationship with him? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 For me, it all depends on the vibe I get. I wouldn't care about a female BFF, if I was introduced to her, picked up nothing, and he was fully transparent about things. Last ex had 3 close female friends. X, Y and Z. X and Y, I had zero issue with. I met them and there was zero vibe. Z on the other hand, I felt something was off. She was the least attractive of the 3 but I could tell that she was into him. I could also tell that he wasn't interested but the fact that he seemed to get an ego boost from lightly crossing the boundaries was a huge turn off I have lots of male friends, some close, some not. Some flirty, some not. But I am single and free. When I start dating someone seriously, I distance myself from all of them except for the gay BFF, out of respect for the new guy. I don't have to be asked, that's something I naturally do. 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 When I start dating someone seriously, I distance myself from all of them except for the gay BFF, out of respect for the new guy. I don't have to be asked, that's something I naturally do. im the exact same way
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