What if you both like different lifestyles ?

[Chilli]

What would you do if you get along really well and very much in love, but you do like different worlds and lifestyles .

ls it even possible ? Do you try or someone makes huge compromises for love, or do you walk away?

 

lt happened to my brother actually, 25yrs ago.

He was living way up interstate in this tiny little coast town. He loved it up there.

But his gf was down in the city, 10 hrs away.

At first she wouldn't move up to his town, she hated the idea, loved the city.

So he moved back down to the city and they shacked up there for 4 or 5yrs together, had a couple of kids while they were at it.

 

Later she eventually agreed to sell her house and move up to his little coast town.

They were very in love and got along really well , this was the only big issue for them.

but, they're still married and still living up there.

Kids have grown and all moved away , they're still there and as far as l know still happy,

 

Did they just get lucky or she's been resentful all these years ?

Even if one is willing to make the sacrifice, does it always have the fairy tale ending of my brothers?

[Popsicle]

This (amoung other things) happened with my last bf. I'm a city girl and he's a country boy. We both thought the differences were intriguing at first but neither of us were capable of greatly compromising the way that would have been best and it became real hard for us to sustain. We just didn't have it. I think there are people with huge differences in lifestyles who make it work but there is one person who willing makes the huge compromises necessary to come over to the other persons way of life. I stress the word willingly because they don't mind one bit doing this, they might even welcome the change. You see this a lot when people have huge cultural or FOO differences. One spouse will take on the culture of the other.

 

Oh and about your brother, it's hard for us to guess what his wife is feeling but I will lean on the positive side and say that she saw that living in the little town was much better for raising kids and she's happy there.

 

Something more that I think you want to hear: I moved to a few places with my husband when I was married. The moving was always on account of him (his job, school etc). I didn't mind but to be fair he didn't have a choice in where we ended up and I knew that would come with the territory when I married him. It helped that we got lucky and stayed in California where we both were born and raised.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Popsicle

[somanymistakes]

This topic reminds me of the old TV show Green Acres (which I didn't really watch but I remember the city/country culture clash issue from the intro theme song)

[Els]

It really depends on how far apart your preferences are - it's a spectrum like anything else. If one of the partners is closer to the middle, there's a good chance they could be happy despite making the switch. But if they are literally polar opposites then I would think it would be too difficult to make it work without some serious resentment.

 

My SO and I have relatively similar lifestyle preferences (we prefer city to rural). However, we have lived in a rural area before due to his job. I didn't harbour any resentment over living there, but I always knew it was temporary - we're back in a city now fortunately. But if he insisted that we had to live in a rural area for the rest of our lives and was unwilling to work out a compromise, I probably would choose to go separate ways.

[mikeylo]

Some are set in their ways are not adaptable , especially when they age. If they do adapt to their partner's different lifestyle, there could be many reasons but it comes down to mainly , because they want to and it makes them happy. Some don't like their lifestyle to begin with and when someone different comes along , they realize what they wanted all along.

[Chilli]

lt's a little bit of my personal situation involved here too.

She needs more city than me , l grew up in a city of 6million but l left it , don't wanna go back either.

But l might for love and we could have a nice compromise , a town of 400,000 or so.

Nice size and with some beautiful areas.

Trouble is houses there are so expensive we'd spend the rest of our working lives having to save and pay for it.

Where as where l am now l can own my house in a few more yrs.

 

But she hates where l am.

Edited March 30, 2017 by Chilli

[Els]

lt's a little bit of my personal situation involved here too.

She needs more city than me , l grew up in a city of 6million but l left it , don't wanna go back either.

But l might for love and we could have a nice compromise , a town of 400,000 or so.

Nice size and with some beautiful areas.

Trouble is houses there are so expensive we'd spend the rest of our working lives having to save and pay for it.

Where as where l am now l can own my house in a few more yrs.

 

But she hates where l am.

 

Surely there aren't just those two options. Why is a town of only 400k pop so expensive in terms of housing? What about other towns of similar size? What about a smaller house or even a city apartment, which would be cheaper than a large house? Do you have any plans to have children etc?

[Chilli]

Well, it's all l can think of where l can still stay close to my daughter and not have to spend too much but maybe enough city for her too.

There are plenty of others still close to my daughter but much smaller.

When gf is back soon, we'll have to go for a 2 or 3 day round trip and l can show her about better.

We've had a 10yr property boom you see here, so prices are still insane anywhere near major towns and the 400k town is also on the coast so you have the good old coastal price tag thrown into that mix too.

 

But nah, no more kids for us her sons 26 and lives in Italy though so she;s free to move anywhere but l do wanna stay within an hour or so max of my daughter, 16.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Chilli

[Shepp]

I couldnt live in the city! I find it claustrophobic, and crowded, and hectic, and grey!

I love being in the country, and where i live (and grew up) is on the coast too, my childhood friends live there, my family live there, its home.

 

That said my wife is a city girl, grew up in the city! That's never effected our relationship BUT she took to rural life really well, she loves it now. If she hadn't and was craving going back to the city then it might have of been more of a problem. I dunno, maybe not, they say love conquers all!

 

If it was lifestyle as in i love being outdoors and doing actve things, and she hated that and wanted to be inside all the time then i think that would actually have been a bigger 'lifestyle' issue

[Chilli]

Thanks Shepp. And l envy you being in such a settled life . And would that be in England then, beautiful countryside .

 

But yeah , l have a bit the same issues with the city now too , been out of it 20yrs and whenever l get back from the city l'm glad to be the he;ll outa there these days.

l find the traffic and freeways everywhere the worst, drives me crazy these days it's gotten really bad down there now since l left.

 

Nice to hear it's worked out for you guys, and your views, thanks for that it's encouraging.

Funny, gf is an Italian mix. She loves cows, chooks, countryside, animals, and deep down her fondest memories ever are of farms she stayed at as a kid or this cabin in the country, l hear it all the time in her , yet she wants the city.

Sometimes l think she just thinks she wants the city but denying the real her ay her core when you hear her talk, a bit like what Mike was saying. She might just get a nice surprise if she gave it a go with the right man, like your wife, but she still says nah, l wanna be near the city.

 

Funny yeah , they do say love conquers don't they and l believe that in any practical sense.

l hate seeing people in love split bc of some bullsh@t. And they usually seem to regret it or not find it again or be looking back in 10 years.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Hmmm,

l'm afraid after all this and mths and mths of talking, it's not looking good.

 

We had a fight today , and well, having a fight so what all couples have them.

But it was the things she said. Shes a weird person and can flip on a coin sometimes. And often over something she's totally misunderstood anyway., l've always thought her misunderstandings are the Italian translation in the mind even though she speaks perfect English, some of them are pretty bizarre. Add a bit of a temper and all sorts of things can come out over something she thinks but just misunderstood.

 

Well , lots came out and some not pretty at all but also things about her moving over.

It's all come out before and l know it's a huge thing and a risk for her too but even so , they are a real worry.

Yeah she'd be moving over and l know how huge and gutsy that is , but hey l'd also have to sell my house l've only just managed to buy after my divorce , but which l'd be set up really nicely with in a few yrs now , and go through it all again somewhere new spending a lot more money and starting over yet again.

So there are big things in it for me too, yknow.

l could do all that and maybe she's not happy anyway and it all goes to sh@t and l end up in the poop yet again.

 

She also hates that l work for myself , well l've worked for myself 25yrs , l love the freedom and l often make pretty good money yet still get heaps of time off.Way more than anyone working for a boss. And that's what l love the lifestyle, the freedom. That's what l'm about.

But she recent's it, says she doesn't feel secure, l'm too carefree, l should have a normal job.

What if she doesn't like it here , what if we have to spend a lot more on a house , how the hell is she suppose to move over and feel secure.

She's never been with anyone in a business before.

Well l said babe, yeah but they all ended anyway don't forget so what does that mean, not bloody much.

Probably shouldn't of said that bc she took it as throwing that in her face but all l was doing was proving a point about stuff that's been thrown at me and my lifestyle many times.

l love my lifestyle it's what l work for.

 

But l dunno, there was a lot said,the bits above are only the good less meaner things. She gets far far worse and pretty mind bending too. Twists stuff too where by you just don't know wtf to say too they're so off the mark. Fks with your head a bit.

l am always aware of in that side of her and after my divorce l swore l'd never put myself on the line again. Yet with this bad side of hers as good as the good things are, l dunno , it'd be pretty brave man that went out on a limb for her the way l'd be doing especially after everything else and the divorce.

 

She has gotten so much better over time but things like this today always remind me that l don't think she'll ever be able to get that side of her under control.

And when it comes out there's so many weird things and ideas , can't believe l'm hearing a lot of it.

lt's been as if most of them are long gone these days ,,, until she gets pissed.

But , the fact that it showed it's head again today and nearly as bad as it was back at the start anyway, shows it ain't really going anywhere and l maybe should except that once and for all and just drop this whole thing.

Edited April 4, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

What am l gonna do with her, well apart from the obvious haha.

After all that , we made up again today and mannnnn, she might be one hot headed little Italian sometimes but holy Toledo, l don't call her my one in 10million for nothin. :cool:

 

Only problem is, some of the things that came up yesterday.

Why does the big love have issues but the so so stuff is all nice and smooth and easy.

Edited April 5, 2017 by Chilli

[todreaminblue]

i know from experience i would make the sacrifice if i were to be with someone.....

 

 

but i also know that cities depress me...majorly.....i vibe off them .........the greyness .....the crowds ..the ignorance......the traffic.....makes my anxiety levels triple.....the pace that people walk.....makes me anxious..i always seem to be in someones way to where they are going...and they aint happy about it either...........they literally run trollies over my feet ...to get a jar of pasta sauce as i am working out recipies in my head on what my partner would like for dinner.....working out fusions as i am examining spices.....no one likes shopping with me really.....and its probably while lost people ask me for directions while everyone else avoids their eyes and hurries around....i am standing still smiling...to myself....with a spice packet in my hand or a bag of basmati rice...planning an indian feast........i am a country girl at heart...and that will never change whether i sacrifice or not for a partner.....

 

 

i will always long for the country.........a bee sting cake hand delivered to my next door neighbour by me.....the neighbour who knows that i love vanilla milkshakes..and gives me fresh cream and a couple of her free range eggs to take home with me.......discussing what we might plant as a winter crop while we have a slice of cake together........ and having a laugh at her crazy geese guard dogs....chasing chickens.............what a dream

Edited April 5, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Chilli]

Oh bloody hell. You are a really special lady you know todream.

Hope all that special isn't going to waste , are you in a relationship or ?

 

It's classic the way you talk about your shopping, the world really could use more of that these days.

The Italians are very similar about their food and shopping it's really gorgeous to be around and always sorta makes me think about what's really important in life yknow.

 

l'd make the sacrifice too to either way bc to me as you get older it's say like you and your food shopping and enjoying all those things.

You know , to be with someone you love and your really into, really, does much else matter at this stage you know.

But financially after everything that's happened, not crazy about going somewhere double the price is the main thing in my head.

Got such a nice setup again now here finally both financially , great house- not flash it's old and a l'm renovating but it's just so comfortable to live in even though l still haven't got much furniture yet, gorgeous views.

 

Funny. One thing l just can't handle about the city now is the damn traffic. It's literally just unnerves the hell out of me.

And it's like they no sooner add a new freeway and loops and over passes and bridges and the traffics doubled anyway so they add more and the traffic doubles again, it grows double faster than the can build the damn things, hate them with a passion.

[Shepp]

Thanks Shepp. And l envy you being in such a settled life . And would that be in England then, beautiful countryside .

 

But yeah , l have a bit the same issues with the city now too , been out of it 20yrs and whenever l get back from the city l'm glad to be the he;ll outa there these days.

l find the traffic and freeways everywhere the worst, drives me crazy these days it's gotten really bad down there now since l left.

 

Nice to hear it's worked out for you guys, and your views, thanks for that it's encouraging.

Funny, gf is an Italian mix. She loves cows, chooks, countryside, animals, and deep down her fondest memories ever are of farms she stayed at as a kid or this cabin in the country, l hear it all the time in her , yet she wants the city.

Sometimes l think she just thinks she wants the city but denying the real her ay her core when you hear her talk, a bit like what Mike was saying. She might just get a nice surprise if she gave it a go with the right man, like your wife, but she still says nah, l wanna be near the city.

 

Funny yeah , they do say love conquers don't they and l believe that in any practical sense.

l hate seeing people in love split bc of some bullsh@t. And they usually seem to regret it or not find it again or be looking back in 10 years.

Aye England! She loves to travel, so we travel a lot these days but my little piece of the English countryside remains the most beautiful place in the world to me!

 

Aye, totally agree, don't get what people see in the city, I really don't.

 

I guess the only thing to bare in mind is, we were very young when we met, which i think makes it easier, i think you do adapt more when you're young (even stubborn guys like me )

 

I'm glad you made up, but its never okay for a partner to personally attack you bro, or put you down. Your partner should be someone who supports you, not tares you down!

 

But i do know how you feel man! I swear i would of found a way to walk on water if it's what it took for us to get together. Love right!