mid-divorce Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 My ex broke up with me five weeks ago. After I abused her once, verbal n banging things She won't speak to me now We have a two year old son she won't let me see How do I win her back.. I've joined a do programme n anger management
Telemachus Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 I don't see how you can be mid-divorce in only five weeks. I also don't see why you refer to her as your ex, if the two of you are still married. Joining an anger management program is not the same thing as taking responsibility for your actions (past, present, and ongoing) and demonstrating that you face adversity like the man you should be. You may only be at the beginning of this process. Nowhere in the customary marriage vows do things like punching walls while yelling appear. You promised to do things like love, cherish, and honor. You have to take responsibility for your role in creating a negative environment, and for her loss of trust in you. If her actions are intended to protect your child, then you can't fault her for that. Whether reconciliation is possible, no one can say right now. My recommendation is to find a therapist who does relationship/couples counseling. If you're a member of a church, your pastor can refer you to someone. Make an appointment. Invite your wife to join you. If she declines, go alone. Keep going, and keep inviting her. She'll go or not; that's up to her. The objective would be to save the marriage, if it can be saved, and if both of you think it's worth saving. That isn't a given; it has to be both. You should focus on making yourself into a better person, and making the world a better place. That's what all of us should be doing, all of the time.
jorgeg3d Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 My ex broke up with me five weeks ago. After I abused her once, verbal n banging things She won't speak to me now We have a two year old son she won't let me see How do I win her back.. I've joined a do programme n anger management Verbal and banging things isn't abuse btw. Unless you were calling her names and demeaning her. But we all make mistakes. Also its not a good way to use your energy and to "win" an argument. But again, anger management is a great step in the right direction. I raised my voice and banged on the kitchen counter top once with my ex. That didn't make me an abuser either. It is a sign of frustration after not solving problems for a few months though. People can only take so much, for so long.
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Posted April 4, 2017 Well, please know that your ex did the exact right thing by leaving you because without help, this only gets worse with time. I am very happy you got into anger management. Now you need to see if that is going to help you with the problem enough to not ever do it again or if you will need to go into therapy to sort out whatever caused it (fighting parents, whatever it was). But this is a good first step because you will understand the roots of rage. It's too soon to ask her back. Tell her you're in anger management. It doesn't last long. Be on your own for at least a few months and see if the anger management worked or if you are just at home stewing over this kind of out of control. Do not ask her back until you are sure you have made progress and proven it to yourself. No child should be around that. You rationally know that. If worse comes to worse and she files for divorce, the judge will take into consideration your anger management efforts, so do as much as you can about that just in case. Best of luck. I know you'll be a happier person if you get your anger under control. Anger hurts you, as well as others. I'm sure they'll recommend you also work out and get plenty of physical activity. Good luck.
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